Unitasker Wednesday: Snazzy Napper

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

This week’s unitasker item falls into the bizarre and dangerous category. Introducing, the Snazzy Napper:

Technically, this product has more than one function — you can block out the light, look really creepy, AND suffocate yourself all at the same time! But, why you would anyone want a small blanket (towel? drool bib?) that doesn’t cover enough of your body to provide warmth combined with a sleep mask? I have absolutely no idea. I’m baffled. And frightened. And extremely worried for mouth breathers. And even more confused by the Snazzy Napper website where I learned the following:

Growing up in an environment filled with music, Snazzy gained his own appreciation for the love of music and more specifically Barry White ballads. Snazzy, The King of Sleep™ can be seen popping up in some of the most unexpected places accompanied by a Barry White serenade and an entourage of Snazzy Lady Lambs.

Does this mean that if you buy the Snazzy Napper that Barry White will show up in an unexpected place in your life with some sheep? If so, this is a truly amazing product since it is capable of bringing Barry White back from the dead. And, let’s be honest, who wouldn’t want to see zombie Barry White accompanied by an “entourage of Snazzy Lady Lambs?”

Okay, scratch this item as a unitasker. It clearly has magical powers that make it amazing. Zombies! Suffocation! All for $15!

Thanks to reader Maureen for sharing this strange product with us.

28 Comments for “Unitasker Wednesday: Snazzy Napper”

  1. posted by Dawn F on

    If Josh Groban showed up to serenade I would buy a case full of the Snazzy Napper (that is a hilarious name)!!!

    Can you imagine driving down the road and glancing over at the next vehicle and seeing somebody in the passenger seat wearing this thing? Whoa! I think I’d call the police to the report an abduction! LOL!

    Okay, Mario – please do your magic and enlighten us with a Snazzy Napper escapade.

  2. posted by Meghan on

    I think my favorite part is the nose hold. Klassy.

  3. posted by danielle on

    Ok, that thing is just…weird.

  4. posted by Kate on

    Wow — I just went to the website and watched the commercial… I think if I actually saw that on TV I’d think it was a fake commercial like on Saturday Night Live. My favorite part is: “It’s like privacy in a bag.”

  5. posted by Kathryn Fenner on

    Wow–a mini- burka!

    Snazzy?

  6. posted by Tiffany on

    Is Little Pepitto going to meet a lovely and rebellious Afghani girl this week?

  7. posted by Lora on

    I’m not even sure how that’s safe. What’s it made out of? I couldn’t bring myself to click the link to the product’s site. It probably smells strongly of vinyl or chemicals. Not good.

    I usually try to find more than one way to use just about anything, but this has me stumped. It’s just so bizarre. And disturbing. Can you imagine wearing this in public? Weird tan lines at the beach for sure!

  8. posted by cng on

    I can’t wait to read the testimonies of people who have this thing and swear by it 😉

  9. posted by ida on

    If you look at the back of the lamb it looks like there is a pee trail behind it as it’s “leaping”.

  10. posted by Chris Guillebeau on

    Dammit Erin, I use one of those for all my travels – it’s always a big hit with the flight attendants. Now you’ve blown my cover!

  11. posted by shash on

    I think the most disturbing thing for me is that the person is napping in her car. That really isn’t safe. Although– my view might be biased. The last time I chose to nap in my car, a prostitute banged on my window to see if I was okay. I cannot imagine what she would have thought if I had been wearing the Snazzy Napper!

  12. posted by Ramblings of a Woman on

    OMG, this is hilarious. REALLY, people? I mean, who would actually spend money on these?
    Not me,I am trying to simplify and get rid of goofy stuff like this, I mean, not that *I* have ever bought something this ridiculous!
    So, if we see one in a plane, we know it’s Chris, lol!
    Bernice
    http://bernicewood.wordpress.c.....get-lucky/

  13. posted by Jay on

    Great! No one has defended or justified this “thing.”

  14. posted by Jackie on

    “It’s like privacy in a bag”. Or peek-a-boo. If you can’t see them, then they can’t be laughing at you.

  15. posted by Colleen on

    How have I managed to live this long WITHOUT a Snazzy Napper???

    @shash– where on earth were you napping that you had a working girl knock on your window??

  16. posted by Gumnos on

    “Barry White serenade and an entourage of Snazzy Lady Lambs” Clearly you’re missing the aphrodisiac properties that turn this from a uni-tasker into a bi-tasker…oh…wait. Nevermind.

  17. posted by Britany on

    See this video from the Today Show. Kathy Lee and Hoda try it out- hilarious! My favorite moment is when Kathy Lee tries to drink wine through the nose hole!
    http://www.mefeedia.com/news/32742761 (Couldn’t find a shorter video- Snazzy Napper segment begins about 8 minutes in.)

  18. posted by Erin on

    I love that when she puts it on in the airport the men on either side act like nothing is happening. I would point and laugh!

  19. posted by Mario . on

    CHAPTER THREE FROM, “THE BOOK OF LITTLE PEPITTO”

    —— BACKGROUND ——

    I write these in one shot, without outline or planning or re-reading. I just sit down and let the randomness flow, do one spell check, and that’s it. When I did the second story I though of it as a second chapter within seconds and just went with it. Today the only preconceived notion I will allow myself before I write is that the story will end. I don’t even know how it will end as I type this sentence right now! If you want to see the first two Little Pepitto stories, there are both on this site at the links below just search for “Mario” and enjoy.

    CHAPTER 1
    http://unclutterer.com/2010/09.....ish-dryer/

    CHAPTER 2
    http://unclutterer.com/2010/09.....l-replica/

    And now, chapter 3…

    —– CHAPTER 3 ——

    “HOME”

    Little Pepitto awoke from his surgery and was surprised that he was without pain, surprised to be alive at all.

    “The surgery went well, my friend, we took out one pound of fat using the 1-lb Fat Model Replica as a guide, and inserted one pound on heroin. Here is a fake passport and real one-way airplane ticket. Meet the contact in El Paso, he’ll take out the drugs, and then you are free to enjoy America. This man here will drive you to the airport. Good luck, Amigo.”

    “I’m in no pain! Thank you, and I will make the delivery.”

    “Of course you will. The drugs are wrapped, but the body will not react well if they are in there more than just a few hours, you must deliver or die. That is how I know you will keep your word. Now go! The airport awaits. And you are still full of the pain killer we gave you but it will wear off soon. GO NOW!”

    Little Pepitto and the driver ran out the room at the barking command of the drug dealer.”

    Little Pepitto sat in the back of the car, larger than any he had ever sat in back in Italy. Italy! He thought back to his home and his old life as bright orange dusty Mexican suburbia passed him by. He thought of the faded memories of Papa, of Mamma, of his trusty Sunpentown SD 1501 Warm Air Dish Dryer bequeathed to him that helped him earn his keep all those years. He thought of Nutella and his deep regret for leaving her crying out for him from behind the leather workers shop where they made love, and in the trust of lovers bed talk, she told him the secret the town had been keeping from him. How could he blame her! And as he was walking away he only remembered just now, he didn’t really hear it what she was saying it, but as he turned the corner to leave her, and leave Monte Cappuccino forever, he thought he could hear her faint voice call out, “There’s one more secret…” It was like a dream, now turned nightmare. Nutella, sad and beautiful, would move on and fine a new man. But Little Pepitto had his own new life to move on to. No more thoughts of Monte Cappuccino, he now has to think of only one thing. The short airplane ride over the border to El Paso airport in America.

    Little Pepitto looked out the window and could see the airplanes. He could smell the jet fuel in the air. He would no longer think of back home ever again but he found himself now wishing the car ride was longer so he could reminisce just a little bit longer. How sad the day will be, should he live that long, that he can no longer remember the faces of his parents or the taste of the espresso his Mothers’ espresso machine nurtured him with.

    “Senore’, you must get out now or we will miss the plane!”

    Little Pepitto got out of the car and motioned to touch the papers in his jacket pocket to make sure they were still there, but instead put both hands on his belly. THE PAIN! AGONIZING PAIN!

    “Arrrrgrrh! Something is wrong! Oh no!”

    “It’s the pain killers they gave you, they are wearing off, you must not act in pain though or security will most surely stop you! Here, I do this all the time, I know what to do, but you must be strong.”

    Little Pepitto broke the promise he made to himself only moments ago, and thought of his Mothers espresso. He thought of the energy it gave him, and he found himself a little more upright at the present moment. Now he was walking with, with his arms over his driver, but he was walking! Every step being one step closer to El Paso. To America.

    “Listen to me, Amigo. Pretend you are sick with the cold, because you are sweating from the pain and look flushed. If they ask, what do you say?”

    “I say I have a cold and don’t feel well but I am ok to fly.”

    “Very good, Amigo.”

    “What happens if…” *BAM*! With a disgusting thud Little Pepitto falls to the floor of the airport half-way to the ticket counter. Many people standing around look at the source of the noise. A few security guards also give Little Pepitto and his helper some eyeball time.

    “You look worse than I though, they will not like the way you look in an hour for certain, wait here, I need to buy you something.”

    Little Pepitto had a difficult time standing still. He tried with all his might to cover the fact that inside his belly, inside the tender and seeping surgical would, was a ball of fire hotter than the sun.”

    A small rectangular box was thrust into Little Pepitto’s hands.

    “If you get really sick, open this and you’ll be ok.” Said the driver.

    “What’s inside?” asked Little Pepitto.

    “Pay attention, the guards walk up to us right now!!!”

    “Gentlemen! What is going on here.” said one of two Guards, both with hands resting on gun belts.

    “My friend is sick, ok to fly to meet his family. We are ok, thank you.”

    Both guards looked Little Pepitto in the eyes. In just seconds they could tell, as human lie detectors who’s job it is to keep the airport safe, if Little Pepitto was on the up-and-up. Little Pepitto broke his previous promise to himself, and thought of the moment, the first second, he and Nutella were making love on the pile of leather scraps. He looked both guards in the eyes but his brain was awash with blurred scenes of Nutella and the feelings of the hour they had together. This was enough to – for mere seconds – overcome the pain of the stabbing in his belly and he looked at the guards with a fresh smile and bright eyes. If only they had a hint of his turmoil within, his journey would come to the worst ending possible!

    “We will get a wheelchair and escort you.”

    Moments later Little Pepitto was guided into the chair with his lone pack back on his lap. He tried not to pass out has he was sent though the airport. Like the scooter ride down the mountain side of Monte Cappuccino, this trip passed in a dreamy blur. People walking. The sound of stamps marking papers. The printing of a boarding pass. Speakers calling out letters, numbers, names. The smell of jet fuel again. Little Pepitto woke from his half-passed-out day-dream.

    “Sir, you will need to climb the stairs on your own legs, but we will help you.”

    Two guards unknowingly escort the drug mule onto the plane and walk him into his seat. Little Pepitto was on the airplane to America.

    The two guards walked off the plane, and the other passengers boarded. But just as the door was about to close…

    “Ladies and Gentlemen this is your Captain speaking, there is a slight delay as security needs to address an issue with a passenger, please be patient. Thank you.”

    Little Pepitto’s deep eyes grew large as eggs. The pain was gone for he was now numb head to toe. The door slid open and a Guard walked though with a look on his face that said serious business was about to go down, this was a Guard on a mission. Little Pepitto thought, maybe, if he punched himself in the stomach hard enough, it would burst the heroin within and he could die quick and high. This was the end. The Guard was at his seat! Little Pepitto twitched to raise his hands and pop the sack!!!!!

    “Senore’, you dropped this.”

    It was the box the driver had bought at the Gift Shop. Little Pepitto keep his outstretched arms in action, not to swing down and initiate certain death, but to continue upward and reach for the box.

    “Safe travels.” said the Guard.

    “Thank you.” said Little Pepitto.

    Little Pepitto’s arms fell into his lap. The airplane door closed. The plane vibrated gently until it’s engines roared like loud wind and Little Pepitto was in the air! He was on the way to America. But now the pain was kicking in. He threw up in the bags provided but quickly went though three of them. He didn’t like the attention the stewardess was giving him. If they thought him too sick for the plane, what would post 9-11 security on the American side do with him? They would not miss his secret at all. He could not make any more winces of pain, he could not startle the stewardesses any more. But what could he do to hide in an airplane?

    He remembered the box. He opened it up to discover a Snazzy Napper. This would be his shelter, his home, for the rest of the flight. He covered himself with the soft blue fleece and felt like he was back in bed, a little boy, when Mamma would tuck him in. He peaked his nose though the face mask the same way he would peak into the living room on Christmas eve after bedtime to try and catch a glimpse of Santa. He was snug as a bug in the Snazzy Napper and with the fire in his belly extinguished from the nurturing touch of soft blue fleece, he actually, surprisingly, slept. The Snazzy Napper worked as advertised.

    Touchdown! Refreshed from sleep he was able to manage himself after the flight, and the numbness from fear helped hide the pain. In a flash he was past security and outside the airport with a piece of paper to present to the American cab driver. Without a word of English known, this one paper would be all that Little Pepitto could offer. It worked. The money paper-clipped to the paper would be all the driver needed, and much more, to bring Little Pepitto to a small house in El Paso just 5 minutes from the airport.

    Arriving at the house, Little Pepitto met a talk handsome man who you would never guess would be part of the drug trade. Next to him was his son, not much younger that Little Pepitto himself. This american man with his american house spoke a pretty good broken Spanish. Enough that Little Pepitto was instantly at ease. This was his only friend in the country. WOW! THE COUNTRY! Little Pepitto only just realized now he was in America. AMERICA!

    He started to cry.

    “Are you ok? Is it your belly?”

    Little Pepitto felt embarrassed to cry about being in America, so he said he was crying from the pain. It wasn’t much of a lie as the fire ranged inside once again.

    “Come with me, you’ll be asleep in a minute and I’ll take out the drugs out.”

    Little Pepitto followed them into a room covered with plastic. A wooden table stained with a hundred different shades of deep red was in the middle of the room. After laying on the table, the shock of the trip helped Little Pepitto pass out before the medicine was even administered!

    Father and son worked on Little Pepitto to take out the drugs. The first part of the surgery was easy. The closing, not so much. The first surgeon had been messy, and the pain Little Pepitto was feeling was from bleeding on the inside. Father and son grew worried. They had done this a hundred times with a hundred people, and only lost a few. They didn’t want to loose another. Something was different about this boy who lay on their table. They focused and did their best work ever. But it was not enough.

    Although passed out from pain and exhaustion, and in deep unconsciousness from the medicine, Little Pepitto awoke during the surgery just enough… it was just before he died… he could hear his own thoughts. He could hear voices. He could hear his parents. He could hear his mother.

    “We are happy we don’t have to wait any longer to see our Little Pepitto.” Her voice thundered in the darkness.

    A pinpoint of light brighter than the sun.

    Peace.

    Home.

  20. posted by JustGail on

    Pepitto can’t die yet!!! Unless…..ooooohhh I can’t wait to see what unitasker that comes along to bring him back from the dead.

  21. posted by WilliamB on

    @JustGail – what a challenge to Erin’s creativity, to find a unitasker that will not offend someone’s religious sensibilities.

  22. posted by shash on

    @Colleen

    On “Apparently, Not As Safe As I Thought Street” in Brooklyn. It cured me of taking naps in my car.

  23. posted by ida on

    If the Snazzy Napper and the Snuggie had a child we might have the perfect combination of blanket with arm & nose holes, then if that child met a pillow – just think of the possibilities, we could have privicy, warmth, air and comfort all in one place LIKE OUR BEDS.

  24. posted by Jillian Andes on

    Ideal for traveling in a car, on a bus, train, airplane, or the trunk of someone’s car!! 😀
    Am I the only person who thought this could be implemented to kidnap someone? If so, does that mean I am a horrible person?

  25. posted by Ann on

    the funny part for me is that my 3 year old had a towel over his head the whole way to school today to block out the sun. I bet some other mom’s kid did the same thing and she marketed it….. why didn’t I think of it first????!!! oh wait, because I have a filter for silly thoughts!

  26. posted by Dawn F. on

    Please Erin – you have to find something to bring back Little Pepitto from the other side! You must!

    Oh, or maybe Pepitto has a long-lost twin?

    Wednesdays really are the funniest day of the week.

  27. posted by Candace on

    This is hilarious! I actually laughed out loud and almost spilled my coffee. Just discovered your blog and I’m really enjoying exploring it!

  28. posted by Leah on

    Was there something wrong with the humble sleep mask? That might be a unitasker, but it’s really small and easy to store. I’ve got a few sleep masks saved from international flights, and I love them. I’ve even been known to break them out in my own apartment when I’m having trouble falling asleep — blocking out all light seems to help. It just covers my eyes, but that’s pretty much enough.

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