Long weekends are great for catching up on things you’ve been meaning to do or simply doing nothing at all. Over the three-day-weekend, you probably spent more time with your spouse, partner, roommate, or kids. During that time, you may have also become intensely aware that he/she/they don’t exactly do things the way you do. You may have even started plotting ways to get them to change, to become a bit more orderly.
It has entered my mind on a few (okay, many) occasions that, as the more organized person in my relationship, I should help my husband to be the same. There are many good reasons for this. Here are the three I always reference:
- There will be less work to do. If we’re putting in the same effort in keeping our home clean and organized, that means neither of us are burdened by the majority of work to be done.
- We’ll find things quickly and easily. I get giddy thinking of all the time we’ll save looking for things because we’ll put things back when we’re finished using them. We would eliminate the dreaded scavenger hunt for important items and documents.
- We’ll be happier. People are usually happier when there’s less work to do. We’ll be ecstatic when we realize all the time we’ve saved can be used to do fun and relaxing things. We will actually do those fun, relaxing things.
I know that if I talk with my husband about these three reasons, he will agree with me. He might even try harder to do things my way.
And, he will probably revert to what he’s comfortable doing. I know you can’t make someone be an unclutterer if he doesn’t want to be an unclutterer. He will let me handle the organization of our home. But, that’s okay. I don’t want him to be me AND we can still have a (mostly) organized home even if he doesn’t 100 percent change his ways.
Because, as the unclutterer, I’ll continue to:
- Respect our differences. His way isn’t wrong, it’s simply not my way. Life would be ridiculously boring if the two of us were exactly the same. It’s good to remember that he possess other qualities I don’t, and we complement each other in different ways.
- Take the lead on keeping our home organized. Being organized is more important to me, so it makes sense for these responsibilities to lie predominantly in my camp. It’s not that he doesn’t care, he just doesn’t see things the way I do.
- Ask for help. This means no nagging is allowed on my part, and my husband knows he’ll be called upon to handle his share of the non-organizing household chores.
- Be specific about the type of help I need. Asking, “Can you clean up the living room?” won’t give me the results I really want. Instead, I’ll say, “Please vacuum the living room carpet and put the pillows back on the sofa.”
- Agree on simple house rules that match our skills.
- I will primarily be responsible for keeping our home organized, in particular the common areas (e.g., living room, kitchen, and dining room).
- He’ll be in charge of cleaning the bathrooms. This is not my favorite thing to do, but it doesn’t bother him at all (thank goodness). I’ll take care of making sure the towels are clean and the soap dispenser is filled.
- He’ll be in charge of cooking and I’ll clean up. I can hold my own in the kitchen, but he’s a great cook and I love whatever he whips up. Since I’m the queen of clean, this trade off works well for both of us.
- I’ll take care of simple household repairs when possible. If it’s not something I can take care of easily, I will hand it off to my husband or call a professional tradesperson.
We won’t be able to avoid getting frustrated with each other at times, but this plan is easy to follow. Would I like him to do more? I think we all dream of having a butler and maid, but my husband is not either (and neither am I). Can our home be comfortable and organized with the the current division of labor? Yes. We’ve reached our happy medium. It might not work for everyone, but if you’re in a similar situation, talk with the other people who live in your home and come up with ground rules that work for you.