Home Forums Technology giving up social networking for 2013

This topic contains 32 replies, has 23 voices, and was last updated by  Jennifer 6 years, 7 months ago.

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  • #160242

    How do those of you who have uncluttered social media stay in touch with your community (near or far)? I am introverted, as are many of us here, so I tend not to enjoy social networking in person 🙁

    I know it’s a matter of how I use it (FB etc), but I don’t want to use it. At all. I hated giving out my cell phone number or email, so I’ve been relying on FB messages, which I also hate now. Sad.

    Maybe I do need to go out more after all… erf, s’hard… What do you use, if not fb/twitter/whatever, to make and maintain community?

  • #227665


    giving up social networking for 2013

    I know I’m an odd duck, but Facebook makes me feel *more* isolated. I still check it occasionally, but it’s an enormous time suck and that’s depressing. Facebook cannot replace face-to-face, so I put in a good amount of time volunteering for a year-round music festival that I absolutely love, and that’s where I go to connect with kindred souls in RL. Likewise, being with my zen group enriches my sense of community.

  • #227685


    giving up social networking for 2013

    i quit twitter and facebook four years ago next month.
    it was very liberating!
    when people wring their hands and tell me i must get on fb so i can see their photos, i politely decline.
    i won’t die if i miss some stuff.
    facebook and twitter put a lot of extra noise in my life.
    when google+ started, i jumped on that, but after a couple of months i realised, it was just more of the same….a lot of people shouting over one another to be heard. i deleted my account and nobody died.
    i recently closed my etsy shop….the shop part was ok, but the lunatic conversations from random etsy people were just bizarre. because there is such an emphasis on “social” at etsy, i feel those people are encouraged.

    i belong to an old school site and caught up with several people that way. every one of them reminded me of why we didn’t keep in touch in the first place. (that sounds terrilbe, but it is just what it is).
    i should just delete my account there too. there’s a thought.

    i love it here and there is another forum i have belonged to since the day it began, over ten years ago.
    i have met so many marvellous people via forums….i don’t know what it is, but i much prefer a forum atmosphere.

    answer the question, bandicoot!
    how do i stay in touch?
    email. phone calls. travel. none of that is on any strict timetable.

  • #227689


    giving up social networking for 2013

    I live very far from my friends so I would feel really isolated if I don’t use FB.
    I love to see that after 30 years my first best friend (haven’t seen her in person in 25 years) is still the person I want to be friends with. And that someone from my school who I was never found of has, in fact, many things in common with me.

  • #227692


    giving up social networking for 2013

    90 % of my Facebook use is sending and receiving messages. I can reach many of my friends on Facebook more quickly than by email. I don’t post many updates and actively filter out people whose contributions don’t interest me much. Occasionally I get invited to events I wouldn’t have known about otherwise. Facebook works alright when you approach it as a crummy but widely used IM application. As a website it’s terribly outdated. If you’re looking for a community, hobbyist forums are still ways better than Facebook.

  • #227703


    giving up social networking for 2013

    I use fb on my phone when I commute. I had an account ages ago, which languished because I simply could not see the point of it, when people could call or email.

    Now that I am very far away from friends and family, it serves me well to keep up with everyone I love without having to spend hours and hours writing long emails. For me, Facebook is a form of postcard.

  • #227708


    giving up social networking for 2013

    I agree with @Ella that Facebook makes me feel more isolated and alone – I can’t exactly place my finger on why, but something about the way people are always posting exciting life changes and smiling photos and are constantly spending time commenting…it is exhausting and makes me feel like I don’t have anything in common with my friends, because I don’t enjoy Facebook, which they demonstrate that they enjoy by their intense use of it.

    Like @lkh, though, I am definitely an introvert and in-person meetings can be tough, too. I’ve tried to convince myself it is OK to only socialize occasionally and that real friends will understand that is who I am…but I don’t know if I am right about that! 🙂

  • #227727


    giving up social networking for 2013

    Some days Facebook reminds me of those infamous cheery annual holiday letters that review the entire year in way too much detail and glowing self-affirmation. Except it is CONSTANT! And thank goodness the election is over!

    But, most days it is a quick way for me to touch base with friends and family I rarely see. I enjoy the occasional post with a kid picture of aquaintances but tire of the continual “Five more minutes of this crappy day until the weekend”
    posters. I have learned to eliminate the ones I don’t value and keep those who matter.

    I also think of it as a way for me to make myself known to the family far away. My nieces and nephews grew up far away from me and I like being part of their lives now in the most limited and unobtrusive way. In terms of time, I believe this is a maximizer. One relative sometimes writes actual hard copy “newsy” letters(read: long, intense, detailed and highly overwrought opinion pieces). I can’t stand wading through them for actual information about the family. I don’t write many e-mails, much less snail mails. FB is a less time-committed way to keep up with many people. I can access them at any hour I choose and shut it all off at will. 🙂

  • #227729

    giving up social networking for 2013

    So many enriching insights here, thank you!

    I find FB useful for messaging, sourcing local advice, building a relationship with DF’s family. I have about 60 people and have always aimed to keep it under 50, because 50 seems like a pretty darn huge network to me.

    Offline, my socializing is limited. I go to a gentle yoga class twice a week with quiet older women, which I find to be a beneficial interaction. I go to a coffee shop every Saturday and chat with the server – find out a bit more about her life each week, same with one particular cashier at the grocery store. Five minute conversations seem to be my comfort level. I haven’t had tv for 4 years, but we have a screen and I watch a Star Trek episode each evening with my DD. I very rarely see my old social group from the unitarian church any more due to a combination of back surgery, no activity for my special ed daughter at the church, and knowing I’m relocating soon.

    I don’t want FB. I have had all the privacy settings on maximum for years, no apps, no notifications. I’m jealous of people like Bandicoot who have managed to get rid of social media or never buy into it. Maybe what I should do instead of deleting the account is downsize it, continuing to use only the message function, and reevaluate mid-2013 when I relocate.

  • #227733


    giving up social networking for 2013

    life, where are you relocating to?

  • #227740

    giving up social networking for 2013

    @ A.Deb: St Paul, MN. I’ve heard the locals are more reserved/polite. Not sure if that will make socializing easier or harder for me.

  • #227741

    giving up social networking for 2013

    I like facebook. I have LOTS of friends, some of whom I know only vaguely. I’ve developed the ability to skim VERY quickly, skip over most stuff and spend less than half and hour a day there — usually much less. I find it useful to:
    — keep up with acquaintances, here and afar, and remain a part of their life in a small way, and they in mine.
    — Be pointed to interesting articles from things I do not normally read. I have a few friends who are GREAT at this.
    — Be alerted to events I might not otherwise know about.

    I think my life would be poorer without it. I don’t use it as a substitute for friendships or going out, but rather as a way to keep the circle alive. Just one example: I’ve become facebook friends with the husband of my oldest friend (we met at her 3rd b’day party, 57 years ago) — I’ve only met him once, but we’re looking forward to getting together in October and we will “know” each other in a way that would not have otherwise been possible.

    I is different for others. I don’t have privacy issues — I sort of gave that up via my work as a community activist and former newspaper columnist — so that aspect doesn’t bother me. Half the city has my home phone number. And when people are stupid or perky I’m able to shrug it off.

  • #227748


    giving up social networking for 2013

    @susanintexas: I agree with you about FB. Many people complain about the flooding of useless info from but I just happen to have a great groups of friends… or maybe I’m just well acquainted to the block features 🙂
    It really makes my day to arrive home after a long day and see a nice video, a beautiful picture and change a couple of word with someone I like.

  • #227750


    giving up social networking for 2013

    I enjoy facebook because all of my extended family live far away and it is the best way to see pictures of them and their children and stay in touch. Also, friends I’ve met through the years but rarely, if ever, see.

    I don’t enjoy the play by play reports of daily activities and the bombardment of jokes and stupid stuff. “If you don’t share this, you don’t love Jesus”….please just stop.

  • #227764


    giving up social networking for 2013

    Facebook is one of those balancing acts – it can be useful, but it can also be annoying and overwhelming. I’ve always been particular about who I add as a friend (no, I’m not adding some person who I went to grade school with many, many years ago and never kept in touch with.) By limiting my friends list, then paring down from there of who actually shows up in my “feed” I’ve managed to cull it down to a pretty useful tool for keeping up with the people I care to keep up with but don’t see in person/email often. I’ve even managed to cull out most of the annoying “if you don’t share this. . . .” photos by using the option to hide shared photos on a few particular friends. 😀

    As for Twitter, I don’t use that for friends/family – it’s mostly an entertainment stream, following actors, bands, TV shows, etc that I like – keeps me up to date on their public info (for example, it was the first place I heard that my favorite band was releasing a new album) and it’s all consolidated into one convenient place. I tend to just scroll through the list every few days, skim what looks interesting, and ignore the rest. That’s another place I’ve also been careful about who/what I follow, to limit the annoyance.

  • #227769


    giving up social networking for 2013

    I’m kind of torn about FB. I like it, because I live in the middle of nowhere, so I get lonely. I also get sensory overload sometimes, so I have to back off a little, too. I have a couple of forums that I also get sensory overload on, too, so I back off some. I only occasionally do Twitter.

  • #227783


    giving up social networking for 2013

    Interesting topic that has drawn me back after some time away from commenting. I am trying to pull back from online communities because I get too involved. It’s more work to make friends in person but it’s more rewarding–it was my neighbors and church friends who brought me food when I was ill. And I help them with meals or rides or just listening when someone needs to talk.

    I am on Facebook but use it primarily to keep up with my younger relatives who are scattered across the country. I don’t post much although I have put a couple photo albums up after trips. It’s not really a social network for me; I don’t have a smart phone and I am not usually online. It’s different for my young relatives. I have reconnected with some old school friends on Facebook but I feel much more connected with those whom I see in person now that I am living only 50 miles from my hometown. My social life revolves around neighborhood and church friends and my family. The phone or email keep me connected to my distant friends. I must say, it’s a lot easier now that I’m retired, to have the time to stay in touch but I prefer to meet face to face.

    @life, I lived in Minnesota (suburban Minneapolis) for more than 20 years. There’s a term “Minnesota nice” that you’ll come to appreciate. People are very pleasant and friendly but they don’t invite you into their homes. My lasting friendships from Minnesota are all people who moved there from elsewhere. If you have a choice about where to live, pick a neighborhood with a lot of newcomers.

  • #227789


    giving up social networking for 2013

    I use Facebook on a daily basis, and usually post a daily status update. I also use Twitter and try to tweet at least once a day. I make an effort to be humorous or thoughtful. I also post a link on both when I blog because that’s how my readers find me.

    So for me, social media is part of “building a platform.”

    But at the same time — it does provide authentic community for me. I have a lot of FB friends that I hide. I really only read updates from good friends, usually other ministers. We often talk about professional topics, or share info or good articles, or whatever. I never turn down a friend request but I don’t feel that means I have to read all their posts. Also, I have an “Author Page” on FB which I am thinking about eliminating. It’s not all that helpful. It’s the kind of thing somebody could “like” and then I can post book event info there, but I always feel obnoxious when I do that.

    As are most ministers, I am an introvert who must be very engaged with people. So I have learned to negotiate that by paying attention to my energy level on a daily basis.

    @Prof Clutter — love the quote, thanks!

    @lkh — I lived in the Twin Cities for a decade. Very nice folks there. Chat them up! And if you ever mosey into Dayton Avenue Presbyterian Church in St. Paul, say hi to David for me! I adore that church, it’s where we got married and lots of other good things!

  • #227822

    giving up social networking for 2013

    Thank you Northshore and Ruth for the pointers on MN. St Paul is my DF’s favorite place to live, so he has already taken a job there. I’m waiting for my (oh-so-annoyingly-arrogant) high school senior DS to graduate before I move in the summer.

    I visited MN a couple of times and was really astounded by the Minnesota Nice – more so when I returned to Oklahoma City and people in Walmart grocery store were striking up conversation with me mid-aisle about the price of milk 🙂 Okies are really friendly, but often it’s a bit too much for me.

  • #227829


    giving up social networking for 2013

    lkh, it sounds like you just don’t like Facebook. Have you thought about maybe deactivating your account without deleting it, then revisiting the topic in a few months? This way you can go back to it if you really do miss it.

    You can always post a note the day before letting your relatives know that you’re deactivating, then transfer their contact info to your email. Gmail and Yahoo both offer that option automatically, so it’s easy to import info from Facebook.

    Mostly I use FB to chat on IM with friends who are crappy about using their phones and to organize social events for my volunteer groups. To whomever upthread mentioned removing your “likes,” I tried that and it really improved my FB feed. Judicious use of the “hide” button is also important.

  • #227846

    giving up social networking for 2013

    Yesterday I pruned my friends list then went through and used the restricted and invisible and other group settings, removed the FB tab from my desktop. I only have the FB messenger app on my phone as that’s the only bit I find.

    Thanks for helping me rethink FB.

    I definitely prefer forums and discussion groups with membership like the old yahoogroups which had little spam.

  • #227855


    giving up social networking for 2013

    @klutzgrrl – I like your idea of very open communication with people that you are reducing facebook and they should feel free to get in touch via e-mail…everyone who knows me knows I only check my FB account about every three months or so, but if I ever quit entirely, I will definitely manage the process in that way.

    Unlike many of you, I get a lot more personal value from twitter than from FB – I view the twitter conversations as “deeper” actually – I think the 140 character limit can work (doesn’t ALWAYS work, but CAN work) to make people think harder about what they say because of the limitation. Furthermore, you get just enough info that you know when it is important to e-mail or call a friend and talk further, without seeing long status updates that may need to be read in their entirety to get the gist of the message. I also like that you can follow people on twitter without them being forced to follow you back – so I can follow people in my field who are my mentors, even if they don’t know it, yet!

    It is personal preference, I suppose, as well as who you follow, but I am always surprised when people prefer FB to twitter as I feel the opposite way.

  • #227861


    giving up social networking for 2013

    lifekeepshappening, i’m from the upper Midwest – live in Minneapolis now – and I remember the first time I was down south on my own, and some strange man picked up my grocery basket. It totally freaked me out, why was this total stranger “helping” me?

    But we’re not so distant people won’t talk to you, I don’t think – if you’re in a St Paul neighborhood, people will talk to you (especially if you’re out and about, riding the bus, working in the yard, walking in the park – if we have front-yard projects people always come and talk to us, including sometimes people driving by pull over to chat.) It’s just that it takes a long time for people to progress from the edges to the centers of people’s lives.

  • #227862


    giving up social networking for 2013

    I’m a facebook and twitter resister. I don’t have a facebook account and doubt I ever will.

    Friends have shown mr their facebook pages and some of their ‘facebook friends’ posts. Sadly all the posts reminded me of the rather empty conversations of people who great each other with ‘air kisses’ and natter on about nothing of importance.

    There must be interesting posts on facebook but I found that it reminded me too much of neighbourhood gossip snd small talk … so not me

  • #227874


    giving up social networking for 2013

    I started using Facebook more this year. It is the easiest way to keep in contact with my sister, cousins, and aunt. Everyone else I pretty much keep up with via email and the occasional snail-mail card. I don’t like talking on the phone and try to do it as little as possible. 🙂

    Friends in town also tend to be on Facebook … and in a city like L.A., where you might see even a “close” friend just 2 or 3 times a year, it is a nice way to just touch base on what everyone is up to. My friends are not the sort who are constantly putting every thought on FB. I tend to link to articles more than putting in personal comments or observations (my sister does the same).

  • #228914


    giving up social networking for 2013

    I’ve had a disdain of Facebook until last spring. I was on the site because it was the more practical way of keeping touch with some dears friends. But 99% of what I saw there was pure junk from people I barely knew a long long time ago. But then, last spring, we experienced a bit of ”social tension” here (student strike and riots) and Facebook was one of our most valuable allies to find like-minded people. We had to endure a lot of intimidation from the other camp, but with our Facebook group we were able to organize our group around a core of leaders, which eventually led to us saving our semester (unlike a lot of other students who were forced into a condensed semester in the middle of the summer). Without Facebook, we would have been all alone in our little corner and a lot of us admitted that they would have not showed up at key meeting without our group, for fear of being harassed for their opinions.

    Having experienced first-hand the power of social media, I’m more weary of quitting Facebook. I don’t go everyday, and even deleted the app from my phone (was hogging too much space and ram anyway). But for now, I don’t think I’ll delete my account (still want to keep in touch with my friends around the world too).

  • #229025


    giving up social networking for 2013

    I use Facebook daily, both for work (the NP facility I manage has a page I admin, and related groups I participate in) and personally to keep in touch with friends and family since I am all alone here in the wilds of Oregon. It’s also been an amazing tool to network animals in need. I understand the reluctance to participate, I resisted for awhile too. Now I am a convert, both personally and professionally.

    I don’t tweet or follow anyone there, and just keep me away from Tumblr, I don’t need any more time sucks, Pinterest is bad enough! I have a love/hate relationship with that one…

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