It’s Valentine’s Day, and so a lot of people are focused on romance. But, what happens after the day is done? How do you keep focused on an important relationship when “things go back to normal?” A recent article in The Wall Street Journal suggests that finding the right (dare I say) balance between your work and personal lives can be difficult, particularly for entrepreneurs.
When starting a business, managing a relationship with a significant other can be tough. Entrepreneurs often need to work long hours, weekends and holidays. They may have to travel unexpectedly and answer calls in the middle of the night. That kind of dedication — combined with the emotional highs and lows commonly associated with starting a business — can take a toll on an entrepreneur’s love life.
The article goes on to say how frustrating it can be for those in relationships with entrepreneurs, particularly when their partners estimate that “a business task will take just a minute when in reality it takes a few hours.” Sound familiar? Of course, work-life challenges are not unique to business owners.
Whether you work for yourself or someone else, there are specific steps you can take to create some boundaries between your work and personal responsibilities. That’s not to say that there won’t be hiccups along the way, but if you incorporate one or more of the strategies listed below, you’re likely to notice an improvement in how well you manage both your personal and business lives. Where should you begin? A good starting point is to come up with a reasonable plan:
Create ground rules
The hectic nature of one’s job probably will not go away, but you do have some control over the frequency with which business tasks interrupt your personal time. Create and stick to some general rules of thumb that you find reasonable to follow, like putting away your cell phone while having dinner with your family or limiting business calls and emails while you’re on vacation. You can practice unplugging from your mobile phone by turning it off (or leaving it in another room) for short periods and then work your way up to longer time frames.
Create a realistic schedule
It’s not very probable that you can completely turn off all thoughts about work. On the other hand, you can’t realistically spend every waking moment working. Set a reasonable schedule and consider creating blocks of time when you’re “on” and when you’re “off.” It’s also a good idea to test out the schedule that you come up with. Can you stop working at 6 pm, spend time with your significant other for two hours, and then continue working for another two hours? You’ll probably need to try out several scenarios before finding the one that works best for you.
Share your calendar
A calendar (digital or paper) can help keep close friends and family members up to date on times when you’ll be unavailable. If there’s an important project that will require quite a bit of your attention, the calendar is a great way to communicate that. That way, you’ll reduce the possibility of having personal events scheduled during times when your focus needs to primarily be on work tasks. You’ll also be able to pinpoint and block off the best opportunities for personal activities (vacations, daily personal time).
Find alternate ways to get things done
Business owners sometimes get caught in the trap of doing everything themselves. Sure, there may be things that only the company owner can do. But, there are a myriad of other things that can be delegated either to a business partner, virtual assistant, or an intern. You can also use technology tools to streamline processes and automate some tasks. And, of course, there are a number of apps you can rely on to help you be productive once it’s time to get back to work.
I recently read a blog post titled, “How to Stop Being Angry” by Peter Shankman. He offered 10 tips for letting go of anger and here’s number three:
Go find an animal. Go sit down on the floor and play with a dog or a cat for 10 minutes. Scientific study after scientific study has shown that playing with animals makes you happy, calmer, and better able to react well to life. Plus, they’re PUPPIES AND KITTENS!!!
This brought a smile to my face (I think I even chuckled out loud), and it also made me think about the similarities between physical and mental clutter. Just as excessive belongings can litter our space, so can emotions that do nothing to enhance our lives or the people around us. A continuous negative or foul mood can hang heavily around our necks like an albatross. When we walk around feeling angry or annoyed for long stretches of time, it can have a negative impact on our well-being, clutter our minds, and immobilize us.
Am I suggesting the only solution to mental clutter is to spend your days thinking about puppy dogs and rainbows? No, but it is helpful to find ways to head off those bad feelings before they take hold of you. And, perhaps more importantly, figuring out what triggers these emotions is a good way to start managing them successfully. These five strategies are often (okay, not always, but usually) successful at keeping emotions in check:
Be aware of your feelings
The first step to controlling your annoyance (or another negative emotion) is being aware of how you’re feeling. While it may seem that one would be very conscious of this, your mind can race and your thoughts can bounce about like electrons inside an atom, making it difficult to think clearly. So, make a concerted effort to think about exactly what you’re feeling in that moment. This can help you figure out what direction or course of action to take. Over time, you may come to notice that there are specific things that “rub you the wrong way,” and you’ll be able to find ways to control your emotions.
Try to remain calm
Instead letting anger boil inside of you, consider 10 reasons why someone would do or say something that gets under your skin. While you’re at it, think about 10 reasons why you may be feeling particularly sensitive. Pausing gives you the benefit of thinking rationally, can stop you from overreacting, and give you some time to calm down.
Step away from the situation
There are some people who are in our lives for the long haul and some we see often (e.g. coworkers) whom we would like to avoid but can’t. Still, that doesn’t mean you have to be in their presence when you’re feeling less-than-positive about them. Remove yourself from the situation, when possible. Excuse yourself for a few moments so you can regain your composure. Perhaps a breath of fresh air or a splash of cold water on your face will help you settle down and feel more prepared to not only deal with the how you’re feeling, but also come up with a strategy to interact well with the person that you’re having difficulty with.
Pretend to be happy
Push yourself to feel better. One way to do that is to put a smile on your face even though you may not want to. The facial feedback hypothesis states that facial movements can affect your emotions. Turning your frown upside down might actually put a positive spin on things. You may start out pretending to be happy, but there’s a possibility that you’ll end up actually feeling better.
Rethink the situation
If you can, re-frame the problem so things don’t seem so awful. Instead of thinking you’re in a conflict, think of the issue as a puzzle to be solved. If you spend more time coming up with ways to stay positive, there won’t be time for anger and frustration to fester.
If there’s someone in your life who repeatedly triggers negative feelings in you, your attempt to turn that around will be a process. You won’t change how you react or feel overnight and it may take a bit of practice. But, by using a combination of reflection and distraction, you’ll give yourself the opportunity to let go of negative thoughts. And, as I said earlier, it might not always work, but often these strategies do help you to let go of negative feelings so you can focus more on what matters to you.