Unitasker Wednesday: Fizz Saver 2-Liter Soda Soft Drink Dispenser

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

In theory, I don’t have issue with this week’s unitasker selection (the idea of not having flat soda is a good one). In practice, however, the Fizz Saver 2-Liter Soda Soft Drink Dispenser is an accident waiting to happen:

We all know that 2-liter bottles of soda are difficult to handle and unwieldy in smaller hands. Unfortunately, I can’t imagine a full bottle of soda could sit on that itty bitty stand and not fall over or off the counter and make an enormous mess. On the first use, I would end up wearing every ounce of liquid in the bottle. Plus, there would be little drops of soda on the counter or floor beneath the dispenser that would create a sticky blob. Who knows what would happen at a party of junior high students and a half dozen of these?! Heck, just looking at them I’m tempted to have a soda fight!

I loved everyone’s entries for last week’s You write the commentary. You are a very creative lot of folks! But, alas, I had to pick a favorite.

Honorable Mentions
Ruth: “It’s like looking at Berlin after the wall went up … or Romeo and Juliet. Sad little cereal exiled from that lovely lake of milk. That little escape route on one end just doesn’t do it…these two aren’t lovers any more, they have to meet on supervised visits. Tear down that bowl! Make breakfast, not war!”

Marianne: “Would you want to eat out of something that was named after the Greek coins buried with the dead to secure passage to the afterlife? Or maybe named after a Swedish company involved in a major fraud scandal? (Source Wikipedia). But maybe that is what it’s all about: to swindle you out of your coins.”

My Favorite
J.P.’s fictional saga of getting revenge on cereal for the death of his mother: “… Now, each morning, I fill my Obol with milk, then slowly, oh so slowly, pour the cereal into the adjacent compartment. I want it to know whats coming. Drowning? Too good for cereal. Annihilation by mastication? Over too fast. No, the cereal must wait, sitting in its compartment, anticipating the suffering to come.”

To all who participated, thank you. I had a really great time reviewing the entires.

12 Comments for “Unitasker Wednesday: Fizz Saver 2-Liter Soda Soft Drink Dispenser”

  1. posted by MamaCat on

    I am not sure how this thing works in practice, but I actually do see a use for it. My husband has arthritis in his wrists and his OT has suggested ways to avoid lifting heavy things, and pouring is one of those areas that can put a lot of strain on the wrists. So we have one of those coffee makers that allow you to press the cup up against a tap rather than pick up the carafe, as that motion is hard for him.

    We don’t drink soda, but if we did I could see a point to getting something like this. So as far as a unitasker goes, it might not be a great thing for most households but it might be very useful to others.

    I do agree that the design looks flimsy, though, but that is a separate consideration than its unitasker function.

  2. posted by Debra on

    Don’t they make little doo-hickies that go in the top of a bottle and hold the fizz in but don’t have this big sit-up-side down thing?

  3. posted by Erin Doland on

    @MamaCat — I have mild arthritis in some of my fingers, and it would be hard for me to screw this thing on, flip the bottle upside down, balance it, and then control my movements ever_so_carefully each time I pulled the switch to get a drink. At least for me, a can of soda is easiest to manage, which I can open with a spoon handle, and is light to carry.

  4. posted by JessA on

    Well, at first glance I thought this looked like kind of a fun way to dispense pop at a party.

    But you are so right, there is no way this isn’t going to tip over! Also, you’d need several of these for a party and the way people go through pop at our family get-togethers, you’d constantly be changing bottles.

    Yep, this is a true unitasker, it seems just useful enough to tempt you, but when you get it home it would just end up in a drawer somewhere.

  5. posted by Sabrina on

    So true, I would think it would fall over also. Need idea but the base should really be wider/larger. Thanks for sharing.

  6. posted by Max Leibman on

    I might buy it just for how CLASSY it will look in my place for parties.

  7. posted by JustGail on

    If I had one of these, which I won’t be, I’d be raiding the toolbox for the bar clamps. It also looks like it would be a PITA to clean. Nope, it’s not coming in my house.

    Besides everyone knows the best way to have a soda fight is screw the garden-hose gun on the bottle, shake and squeeze!

  8. posted by Jonathan @ punchlifeintheface on

    I could almost see the use of this for people with limited hand mobility, but as Erin pointed out, the setup would likely need to be done by another person. Do you leave this thing on when you put the drink back in the fridge?

  9. posted by alfora on

    The temptation to abuse those things in a soda fight is really hard to resist.

    But on the other hand that would be a unitasker too. You don’t need this thing for a soda fight as you already know from victory celebrations in motor sport events. 🙂

  10. posted by Jodi on

    @Gail: Garden hose gun! Now that is creative!

  11. posted by matt on

    That looks like a cool idea but i agree that it really needs a bigger base 🙂

  12. posted by katrina on

    Erin, those junior high school students wouldn’t just have ordinary soda fights.

    They’d drop a mint into a bottle of cola and have enough pressure in the bottle to coat the neighbours house with soda. tee hee

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