Unitasker Wednesday: Turn & Churn

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

When I first saw the Turn & Churn I couldn’t believe it. Not only would it be extremely unsanitary, it would be dangerous to try and make ice-cream with device attached to your car tire while you’re driving!
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Then I realized this was just a prank – there is no such thing as a Turn & Churn. This is just an empty box disguised to look like a useless unitasker.

There is a whole series of empty boxes designed to look like useless unitaskers including:

This might be a fine gift for someone with a good sense of humour (or a fan of Unitasker Wednesday) but I can think of better things to spend my money on than an empty box.

Unitasker Wednesday: Angry Mama Microwave Oven Cleaner

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

angry mama oven cleanerIt is important to clean your microwave oven regularly. Mould and other bacteria can grow on the food remnants left inside your microwave and contaminate other foods you cook. Besides, it will look and smell terrible. You should clean your microwave about once a week or when needed, such as immediately after a food spill.

You could use the Angry Mama Microwave Oven Cleaner. This five-inch tall figurine is made from non-toxic plastic. You fill Angry Mama with vinegar and water, turn on your microwave and the steam created will loosen baked-on residue leaving your microwave looking clean and smelling fresh.

A glass bowl filled with vinegar and water heated in the microwave oven will also do the same job. Also, by using a glass bowl you already own, you won’t have the large plastic figurine cluttering up your cupboards and perpetuating the myth that the only reason to clean your microwave oven is that your mother is angry.

Unitasker Wednesday: Golden Goose Egg Scrambler

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

I love to eat eggs. Hard-boiled eggs make a healthy, low-fat, easy-to-eat snack. I always expect my eggs to look like, well, eggs – white on the outside with a yellow yolk somewhere in the middle.

The Golden Goose Egg Scrambler ruins my vision of hard-boiled eggs. It scrambles the egg in the shell without damaging the shell so you can easily boil your egg creating a “golden” egg where the yolk is all mixed up with the whites.

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The item description says that even children and the elderly can master the technique of scrambling eggs within the shell by spinning the device for at least thirty seconds per egg. Also, because the device is designed to spin the egg in place, the eggs almost never break.

I guess if you like “golden” hard-boiled eggs that are difficult to peel and you want to get an upper-body work out, perhaps you might enjoy this unitasker.

As for me, I’ll be over in the corner separating whites from yolks so I can enjoy some devilled eggs, a favourite holiday party food.

Thanks to reader Bridget for bringing this unitasker to our attention.

Unitasker Wednesday: Inflatable Cow Skull

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

This past summer we moved from England to Texas. Since we arrived I have been wondering how to tailor our décor to better adapt to our local environment. At long last, I have found what I (don’t) need – a wall-mounted, inflatable cow skull.

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With the soft plastic construction and realistic photo print no one will ever know we’re not native Texans! The bonus part? When we move back to Canada in three years, we just deflate the skull and roll it up. No special packing foam or boxes required!

However, I probably won’t take the cow skull back to Canada. I’ll order the wall-mounted, inflatable moose head – much more suited to a northern climate.

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Unitasker Wednesday: Handerpants

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

Are your hands cold inside the house but you don’t want to wear your outdoor gloves? Then you need Handerpants!

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Handerpants are fingerless gloves resembling men’s underwear. Made from a cotton/spandex blend, they will stretch to fit most hands. In the winter you can wear them underneath normal gloves – underwear for your hands!

Handerpants are marketed as having “hundreds of uses” but I can’t see this product being any more useful than regular fingerless gloves – except to add more clutter to your closet.

Unitasker Wednesday: Finger stand support rests

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

While working on last week’s unitasker post I came across another unitasker — Finger Stand Support Rests.
1610_unitasker_fingerholdersThis is a set of five hard plastic stands on which to put your fingers when you’re painting your fingernails. The stands are not attached to each other so you’ll have five little things cluttering up your cosmetics bag/drawer.

When painting your nails, the finger stands must be perfectly spaced to support all of your fingers. If your hands are small, you’ll have to stretch because the bases of the supports need to be wide enough to stop the stands from wobbling. I can’t imagine that they are comfortable being made of hard plastic.

Wouldn’t it just be easier to use a rolled up towel under your fingers? A towel would be much softer and you could cover it with a napkin or tissue to absorb any nail polish spills.

Unitasker Wednesday: Tweexy, the wearable nail polish holder

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

I’ve spent most of my career working in places where painted fingernails were not permitted, consequently I’ve never spent a lot of time thinking about how to best to apply nail polish. I innocently assumed that you would place a bottle of nail polish on a flat, stable surface (perhaps in a bathroom at home), and proceed to paint your fingernails.

tweexy nail polish holderBut why look for a flat, stable surface when you have Tweexy, the wearable polish holder. This light-weight, portable gizmo will allow you to easily open your nail polish bottle using one hand and polish your nails in a car, on a train, at the movies, on your bed, or even in the bath!

tweexy nail polish holder in bath

Maybe I’m missing something because I don’t paint my nails that often, but I just can’t imagine my own hand being more steady than a flat, stable surface.

Thanks to reader Debbie for bringing this unitasker to our attention.

Unitasker Wednesday: Slotdog

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to necessarily buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

Summer is quickly approaching here in the northern hemisphere and along with it are likely numerous cookouts and maybe a few campouts on your schedule. Well, if you’re going to be grilling up some hotdogs, you should know all about this week’s unitasker — the Slotdog (it’s the red plastic doodad in the top image):

Over the years we have written about a number of hotdog-related unitaskers, but this one might rise to the top of that list in terms of unitaskery. All it does is score the top of a hot dog. It doesn’t slice through a hotdog. It doesn’t cook the hotdog. All it does is cut lines into the top of your hotdogs. As the product description explains: “Perfect for kids as they love the alligator, dinosaur, dragon scale look”

I guess, if you need your hotdogs to have that “dragon scale look” maybe you might want this. But, you could also use a knife to do that. So.

Anyway, thanks to long-time reader Julie for sharing this with us (a product she doesn’t need because she’s a vegetarian but that she claims she wants, nonetheless … and that, for reasons unknown, is totally tempting us, too … gah! — unitasker temptations!!).

Unitasker Wednesday: Cheese Melting Dome

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

I absolutely adore the genius who “invented” the Nordic Ware 365 Indoor/Outdoor Cheese Melting Dome:

In case you’re confused by what the Cheese Melting Dome is, it’s an aluminum bowl with a handle on its bottom. (A handle, made of aluminum, that conducts heat and will easily burn the skin off your fingers if you decide to touch it. Because that’s what metals that conduct heat do when you place them on a heat source.) And this bowl-with-a-handle-on-it traps heat on your grill the exact same way closing the lid of your grill does. It also does the exact same thing a rounded pan lid would do if closing the lid on your grill was too much work. Or, you know, the heat of the burger when it’s freshly removed from the grill can also melt a slice of cheese on a bun but DETAILS.

This gadget may not even have enough of a purpose to be a UNItasker and can be reproduced by so many other things that, again, I must praise its inventor for getting it to market. It’s so brilliantly unnecessary that I love it with a fiery passion. This may be the winner of all unitaskers.

Thanks to reader S for bringing this gem to our attention. It is glorious.

Unitasker Wednesday: Staybowlizer

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

One of my favorite things about modern unitaskers — especially kitchen gadget unitaskers — are their ridiculous names. Clearly they’re dreamed up by a team of savvy (or in some cases, unsavvy) marketers to help make the products memorable and enticing. And, at the rate unitaskers sell, creative naming certainly is a bonus. Case in point, who couldn’t be tempted by the Staybowlizer:

The Staybowlizer is a silicone dish that helps to hold a bowl in place when stirring something. You know, the same way your hand holds onto the side of the bowl when you don’t want it to move — but in silicone!

Whenever I read the name, in my head I hear it as if an announcer for a monster truck rally or a WWE match was screaming into a mic, “THE STAYBOWLIZER!” Followed, of course, by an echoed “Staybowlizer, Staybowlizer, Staybowlizer …”

Thanks to long-time reader Marte for sharing this unitasker suggestion with us.

Unitasker Wednesday: Neoprene Freezer Pop/Ice Pop Insulator Sleeves

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

One of our Twitter followers brought this gem to our attention a couple weeks ago and I’ve been eager to share its ridiculousness with everyone. Introducing the Kooleez brand Neoprene Freezer Pop/Ice Pop Insulator Sleeves:

Besides the obvious unitaskery nature of specialized koozies for ice pops, these sleeves also ruin the joy that IS an ice pop. Which, and I’m hoping you agree with me on this, the best part of the ice pop is when it melts and you get to drink the melted liquid at the end of the treat. An insulated sleeve would prevent the ice pop from melting and deny you that liquid goodness. Awful.

Maybe it’s a multi-tasker after all — it wastes your money AND your fun!

Unitasker Wednesday: Watermelon Corer

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

What is it about watermelons that elicits manufacturers to create an endless stream of unitaskers? [E.g. previous Unitasker Wednesday features like the watermelon serving bowl, watermelon cooler (which is by far the most ridiculous), watermelon knife, and the watermelon slicer.] Whatever it is, we can add the Watermelon Corer to the list of unnecessary items:

(Should I even mention that this device is called a “corer,” yet watermelons don’t have a core? No? Okay, moving on …)

Surprisingly, my most favorite thing about the Watermelon Corer is how Amazon is trying to trick buyers into thinking it’s not a unitasker:

A pizza cutter? I don’t think so, Amazon.

Finally, if you want to easily slice up a watermelon, use a chef’s knife and do it the easy, non-cluttery way:

And a big thanks to reader Lauren for bringing this awesome unitasker to our attention!