All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!
An acquaintance asked me the other day what I would do for a career if I suddenly couldn’t do what I do. Her hypothetical situation included not only writing, but the consulting and lecturing aspects of my job as well.
I thought about her question for a few seconds and then replied, “I think I’d be a cheesemonger or a cheese maker.”
I was being sincere about this, too. I love cheese. I love studying cheese and making cheese and eating cheese and pairing cheeses. When I go to France to visit family, the trips are most often organized around visiting cheese shops. Every time I’m in New York, I have to stop at Murray’s (I’m partial to the Village location). I love coffee and wine and cooking, but I think cheese would beat these other passions out for a career.
Understanding my love of cheese, you should then understand my confusion for the Cheese Button:
From the product description:
Our informal survey indicates that 4 out of 5 people prefer their cheese without fingerprints.
Um, huh? What? In all of my study of cheese and consumption of it, I have never thought fingerprints on cheese were a problem. In fact, I’m not sure how you could move this in and out of the cheese without getting fingerprints on the cheese. Wouldn’t you have to hold the cheese to have enough resistance to push in and pull out the Cheese Button, thus leaving fingerprints on the cheese?
And, maybe I’m strange, but I don’t touch cheese when I slice into it. The pressure I exert on the knife is usually enough to keep the cheese in place. Who is touching cheese and leaving their fingerprints on it? Who are you cheese touchers? And, more importantly, who are the four out of five of you who are upset about fingerprints on cheese?
Thanks to reader Vikki for finding this unitasker for us.