All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!
Here in the United States, we’re celebrating our nation’s Independence Day tomorrow. Most people will light up the barbecue, pop open a beer, and set off a few fireworks. I’ll spend at least part of my day running a four-mile race with some friends in this dastardly heat, which already seems like a poorly conceived idea. Whatever it is you’ll do to commemorate the day, I hope it is fun and safe and filled with as little stress and clutter as possible.
Since we won’t be in the office on the Fourth and most of our readership won’t either, we thought we would mix up the schedule a bit and run our Unitasker feature a day early. We know how much you all love unitaskers!
This week’s selection comes to us from across the pond and could easily have been one of the reasons our fore fathers seceded from British rule. (I jest.) It’s the perfect tool for those of you with consistently torn toast from spreading too cold butter. HOW TRAGIC! Introducing, the Toastie Knife:
Sure, instead of buying this probably-not-safe-to-wash-without-electrocution Toastie knife, you could set the butter next to your toaster to warm it up while your toast toasts or you could zap the cold butter for a few seconds in the microwave or you could simply store your butter in the door of the refrigerator where it doesn’t get super cold or (and this one is FAR out there) you could let your pat of butter sit on the warm toast for about five seconds and then spread it. But why do that when you can own a knife that takes a couple minutes to heat up to 107ºF (41.8ºC), which is the perfect temperature for your kids to brand each other at the breakfast table?!
Sadly *now is when you groan* this device is not yet available in the U.S. or apparently in Britain. I’m a little confused on the details of its availability. This is probably a good thing.
If you have the day off from work or have a few seconds to spare, I recommend checking out the full press release for the Toastie Knife on its manufacturer’s website. My favorite part of the press release is where it states that some people (all men) reported in a survey that they heat up their butter in the morning with a hair dryer. I’ll have to concede that maybe the folks currently warming their butter with a hair dryer should buy the Toastie Knife apparatus. And quickly. For the safety of mankind. (British folks are certainly an eccentric lot.)
If the idea of a heated knife is not taking things far enough for you or you consider the Toastie Knife too small and you’re looking for an even larger unitasker to gobble up space on your kitchen counter, be sure to check out a competing product with the industrial Heated Butter Spreader. This alternative, monolithic device could be yours for just $95! Owning it will leave you feeling like you live in a busy diner or banquet facility each and every day.
Thanks to Deane and the others who made the Toastie Knife suggestion!