Unitasker Wednesday: The Coneivore

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

For the second week in a row, I’m a little stumped about the intended purpose of the device we’ve chosen for the Unitasker Wednesday feature. In this specific case, it’s pretty clear what it does — you pick up pine cones (or apples, walnuts, Magnolia pods) with it. However, I don’t know why someone would want to pick up pine cones into a tube. Introducing the Coneivore Pine Cone Pickup Tool:

As someone who lives in the middle of a forest, I have numerous pine cones in my yard. I also have pine needles, dead leaves from deciduous trees, sticks, acorns, and remnants of what used to be flowers before the deer and rabbits decided to have a snack. Before I can mow the yard, I have to rake up all the debris so these things don’t clog up my reel mower. My neighbors rake their yards so these things don’t become deathly projectiles shooting out the side of their gas powered mowers. We all have to rake before we mow, so why make things more complicated with an additional step of first collecting all of the pine cones into a tube? Once you pick up all the pine cones, do you dump them into the compost bin or rubbish pile with the other stuff you raked up separately? Are pine cones some special class of yard debris that require VIP treatment? Should I also be hiring a limo and taking my pine cones out for a night on the town? Are they too good to be touched by a rake? Maybe the Coneivore is for artists who work with pine cones as their medium? Oh, or maybe Girl Scout leaders who help kids turn pine cones into squirrel feeders by covering them in peanut butter?

My gut tells me that there is some intended purpose for this device that I am just failing to recognize. Share your guesses in the comments, and thank reader BG for finding it for us.

31 Comments for “Unitasker Wednesday: The Coneivore”

  1. posted by Max Albright on

    Ok…it’s like this… So you don’t have to bend down to pick up the cones or rake you just pop the tube on the top and ‘pop’ it’s collected inside the tube. Just do that and you clear your lawn quickly and easily, no raking, no bending. I have a back problem and this thing works like a charm – seriously! I think people also use them for golf balls, tennis balls, etc.

  2. posted by MT Nickerson on

    All the serious crafters here in Maine have these. Seriously.

  3. posted by Celeste on

    It’s to keep you from bending over at the waist. Period. Same reason pecan collecting tools were invented. It’s a less tiring way of collecting something that’s on the ground. Raking is still going to cause you some bending to pick up the pile.

    I do think you want to clear the lawn of them because even though they do decay, it can take a long time and make the blade on your mower chip or need sharpening sooner.

  4. posted by JJ on

    This would be much more fun if you could flick a switch on it and use it as a low-powered pinecone cannon.

  5. posted by Jodi on

    JJ…now THAT is an idea I can stand behind! Pinecones have got to be safer than potatoes, right? I love it! Thanks for the smile, I needed that today.

  6. posted by Katie Alender on

    “Posted by JJ – 09/21/2011

    This would be much more fun if you could flick a switch on it and use it as a low-powered pinecone cannon.”

    Hear, hear!

  7. posted by Katie Alender on

    Wait–why does it have to be low-powered?

  8. posted by Gavin on

    I have a family member who takes great pride in her lawn. She has many pine trees and picks up all pine cones all the time prior to mowing, or just after a wind storm. She doesn’t have to rake up needles or anything else so she just picks up cones by hand. Unfortunately she is getting older and the manual parts of her daily chores are becoming more difficult. She loves to get out and do things though so I am wondering if this tool will actually help her continue to take care of her own lawn.

  9. posted by LP on

    You could use this to collect pine cones to then display in your home, which are great for when your obnoxious friend comes over and hides them in your bed. (don’t look at me like that >_>)

  10. posted by Elizabeth on

    Over here, in France, my Grand’ma uses pine cones to start up the wood stove after the fire has died out (no embers to rekindle a flame). She keeps a decent stack of them near the fireplace, and leaves them to dry out before using them as intermediary to ignite the bigger (and harder to set off) logs.

  11. posted by Mark on

    I usually mow over the few pine cones that we get.

    On the rare occasion that I do pick them up, I always get sap on my fingers/gloves.

    This would eliminate that, which would be very handy.

  12. posted by Jacki Hollywood Brown on

    If you pick up the pine cones separately from your yard waste, then you can use them for crafts like a pine cone wreath for your front door at Christmas. If you take pine cones and soak them in different salt solutions, let them dry then throw them on your fire, you can make various coloured flames.
    If you’ve got arthritis or other mobility problems, I guess the tube would help you pick up all the pine cones more easily.
    You could also pay the neighbourhood kids to pick them up for you and foster entrepreneurship.

  13. posted by MT Nickerson on

    Pine cone canon. Love that! Someone needs to get cracking, like immediately. How can we live another day sans pine cone canon?

  14. posted by Brooke on

    Perhaps it’s for collecting pine cones to harvest for the seeds, you need a lot of cones to have any sort of significant amount of seeds, it might make the process easier on your back…

  15. posted by Another Deb on

    I think someone came up with a pun and then invented a device with which to market it.

  16. posted by Marie on

    I would love one to pick up all &#@* sweet gum balls that litter our yard. Usually one recognizes their presence only when they are underfoot.

  17. posted by Anja on

    Here in Europe (Belgium) people use(d) pine cones to light the fire in the stove. Very easy!

  18. posted by Leena on

    This time I actually think this unitasker could be usefull. On my parents’ cabin we often walk bare foot and the pine cones on the paths can be very painfull to step on. We pick up the pine cones sometimes by hand, and this device might be handy on that. I’d have to try it out though before truly buying the thing.

  19. posted by organizingwithe on

    Isn’t that why we have kids? To send them out to gather pinecones?

  20. posted by Jennifer on

    I think I love this – if it actually works!

    It would be *great* for black walnuts. They get so nasty if left on the ground – squirrels break them open, bugs get in in them, they stain everything. They are also toxic to other vegetation so you need to stay on top of removal. My son has a nut allergy and has always gotten out of black walnut pick up duty, but with this thing….hmmmmm.

  21. posted by Momma Yen on

    @organizingwithe ROFL!! Yes….yes it is! (They think it’s fun anyway.)

  22. posted by Rondina on

    Even if a pine cone crafter wanted to use this, it doesn’t look very tall or hold very many. So there would still be lower back pain.

  23. posted by Mario on

    And THIS is why I love Unclutterer.com so much. Fascinating! Who knew something like this even existed! A fantastic find for Wednesday!

  24. posted by Christina Rodriguez | The Diva's Home on

    I like the pinecone cannon idea! Of course, we don’t have pinecones in South Texas. Maybe use it for Mesquite tree pods? Or horse ‘apples’?

  25. posted by Em on

    Hey Jacki Hollywood Brown – I always wondered how they got the pine cones to do that, and now I know!

  26. posted by shona~LALA dex press on

    what’s even more confusing is the play on the word carnivore

  27. posted by tips to get organized on

    great tips to get organized …………

  28. posted by Jan Horwood on

    My dog loves conkers, but unfortunately if he eats them he “explodes” the next day. This would be a good way to pick up conkers without all that bending.

  29. posted by Karen K on

    Did you see the other tool on the site when you checked this out? http://www.problemsolvers.com/.....Cross-sell ROTFL! The things people think will make life easier!!! Just shows what a lazy society we have become!

  30. posted by Mary in Texas on

    Karen, you’ve inspired me to write. I have one of those nut pickers you linked to. Down here in Texas we take our pecan picking seriously. The native pecans are tiny things and in the creek bottoms on my folks place there are many ancient native pecan trees with tons of tiny pecans to gather. What the professional tree shaker does not get we gather and this comes in handy. In the city I use it just to be faster than the squirrels. Thanks for your link Karen. It is all a matter of perspective.

  31. posted by Betsy on

    When I was a kid, my dad would pay me and my brother a penny per pinecone we picked up from the yard. He could mow and bag the leaves/needles along with the grass, but the pinecones would tear up the lawnmower blade. Or maybe it was just to keep us busy so he could actually mow the yard? Unfortunately, it would have taken 3995 pinecones to buy this gadget.

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