Unitasker Wednesday: Portable Pizza Pouch

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

Mmmmmm, pizza. It’s a sphere of joy containing vegetables, dairy, grains, and protein. And now, it’s an anytime-anywhere food, thanks to the Portable Pizza Pouch:

Worn around your neck like a backstage pass to your favorite concert, the Portable Pizza Pouch allows you to take your favorite slice with you — To work! Around the house! Your grandson’s birth! Even your daughter’s doctoral hooding ceremony!

Where can’t you wear a slice of pizza?

Thanks to the dozens of people who shared this unitasker with us.

Unitasker Wednesday: Steel Wine Bottle and Glass Holder

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

You know ALL those times you’re camping, when you’re drinking wine in super-breakable-and-hard-to-pack wine glasses, but you’re soooooooo drunk that holding a wine glass is just too much? Well, FINALLY, there is a solution for at least one of your problems — the Steel Wine Bottle and Glass Holder:

Because if there is anything someone who is too drunk to hold a glass should have, it is access to five pointy steel rods, glass glasses, and wine that is sure to stain!

Come on, drunk wine-drinking campers, have you never heard about insulated sippy cups? Now there is a safer solution to one of your problems.

Unitasker Wednesday: Bathroom Guest Book

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

Have you ever sat down on a toilet and wondered “who has peed here before”? Well, wonder no longer with the Bathroom Guest Book:

Yes, the Bathroom Guest Book takes the guess work out of wondering who has shared your commode. Who left the seat up? Let me check …

But that’s not all! Why stop at the bathroom when you can have guest books for your couch! And even your bed! (Oh my, that can’t end well.)

Unitasker Wednesday: OnPot Lid Rest

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

This is one of those unitaskers that makes me questions my intellect. I say this because I look at it and have no idea why resting a lid over the top of a pot is a better idea than resting a lid upside-down on the kitchen counter (or stove or island or table or any convenient work surface near a stove). How does the OnPot Lid Rest improve cooking?

I’ll be honest, I’m fairly certain it doesn’t improve cooking. I think it simply adds another gadget to the cooking process. Another step to get it out of the cupboard. Another item to clean. Another thing to store. And another thing to forget you own when you go back to resting lids upside-down on the stove or counter because that is super easy. Heck, sometimes, you don’t even have to set a lid down, you can simply hold it in your non-dominant hand while you stir your food.

And doesn’t it look like at any moment the pot could tip over?

There are just so many gadgets and doodads out there to supposedly help people in the kitchen, yet they don’t seem to do that at all. Now, if you really want to learn how to be a decent home cook, I strongly recommend picking up my new favorite cookbook The Food Lab: Better Home Cooking Through Science. The gadgets it recommends in the book actually improve your cooking, not clutter up your kitchen. (I should also mention Alton Brown’s cookbooks are great, too.)

Unitasker Wednesday: Knock on Wood Block

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

Things are getting out of hand, people! Three of you emailed to let me know that the Knock on Wood Stickers we featured two weeks ago were only the tip of the proverbial iceberg in the superstitious unitasker market. Apparently, the extremely superstitious have an even more pointless option to waste their money on that comes in the form of the Knock on Wood Block:

Not only is it unitaskery, it’s also a BLOCK OF HARD WOOD. Why in the world would someone walk around with a Knock on Wood Block in their purse or backpack when they could carry a small (free!) stick instead? (Or, I don’t know, walk outside and hit a tree?)

Seriously, things are out of hand.

Unitasker Wednesday: Perfect Pancake Pan

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

There is no need for me to discuss the unitaskerness of this device because it is so over-the-top unitaskery it could be the poster child for all unitaskers. Introducing the Perfect Pancake Pan:

A pan. Just for pancakes. For people who have apparently never heard of griddles.

Griddles, people! GRIDDLES! They’re amazing and extremely useful and you can make pancakes AND sausages, hash browns, eggs, bacon, and most everything else you want for breakfast on just a single griddle.

Thankfully, there is an infomercial full of people who don’t know how to make pancakes for us to enjoy (and mock) as a consolation prize:

Unitasker Wednesday: Knock on Wood Stickers

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

Are you highly superstitious? Do you believe in jinxes? Do you follow up statements like “knock on wood” by actually knocking on wood? Do you ever have to hunt for hours to actually find a piece of wood to knock upon because you live somewhere without trees? Well, search for wood to knock upon no longer! With Knock on Wood portable adhesive real-wood stickers you’ll never be in the lurch:

Phew! Now superstitious people who live in barren deserts will never be without their jinx protection.

Unitasker Wednesday: LED Faucet Light

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

I’m completely at a loss for words about this week’s unitasker selection. I just. I, um. Uhhhhhhh! Maybe you have words for it because I certainly don’t. The LED Faucet Light:

I guess, if I were to say anything it would be to say it only costs three dollars so at least you wouldn’t be wasting a lot of money if you bought it and turned your home faucets into their own Vegas nightclubs. But, seriously, when did tap water need to be lit by LEDs? When did lit water become a thing we as humans spend our mental energy developing, producing, and buying? Sigh.

Unitasker Wednesday: Flip-It! cap

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

This week’s unitasker selection is one of those that when you first look at it you think, “oh, that’s not a unitasker.” But then, after a few minutes, you realize how absolutely unnecessary it is. Introducing the Flip-It! cap:

Yes, sometimes liquid gets stuck at the bottom of a container. But you know what? You can turn the bottle upside down without a special cap! Almost all lids are flat, so this isn’t an issue. If the cap is some where round thing, just rest the bottle against something else in your refrigerator, bathroom, laundry room, wherever. Your jar of pickles and applesauce can be multi-taskers. Wheeeeeee!!

Thanks to reader Bry for sharing this unitasker with us.

Unitasker Wednesday: Ultimate infomercial montage

Regular readers of the site know that I have a special place in my heart for infomercials. There are so many reasons to love them: the horrible acting, the ridiculous products they advertise, and (my favorite) the depictions of the horrible life one must endure before acquiring the ridiculous products.

This week, instead of featuring a specific product for Unitasker Wednesday, I thought I would share with you an awesome find from my friend Rebecca. I’m calling it the Please help me! video montage:

Unitasker Wednesday: Pizza Cone Maker Set

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

This is one of those unitaskers that is either the best or the worst idea ever. Since it’s super early in the morning and I’ve just consumed a large cup of coffee, I’m voting for the worst idea ever. Looking at the picture of the finished product kind of made me gag a little. But, if it were after midnight on a night where I’d had a couple beers with my friends, I can see how I would think it was the best thing invented in the history of invented things. What do you think about the Pizza Cone Maker Set:

There have to be a minimum of five thousand calories in one of those things, right? Can a single person even consume a whole pizza cone without their stomach exploding? Wow.

Thanks to reader Niagra for finding this set for us. It’s something.

Unitasker Wednesday: Butter Buttons

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

My friend Maeve messaged me the other day to let me know that she’d found a unitasker in the wild. (Wild = Marshall’s) Like a space explorer searching for intelligent life, she “discovered” the incredible unitasker Butter Buttons:

Instead of using a knife to directly put butter on your corn, now you can use a knife to cut butter off its stick and then put the butter onto a Butter Button and THEN butter your corn! It’s so much fun to add extra and unnecessary steps to your eating experience.

But wait, there’s MORE! Button Buttons give you MORE to clean! MORE to buy! And MORE to store in your kitchen drawers! These little bits of plastic take up your time, space, and money!!

Personally, my favorite thing about them is that they come in a four pack so that you get FOUR unitaskers at once. Super fancy.

Again, thanks go to my friend Maeve for finding this unitasker and sharing it with us.