How To Survive Without Toilet Paper

We’re currently living through what will be known as ‘The Great Toilet Paper Shortage of 2020’. You might notice your bathroom storage is lacking in a certain cushiony toilet paper.

As soon as the news hit that the coronavirus was going to affect the western world, panic buyers rushed to the shops and bought up every last roll. These days, you’re lucky if you can find a pack of tissues to wipe your bum.

So, to stop people panicking, we’ve put our heads together and come up with a few alternative ways to stay clean. Remember, most of the world’s population have never used toilet paper, so you’re in great company.

Straight to Shower

We’re going to assume that – if you’re reading this – you probably don’t own a bidet (the thing that looks like a footbath, sometimes found next to the toilet). If you’re not part of this elite, the next best thing is going straight from poop to the shower. Of course, this method is only really suitable if you’re not that regular. If you have to take a trip to brown town multiple times a day, you could end up having a lot of showers.

A Towel or Flannel

Okay, this isn’t the most luxurious option but it works. A soft towel or flannel could actually be better for your bum because it’s less likely to cause hemorrhoids than toilet paper. The only downside is that you’ve got to wash it after. We’d recommend rinsing it off thoroughly in the shower and putting it straight in the washing machine, separate from your other clothes.

Make-Up Wipes

If you’re lucky enough to have make-up wipes in the house, you’re in for a real treat. Ask anyone who’s wiped their bum with a make-up wipe (or baby wipe) and they’ll tell you about the cleanest butt they’ve ever experienced. Just make sure you dispose of them in the trash – they’re awful for the environment.

Use ‘Other’ Paper

Your house is full of potential toilet paper. Newspapers, writing paper, kitchen roll, and any other type of paper can be used to clean yourself up after using the toilet. Problem is, most of these options aren’t very comfortable. If you want to make it more bearable, run the paper under the tap first to make it softer.