All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!
In 2013, the majority of us get our eggs from the grocery store or a local farmers market. We don’t have hen houses in our yards where we go to collect eggs (from evil, evil chickens … oh, how I hate collecting eggs from chickens). And, the few people (brave souls) who do have hens that lay eggs, they likely use a wire egg basket when picking up the eggs (and a good stiff broom to lift up the chickens and let them peck the handle while grabbing the eggs beneath). Wire egg baskets are nice because they let things like grass and chicken feathers fall off the eggs while walking between the hen house and the human house. (Sometimes, those eggs even have chicken poop on them because chickens are disgusting in addition to being evil. Oh, chickens, I raise my fist in your general direction!)
Anyone who has ever raised chickens (again, a brave soul) also knows that eggs don’t have to be refrigerated if you’re going to eat them the day they’re collected. The only eggs that need to be cooled are those that are going to be stored for a longer period of time. And, those of us who keep eggs for more than a couple days, we are usually the folks who are buying our eggs at the store. Want to know what is cool about buying eggs at the store or farmers market? The eggs come in an awesome recyclable container! You get the 12 eggs AND the biodegradable container with your purchase. It’s an amazing deal.
Therefore, knowing what we all do about eggs and (truly evil) chickens, you can understand my confusion about the existence of the Egg Dispenser:
One of the wonderful features about the container that comes with each purchase of a dozen eggs is that this container protects the eggs in your refrigerator. It’s like a force field keeping your eggs safe. Those eggs don’t need any extra protection — they already have it!
Plus, leaving the eggs in the container they were purchased in saves you time and money. You don’t waste your time taking your eggs out of one container to put them into a second container that does the exact same thing as the first container. Also, you don’t waste your money on a container exactly like the one you get for free with your egg purchase.
In summary, chickens are horrible creatures. Oh, wait, I mean the Egg Dispenser is a unitasker.