All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!
In this week before Christmas, I wanted to do a Christams-theme unitasker. It turned out to be a little more difficult than I thought because, although there are a lot of single-use objects that are related to the holiday, almost all of them are decorations. And, decorations aren’t really unitaskers, but rather design and style preferences. For example, this toilet seat cover and rug are decorations:
Sure, they’re totally offensive decorations — depositing one’s “milk and cookies” down Santa’s throat is WRONG — but still they’re just decorations.
I was equally creeped out by the “life size” elf decoration:
The name cracks me up, because “life size” implies that elves are “alive” and have a “life.” (Did you check out the price tag? Wowza. For $150, I really hope it picks up your dry cleaning in addition to being a decoration.)
When push came to shove, I ended up choosing an intriguing unitasker. It’s an artificial tree spinner, and, as its name implies, it spins artificial trees. Why? I HAVE NO IDEA!
I think it should really be named the ornament flinger, as that is exactly what would happen if I put this thing under my tree. Goodbye strange cowboy snowman from my mom! Oh wait … maybe this artificial tree spinner isn’t a unitasker after all? It’s an ugly ornament unclutterer!