Is the life you’re pursuing the life you want?

Being married, owning a large home with a white picket fence, and having 2.1 kids has been the standard American Dream for the past 50 years. We’re all supposed to want to work from 9 until 5, relax on the weekends and watch a big game, and load the family into the station wagon each summer for a week of vacation.

This dream is a great one, but it’s not for everyone. I’m married, and that is the only similarity I have to what societal conventions say we’re supposed to desire for ourselves. The Census’ monthly families and living arrangements data reports that it’s not the life the majority of U.S. citizens are leading, either. And, to be honest, it’s also not the life I want for my family and myself. (The house I grew up in has a white picket fence, and it has to be painted every other year. Most certainly, I want nothing to do with a white picket fence.)

When was the last time you sat down and asked yourself what you really want from life? What makes you happy? What matters — really matters — to you? Maybe it is home ownership and 2.1 children that you want? Or, maybe instead of the suburban life, you would rather travel the world on your own and work only when you need a little cash?

What do you actually enjoy doing? What inspires you?

You don’t need to focus only on the big issues; sometimes it’s the small things that can greatly impact your happiness. For example: A couple months ago, I was eating a piece of chicken at a dinner party. The chicken was free range, organic, killed that day, roasted, moist, and well-seasoned. Everyone at the party was praising the cook for the wonderful entree, and I knew the chicken I was eating was the best I’d ever had. In that moment, I realized I don’t like chicken. I had tasted the best, and I didn’t enjoy it. I haven’t eaten chicken since. I’m in my 30s and I’m just now admiting that I’ve been eating a food I don’t like simply out of habit.

What are you doing on autopilot? What are you doing only because it’s a traditional behavior?

Before you ever unclutter a single item from your home, you need to stop and ask yourself “why?” What matters most to you? What does your remarkable life look like? What do you want to make room for in your life? What is your motivation to change?

If you don’t know why you’re moving in a new direction, if you can’t envision a remarkable life for yourself, you will struggle with every attempt you make to get rid of clutter. Don’t worry about what your neighbors and friends are doing — you’re smart enough to make choices for yourself.

52 Comments for “Is the life you’re pursuing the life you want?”

  1. posted by Aeon J. Skoble on

    Very insightful, and perfectly expressed. I really appreciate your writing.

  2. posted by Jennifer on

    Wow. What a great writing prompt for a blog. “What does my remarkable life look like?” Thanks for the inspiration!

  3. posted by BB's Sunshine on

    Boy – I wish wish WISH the world would share this attitude!!! Because this is EXACTLY how I feel. I’ve had to deal with numerous disapproving looks/comments over the years because I don’t share the “American dream” (namely, not wanting my own biological child).

    I have even lost a long-term friend because she wasn’t happy about the choices I’ve made, that I was living MY dream (and gosh, am actually happy!) and it didn’t mean being stuck with 3 kids, a just-pays-the bills job and lazy husband (stay at home dads, I have no problem with. A stay at home dad who won’t TOILET TRAIN a three year old, I do).

  4. posted by Kim on

    This post reminds me of Henry David Thoreau’s quote: “Live the life you’ve imagined”.

  5. posted by Nastia on

    People don’t choose pre-packaged lives because they want to or don’t know any better, they do it because they are afraid of doing things “the other way”.

  6. posted by ami | 40daystochange on

    To define your own remarkable life – what a concept! I love the way you suggest taking ourselves off autopilot and really examining our lives. Too many people aim too low – or aim for what everyone else aims for, without thinking whether that target is the right target. Love this post, thank-you.

  7. posted by Emily P. on

    Thank you for making me cry at work. Not supposed to be reading your blog but I love it. Very inspiring, just what I needed! You put it all out there before me. Thank you so much!

  8. posted by Young Mogul on

    Great post, it really makes one think long and hard about life and life’s choices. I often wonder why certain things have not happened yet in my life. But, now that I am on my financial freedom and minimalist journey, I realize things have not happened because I was not the person I was meant to be yet.

  9. posted by Keeping it clean « Máirín Duffy on

    […] Is the life you’re pursuing the life you want? by Erin Doland on is an interesting read if you replace ‘life’ with ’software application’ or ‘operating system’…. especially here: What are you doing on autopilot? What are you doing only because it’s a traditional behavior?… If you don’t know why you’re moving in a new direction, if you can’t envision a remarkable life for yourself, you will struggle with every attempt you make to get rid of clutter. […]

  10. posted by Adam on

    I totally agree with everything except about the chicken. That’s just crazy talk. 😉

  11. posted by Joe Zack on

    You don’t like chicken!? Now that’s unamerican!

  12. posted by Pam on

    Excellent post. Over the past few months, I have asked myself those exact questions. I love to bake, and I love running my home baking business and selling at our local farmer’s market. Last August, I added homeschooling into the mix. I began suffering from stress-induced anxiety, and the ER doc I saw when I thought I was having a heart attack told me I needed to list everything I was doing and cut back to what I really wanted to do. I took his advise to heart, and since I had always wanted to try homeschooling, I stopped baking. I was miserable. First time in my life I have ever experienced real depression. I began to ask myself who I am, who my kids are, and what I REALLY want to do. I came to the conclusion that I loved my baking business, did not enjoy homeschooling, and my children would thrive in a school setting. I gave HS a try, but next year they will go to school, and I will bake to my heart’s content! I am so much more at peace. I learned through this experience that you must follow your passion, and you must do what is right for YOUR family.

  13. posted by coco on

    i think i’m pretty much living the life i want. we have 3 children. 2 are adopted within the past 2 years, one a boy from china and one a domestic african american infant. it was always my dream to have 3 kids.

    we finally are getting my husband treated for sleep apnea. (i kept hoping it would go away)

    i’m a SAHM, and the people that my husband works with are constantly questioning that for some reason.

    here’s how, we live in a very modest 1000 sq. foot home, we have 2 older cars, we almost never go on vacations, we almost never go out to eat.

    my kids are happy and make good grades. we are definetly not trying to keep up with the joneses. i keep getting rid of more and more stuff. the more i purge the better i feel. we are really getting down to basics now. we have no extra furniture, a very limited amount of kitchen stuff. very few clothes and shoes. i think minimalism is the key to living in a very small space with 3 people and 4 small dogs. plus, my house is the family hangout, so on any afternoon, you will find my family members and neighborhood kids hanging out here.

    oh, also, my husband works graveyard and loves it. he gets home at 12 noon and gets to spend all afternoon with the kids everyday. that is what matters to him, not working a typical 9 to 5.


  14. posted by Rae on

    I asked myself that very same question when I had a house in the country and a great career. The answer was ‘no.’ So, I sold the house, got rid of most of my possessions, quit the job, bought an RV, and hit the road as a full-timer. I still don’t have the life of my dreams, but I’m touching it; just need to keep improving how I support myself. I wouldn’t go back to my old life for anything. A bad day on the road is still better than a good day was back then.

  15. posted by min hus on

    I keep asking myself these questions, but am not coming up with any answers, or answers I like anyway. So frustrating!

  16. posted by chacha1 on

    This bit of philosophy was a nice change from some more mechanical recent posts.

    MY remarkable life certainly looks nothing like the stereotypical “American dream” life as described, and I am constantly tweaking my behavior (and possessions) to be in concord with the way I want to live.

    Well worth thinking about. 🙂 Especially since we are constantly barraged with other peoples’ ideas of how we should live.

  17. posted by Linette on

    Love this post, thank you. I have been struggling with questions/comments from various people who think I should want certain things – i.e. 2 kids vs. just the one I currently have that is all I want and all I can handle. I know what my life needs to be – and I need to stop explaining why I want to be “different” than the societal norms. Thanks for the backup! 🙂

  18. posted by hippolyta on

    Well said! I have a divorced friend who is dating again, and she says “I really would like to be married again, because I have never felt so fulfilled as when I was packing lunches and keeping house and taking care of my family. Isn’t that sad?” I said no, that’s not sad at all! If that is who you truly are and what you really want to be, then that’s what’s best for you. Pursue the life that will make you happy.
    (Don’t worry, she is not going to marry just anybody just so she can be married. She is looking for the right partner, and she knows what she wants.) I wish her success!

  19. posted by lubinrho on

    Thanks for the reminder to keep to my own dream. My passions may not be someone else’s passions but they are what drive me, not in a straight line perhaps, but oh you should see the scenery!

  20. posted by Marie on

    I’ve also experienced disdain/rudeness/end of friendships for daring to not want children. It’s insane how some people react so viciously to others’ life choices.

  21. posted by Ms. Brooklyn on

    One good thing about having your dreams torn asunder at an early age is that you think about all this stuff at an early age.

  22. posted by DJ on

    And so often once there are kids, decisions end up being made that will be best for them, not necessarily with any regard to what will make the parents happiest.

    I’m not sure that’s necessarily the best long-term strategy, although it is surely important to consider.

  23. posted by Green on

    What happens when you have a free-bird dream but one gets caged? I have a great husband and child, I’m doing few of the things I love but not living that life in my dream… yet, try to find solace in the fact that a thousand other people could kill to be in my shoes… I dont dare give this up for the unknown but yet I dream on, frustrated, as I do the dishes…knowing that the sink full of dirty dishes is the worst part of my life, hoping to be able to break free some day…
    And thank you for the inspiration, folks!

  24. posted by s on

    I’m with @min hus. I ask myself these questions. I’m very successful, personally and professionally. I’m 42 and past most of the “trying to please others” stuff. But I have no idea where my passions lie. I have the opportunity to do whatever I want and I don’t even have an idea where I’d want to go with that. So far, I’ve had and heard a lot of ideas that I DON’T want to pursue, but nothing really strikes my fancy.

  25. posted by Greg on

    I kinda like my life at the moment where it is mostly about my family and less about me.

    I choose this way, because if my family is happy then I am happy.

    What I do struggle with is this bad or good? a lot of posts lately on blogs are about forgeting the old school dreams of house/car/kids/one career etc.

    But I actually am working towards the day of being debt free with a nice house, also providing my kids with good stuff I never had, and getting a job or business that I am passionate about enough to stick to.

    So, I really dont think its bad to want the typical or to be different, It’s just how you do it.

    Hope makes sense, because It’s a bit confusing to me as well.


  26. posted by A on

    Love this, b/c it’s something I’ve been thinking about for a while.

    I want a house on the beach, I want to travel the world… but right now, I want my 2 (not 2.1, mind you) kids to be happy, my mortgage (no picket fence here) to be paid on time, my job to continue to be so flexible that I can pick up a sick child Wednesday at 11.20a without panicking.

    Life is what you make of it – and right now, we’re “making do.” Someday, I hope I’ll have the beach house (full time, none of this “spend my life in the city so I can relax on the weekend” stuff) and we’ll travel the world, meeting amazing people & experiencing new things.

    In the meantime, we’re “doing” suburbia (again, sans picket fence – we’re the only ones on the block without a perfectly green, perfectly mowed lawn, b/c barkdust & strawberries are so much more us), camping on the beach whenever we can, meeting amazing people & experiencing new things right here in beautiful Portland.

  27. posted by Tommy on

    I’ve been wrestling with this for some time…we’re at the “have kids” age limit fork in the road and we’re really wrestling with this.

    One the one hand, our dream is to travel the world–not lavishly, but with a comfortable nest egg and just go work in different places, doing different things (working as a brewmaster, tour guide in some random place, teach English, waiter, etc.) We live very simply in a tiny apartment and save about 70% of our income just to get ready for this dream.

    On the other hand, everyone who has had children seems to think it’s the bees knees and will settle down into a life of 9-to-5 suburbia, mortgage payments, trips to disneyland, soccer weekends, etc. and put all of their personal aspirations aside to ensure the well-being of their little one.

    Right now though, we’re in the bootstrapping phase of a business that is going gangbusters and plan on running it full throttle for the next 5 years or so…all the while living well below our means and building up for our dream to live around the world. That nagging feeling of “should we just have a kid?” remains however and I don’t think it’ll go away anytime soon.

    Is it possible to live both lives? Move around every year or two all the while having the kids in tow? I’ve always thought that kids thrive on stability and that it’s a bad idea to do this, but I’ve met people who seem well adjusted and who have moved around a bit.

  28. posted by Another Deb on

    They say that whatever decision you make about having kids, you will at one time or another wish you had made the other one. But, you know, I am 53, childfree, and have not felt any regrets so far.. 🙂

    To Tommy, wrestling at the fork in the road, I would have to say that it might depend on what else you do in your life, and if you have other family around. I have nephews in town and the possibility of grand nephs in the next few years. I also teach school and get my fix of adolescents on a much too frequent basis to want my own.

    I have been to Disneyland many times with busloads of kids, I can go to any number of graduations and soccer games and feel the pride of my students’ accomplishments. I do NOT have to have my own to enjoy

    A nagging feeling is not a burnning urge. It’s such a deep commitment, I’d say you need that burning urge.

  29. posted by Steve on

    Thank you for this!

    I’m constantly pressured by people who feel that my life path doesn’t fit with what is expected and ‘standard’. When am I going to buy a house? When am I going to get married? When am I going to have kids?

    I have made choices in my life that make me happy, this life is mine to live. I have never wanted to buy a house (I’m going to build my own), I have never wanted to get married (I don’t believe in it) and whilst I do want kids at some point I’m not going to settle on a path that allows this to the exclusion of everything else.

    I work with a woman who has spent the last few years moaning about how her brother isn’t married and isn’t following the path that SHE wants for him – its been a real issue for her. He’s now engaged and she’s happy that FINALLY he’s going to settle down and follow what is, in her opinion, the right path albeit later than usual.

    I firmly believe that you can only be happy if the choices you make are YOUR choices. It doesn’t matter to me what your choices are, I respect them even if they might not be the choices I would make for myself. All I ask is that others respect my choices in the same way.

  30. posted by BJ Johnson on

    I’ve had the pain and fulfillment of living my dream life for many years. Now, however, the greedy banks who purposefully tanked the economy for their own benefit then got “bailed out” but are still turning the screws on their customers, wreaking havoc on our life and our art business—through no fault of our own—just like a hundred thousand other small businesses across our land. I had a FICO score of 764 that was in the toilet in three months because of those people and what they did to America.

    We’ve built great things for great people and have accomplished wonderful goals. Heck, I won the Indy 500 with Roger Penske and created awards for Film Director James Cameron, Professor Stephen Hawking, Apollo Astronauts Buzz Aldrin, Jim Lovell & John Young and a carbon fiber chandelier for Dr. Neil deGrasse Tyson, Director of The Rose Center Hayden Planetarium! Now I’m wishing I wasn’t over-qualified for a job at a burger joint, so I don’t have to sell my glass blowing equipment and lose my studio and our entire business with it.

    I used to inspire kids to go for their dreams—I probably still will—because it needs to be done. But it’s more difficult when the day-to-day reality is that my Dad ends up being right…

    As he SO often admonished over the years; if I’d stayed at Kodak, I’d have great health insurance right now. (Thanks, Dad.) If I had, though, none of the glorious things that I’ve done and created would exist at all.

    In a nutshell, in perfect times, taking stock and going for the life you REALLY desire is a laudable goal. It once was attainable and sustainable, but I see it slipping away every day because my ability to simply function in this bank-damaged economy has been stripped away. It really sucks, watching one’s dream be dashed when you didn’t do anything wrong.

  31. posted by Mark on

    Great post…one of my favorites.

    For my fellow commenters who are in a place of anguish over seemingly lost opportunities and struggles, remember that this too shall pass.

    Take a moment to turn away from the horizon and look back at the path you have trod. If you are honest with yourself, it has been amazing hasn’t it? Just look at the progress you have made in your life.

    The problem with having a vision for your future isn’t in the desire itself. It is in the fact that there is always an unreachable place right now and this leads to frustration and anxiety. It is the horizon problem…you can always see the horizon, but you can never reach it. Hence the value in stopping from time to time to look at how far you have come.

    Just relax and know that everything is going to be okay. And right now, right in this moment in time, you are okay. You are breathing, you are alive, all is okay.

    As someone that has dealt with adversity and emerged from the fire okay, I know that things generally turn out just fine. But this was not the case until I took 100% responsibility for my life and stopped laying the blame on anyone or anything outside of myself.

    It is your life…live it to your ideals, values, and beliefs.

    I think Thoreau had it right when he wrote these words….

    “If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with success unexpected in common hours.”

  32. posted by Robin on

    Not to completely ignore the point of your post, but I couldn’t agree more about white meat chicken. Dark meat is delicious, but as far as I am concerned the only use for white meat is chicken stock.

  33. posted by Allix Davis on

    I take each hour in life with a new unwritten page. What can be more tedious and boring than knowing well ahead what life your going to lead?

    That is not to say I don’t have any plans, I am not a goldfish without a long term memory. I have changed many jobs by my own choice that I may still be doing now instead of being unemployed.

    Being unemployed is not all that horrifying, it has given me time to enjoy life that a full-time job would not give me.
    I have been able to catch up with old friends and family.

  34. posted by Joie on

    Thanks for this! A great post. I wish I could let it sink in so deep that I never forget it again.

    I hate to be a downer but my story may be useful to some. I was feeling fairly fulfilled in life, but in the past year all heck broke loose as my partner of 18yrs decided he wanted to be free ‘n’ easy. I had put aside certain dreams of my own to be with this partner, who I thought was my partner for life. Some big, some small, and we all make compromises to live with another, so I’m not complaining. Just maybe ask yourself, if this person left, would I truly regret not doing XYZ in the future? Or do I need to find a way to make it happen for myself no matter what?

    It’s super heavy but I wish I would have taken a closer look some time ago and made a few different choices.

  35. posted by Sue G on

    Erin, thank you for this post. Well done.

    “In that moment, I realized I don’t like chicken…I’ve been eating a food I don’t like simply out of habit.”

    And that’s how I became a vegetarian. You may not and that’s YOUR choice. Isn’t that a lovely realization? I don’t own a car, because although they are very useful tools, it doesn’t enrich or support the life I [currently] want for myself (I reserve the right to make different decisions in my future). That and other such choices I’ve made are constantly questioned and judged. (Sigh.)

    I wish everyone could get onboard with understanding that personal life choices are what lead to happiness (or if not exercised unhappiness) and stop being the “everyone else is doing it, why not you?” police. It makes me want to yell at disapproving people, “Eyes on your own paper!” 😛

  36. posted by Amy on


    If you want a life of adventure you do not need to forgo children. Part of being open to a remarkable life is realizing that there is not one perfect way to raise kids.

    I work with arts professionals and scientists from around the world who travel on fellowships and bring their families along for a few months to a year at a time.

    In my own life, (I have 3 kids), my husband works in film and travels and he’s in a small band as well.

    Of course you make sacrifices to make it all work, but sometimes those sacrifices force you to get creative and can motivate you do focus on what you really want. I know that after I had my first, I could not return to my old job, when I knew that my son would be home without me. I had to find work that was “worth it.” (And I did)

    FYI, kids need a lot less than people will have you believe in order to be happy and well taken care of.

    A remarkable life is a great thing to expose a child to!

  37. posted by Joodie on

    What about when you don’t know what your passionate about, when nothing sticks out in life as really important? I’m not sure what’s important to me… and I’ve been searching for awhile. Do you think people need to do the ‘wrong’ things for awhile to figure it out?

  38. posted by Tommy on

    @Amy – Thanks for this spark–I’ll do a bit of searching (soul and otherwise) to see if this will work for us.

  39. posted by Overcoming Busy » The Article Club – The Life You Are Pursuing on

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  40. posted by Buttercup on

    Wow, everyone responded so thoughtfully to your inspiring post, and I just wanted to talk about chicken. Well, I will anyway–I love, love, love to cook. And I hate baking. And I just realized that I hate baking about three weeks ago. All my life, I’ve baked, and I don’t think I’ve ever enjoyed it. Can I just tell you that I am so thrilled with this realization? It will probably save me so much time, energy, and money in the future, because I no longer want to buy baking supplies or mixes. Oh, free at last! And from something I didn’t even know was oppressing me!

  41. posted by Heather on

    Just wanted to make a comment to the people who have said here that dreams and passions are nice, but they don’t know what their dreams and passions are.

    I understand that – I was in that place for a long time, too, but through my own experience and through reading a whole lot of research in the area, I’ve come to see that dreams and passions don’t come to you, you have to actively go out and find them. You have to engage with whatever is in front of you, pay attention to it, look at details, try to understand it. Often, the more you do that, the more interesting something becomes.

    If you disengage from life, from living, from what’s around you, and wait for something to grab your attention, you may be waiting for the rest of your life. Which would be a shame.

    Something to think about.

  42. posted by Real Me At 42 on

    I loved this article and took it as a bit of a writing prompt for my blog. I’m on a quest to figure out my life before my 42nd birthday and it is important to think about what sort of life I want.

    I also thought about the comments about children–since I don’t have any and its been a major issue (on whether or not to have them).

    I know what my passions are (although I haven’t figured out how to make a living at it) but figuring out the way there is an issue.

    Contemplating the life I want is a good exercise and I really liked this article. Thank you.

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  44. posted by steve on

    @ Joodie – firstly I would say, don’t expect to miraculously find your calling. It may happen for some but not for others.

    I have pursued a career I thought I would love however, there were only certain aspects that I love, the rest I hated. As a result I have over a looong time changed career to pursue something that ticks many of my ‘love’ boxes.

    My advice to you would simply be to ‘play’…try new things, never be afraid to do something new. If a career isn’t for you, there’s no shame in admitting that.

    When I was made redundant a career consultant told me, ‘you have all the skills you need to earn money, pay the bills and survive. If you need to, clean toilets, stack shelves, whatever it takes to get yourself by then do that, just understand that it’s not the job you will do for life. (Although, maybe it might turn out to be great) In the meantime, you can keep searching for the ideal job or career’.

    So, Joodie, don’t worry if you haven’t found what you love just yet. Approach it from the perspective of a child and just ‘play’ until you do.

  45. posted by Take Note ~ Weekly Links on

    […] Is the Life You’re Pursuing the Life You Want ~ @ Unclutterer […]

  46. posted by Leslie on

    I’m going to print this out and post it on the bulletin board in my partially uncluttered home office (I can get envelopes off my desk now without standing on one foot and stretching out arabesque style to get them!).

    I went back to school for a graduate degree and I’m nearly done. I have some tough choices to make. What does my remarkable life look like? I’m not sure yet, but whatever I do, I want to make sure I make those decisions based on what I want, and don’t let fear get in the way of going after it!

  47. posted by Ginger on

    Just to play the devil’s advocate here, while I’m certainly a proponent of not doing anything out of habit, sometimes it’s not asking yourself what you want that really matters. That seems to be a common question for those of our generation, but I don’t see we are much happier for it. What we might ask, instead, is who do we ultimately want to be. At the end of our lives, what do we want to have invested our lives in.
    You see, I have so many friends who, in their 20s and 30s, wanted to travel, be single, focus on careers, buy a beautiful home and fill it full of the finest things. Now, a little later in life, when that opportunity to have children is no biologically gone, other friends are married, living elsewhere, etc. They are a little lonely. I’m certainly not saying have children if you don’t want. I’m not saying everyone should invest in their career. I’m not saying everyone should have a big home, or a small home. It is certainly up to each individual to decide what is best — that’s the beauty of living in a free country.
    I’m simply stating that instead of asking yourself what you want, perhaps, ask what might be best for me at the end of my life. Who I want to be. I think it would just be awful to look back and have regrets.

    (P.S. – Sorry if no one else is still really reading. I’m about a week late to catch up on my blogs. Love this place!)

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  49. posted by April on


    People are still reading. 🙂

  50. posted by viola on

    i’m a bit behind in reading the blog too, but just wanted to respond, bc i can totally relate to this topic.

    i think life will always have regrets. if there aren’t then it means we aren’t challenging ourselves enough and trying new things. there’s always going to be missed opportunities, you just have to find new ones.

    joodie, i understand how you’re feeling bc i’ve been there. i’m actually still on my year long journey of realizing that the work i’ve been doing for 15 years is not something i want to continue doing – i don’t see myself doing it in 5 years so it’s time for something else. i’ve had some personal challenges and through that realized that it’s time to move on…i just didn’t know what. so it really is about researching and investigating what that next thing is. whether it’s taking a few classes, reading a few books, talking to a few people, or just taking off on a weekend trip to a place you’ve never been.

    be your own detective.

    and after reading this blog, i think rae might be living my dream.

    possibilities can be endless.

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  52. posted by Shyrl Cone on

    What happens when you discover that you and your spouse have a completely different idea of what your ideal life is? We bought a historic home a few years ago, and it has been a nightmare. It has, in my opinion, ruined our family life, destroyed my marriage relationship, and robbed us of happiness. My spouse, however, feels differently and gets extremely angry if I even bring it up. I’ve never felt so trapped or unhappy in my life, and I feel like my two kids suffer for it the most. It’s a horrible, oppressive place to live, and I probably couldn’t sell it if we tried, but he doesn’t even want to try. I can’t do all the renovations myself and can’t afford to hire them out, but my husband does virtually nothing and doesn’t see a problem with living without moldings, windows (we’ve had only storms in our kitchen for at least two years), pictures on the walls, etc.

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