Unitasker Wednesday: Garnish Ribbon Curl Cutter

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

Did you read The Dark Materials series of books? I ask because this week’s unitasker instantly made me think of those books. If you didn’t read the series, there is a group of people in it called the Tartars and they’re into drilling holes into people’s skulls. (Doing so lets in “dust,” which is part of the plot and very disturbing.) Now that you’re well versed in the Tartars and their obsession with trepanation, you see the connection between the unitasker and the story, too, I bet. HOW COULD YOU NOT?!! The Garnish Ribbon Curl Cutter:

This device is crazy scary. I know it says it’s for ribbon curling carrots, but that is not what it looks like it is used for. This thing is a weapon! How is it even sold on Amazon?! If my parents would have had one of these growing up, I never would have gone into the kitchen. It’s terrifying.

MAYBE a fancy restaurant would have need for something like this, but they would need to keep it under lock and key for obvious reasons. This may just be the scariest looking unitasker we’ve ever featured.

Whatever you do, don’t let any kids see this post. Gah!

5 Comments for “Unitasker Wednesday: Garnish Ribbon Curl Cutter”

  1. posted by infmom on

    Doesn’t look all that sharp, but you can never tell from a photo.

    Btw, speaking of sharp, the Sharper Image is a treasure trove of ridiculous unitaskers. Go to the site and look up “towel warmer,” just for starters.

  2. posted by Carol on

    I’ve never heard of the books you mention so I don’t find this unitasker scary at all. The picture made me think of curly fries and that almost makes me want to run out and buy it. I love curly fries.

  3. posted by JC on

    Oh, it’s sharp; and now that you mention it, it does look rather surgical in nature. I have one of these in my drawer. It was my Grandmother’s. Although she lived 40 years in a 25′ x 25′ old homesteader’s cabin in Alaska, she set a fine table for company including linens, china, and crystal for multiple course meals. When my children were growing up, we occasionally cut veggies into interesting shapes to make eating them more enticing to small children. Although it’s a unitasker, time consuming to use, and not used on a regular basis, it’s a fun gadget to have in the drawer for the occasional special dinner or just for fun.

    I also have a melon baller, a crinkle cutter, and a spiral slicer. I use the crinkle cutter fairly often for soups and stews. It doesn’t take any longer than a regular knife to use. The melon baller is great for coring apples for baked apples and making ganache balls for truffles. Yeah they are unitaskers and other tools can prep veggies just as well, but they are a fun addition to the kitchen.

  4. posted by Ruth Hansell on

    Yes, I love His Dark Materials. If you saw the movie The Golden Compass, that book was the first of this YA trilogy. When I was reading these books, I would skip over the part about the drilling, and the parts about the people who got drilled. Very frightening.

    Having said that, the above unitasker doesn’t do much to scare me. From a human engineering standpoint, I think of how hard it would be to hold it by that relatively small handle and get enough torque to twist your way through a good, sturdy root vegetable. Repeatedly – how many turns do you think it would take to get enough carrot curls for a large platter of crudites? Makes my wrist hurt to think about it. Of course, you could always invent a Vegetable Vise, so that you could alternate hands. Or you could fashion a bit sort of end for the GRCC, so that you could put it in an electric drill. Hmm. You’d probably need the Vegetable Vise if you used a drill.

  5. posted by MillertimeTX on

    So THAT’s what it’s for. I’ve got one in my “kitchen utility drawer” but could never figure out what it was for. Thanks! ; )

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