Unitasker Wednesday: Doughnut To-Go

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes โ€” we donโ€™t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

There are times when I learn about a unitasker and my first thoughts are: “This has to be a joke. A reader is trying to punk me with a fake product on a fake website. This cannot really exist.”

This week’s unitasker falls squarely into that category. It wasn’t until more than 20 readers e-mailed me about the Doughnut To-Go storage device that my disbelief started to wane:

I don’t know if I love the Doughnut To-Go because it has a center hole where “you can stick a lollipop” (in case there wasn’t enough sugar in the doughnut), that you would need 12 of them to protect a full dozen, or the fact that it has a separate hole for A PADLOCK! A PADLOCK ON YOUR DOUGHNUT!

Let’s agree, this may be the best unitasker in the entire universe.

And, there is no need to point out in the comments that it’s a multi-tasking device because you could also store a bagel in it. I believe that since it won’t store all kinds of doughnuts — I dare you to try putting a Boston Cream Filled in this bad boy — the bagel simply is an understudy for the doughnut holes and filled doughnuts of the world.

In case you need more information about the Doughnut To-Go that you can’t garner from the above infographic, you must check out the You Tube Video showing why you need this unitasker. The quality of acting in the video matches the unitasker perfectly.

Thanks to all 22 readers who forwarded this to us.

43 Comments for “Unitasker Wednesday: Doughnut To-Go”

  1. posted by stagepin on

    You could store a few uncooked hotdogs in there too. Maybe a couple of Twinkies if you’re careful.

    My problem is that I’m going to be trying to come up with conceivable things that could be stored in one of these for the rest of the day.

  2. posted by Anita on

    I LOVE that it has padlock holes on both sides — you know, for those times when ONE padlock just won’t be enough to keep your doughnut safe.

  3. posted by priest's wife on

    This would make a gag gift for a co-worker for the holidays.

    I am SO sick of plastic, however

  4. posted by claire7676 on

    This honestly sounds like a pissed off office worker had enough of co-workers taking their doughnuts & came up with this idea. It’s hilarious, though. And it’s from Japan, so that probably says it all. ๐Ÿ™‚

  5. posted by Kate on

    It’s a multi-tasker because it is also a lollypop stand. ๐Ÿ™‚

  6. posted by Beverly on

    Padlock my doughnut….now why didn’t I think of that. Oh boy we are making some very strange people rich by buying such crap. How can someone look at this and say “this is what I’ve been waiting for”! I bet they sold quite a few :\

  7. posted by Dr. Pete on

    I’m a slow eater, and even I’m pretty sure I could down one donut faster than it would take me to put it in a Doughnut To-Go and padlock it. This reminds me of the prepackaged microwave hot dog already in the bun. If putting a hot dog in a bun is the greatest challenge of your life, you might need some perspective.

  8. posted by DivaJean on

    But I wanted to padlock my bagel safely…

    Guess I’ll have to wait for the bagel saver unitasker.

  9. posted by ecuadoriana on

    OK, the urban chicken coop- got noooo problem with that.

    The Doughnut-To-Go? OK, now THIS makes my brain bend. Billions of plastic bottles floating in the ocean just waiting to be recycled into something useful and THIS is what they came up with?

    Oh, and I have enough trouble remembering where I put my house and car keys. Now I’m be expected to remember where I left my doughnut-to-go keys as well?

    OK, now I am going to go off somewhere quiet and cry into my coffee. After seeing this, I am off doughnuts for life.

  10. posted by ecuadoriana on

    Well, I started to reconsider, thinking maaayyyybee this isn’t such a bad product after all. But then I noticed that it has: “…23 holes on make sure your donut will stay warm and fresh…”

    Only 23 holes on? Fuggedaboutit! If they can’t go all out and poke an even 2 dozen holes “on” this thing, then where’s the quality control?

    Details, people! Details!

  11. posted by John McNally on

    I think the reason for the two lockable holes is so that you can daisy chain your entire bakers dozen. With only one hole, at most you will be able to lock up 2 doughnuts. With 13 of these (and 12 locks) your entire stash is safe.

  12. posted by Robin on

    I just can’t help it… I HAVE to try to understand, to make sense of this thing.

    So, is donut thievery a particular problem in Japan? But no, this is marketed primarily to English speakers. Is it a cultural or language disconnect? Maybe someone overheard someone talking about getting their donut stolen and thought it was an American epidemic… Except that, frankly, if I really wanted that donut, I’d take it AND the saver.

    Sigh. I can’t find it. There’s no sense in this at all. It hurts my brain.

    Oh and, by the way, who wants a squashed microwaved soggy donut anyway?

  13. posted by Sooz on

    Ah, if only they’d left out the lollipop stand, it *could* have held a Boston cream donut, or even a hamburger – what a lost opportunity!

    Thanks for this one, Erin; I’m still laughing!

  14. posted by Pammyfay on

    I’m quite certain we’ve just been punked.

  15. posted by Maggie Rose on

    Can you imagine how frustrating it would be to bring your safely-locked and protected doughnut to work in the morning… only to realize the key to the lock is at home??? The torture!

  16. posted by MarleysGh0st on

    Oh, the padlock hole has to be the most important feature! That’s security you could never get with a brown paper bag.

    But let us not overlook the importance of the grip! If you buy one of these items, with its bright day-glo color, you’ll definitely be wanting to carry it to the office by the grip, for all to see and admire!

  17. posted by Nana on

    But those 23 holes…will they not admit dust and/or debris if you leave it on your desk. Or, if you forget and put it right side down, you could have sugar leakage. Sorry, this just isn’t as practical as it seems at first glance.

  18. posted by Melissa A. on

    Perfect for Homer Simpson.

  19. posted by Amy on

    It’s Japanese. ‘Nuff said.

  20. posted by AG on

    Law of the Doughnut. You should not buy a doughnut that you don’t have enough time to eat while it’s still fresh.

    Don’t be doughnut-wise and money-foolish. A doughnut can cost somewhere between $0.60 to $1.20 and has a very short shelf life. As such, you should not spend multiples of that amount in a vain attempt to secure a perishable item or extend it’s life.

    People first, then money, and then things! –Suze Orman.

  21. posted by barbG on

    Frog Green is my choice for this item. Frankly I would
    chain it to my wrist. Tell the truth, Erin, when do you laugh the loudest and longest — before you write your post, as you are writing your post, or after and the
    sheer inventive and craziness of the Wednesday Unitaskers. Perhaps passive ventilation is the best
    description for this.

    I just sent you an email about a Unitasker I just found.

  22. posted by Dawn F. on

    Could it store a breast implant?

    Oh, no I didn’t go there!!!! LOL!

    God Bless Wednesdays!!!

  23. posted by TMichelle on

    I must admit, I love the commercial!

  24. posted by Chelsea on

    But, I like cream-filled doughnuts! I guess I’ll have to buy a separate container for those.

  25. posted by elysa on

    I think this is my favorite unitasker ever and I’ve been a reader for several years! the lock feature definitely makes this iiiiiirresistible.

  26. posted by ecuadoriana on

    Dawn F. wrote: “Could it store a breast implant?”

    I started thinking that perhaps it could be a condom holder for a guy who REALLY wants to impress the babes at the bar.

    Like he’d have it swinging from his wrist and she’d ask: “Hey, is that a Donut-to-Go on your wrist?” and he’d say “Heck no. This is my ever ready Lollipop Holding Condom-to-Go, in minty frog green…”

    So many possibilities…

  27. posted by Edie Howe on

    Two thoughts:

    1. At first glance, I thought it was a portable hemorrhoid cushion with a built in handle. Then I saw the ventilation holes.

    2. It’s occurred to me that this takes “Go Galt” to the extreme. “I worked hard for the money to buy this donut, and YOU CAN’T HAVE IT!”

  28. posted by Angela Glaros on

    If it’s a donut holder AND a lollipop stand, is it technically still a unitasker? LOL

  29. posted by ecuadoriana on

    @ Edie Howe- LOL!!!! But yes, a hemorrhoid cushion with ventilation holes! That is so right! A top quality hemorrhoid cushion WOULD have ventilation holes. However, this one has only 23 holes. So not top quality.

    A donut safe, a lollipop holder, a hemorrhoid cushion, birth control concealer, breast implant case… heck I bet one could even raise chickens in this thing! Or at least make donut shaped hard boiled eggs!

    This is the best Multitasker ever posted!

    Oh, I mean “Unitasker”. Sorry.

  30. posted by Sandi on

    hahahahaha! Thanks for the laughs, everyone!

  31. posted by Jacquie on

    Once I watched the video(!) I see it is microwaveable, but there were definite problems with the warm doughnut! And no health and safety warnings that your microwaved doughnut will be hot. I now wonder if it’s also dishwasher safe, as it was very messy after cooking in it.

    I am sure that if I was desperate enough to want to steal their doughtnut, with the help of a knife I could have got it out through the space, so the lesson taught is to use a much smaller, less impressive padlock. That way the doughnut thieves won’t be able to open the Doughnut-to-go far enough to be able to steal it in installments.

  32. posted by Cathie on

    This is the first unitasker post that literally made me LOL.

  33. posted by Patricia on

    So hilarious I had to come out of the (organized) closet and post for the first time! I am wondering if they make it in black to match police uniforms?

  34. posted by pat on

    really? seriously? can’t believe this one! comments are great too. thanks for starting my day with a laugh!

  35. posted by Deedee on

    I’m really liking that you can put a name tag on the grip. “To make sure everyone know’s it’s yours!”. Too funny!

  36. posted by ecuadoriana on

    @ Deedee: Yeah,the name tag feature cracks me up, too. I’m pretty certain that if one is goober enough to come strutting into the office with this thing EVERYONE will know whose it is, name tag or not!!!!!!!!!!!!

  37. posted by JessieJack on

    Thanks for a great laugh at lunch (black ones for police –ha)

  38. posted by Bakelite on

    Does it have kensington lock slot so I can bolt it to my desk?

  39. posted by Britty on

    Soooooo….. what donut lover alive needs to keep only one donut safe?!?

  40. posted by Mario on

    I miss this place. See you all next Wed ๐Ÿ™‚

  41. posted by Alex on

    um – saw this and thought of you …

  42. posted by mayhem on

    Homer Simpson would kill for this!

  43. posted by Denise on

    I hate to say this, but my first thought was ‘my co-workers would love this’.

    We have at least one office fridge thief here, alas. ๐Ÿ™

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