Unitasker Wednesday: The Bacon Platter

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes β€” we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

Mmmmmmmm, bacon. Bacon is so yummy, but it is extremely difficult to detect when it’s on a table next to other breakfast foods.

Voice-over: Does this happen to you?
[Camera pulls back to show a helpless woman sitting at a table.]
Woman: [Stabbing an egg with a fork.] Is that bacon? [Tastes food on fork.] No! Yuck! Those are eggs. I’m so full and I haven’t even figured out which plate has bacon on it!

To end the confusion and help your family know which food is bacon and which food isn’t, you need to put it on the obvious Bacon Platter!

Warning! The Bacon Platter is for bacon only. You and your family will be even more confused if you put sausage, pancakes, or other breakfast foods on it. And you don’t want to confuse your family, do you?

Also, when serving bacon on your awesome Bacon Platter, you should definitely consider using canned bacon. There is no bacon like canned bacon.

Thanks to reader Linda for finding the Bacon Platter and bringing it to our attention.

25 Comments for “Unitasker Wednesday: The Bacon Platter”

  1. posted by Kathryn Fenner on

    Isn’t this supposed to be a joke, though? The packaging suggests that.

  2. posted by Erin Doland on

    @Kathryn — Joke or not, it’s still a unitasker and it’s still funny πŸ™‚

  3. posted by Meghan on

    Although this has potential as a gag gift and is obviously meant as a joke, I wouldn’t consider it a unitasker any more than any plate with a design on it is. Though the plate looks like bacon, you can serve anything on it.

  4. posted by Sheryl on

    Kathryn – I’m not so sure it’s supposed to be a joke. :-/

    Did you notice all the “Choking Hazard” warnings under it?! One of them says,”Toy contains a marble. Not for children under 3 yrs.” Huh??

  5. posted by Mario . on

    I would need to buy three of these for American bacon, Canadian bacon, and Irish breakfast bacon. Surely you can’t just put ANY bacon on the same plate? How uncouth. When I eat the lower-skin layers of a pigs belly, from poorly made and ridiculously painted mass-produced made-in-China plateware, I want to do it right and with a touch of class, thank you very much.

    I heard if you order three, they toss in a Banana Protector for free. Did you just hear that cracking sound? It’s my Visa card breaking the sound barrier as I take it out of my wallet so fast!

  6. posted by CM on

    I love how the woman on the box is looking so lovingly at the platter, like it holds a baby instead of bacon.

  7. posted by Molly on

    But how would you know when you’ve eaten all the bacon?

  8. posted by Dawn F on

    Mario, you just make me spew spit laughing so hard!!!! πŸ™‚ A free Banana Protector? Too freakin’ funny!

    BACON – yum!!!

    Geez, I just love Unitasker Wednesdays! Oh, the joy!

  9. posted by JC on

    Um…. yes… eating from a plate that looks like raw meat is so very appetizing. They should market it as an appetite suppressing diet aid.

  10. posted by Sam on

    Bacon makes everything better.

    Nothing makes bacon better… except more bacon.

    Google “bacon bikini” if you don’t believe me.

  11. posted by Sheryl on

    Reading further, I think maybe it IS supposed to be a joke. I hope.

  12. posted by Leslie on

    I don’t mean to sound like a snob, but how will it be with prosciutto?

  13. posted by WilliamB on

    @Mario – you win the Best Comment of the Month award. Awesome!

    @Leslie – you’d have to buy a fourth plate for that.

    I saw the Egg Breaker add a few days after it was the Wednesday Unitasker. I can only hope my luck holds with the Bacon Platter as well.

  14. posted by infmom on

    Ooo, and they even make it curved so all the grease puddles in the bottom. Win! πŸ™‚

  15. posted by Mario . on

    @infmom

    I think that’s why they include a straw in the box. Yum-o!

  16. posted by Rue on

    Being the rebel I am, I would totally put sausage on the Bacon Platter. Confusion be damned!

  17. posted by Another Deb on

    But wait! There are no customer reviews on Amazon.com yet! Mario, I think your comment deserves serious consideration by the readers of Amazon reviews.

  18. posted by Karen on

    Whether it’s a joke or not, that is one ugly dish.

  19. posted by Clarice on

    Canned bacon? Like, bacon…in. a. can? What are you yanks thinking?! Oh, I could cry for you all…!

  20. posted by HelofaMess on

    [email protected] Clarice.

    Joke or not, unitasker or not it certainly is a waste of space and money!

  21. posted by mydivabydesign - The Diva's Home on

    Okay, you’ve done it! LMAO! Tears and all! πŸ™‚

  22. posted by Pat on

    In case anyone is still doubting, yes: bacon + internet + 1950s motif = joke πŸ™‚ Is it funny? Not really — certainly not after 1,000 lazy bacon-joke products — but bacon merch is one of the shibboleths of a certain internet subculture.

    Not all of them exist, though, like: http://store.baconsalt.com/Bac....._p_84.html

    The introduction of “Bacon Flavored Baby Formula” got the bacontrepreneurs swamped with calls from reporters, concerned parent groups, indignant parents… lots of people who didn’t know to be careful about April 1st product launches!

  23. posted by Ariana on

    Ahh yeah the companies Kikkerland, Accoutrements, and Fred are all gag gift novelty companies. I used to work in retail selling all kinds of this stuff – none of it is meant for actual use, beyond maybe a funny stint at a party. They’ve got TONS of “unitasker” products, as well as tons of bacon themed products (bacon toothpicks, bacon soap, bacon air freshener, bacon lip balm, bacon floss, etc). They are the makers of both Squirrel Underpants and Girl Squirrel Underpants, as well as the Avenging Unicorn Play Set.

  24. posted by Sandra on

    The important difference between a unitasker and an ironic gag gift: the former is something that really is meant to do just one task and isn’t versatile – a waffle maker is a good example. Or even worse, something that has serious intentions of doing something you don’t need a special item for, like the banana slicer or mayo spreader.

    The latter actually have multiple uses, and are best if used ironically, like serving vegetables on the bacon platter. But keep ’em all coming, Erin; they’re funny in different ways.

  25. posted by James on

    I was originally appalled that anyone would disparage bacon at all, but I usually laugh along with Unitasker Wednesday, so I was naturally conflicted. But as long as the warnings on Amazon are in error, this would actually make a great gift for my wife who loves bacon.

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