Unitasker Wednesday: Slotdog

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to necessarily buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

Summer is quickly approaching here in the northern hemisphere and along with it are likely numerous cookouts and maybe a few campouts on your schedule. Well, if you’re going to be grilling up some hotdogs, you should know all about this week’s unitasker — the Slotdog (it’s the red plastic doodad in the top image):

Over the years we have written about a number of hotdog-related unitaskers, but this one might rise to the top of that list in terms of unitaskery. All it does is score the top of a hot dog. It doesn’t slice through a hotdog. It doesn’t cook the hotdog. All it does is cut lines into the top of your hotdogs. As the product description explains: “Perfect for kids as they love the alligator, dinosaur, dragon scale look”

I guess, if you need your hotdogs to have that “dragon scale look” maybe you might want this. But, you could also use a knife to do that. So.

Anyway, thanks to long-time reader Julie for sharing this with us (a product she doesn’t need because she’s a vegetarian but that she claims she wants, nonetheless … and that, for reasons unknown, is totally tempting us, too … gah! — unitasker temptations!!).

Unitasker Wednesday: Cheese Melting Dome

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

I absolutely adore the genius who “invented” the Nordic Ware 365 Indoor/Outdoor Cheese Melting Dome:

In case you’re confused by what the Cheese Melting Dome is, it’s an aluminum bowl with a handle on its bottom. (A handle, made of aluminum, that conducts heat and will easily burn the skin off your fingers if you decide to touch it. Because that’s what metals that conduct heat do when you place them on a heat source.) And this bowl-with-a-handle-on-it traps heat on your grill the exact same way closing the lid of your grill does. It also does the exact same thing a rounded pan lid would do if closing the lid on your grill was too much work. Or, you know, the heat of the burger when it’s freshly removed from the grill can also melt a slice of cheese on a bun but DETAILS.

This gadget may not even have enough of a purpose to be a UNItasker and can be reproduced by so many other things that, again, I must praise its inventor for getting it to market. It’s so brilliantly unnecessary that I love it with a fiery passion. This may be the winner of all unitaskers.

Thanks to reader S for bringing this gem to our attention. It is glorious.

Unitasker Wednesday: Staybowlizer

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

One of my favorite things about modern unitaskers — especially kitchen gadget unitaskers — are their ridiculous names. Clearly they’re dreamed up by a team of savvy (or in some cases, unsavvy) marketers to help make the products memorable and enticing. And, at the rate unitaskers sell, creative naming certainly is a bonus. Case in point, who couldn’t be tempted by the Staybowlizer:

The Staybowlizer is a silicone dish that helps to hold a bowl in place when stirring something. You know, the same way your hand holds onto the side of the bowl when you don’t want it to move — but in silicone!

Whenever I read the name, in my head I hear it as if an announcer for a monster truck rally or a WWE match was screaming into a mic, “THE STAYBOWLIZER!” Followed, of course, by an echoed “Staybowlizer, Staybowlizer, Staybowlizer …”

Thanks to long-time reader Marte for sharing this unitasker suggestion with us.

Unitasker Wednesday: Neoprene Freezer Pop/Ice Pop Insulator Sleeves

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

One of our Twitter followers brought this gem to our attention a couple weeks ago and I’ve been eager to share its ridiculousness with everyone. Introducing the Kooleez brand Neoprene Freezer Pop/Ice Pop Insulator Sleeves:

Besides the obvious unitaskery nature of specialized koozies for ice pops, these sleeves also ruin the joy that IS an ice pop. Which, and I’m hoping you agree with me on this, the best part of the ice pop is when it melts and you get to drink the melted liquid at the end of the treat. An insulated sleeve would prevent the ice pop from melting and deny you that liquid goodness. Awful.

Maybe it’s a multi-tasker after all — it wastes your money AND your fun!

Unitasker Wednesday: Watermelon Corer

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

What is it about watermelons that elicits manufacturers to create an endless stream of unitaskers? [E.g. previous Unitasker Wednesday features like the watermelon serving bowl, watermelon cooler (which is by far the most ridiculous), watermelon knife, and the watermelon slicer.] Whatever it is, we can add the Watermelon Corer to the list of unnecessary items:

(Should I even mention that this device is called a “corer,” yet watermelons don’t have a core? No? Okay, moving on …)

Surprisingly, my most favorite thing about the Watermelon Corer is how Amazon is trying to trick buyers into thinking it’s not a unitasker:

A pizza cutter? I don’t think so, Amazon.

Finally, if you want to easily slice up a watermelon, use a chef’s knife and do it the easy, non-cluttery way:

And a big thanks to reader Lauren for bringing this awesome unitasker to our attention!

Unitasker Wednesday: Aquasonic Wave Jewelry Cleaning System

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

My grandmother and mother both worked for years in jewelry stores. My husband’s uncle and his three sons and their wives own a chain of jewelry stores and are professional jewelry designers. And let me tell you what none of these people would recommend for ways to clean your jewelry: putting it in the dishwasher. Although it may work, there are certainly safer and less expensive ways to get your jewelry cleaned than by using the Aquasonic Wave Jewelry Cleaning System:

The idea of putting jewelry in the dishwasher completely terrifies me. If anything were to happen, your favorite necklace or ring could easily fit right down the drain! Ack!

And at $54, this device is more expensive than many sonic professional jewelry cleaning units and pretty much every at home cleaning method that is safer. The device also comes with a 10-week supply of a proprietary antibacterial gel that you then get to order replacement packs for so the price of the device keeps going up.

I’m going to be stressed out the rest of the day just thinking about this.

Unitasker Wednesday: Hands Finger Puppets

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

I’m certain there is nothing I could possibly write for this week’s unitasker selection that would be as entertaining (and/or disturbing) as the following image. Introducing Hands Finger Puppets:

Unitasker Wednesday: Electric Mac and Cheese Maker

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

CVS is a great place to pick up a prescription and a new toothbrush. It’s also where my husband’s college buddy found this week’s unitasker selection: the Electric Mac and Cheese Maker:

He’s convinced manufacturers are trolling consumers. I might have to agree with him. An entire electric appliance dedicated to making macaroni and cheese is bonkers. There is simply no other word for it — bonkers.

On the positive side, the device appears to be made by a company called Cheese Nation. As far as company names go, that one’s amazing. “Where do you work?” “Cheese Nation.” Brilliant.

Last day for bonus chapter and a non-unitasker on Unitasker Wednesday

In lieu of our regular Unitasker Wednesday post, I have a couple other items on tap today. First, I have a reminder to share and second, I have an almost-unitasker that managed to save itself from unitaskerdom.

The reminder: Today is the last day to sign up for a FREE bonus chapter when you pre-order my next book Never Too Busy to Cure Clutter. You can find out more about the giveaway in our previous post “The ultimate uncluttered gift,” or you can simply go straight to the form to register your purchase. (I’m emailing the chapters manually, so expect it to take a few hours for me to send it to you after you register. I mangled my attempt at writing a script to automatically send the PDF.)

Thank you to everyone who has already pre-ordered my book and/or will purchase it in the future. Thank you, thank you!

The almost-unitasker: My friend Zac is a wee-bit obsessed with his fur child, a dog named Kaylee. (She’s cute, so I can’t really blame him for his adoration.) Zac regularly posts pictures of her to his Facebook feed, and over the years I’ve watched the puppy grow into a dog and go on many adventures (mostly to the vet and dog park).

Yesterday, Zac posted a picture of a greeting card he got the dog for her birthday. My first thought was, UNITASKER! The dog can’t read!! And I was all set to use the line of dog greeting cards as this week’s Unitasker Wednesday feature. But then I went to the link he posted and realized the cards are made of raw hide and the dog can eat the card — should eat the card — and I immediately changed my mind:

If only more manufacturers were this creative and utilitarian in their designs. It’d be nice if all holiday cards had alternate purposes — such as the ones you can plant because there are seeds in the biodegradable paper. Oh! Or they could be temporary tattoos so all your friends could wear your face on their biceps for a few days. (I totally need to do this next year.) Anyway, good on Crunchkins for thinking outside the envelope.

Unitasker Wednesday: Jello shot makers

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

In college, my over-age-21 friends and I may have thrown the occasional kegger. I’m not saying we did, but if we did, we would have also supplied our guests with Jello shots. Hypothetically, providing this burst of color, booze, sugar, and gelatin took a bit of planning and forethought, as the shots took awhile to solidify and required plastic cups, Jello, vodka, and quite a decent amount of refrigerator shelving to be made successfully.

One thing I could have learned from this experience (if we’d really thrown such parties) is that freezing Jello shots is a bad idea — there is water in a Jello shot and freezing forms crystals instead of the preferred smooth texture of a shot. It’s fine if the alcohol comes from the freezer, but the shot needs to set up in the refrigerator. Which is just one of many reasons the 4-piece Jello Shot Maker is a bad idea from the get-go:

Also, it’s only 4 pieces. Who would ever make just FOUR Jello shots? I find that implausible.

And so do the people at Jevo, who believe Jello shots are in such high demand that you need an Automated Jello Shot Maker:

It’s like a Keurig, but for Jello shots!

Unless you work in a dance club that regularly installs black lighting and provides glo-sticks for patrons, I’m not sure who the target market is for this device. But, I guess if you’re in college and have a spare $650 plus more for supplies, maybe this one is for you?? (Though, I doubt it.)

Honestly, my favorite thing about the Jevo device is that it’s WiFi enabled. Yes, WiFi enabled. That’s certainly one thing it has going for it that our simple stovetop-to-refrigerator Jello shot making method didn’t have. Hypothetically, of course.

Unitasker Wednesday: Scallion cutter

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

If you are reading this post, my assumption is you own a kitchen knife. And if you own a decent kitchen knife (decent=not falling apart, sharp), you don’t have a need for this doozie of a unitasker. The scallion cutter:

In case it isn’t obvious, the purpose of the scallion cutter is to cut up scallions to use in food or as garnishes for food. Scallions, and only scallions.

Ooooof. Instead of lamenting yet another knife replacement, please enjoy this educational YouTube video containing instructions for how to use a knife to cut scallions six different ways:

Unitasker Wednesday: Clip-on man bun

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

My friend David has long-ish hair. It brushes the top of his shoulders and he usually wears it down. When he wears it up, though, he wears it in a man bun (like in the popular style a million famous male actors, models, and professional sports players seem to be donning lately).

Recently, David was considering cutting off his hair, but hasn’t yet gone through with it because he’s not ready to part with his man bun styling option. And then yesterday, I came across the perfect solution for his “problem.” It appears his love affair with his man bun doesn’t have to end if he cuts off his hair! All he needs is a $10 clip-on man bun:

I’m just looking out for my friend David and all the rest of you man-bun wanters.

Heh.