Unitasker Wednesday: The Chompr

chompr1All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

The Chompr is a device to help you eat your hamburger without the mess. It is a concept design that will surely launch hamburger eating into the 21st century. Why use a knife and fork to cut the hamburger in half, when you can reach for the Chompr instead?

I can see the infomercial now: Billy Mays screaming into the camera about how hard it is to eat hamburgers only to assure the viewer that all their hamburger eating prayers have been answered in the form of the Chompr. “Now you can enjoy your hamburger without having to shower afterward!” 

According to the designer, the Chompr will be marketed to high-end restaurants with clientele that can’t afford condiments dripping from their hamburgers. The Chompr will surely be the benchmark for which all restaurants will be measured. Is your dining establishment considered high-end? If you want the high-end clients, you’ll have to make sure that all hamburgers are served in an elegant walnut and polished aluminum Chompr.

Thanks to reader Chris for bringing this unitasker to our attention.

17 Comments for “Unitasker Wednesday: The Chompr”

  1. posted by Jasi on

    Paper napkin does the job. This contraption looks grotesque. What’s the hygiene situation on this thing?

  2. posted by M.R. on

    Unnecessary, but still…it might help if you order the Coronary Bypass Burger at The Vortex in Atlanta. That thing is a monster! http://www.thevortexbarandgrill.com/

  3. posted by heather on

    for people who just can’t figure out the intricacies of napkins?

  4. posted by Rue on

    Haha, is it sad that I kind of like this idea? I hate eating burgers where everything just falls out of it. I’m not talking condiments, I’m talking lettuce and tomato and whatnot!

    That being said, I certainly wouldn’t buy one, but I wouldn’t mind trying one! 🙂 Until then, I’ll settle for eating my burger out of a wrapper, which contains the mess well enough.

  5. posted by sharon on

    I could have used one of these last Friday at Chili’s. I did cut the burger in half but still made a mess. 😉

  6. posted by maxie on

    So, after you’ve eaten two-thirds of the burger how do you eat the rest?

    There should be a Unitasker Museum!

  7. posted by Lynda on

    Get a pelican bib, assuming they make them in adult sizes; that way you can eat the escaped food….

    Thanks to MR for posting the link to The Vortex site; I visited there in the 90’s and was most entertained by their “Rules”. I am now free to recycle the menu I brought back to the UK and stored in a box that has moved to 3 houses…!

  8. posted by Muirie on

    In NZ you get these as recyclable disposable ‘doofers’ from Burger Fuel.. I think they are great, but wouldn’t buy one..

  9. posted by J.T. on

    I actually looked closer, hoping this could solve a problem of mine:

    1) I <3 Whattaburger Bacon Cheese Doubles

    2) There is no napkin on earth that can stand up to that

    3) I eat in the care entirely too much

    Sadly, this thing doesn’t help that at all. I second the useless vote. 🙁

  10. posted by Peter (a different one) on

    I have to disagree about Billy Mays hawking this item, it would probably cut into Oxy Clean sales too much 😉

  11. posted by Peter (a different one) on

    Oh – I know – just wrap your burger in a ShamWow! instead. LOL!

  12. posted by yellowoctopus on

    I cannot see the high-end clients using this product, it cheapens the whole experience. I do, however, see an opportunity for this product used by children–less mess for parents to clean up.

  13. posted by [email protected] on

    Can it double as a rib spreader?

  14. posted by jeff edwards on

    ?! Cutting hamburgers in half is for wimps! If you can’t handle the entire beastie in one chunk then you shouldn’t be ordering one in the first place.

  15. posted by Weekend Blog Picks: Unitaskers, Twitter Fixes & The Pope’s iPhone App | ProVirtual Solutions - Mary Motz on

    […] – an item with a sole and usually ridiculous purpose.  Past Unitasker Wednesday honorees include The Chompr , a contraption intended to tidy up hamburger eating, the iSleep USB pillow – (eh – a pillow that […]

  16. posted by No room for unitaskers « and then there were four… on

    […] is holy, please don’t come back to me and tell me you’ve bought a Garbage Bowl, or a Chompr…I may have to go all Dwight Schrute on […]

  17. posted by Margaret on

    In the picture, it looks like the burger is about to tumble out. How is that less messy than holding it securely in your hands/napkin/wrapper?

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