Unitasker Wednesday: The Half Time Knife

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

Are you someone who is clumsy and shouldn’t operate kitchen knives? If so, I have the perfect tool for you. With the help of the double blade Half Time Knife you can injure yourself twice as often, twice as severely!

In addition to making a mess of your fingers, the Half Time Knife won’t fit into any knife blocks for safe storage, so you have to use a special magnetic knife stand that comes with the knife. As an added bonus, it also requires owning a “specially designed cleaning brush” and the Half Time Knife Sharpener that you must find space to store. It’s a unitasker that comes with three additional unitaskers — that’s FOUR unitaskers for just $70! The Half Time Knife is a unitasker that just keeps on giving.

Thanks go to reader Fifteen Spatulas for forwarding us this generous unitasker.

22 Comments for “Unitasker Wednesday: The Half Time Knife”

  1. posted by Anita on

    I LOVE that the product description mentions a non-unitaskery way of achieving the same result: “just as professionals do when they hold two chef’s knives together…”

    … here’s an idea: for those who might not be dexterous enough to hold two knife handles in one hand without causing accidents, why don’t we design and manufacture a special kind of tape that’s sticky on one side and can be wrapped around things to hold them together, and then comes off again when you don’t want things held together any more? Oh wait, they already have that. I think it’s called… oh yeah, TAPE!

    But wait, maybe this will be like the multi-bladed shavers? Every so often they’ll add a third, fourth or fifth blade and call it a revolutionary new product? We may be looking at the latest trend in kitchen tools and not even know it.

    Thanks for the laugh!

  2. posted by Mackenzie on

    Seems like a much more dangerous, expensive, and difficult to use version of http://www.amazon.com/exec/obi.....tterer-20/

  3. posted by Don on

    I’m trying to think of a way I’d want to use this that wouldn’t be just as effective and easier with a mandoline. And coming up empty.

  4. posted by Jeni on

    Last I checked, all the professionals I know weren’t stupid enough to try to hold and use two knives at once, particularly in one hand. I must have missed that day in my own culinary training, as well.

  5. posted by Samantha on

    As someone with 3 Chefs in her immediate family I can’t for the life of me think of a time when a Chef would hold 2 knives in their hands at once for anything they spent way too long learning proper cutting methods and have too many nicked fingers to muck around when cutting things. My question would be Professional what?

  6. posted by Jen on

    I’m pretty sure they made up the “professionals holding two knives together” thing. Also, this knife seems only slightly less hazardous than attempting to use two knives at once.

  7. posted by *pol on

    That looks TERRIBLE!

  8. posted by Erin Doland on

    @Anita — HA! I love the idea of the Quarter Time Knife or the Fifth Time Knife!! They totally missed the boat 😉

  9. posted by Scott Carlson on

    Erin, I wanted to quickly correct you. This knife would fit in my knife block. 🙂

    I have this one (or something very similar)

    Wood Magazine had a project to build your own much like this, but loaded with bamboo skewers instead of plastic.

    It’s great. Very handy.

  10. posted by priest's wife on

    Thanks for the laugh! I guess some people have too much money- they keep the unitasker industry busy

  11. posted by Living the Balanced Life on

    Just what my clumsy 17 year old needs, a 2nd blade on her knife, lol!
    Funny thing is, when I saw the title, I was thinking football!

  12. posted by vginiafille on

    Not half time, cut time.

  13. posted by Jonathan Ball on

    You’re all missing the point that this is for professional assassins.

  14. posted by Karen on

    @ Jonathan Ball: This it totally brilliant–can you imagine watching the forensics guys try to analyze *those* knife wounds? You could get away with (um) murder!

    @ vginiafille: ow. very bad pun!

  15. posted by disconnect on

    As a former chef, I did use the twin knife trick for chopping parsley. It’s a lot faster than a single knife, the texture is much better than you can get with a food processor, and I had the knives for it.

  16. posted by Joanne on

    HAHAHA I’m so glad you posted this! I remember seeing this in a food magazine I was reading and I instantly thought “I MUST SEND THIS TO Unclutterer’s UNITASKER WEDNESDAY!” Your commentary is hilarious =)

  17. posted by Joanne on

    @ Anita…5 blade unitaskers already exist! Check out these RIDICULOUS herb snips!


  18. posted by Bryan on

    This thing isn’t a knife, its a small machete, lol

  19. posted by Lesley on

    Joanne – I actually have some of those “ridiculous” herb snips. They are fantastic.

    I have a garden and like to cook with lots of fresh herbs. Several times a year, we harvest a pile of herbs and cook large quantities of fresh salsa and fresh marinara.

    With these shears, my 8-year-old son can easily mince a large amount of herbs in a short time. No cutting board to clean. And a much finer, more even result.

  20. posted by WilliamB on

    An excellent example of a useless tool.

    This is like the multi-blades scissors that are sold as “great for shredding paper.” Which they aren’t, paper in long strips is easy to reconstruct.

  21. posted by Slobyskya Rotchikokov on

    I recall seeing a Kitchen Tip for Busy Cooks – to avoid nicking or slicing your finger while speed chopping – have a friend hold the food for you.
    Might work better than a twin blade mutilation machine!

  22. posted by Pat on

    A chef on Top Chef All Stars just did the two knife technique!!

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