Unitasker Wednesday: Corn Kerneler

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

Grilled corn on the cob is one of my favorite side dishes. Slathered in butter, I could eat it at least once a day for an entire summer. I don’t always feel like eating it off the cob, so sometimes I pull out a knife and cut the kernels off the cob and onto my plate.

A knife works incredibly well for this task, but I can see why someone might want to use a corn stripper instead. Corn strippers are a little safer and you can hold the ear of corn instead of trying to balance it on a plate. I wouldn’t own one, but I can see how someone might have use for it.

What I don’t understand, though, is the Corn Kerneler:

With the Corn Kerneler, your ear of corn has to be exactly the same size as the opening in the middle of the doughnut. If your ear of corn is too big or too small, the blade doesn’t work because the opening isn’t adjustable. So, unless you take the Corn Kerneler with you to the grocery store when buying corn, it’s unlikely it’s going to work with every ear of corn you purchase. You’ll have to end up using a knife or a corn stripper on some of the ears, anyway.

Additionally, it looks like a pain to clean. I’m sticking with my knife, which I already own and which works with large and small ears of corn.

15 Comments for “Unitasker Wednesday: Corn Kerneler”

  1. posted by Heidi Poe on

    Now that’s a weird one. o_O

  2. posted by [email protected] on

    I hate stuff like this and my extended family loves it! So much that they give it to me EVERY Christmas and birthday. Yea, me.

  3. posted by [email protected] on

    Have you seen the Hot Dog octopus cutter? It cuts a hot dog into an octopus for you. How convenient.

  4. posted by mili on

    Darn, all this corny 😉 talk is making me want some corn on the cob now. It doesn’t help that I’m a recent convert – I’d tried it when I was a little kid and hated it (probably cos the one I’d tried wasn’t properly cooked all the way through lol) so it took me YEARS to try again – and the person who convinced me just said, okay, I’ll buy it, and you try it, end of lol. Good thing too, cos it turns out I love love love it.

    but the product in all its complicated and hassle-creating uselessness is an affront to the elegant simplicity of the actual corn on the cob. Guh. what were they thinking?

    The other thing you linked to is much better. I can see where you would need that one, especially if you had to go through a whole bunch of ears, eg to serve at a party or because you’re knife-wary. Not this thing though.

    If anyone can defend this one, I’d love to hear it because it’s annoying to see all that waste of plastic, but I’m not holding my breath :-/

  5. posted by ecuadoriana on

    Maybe this is what was made from all of the leftover Doughnut To Go carrying cases that didn’t sell?

  6. posted by katie on

    We have something in our house that will do that, we call it a knife.

  7. posted by Lizzie on

    Okay, okay…my daughter would have wanted to buy this last summer. (She’d just finished kindergarden, was missing both front teeth and would have liked the self-sufficient angle.)

    I went with the tried-and-true knife method, but I needed some waterproof pot holders for holding the corn. Soggy pot holders…meh!

  8. posted by Rebecca on

    If I am only doing a few ears of corn, we just use a knife. But when my family does a pickup truck bed full of corn for canning we use a mandoline type slicer and blade to get the kernels off. Much faster and easier on the hands.

  9. posted by June Lemen on

    My ex-in-laws, who were big vegetable gardeners, had something similar to the corn kerneler that was actually useful. It was a wooden trough with a sharp. curved blade on one end that you could run an ear of corn across to quickly remove the kernels for freezing. You placed it on a counter, and put a pot beneath it to catch all the kernels. Unlike with this kerneler, the ear did not have to be of a certain diameter to be easily stripped of its kernels.

  10. posted by kea on

    A bundt cake pan is useful–the hole holds the bottom of ear of corn steady, then the pan catches all the kernals that you strip off with the knife.

  11. posted by dsnk on

    Thanks, kea–I was just considering ditching my used-once bundt pan this past weekend, but I’ll save it for a bit to give this new use a try!

  12. posted by anonymous on

    I’m waiting for the USB-powered Corn Kerneler.

  13. posted by anonymous on

    I forwarded this to some friends of mine, and got this response from one of them:

    “Okay, maybe my mind is in the gutter…. after all I did go see Bridesmaids with my girlfriends today….. but that looks positively pornographic. It looks like porn for people with a donut fetish.”

    I hadn’t considered that angle, but now that she mentions it, that picture does appear to be cornographic.

  14. posted by Unintentional Housewife on

    I’d never-in-my-life removed kernels from a corn cob with anything but my teeth… until this month. But I just used a knife, even though I might have been slightly intoxicated in the midst of a girls’ weekend cabin retreat. I figure if I can do it with some margaritas in me, most people should be able to handle it without a unitasker.

  15. posted by Maren on

    I love corn on the cob and always eat it with my hands and teeth, no cutlery or machines needed. If you like your corn on the cob like that, this is (apparently) what you also need:


    Wow. There’s nothing left to say.

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