Unitasker Wednesday: The Celery Snack Attack

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

I have a unitasker crush on this week’s selection. First, it’s adorable, in all its fake, molded plastic, celery design. Second, it seems to do the job it was designed to do (which is saying a LOT in comparison to most of the unitaskers we feature). And third, it has the best name ever: The Celery Snack Attack.

THE SNACK ATTACK! Love it. Watch out for the attacking, violent, little strips of celery!

This delightful unitasker obviously does the same thing as a million other all-purpose, reusable, food containers do. And, in theory, you could likely use it for carrots … though you would obviously want to use the carrot version. (Yes, that’s right, there is a precious carrot-shaped one of these things. And an apple! And a grape!)

They’re all so cute! And all so wholly unnecessary!

I appreciate that these little guys exist, even though no one has a need to own them in all their sweet unitasker glory.

Unitasker Wednesday: Toasted Taco Fiesta

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

After seeing The Lego Movie, my five-year-old son became obsessed with eating tacos. To keep with the theme of the movie, we decided to establish Tuesday as taco night and have been putting this exact same dinner on the meal plan for the past year. (I’m all for variety, but it’s also nice to have a set meal once a week that I don’t have to exhaust mental energy on planning or making.) Some weeks we use store-bought tortillas and taco shells and other weeks I make them at home. And after a year of weekly tacos, I can assure you there is no point during the taco-making process where you need the Toasted Taco Fiesta:

The reason this small appliance doesn’t work is because it’s a regular toaster, not an oven or even a toaster oven. And, as you know, standard toasters heat things with their elements, which are only on the sides of whatever you’re toasting. They’re not on the bottom and they have no way to heat the interior of the shell. Ovens and toaster ovens fill completely with hot air and heat all parts of the tortilla evenly. All this taco shell toaster is good for is heating up the outside of store-bought taco shells because the device would never be able to cook the inside of a tortilla to make a good taco shell.

And, I think we can all agree, a taco shell with a doughy interior is quite inferior to one with a crispy interior.

If you’ve never made taco shells at home, the following videos can show you how truly easy it is to do with tools you probably already own (like a bowl, your hands, a pan, and an oven). In the second video, the guy cooks the taco shells in a toaster oven exactly how I make shells in my regular oven–5 minutes at 400ºF over two of the oven rack’s spindles. It’s so crazy simple and they taste so much better than store-bought shells. (For what it’s worth, though, you can heat store bought taco shells in your oven or toaster oven the exact same way, just shorten the time to a minute or two instead of the full five.)

(Also: You don’t really need the tortilla press in the first video, as you can use a rolling pin or even a cookbook. The tortilla press just speeds up the process if you do this regularly. I have one and I use it when making ravioli and dumpling wrappers, too.)

I sincerely am starting to wonder what people have against using appliances they already own, especially when what they already own does a more effective job.

Unitasker Wednesday: Corn Cob Peeler

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

It’s nearly summer here in the northern hemisphere and that means three things are in the future: warmth, sun, and grilling. And one of the better ways to enjoy all three of these things is to sit outside and enjoy a tasty grilled snack, like grilled corn. If you don’t like eating it straight from the cob, then I have a unitasker for you that will slow down that process and make it more difficult than necessary. The Corn Cob Peeler

Once again we meet a unitasker that does the exact same thing a knife does. (We still haven’t decided what to call these: Knife-taskers? Cutter-clutter?) Okay, so this one isn’t as big as the Corn Kerneler that we featured back in 2011, but this Corn Cob Peeler is still wholly unnecessary.

My maternal-side of the family is all about Kansas corn farming. I grew up playing in thousands of acres of corn fields (except during the fall, because that is patently unsafe), mostly field corn but also some sweet. In fact, I shucked sweet corn each year straight out of a truck-bed and our family ate it all year round (three cheers for canning and freezing!). They still do, I’m just not there to partake in all things corn.

I can tell you with absolute certainty, that this unitasker is a dud. Cutting corn kernels off a cob is much faster with a knife, therefore a knife saves you time, money, and storage space over this device. Don’t know how to cut corn off the cob? Let the following YouTube video show you how:

(Advanced tip: If the corn is uncooked, you can even flick the kernels out by hand. No knife required.)

Unitasker Wednesday: Melon Slicer

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

After more than eight years of writing unitasker posts for Unclutterer (close to 400 featured products), I think it might be time to create a word or phrase specifically for unitaskers that are poor substitutes for knives (like knife-nots or uni-cutters or something along those lines). Because I sincerely believe that half the unitaskers we feature fall into this category.

This week’s unitasker, as I’m sure you’ve already concluded, is a clutter-blade. The Melon Slicer is a ridiculously large device that does what a chef’s knife or serrated knife do extremely well:

The Melon Slicer is about a foot in diameter, so it takes up a massive amount of storage space in your kitchen or pantry. Also, it has 12 blades on it — which is like having 12 knives in your drawer, eager to rip up your hand each time you want to retrieve something. And, as previously mentioned, it does exactly the same thing as a knife you already own.

It also requires that you have a watermelon that will be smaller than the device and that the watermelon is shaped like a basketball. Yes, those watermelons exist, but they’re hardly the standard.

Thanks to reader Monique for finding this enormous uni-knifer!

Unitasker Wednesday: Baby Care Washer

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

Reader Wendy sent in this week’s untiasker selection to us and I have to admit that I thought her email was a joke, like the product was something The Onion would make into a decoy gift box. My thought process went like this: 1. Haha, what a great fake product! 2. Imagine if something like that were actually real! 3. I’ll just click on the link to see how brilliant of a site they have set up for this fake product … 4. WHAAAA?!! NO WAY! HOW IS THIS REAL?! THIS CAN’T BE REAL! OMG, IT’S REAL! 5. Well, now I know I’ll be using the Baby Care Washer as next week’s unitasker:

In case you can’t tell from the image, this is a washing machine specifically made for washing only your baby’s clothes.

Let that sink in for a second.

Only. Your. Baby’s. Clothes.


According to the product’s marketing, the reasons you need a special washing machine exclusively for your baby’s clothes and diapers are because your current washing machine doesn’t rinse detergent out of the clothes well enough (which might be true if your washing machine is from the 1970s and doesn’t have a second rinse cycle AND you have a baby with extremely sensitive skin) and your crappy washer doesn’t allow the water to get hot enough to sanitize your child’s clothes (which might be an issue for you if you’re using a detergent made out of germs instead of soap or not using a clothes dryer after using your germ-infused detergent or don’t have water temperature controls on your machine). Obviously, to fall for these ridiculous marketing points you must be in denial about the fact that your baby with super sensitive skin will eventually grow into a child with sensitive skin and then a teenager with sensitive skin and his/her clothing will need a normal washing machine much larger than this thing. What? I shouldn’t point that out??

Now, maybe I’m out of line, but if you have $600 to spend on a special washing machine just for your baby, isn’t it extremely likely you already have a super, fancy, full-capacity washing machine with the exact same specs and bells and whistles as this one but that everyone in your family can use? What is the likelihood that someone is willing to drop $600 on this device and doesn’t already own a high-end, deluxe washing machine? I’d say that likelihood is either zero or so close to zero as to be statistically irrelevant. Even “basic” washers have second rinse cycles and water temperature controls, and the “high-end” models even have things like disinfecting steam cleaning modes these days (which are great for pillows, by the way).

Another thing that made me laugh about this unitasker was something I found on the official Samsung website. The product description stated: “Designed especially for your baby, this washer features powerful double-rinsing technology that minimizes detergent residue, protecting your baby’s sensitive skin.” The sentence structure is so poorly constructed that it seems as if you could wash your baby in the washing machine instead of his/her diapers. Oh, Samsung.

Thanks again to reader Wendy for this unitasker discovery!

Unitasker Wednesday: Electric Peanut Butter Maker

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

This week, I’d like to introduce you to an appliance the size of a toddler that extrudes peanut butter and does nothing else. Introducing the Electric Peanut Butter Maker:

Obviously this thing is a unitasker. Obviously. But in addition to being a unitasker, it has to be a total pain in the arse to clean. It’s as if it wants to make life harder for the people who buy it.

Anyway, if you aren’t into buying peanut butter in jars at the store, you can easily make peanut butter at home without this unitasker. All you need is a food processor or a blender with a decent motor on it:

If you don’t already own a food processor or blender, by all means please consider purchasing one of those amazing multitaskers before a unitasker. You could also use a mortar and pestle to make peanut butter by hand, especially if you want to build the muscles in your forearm for your tennis game or ice cream scooping speed.

Unitasker Wednesday: Handpresso Auto Espresso Maker

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

This week’s unitasker is technically a multi-tasker — it brews espresso while you drive your car and it creates burn victims for ER doctors to treat! Introducing the Handpresso Auto Espresso Maker:

For $160 (yes, the low, low price of $160!), you too can hit a pothole and send 200ºF of pressurized liquid spray throughout the interior of your vehicle! All you need is a 12v cigarette/electrical outlet, specialized ESE pods for brewing (sold separately), and a willingness to be scalded when you turn a corner or get into a fender bender.

Also, imagine the wrecks you can cause by being the world’s most distracted driver when you pull the shot of espresso while going 65 mph on the highway! Clearly the developers of this product were of the impression that texting while driving wasn’t distracting drivers enough — they wanted to take distraction to the next level, and they succeeded! The Handpresso Auto Espresso Maker IS the NEXT LEVEL!

Unitasker Wednesday: Beer Briefcase

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

My husband is a homebrewer and sometimes when we go to friends’ houses for dinner we bring his beer instead of a bottle of wine or champagne or an orchid as a hostess gift. When we do this, we bring the bottles of his homebrew in a cardboard six-pack case you get for free at the store when you buy beer. We simply save a few of those cardboard cases — maybe four or five a year — and reuse them. (Yay! Reuse! It is Earth Day, after all.) Reusing the containers is super easy, especially since they fold flat so when we store them it doesn’t take up much room in the pantry. One thing we’ve never had need for or even considered wanting is a Beer Briefcase:

That’s right, it’s a briefcase for your bottles of beer. And, no, that isn’t some type of fancy cooling mechanism around those bottles, it’s regular foam. All it does is protect your bottles from clanging together, not chill them for drinking. Even if you were a beer distributor and wanted to bring samples of beers for your clients to taste, this would be less helpful for you than a small cooler.

So. Um. Yeah. Definitely a unitasker.

Thanks to Unclutterer Jacki for finding this gem for us. And, speaking of Jacki, I am sad to report that her last regular post with us will be next Monday, April 27. She’s retiring from online writing and our Unclutterer family isn’t going to be the same without her. We will miss all her Canadian and British spellings, her non-US insights, and especially her knowledge of uncluttering, organizing, and the manufacturing industry.

Unitasker Wednesday: Snap-On Can Strainer

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

There’s not really much to write about this week’s selection because it’s so obviously a unitasker. The Snap-On Can Strainer:

Clearly the people who designed this device have never thought to use the lid of the can for this purpose. Or a colander. Or even your hand. There are probably a dozen other items that are already in your kitchen that you could use to strain the contents of a can that simply aren’t popping into my brain right now. Oh! A large fork could do it.

Even if you were someone with limited dexterity this device would be harder to use than a colander — lining up the lid and snapping it into place is more difficult than pouring the can’s contents into a strainer. I’m not sure who this device is marketed toward. People who have never opened cans? People who don’t cook? Now I wish I had their sales numbers to find out how much product them move and who buys this thing.

Unitasker Wednesday: Juicer Pro

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

I’ll admit, I’ve never understood the purpose of little plastic doodads that you stick into citrus fruit to extract their juice. My husband has one, and it only gets half the juice out of the fruit and it has to be washed in the dishwasher afterward and it never inserts into the fruit easily and he usually still has to cut the fruit open and … I don’t get it. A knife and clean hands are all I need. But, I’ll admit, at least with the one he has, the opening for juice to pour out of it is large so that a single fruit seed doesn’t clog the device. This, however, isn’t even the case with the Juicer Pro:

Seriously, could that spout be any smaller and more cloggable? (Cloggable? Clogable? Clog-able? Able to be clogged?)

I’m starting to feel like the majority of kitchen unitasker purchases could be prevented if people simply checked YouTube first. “Should I buy this gadget? Let me check YouTube first to see if I can do this same thing with tools I already own.”

For example, in this clip, Jamie Oliver can teach you how to juice a lemon using a knife and your hands — two things people who intend on juicing lemons very likely already own:

Unitasker Wednesday: Loose Leaf

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

My family eats a lot of kale. It’s the one vegetable I can set in front of both my kids that they will devour and ask for more. I don’t know why, but I’m not complaining, especially since they aren’t big on eating red meat and kale is packed with iron. Anyway, a few years ago, I learned a ridiculously simple trick for how to de-stem an entire head of kale in usually less than a minute using only your hands. The trick is so easy that it makes the Loose Leaf wholly unnecessary when de-stemming kale:

How is the Loose Leaf a unitasker? If you have two hands and have enough grip strength to use the Loose Leaf, you have no need for the Loose Leaf. The device and the simple trick pretty much employ the same concept, except one requires you to spend money on the special tool pictured above, waste time and energy using and cleaning it, and then sacrifice some of your space to store it … and the other doesn’t.

What’s the simple trick? Let an adorable child demonstrate it for you:

That’s it, easy peasy! No knife or Loose Leaf needed to de-stem the kale and nothing to buy, clean, or store. Woo hoo, hands!

Thanks to reader Amy for bringing this unitasker to our attention.

Unitasker Wednesday: Willy Wonka Chocolate Bar Wrapper with Golden Ticket Replica with No Chocolate Included

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

On Tuesday, Disney announced it had tapped Tim Burton to direct a live-action remake of Dumbo. After reading this news, I instantly remembered another Tim-Burton-related unitasker I saw at a white elephant gift exchange a couple years ago. It’s linked to Burton’s 2010 remake of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory and it is a cruel unitasker that is sure to upset every candy lover who comes into contact with it. Introducing the Willy Wonka Chocolate Bar Wrapper with Golden Ticket Replica with No Chocolate Included:

Seriously, how twisted of a person must you be to give someone a faux candy bar? “Hey! I know you love chocolate so I got you a replica of a candy bar! There’s absolutely no chocolate in it at all. Enjoy!”

You might as well get some fake bacon for the bacon lover in your life or a model of a salad! As strange as Tim Burton’s movies are, I wouldn’t be surprised to learn he’s behind the no-chocolate candy bar …