Home Forums Welcome Hello! CHAT thread

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  • #159720
    Avatar of clutterbug22
    clutterbug22
    Member

    Hi, Just thought I’d start up a thread for general chat amongst all you fellow Unclutterers, inspired by Ninakk’s post for intense posting/chat on the ‘Groan’ thread. It would be lovely to hear what you are all up to, – tell us what you’ve been doing lately and how you are feeling. If you having a low day there are plenty of us here to cheer you up! By all means include any uncluttering woes or highs if you like. So, do join in, I’ve read from some of your posts that lots of you say you like to have a chat!

  • #203613
    Avatar of mdfloyd
    mdfloyd
    Member

    CHAT thread

    I slept too late but while waiting for my bagels to toast I cleared out a bunch of kitchen utensils I never use.

    Rehearsal in our local women’s chorus is at six on Sundays, and about this time every Sunday I seriously consider dropping out because six o’clock on Sunday is a perfect time for a nap or just chilling out — rather than getting dressed and braving the cold. Yes, we’ve tried other times, but this is the one best for the most.

    My little brown-headed parrot is currently taking a nap on my knee and I dare not move lest I disturb her. Spoiled rotten.

  • #203614
    Avatar of mdfloyd
    mdfloyd
    Member

    CHAT thread

    @needtocleanhouse — I thought I posted this last week, but I either didn’t or it got taken down . . . . for your new health regimen, did you see a naturapath or regular physician or homepathic person or what? I take it it’s been working well for you?

  • #203615
    Avatar of clutterbug22
    clutterbug22
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Yes, mdfloyd, 6 o’clock on a Sunday is definitely a time for nestling in, here in the UK it’s been pretty nippy out and drizzly with rain so I’ve not done much today, sounds like your parrot has the right idea though, how cute!

  • #203625
    Avatar of Hansi
    Hansi
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Hello good people. I have ben decluttering straight flr three days, since I work nights I am free from work on strange days so I choose to decluter some of those days. Today I cleaned my home, made foodboxes for the work week and decluttered one inch of papers in Physical form to Digital form (aka Scanning). I also decluttered a Bowl that I got from my wife. I like the bowl but I have others that are as good so there is no need to keed all. Now I own 3 dining platters and three soup bowls, thats it for eating on. There is no need to keep alot of stuff “in case of…”.
    I have a chest in the living room that I fill with stuff to bring own to my friends to see what they want when I go there every three weeks. Someone saw the livingroom and said that I don’t own anything. That is false since I own many things and plan to loose way more in the future to come. I winder if I shall post some pictures when I get my camera back? Could be fun to see what people think about my home. People that are on the same page as me. That would be awesome, but would anybody read such a thread and post comments?

  • #203627
    Avatar of lottielot
    lottielot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Hansi: we certainly would! Who doesn’t love a good before and after photo? :)

  • #203631
    Avatar of Swede
    Swede
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Hansi: I agree with lottielot, we’d love to see some pics! :)

  • #203632
    Avatar of Hansi
    Hansi
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Then it shall be so. I’m sorry to say I don’t think I have any before photos but I was a “oh that will be great to have in the future collector”. I will continue my uncluttering in the meantime until I get the camera back. Then everybody can see the unedited living of Hansi.

  • #203646
    Avatar of bandicoot
    bandicoot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    we love pictures!

    here dawns day twelve of our raw vegan + no coffee/sugar/booze/gluten kick.
    and i feel marvellous…after an initially trying two days, complete with caffeine withdrawal headaches.
    i start the day with a cup of detox tea (my own herb blend) and a big green smoothie.
    i have been having a blast trying out new raw things, reading vegan blogs, and eating as much fruit as i like.

  • #203650
    Avatar of lottielot
    lottielot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Bandicoot: I eat quite healthily, but just reading your post makes me long for a PIE! lol, glad you’re enjoying it :)

  • #203661
    Avatar of sleepykitten
    sleepykitten
    Member

    CHAT thread

    @bandicoot – you may have said this in another thread, but are you planning on going raw/vegan long term? Or are you planning on adding in other foodstuffs again once the month is over? I have no advice either way – I’m just curious!

  • #203663

    CHAT thread

    I have been trying to eat healthier…I don’t think I could go vegan though. So glad you are doing well with it and good luck.

  • #203665
    Avatar of grey
    grey
    Member

    CHAT thread

    yay for pictures! we’ll look forward to them hansi!

    just got back from the home improvement store with all our painting supplies. eating a quick lunch and then we’ll dive in. i’m so excited to cover every inch of the dingy yellow in our house.

  • #203666

    CHAT thread

    I am looking forward to taking my bath early this evening and curling up to read the “where are you from thread”. Everyone has helped me so much and what questions I have had really became very interesting threads to read with so many different lifestyles and locations of everyone here.

  • #203671
    Avatar of candy
    candy
    Member

    CHAT thread

    What a lovely idea for a thread! Most other forums I participate in have some sort of “random thoughts” thread and I always appreciate it. But actually I haven’t missed it on this forum – probably because we’re all so extremely good on going off-topic in existing threads, which is one of the things I love about this place :) Anyway, here’s the thread for everything that can’t be squeezed into other threads, even with the most creative off-topic imagination.

    I have had the most wonderfully lazy day, slept late, had breakfast at… well, I suppose I’m on San Francisco time in my head even though I’m physically in Stockholm. I will be seriously jetlagged at work tomorrow morning. As usual. Anyone else here who is a night person?

  • #203680
    Avatar of clutterbug22
    clutterbug22
    Member

    CHAT thread

    @ candy, I used to be a night-person, especially at uni when meeting essay deadlines! But since having two kids I need all the sleep I can get, althougth I don’t go to bed as early as some people I know. Talking of which, it’s gone midnight here in the UK, so Night All!

  • #203684
    Avatar of luxcat
    luxcat
    Member

    CHAT thread

    I’ve had a lovely week-end. Saturday was bridesmaids dress shopping for my friends wedding, and I really got along with all the other bridesmaids who are all roughly my age. It’s been a while since I met a group of ladies I really enjoyed like that. Later in the evening hubby and I hung out at the pub with a friend of his and ended up getting home FAR too late after much nice chat and way too much beer and a dose of good music.

    Today started slowly (give the above!) but Sundays are a day where my hubby and I usually get to hang out a bit together more than usual as he works 6 days a week fairly often. We went out to breakfast (sorry bandicoot, my choice was far from vegan, but your vegan-for-a-month idea perks my interest)… walked for miles at the beach, took an immensely long nap and now piddling about before dinner…. *sigh* too bad work comes tomorrow!

  • #203692
    Avatar of pkilmain
    pkilmain
    Member

    CHAT thread

    How fun! We have now been home from Hawaii for 4 days – and it has not been above 0F, and all the mornings are -20+ F (that’s -30 for you Celsius folks). We had a lot of snow while we were gone and DH has been shovling it for good parts of every day. He was very worried about his greenhouse roof and that was the first thing he cleared of snow.

  • #203695
    Avatar of Ella
    Ella
    Member

    CHAT thread

    I was thinking of you this morning, pkilmain, and wondering how well the trip to Hawaii helped your SAD symptoms? I hope it gave you a big enough lift to last through till spring and sunshine!

  • #203696
    Avatar of pkilmain
    pkilmain
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Well, Ella, right now I’m still feeling pretty good, but I had a lot to get done when I got home so had to be out and about. We’ll see how it goes. There is a lot more daylight here now, which helps as well.

  • #203714

    CHAT thread

    That sounds great pkilmain – I’m always happy to hear that people are getting lifts with their depression. I’ve heard good things about daylight lamps for SAD – have you tried that before, and if so – did it help or not?

    @Candy – I’m so a night person! Although with everything else going on, I’m a 10hr a night person as well, so depending on my work – depends on whether I get to stay up late. At the moment, I’m working from home for an Irish company – start the day at 2pm and work through til 11pm – makes for a very nice lazy morning most mornings!

    Which speaking of work, I better get off to do now. Slept badly last night, and so just had a nap. Now I’m late for work. Oh noes!!! LOL

  • #203738

    CHAT thread

    I am using this chat thread for a ?. I always hate to ask questions in threads, I feel like I am taking/pulling off topic. How is everyone posting pics in the threads? I have posted several B/A on the flicka area but wondering how ppl are linking and/or having pics show up here.
    Thanks for any help
    Chele

  • #203767
    Avatar of mskris
    mskris
    Member

    CHAT thread

    pkilmain, I too suffer from SAD…this time of year I could just hibernate until April! However, I do use a daylight (ie, full spectrum) light in my office and I am usually fine if we have snow (it reflects light). This winter has been very mild here in PA, and that means rain instead of snow :(

    My way of fighting SAD is to escape into books and films! I’m currently reading a funny series by Janet Evanovich, and her first in the series was just made into a movie that I hope to catch next weekend.

    My depression has been magnified by unhappiness at my job – so I just interviewed for a couple of new opportunities, received one offer and hope to receive a second offer this week. When I’m unhappy, I have to make a change!

  • #203779
    Avatar of Ella
    Ella
    Member
  • #203806
    Avatar of clutterbug22
    clutterbug22
    Member

    CHAT thread

    @ mskris, Well Done on the new job offer! Sounds exciting, hope it turns out to be more fulfilling for you.

  • #203810
    Avatar of Nina
    Nina
    Member

    CHAT thread

    I too suffer from the winter blues and started taking vitamin D a 2-3 weeks ago as I read somewhere that can really help. The days here are so short and often gray. I have the feeling my mood has gotten better since I started. Might be worth looking into for others that suffer from SAD.

  • #203822
    Avatar of pkilmain
    pkilmain
    Member

    CHAT thread

    I have take vitamin D for several years as I live in the far north (Alaska) and test results showed I was deficient. I have started using a SAD light this winter, but I’m not sure it alone has helped. I did feel better in Hawaii, and now that I’m home I have taken on a volunteer job which is much more like a part-time job, and will be for the next couple months as I straighten out someone else’s mess! :)

  • #203827
    Avatar of luxcat
    luxcat
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Not all SAD treatment lights are created equal and “full spectrum” often means nothing in a clinical application. Those suffering from SAD need exposure to a certain band of light in the blue range within a certain nanometer range, and the timing of the exposure needs to be regulated to get the most benefit in keeping the circadian rhythms close to natural. Lighting is my specialty (I hold two degrees and a number of certifications in/on the topic) and I have participated in lectures and research on this particular issue. As a lighting person and a depressive (non SAD) it has always fascinated me. Happy to discuss this more if anyone is interested.

  • #203836

    CHAT thread

    That’s really cool Luxcat. I have a friend living in Sweden, who basically shuts down in winter. She has Chronic Fatigue quite seriously, and I’m not sure she gets depressed in winter, but she ends up sleeping around 18 hours a day, and even then feels tired, and out of it. We figure her emotional and physical energy drops down about 80% in winter.

    A friend of mine and hers have been talking about whether getting her a daylight lamp might increase her emotional/physical energy in Winter.

    Do you think it would help her? They don’t get any bright sunlight in her part of Sweden during winter, it’s more a twilight/dawn sort of light.

    What sort of light would I need to look at, to find one that might help her?

  • #203839
    Avatar of luxcat
    luxcat
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Celeb- it might be worth a try. I have depression and Fibromyalgia, so I can feel for her plight. I do not have SAD and have not tried this particular product, but something like it might be helpful. Some people take vitamin D supplements, the Dr can test if she needs them with a simple blood test. The key is to get exposure in the morning (even if you have to wake up, turn it on, sit there for a bit then collapse back in bed) to light in the 450-490 nanometer range. be careful because below 450 can cause macular degeneration. Also at night one should stay at 600 nm or above. I use a free programme called flux to turn my computer screen the correct color to prevent sleep issues.

    example of product: http://www.amazon.com/Philips-GoLite-Spectrum-Therapy-Device/dp/B000C1946S

    research being done by Dr Joan Roberts at Fordham is especially interesting to look into. I’ve seen her speak several times.

    http://www.fordham.edu/campus_resources/enewsroom/inside_fordham/may_4_2007/in_focus_faculty_and/researcher_unravels__25886.asp

  • #203847

    CHAT thread

    I’ve just quickly had a look at the article – that is very cool. And found the Flux program.

    I’ll see what I can do about getting the device (it’s not available at Amazon – probably because there are legal issues sending electrical and media devices out of the US. I’ll have a look at that.

    Testing for VitD is a great idea – I hadn’t thought of that! (I’m VitD deficient so I should have known better – it’s a D’oh moment).

    Thanks for your help LuxCat! I’ll let you know what happens.

  • #203853
    Avatar of ninakk
    ninakk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    We have light-therapy rooms where patients enter white rooms and stay there for a time that I gather is specified according to their needs. Lots of SAD cases also here in Finland and luckily it’s fairly “normal” these days, so not that much of stigma around it. And the best part it’s supported by the social-security system as far as I know (like with my migraine meds; I pay only about half of the price myself).

    The light-therapy lamps that people buy for their homes can possibly act as placebo, but that aspect I don’t care about if they feel better than usually during the dark months. I have one of this kind, Rondo by Innosol:
    http://www.innojok.fi/home/valaisin.php?valaisin=387

    Their retailers around the world:

    http://www.innojok.fi/retailers/maa.php

  • #203865
    Avatar of irishbell
    irishbell
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Regarding light therapy, many years ago I saw a documentary featuring kids
    running/ playing around a large room (I think in their skivvies).
    They were having a “light bath”, as opposed to going out to play at recess time.
    I thought it was amazing.

  • #203869
    Avatar of mskris
    mskris
    Member

    CHAT thread

    My light therapy may be a placebo effect, but if it works, I’m for it! LOL. My solution in the future is to move to a higher elevation where there’s more snow in winter! ;)

  • #203873
    Avatar of luxcat
    luxcat
    Member

    CHAT thread

    I’m not saying all light therapy boxes sold are not effective, just that there is probably a range of effectiveness. IMHO, whatever works, works!

  • #203914
    Avatar of Swede
    Swede
    Member

    CHAT thread

    @celebkiriedhel – if your friend lives in Stockholm there are light therapy cafes available. Also, if she see’s a doctor she can get a prescription for light therapy and wont have to buy an expensive lamp. :)

  • #203918
    Avatar of candy
    candy
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Ooooh – where’s that light therapy cafe??? And I’ll call my doctor ASAP for a prescription. I didn’t know about this! Thanks!

  • #203940
    Avatar of snosie
    snosie
    Member

    CHAT thread

    I really appreciate this forum (esp when I have a blue day – which I’ve had two in a row, even though one day was my b’day – better today though!)

    @mdfloyd – oh how I agree!! I play water polo and manager the club, so Mon and thu I go for paperwork, fees, general comms, and I hate that it’s the ‘wrong’ time (6.30pm). I mean it’s too early to eat prior and too late when I get home, it’s not right after my work. And then there’s Sunday, when I just want to veg! So I have been (I mean I can’t play on Sundays since I’m STILL recovering from the broken shoulder in Sept!) So I empathise. I’m trying to decide how I can extract myself a little.

    @Hansi – I’m a sticky beak, I’d love photos (and I’d post some too!)

    @bandicoot, I’d forgotten you’d started on this health kick! You go girl. Will it last, or is it just a detox thing for a shorter space of time? (luxcat says a month, good rememberer she is!) I try to limit my sugar, wheat, dairy, and alcohol. Coffee is one a day, but I think I can go without, it’s more habit. Alas, I try to have little of the above listed ,but I’m not that strict!

    @grey – are you painting it GREY!? Seeing it’s your fave colour and all?

    mskris – change stops me getting down too – and in some ways, if I’m not down why change?

    Oh Luxcat, I need you, I can’t work out how to light my new apartment and it’s stopping me paintings, and hanging stuff and and and!!

  • #203942
    Avatar of snosie
    snosie
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Do you think we could start a ‘spam’ thread, and encourage the useless sods to just post all their **** there? I wish marking a thread spam would let it magically vaporise!

  • #203943
    Avatar of luxcat
    luxcat
    Member

    CHAT thread

    happy belated birthday snosie!

    don’t let lighting keep you from hanging your art exactly where you see fit. I do that in my own home and it’s surprising but it always seems to work out fine, even if there isn’t something specific there to highlight it.

  • #203956
    Avatar of PJ
    PJ
    Member

    CHAT thread

    This is going to be a bit of a long post – and if I’m honest, it’s more because I need to vent than because I expect you all to respond.

    As I said in the Feb ATAD thread, it’s been a roller coaster of emotions this week. First getting through my ordination, which was wonderful and beautiful and special – except that my youngest brother didn’t get the e-mail with the details of it and although he knew it was “coming up soon” he didn’t know when so he wasn’t there :-( We were able to reach him by phone right after the service, and by the time the reception was over he’d joined us to go out for dinner, but stil :-( It was incredible though to have so many friends come out to support me, including my best friend who lives a 5 hour plane ride away. My mom’s cousins drove about an equal amount of time to be there too.

    Then turning my attention to my dad’s upcoming surgery (bypass and valve replacement on Thursday). He wanted me to come and give him communion at home before his surgery, so I did that tonight. My first time celebrating the Eucharist, I did it for my mom and my dad (my dad is also a priest). I used the service designed for ministering to the sick, and also anointed him with oil for healing. What an incredible experience, but it made my mom cry. They are *NOT* talking much about how they’re feeling with the surgery coming up. I tried to engage it a bit, but gently.

    In other news, my regular dog walker is off spending time with his new baby, and he had arranged his father in law to be the back up this week, plus to board my difficult dog, Kita, next week while I’m away (if I’m away – the trip was booked before I knew about my dad’s surgery and while he insists I should still go, I will stay if he even hiccups after surgery). Today was the first day Alan came to my place, and Kita reacted really badly. Previously he had met the regular walker at the park to get to know Kita, but never came home with them. Kita spent her time barking at him, wouldn’t let him leash her to take her out, etc. She ended up peeing in her crate because he couldn’t get her out of the house. My work schedule tomorrow means I can’t be here when he comes – if it doesn’t go well again, how on earth is he supposed to board her as of- Friday???

    Needless to say, my house is going to pot around me. I’m going to go right now and find something else to toss – at least then, when I manage to catch up on the regular day to day stuff, there will still be visible progress on the decluttering front!

    Oh, and really? After all this, I have to log in to unclutterer and find seventy zillionty spam threads on the first page of the recent discussions list? Spammer, go away! I don’t need the aggravation!

  • #203957
    Avatar of pkilmain
    pkilmain
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Sorry about your week, PJ. No response, just a listener. I hope you dad does well with his surgery.

    And at least this spammer had the courtesy to start almost all new, visibly spam, threads. He/she did post on one existing, but old, thread. Hopefully Erin will delete these quickly.

    I was right about this church council treasurer “volunteer” job. Spent 8 hours there today since it was payday, and none of the 2012 stuff had been set up, yada, yada. I will get it down to a reasonable amount of time per week soon. I don’t want to bring any of it home. No need to consciously add clutter!

  • #203958
    Avatar of PJ
    PJ
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Thanks pkilmain! Seeing my happy place invaded by spam just put me over the edge :-P

    Our “Envelope Secretary” (keeps track of who gives what to the church so tax receipts can be issued) was at the office for a very long time today too. It’s that time of year, when the tax receipts must go out, but I suspect most of the year it can be kept to a reasonable amount of work. By all means, try to keep all the “stuff” there rather than at home!

  • #203971
    Avatar of ninakk
    ninakk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    PJ, I’m sorry it’s been such a roller coaster for you as of late. Regarding your dog, do you think your sitter should read a bit of dog psychology (and watch some Cesar Millan shows)? I never knew much about the whole concept of being pack leader, but once the show started airing here I watch all dog owners with new eyes and there are so many who are absolutely not authority figures. I’m not saying this is the case with your sitter, but all of us can improve in many areas :) Hope it works out well with the two!

  • #203977
    Avatar of clutterbug22
    clutterbug22
    Member

    CHAT thread

    @ snosie, Happy Belated Birthday! Hope you had a good one, did you do anything exciting?

    @ PJ, What a moving post. Many congratulations on your ordination, it must have been a very special experience for you. How frustrating though that your brother didn’t quite make it for the service. I hope your parents are coping as well as they can with your father’s upcoming operation, it must be worrying for you all but it must have been special for you all to share in your first communion together, something meaningful for all of you to remember. Will you be able to be with them at hospital before you go away? (If you still end up going).

    The dog situation seems a bit of an added worry, not having any dogs I don’t know what to say about that one, although just wondered if your regular dog-walker could pop in with your new dog-sitter and perhaps your dog, seeing someone familiar and trusted with the unknown person, might perhaps not see the new dog-sitter as such a threat? I know your usual dog-walker is a bit busy but perhaps he could come once and give it a try with the other man.

    As to your house I have been using a ’10 step Quick cleaning’ routine whereby you basically put all surface and floor clutter into a laundry basket from each room individually and quickly straighten each room as you go along and then redeposit the laundry basket items into the appropriate rooms as you go along, if that makes sense. I don’t know how to do web-site links yet so I can’t direct you to the site where the routine is suggested but I could find out the site url if you are interested.

    Finally, all I can say is take plenty of deep breaths when it starts feeling like it’s getting too much! You will get through this week and there are lots of us here to give you any support :-)

  • #203980
    Avatar of irishbell
    irishbell
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Rabbit rabbit people!

  • #203981
    Avatar of irishbell
    irishbell
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Pj: best to your dad, dog, and you.: )

  • #203992
    Avatar of Conny
    Conny
    Member

    CHAT thread

    I see that i’m not the only one who is so annoyed at the spammers here.

    Does anyone happen to know how often the admins go through the forum and delete the entries? Would it help if we tagged it as spam?

    [/end letting off steam]

    @clutterbug: That system called “quick cleaning” is what i’ve been doing for 3 decades now, never knew it had been patented or had a name. Good to know that GMTA ( great minds think alike) LOL

  • #203993
    Avatar of clutterbug22
    clutterbug22
    Member

    CHAT thread

    @ Conny,
    it’s typical that when I’ve mentioned the Quick Cleaning routine here that I haven’t managed to finish it today! Still I’ve got a good excuse, apart from the washing and the washing up, I’ve been rooting through my bookshelves and a big box of books sorting out those that might be on their way out soon, now in the ‘holding station’ in the hall awaiting the ‘to read’ pile or ‘out the door’ pile. Will finish the clean after I pick the kids from school (or try to!)

  • #204001
    Avatar of liag
    liag
    Member

    CHAT thread

    I alternate between a rotation of chores (with only a mental list) and doing what seems to need doing. They amount to almost the same thing in my case. When I was teaching and/or going to grd school, I practiced what we called “Lick and Promise” cleaning. No one ever complained. I think people think your house is cleaner than it may be if you are neat. The dust is less obvious.

  • #204002
    Avatar of irishbell
    irishbell
    Member

    CHAT thread

    If you say “rabbit rabbit ” first thing you get up first day of the month= good luck all month!
    Anyone else do this???

  • #204004
    Avatar of djk
    djk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Lmao irishbell! I had NO idea what you meant by that, never heard of it but I’m going to start now, if I can remember in 29 days’ time that is

  • #204005
    Avatar of clutterbug22
    clutterbug22
    Member

    CHAT thread

    @ irishbell, I didn’t realise that that was what you were referring to either! I thought you were referring to us talking on this Chat thread as ‘to rabbit on’ means talking a lot in English slang!

  • #204008
    Avatar of clutterbug22
    clutterbug22
    Member

    CHAT thread

    @ liag,
    yes, I also try to spend a bit of time on each room in rotation Eg Kitchen on Mon, Living room Tues etc, as well as the Quick Clean-up, so that I can spend a longer stretch of time concentrating on decluttering, sorting things out, deep cleaning. It’s not a hard and fast routine and rooms do get missed out during the week, particularly the Kids rooms, that tends to be more Open the Door, Gasp and then Shut Door!

  • #204015
    Avatar of irishbell
    irishbell
    Member

    CHAT thread

    lol, once in a long while I run into someone else that knows about it.
    I got it 36-37 years ago from a sis in law. If you do it new years day- its extra
    specially lucky! (or so I like to think)

  • #204016
    Avatar of pkilmain
    pkilmain
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Conny, threads with spam tags are removed if they don’t contain valid posts as well. Yesterdays are gone.

    ETA: not gone, just off the front page

  • #204039
    Avatar of snosie
    snosie
    Member

    CHAT thread

    I did wonder if Irishbell has gone ‘bonkers’ (mad) with the rabbit post, but then just kept reading hahaha. Must be like a pinch and punch for the first of the month (not as enjoyable!)

    My birthday was strange, nothing special on the day (other then I went home for dinner with my family), but I did have a fancy dinner Sat night (though I was on call, so didn’t really ‘relax’) and will have another dinner this Sat with some other friends, and maybe even a sort of date with a friend either Fri or next Wed.

    hey congrats PJ, you are really inspiring, to be so committed to your faith to be a minister, and to handle your dad’s service. I really honour that. It’s a shame your dog is so stressed out, I hope it’s resolving itself!

    I did the whole ‘stuff off surfaces’ last night, in a lot of ways, then my house looks clean (when really it’s just straightened!). I swear it needs ‘cleaning’ far too often – seriously once a week vacuum house, stop demanding more!

  • #204042
    Avatar of candy
    candy
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    I do my own version of “quick cleaning routine” – I never (or at least very rarely) leave a room without looking around me to see if there is one or more things that I should take with me to wherever I’m going. For example, if there is a nail file on the coffee table I would bring it with me the next time I go to the bathroom, where it should live. I think I’ve got my PEEP rather well sorted, so it’s easy for me.

  • #204043
    Avatar of snosie
    snosie
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    CHAT thread

    PEEP?

  • #204045
    Avatar of candy
    candy
    Member

    CHAT thread

    PEEP = a Place for Everything, Everything in its Place :)

  • #204048
    Avatar of Ella
    Ella
    Member

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    I’ve got the PE part down, it’s the EP that’s my problem. :-/

  • #204051
    Avatar of candy
    candy
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Yes, well… the EP can sometimes be a bother. Right now I have a bunch of clothes on a clothes drying rack in my livingroom. It is definitely EP as long as the laundry is not dry, but… I did my laundry last Sunday evening. Actually I haven’t checked, but I would assume that it is dry by now and thus not EP.

  • #204055
    Avatar of snosie
    snosie
    Member

    CHAT thread

    OH Candy, I struggle with the laundry too – I hate when it’s out, cause everything isn’t in it’s place!! And there’s always more to do! But I pat myself on the back for the short times PEEP with the laundry! And by this philosophy, out bound stuff goes faster, as it looks ‘out of place’ on my buffet counter!

  • #204081
    Avatar of PJ
    PJ
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Oh thank you all for your support! Today was a better day for the temporary dog walker (although I will still be very glad when Vernon is back on the job as Kita adores him and is his slave!) My parents are hanging in with the waiting and dad’s surgery is scheduled super early in the morning. A couple of us will be there to give him a kiss for luck on the way in the door, the others will take their turn on Friday. The house will just have to continue to be dirty, although I’m keeping up as well as I ever do with dishes, laundry, and cat litter boxes. And still chipping away with ATAD.

    And I know about the rabbit rabbit thing too . . . I read about it in a Trixie Belden book 30 or so years ago. I believe she was also fond of the “lick and a promise” approach to housekeeping (if I remember right, dusting was her chore.)

  • #204092

    CHAT thread

    I haven’t been around much the last 2 days. Blanche my 11mo kitty decided it wanted the great outdoors, and spent 19 1/2 hours making her mummy crazy worried while she went and frolicked in much dirt and stuff. 4:30am this morning is when she got home, of her own accord mind you.

    I was distressed beyond words. So today I brought lots of INs – screening, wood, nails – screens are going up on all the windows. There ain’t no way that that kitty is going to do this to me again!

    I’ve had 3 hours sleep after she got in, and 2 hours after noon nap and now that she’s washed – I will go to bed early.

    Hopefully tomorrow will be a more normal day.

  • #204110
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    PJ
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    CHAT thread

    Kiri, glad to hear kitty is home safe!

  • #204115
    Avatar of irishbell
    irishbell
    Member

    CHAT thread

    PJ- hopefully all will be well with your dad soon. :)
    I’ve spent probably what amounts to months of time at hospitals/rehab with both parents (heart issues) over the last few years and it took me only a short while to figure out to also take care of myself during those times.
    I don’t know how long you’ll be spending at the hospital, but remember to hydrate, eat and sleep whenever/wherever you can. During one particularly long stay my bro turned me on to an app called “sleepmaker rain free”. i put the earbuds in, laid down with my head on my bag and i could actually sleep.

  • #204116
    Avatar of irishbell
    irishbell
    Member

    CHAT thread

    celeb- glad to hear kitty is safe and sound. this happened to our old girl a few months after we moved 4 years ago. she was gone for 2 nights in March when there was still plenty of snow- we were out driving the streets and scouring everywhere for her, thinking the worst,when one night she showed up out of nowhere, no worse for wear. I think she took cover in someones garage and was trapped in there, not being able to get out soon enough between the open/close when someones car left the garage!no way would she not come home for that long or been able to survive 2 nights out in the winter! silly girl!

  • #204189
    Avatar of PJ
    PJ
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Hi all,

    Quick update – my dad came through the surgery well. We had a long wait for them to find him a bed in the ICU though, so a long wait to reassure ourselves that he is ok. I popped back to the hospital at 11:30 p.m. and the breathing tube was out and he was briefly awake (although I’m not sure how “with it” he was).

    Reassured, I’m leaving on my vacation, which was booked before we knew about his surgery. I didn’t get cancellation insurance, and my parents have insisted that I should still go. He’s in good hands (and my friend works at the hospital so has the physiotherapists mobilized to keep an eye on him) and there are multiple flights daily back from San Francisco to Toronto, if I need to get back quickly.

    Thanks again for all the support and good wishes!

  • #204192
    Avatar of ninakk
    ninakk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    That’s wonderful news, PJ!

    And Kiri, too; funny how cats are so different from dogs. You swing the hammer, girl!

    For those who choose either PE or EP, it can be even worse :D I’m struggling with both, lol.

  • #204193

    CHAT thread

    PJ — so glad to hear about the positive outcome of your father’s surgery!

  • #204225
    Avatar of mskris
    mskris
    Member

    CHAT thread

    PJ so glad to hear things are going better for you~

  • #204227
    Avatar of ninakk
    ninakk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    speaking of nothing, my sis has a cool t-shirt from jcrew, just a basic grey short-sleeved one, but it has a black lion appliqué on the chest and since i mostly have t-shirts in solid colours, i thought i could spruce up at least a couple of them. any ideas on where to check such cool t-shirts out other than etsy?

  • #204229
  • #204258
    Avatar of ninakk
    ninakk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Thanks sit! There were mostly shirt with another shirt cut up and sewn on top but a couple of nice appliqués as well. Have pinned a few myself earlier! Good taste :) dont know why i didnt think of pinterest immediately, but its probably just as well…

  • #204274
    Avatar of djk
    djk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    I’m curious about Bandicoot’s new tub.
    Bandicoot, swing on by and give us all an update on that project!

  • #204275
    Avatar of pkilmain
    pkilmain
    Member

    CHAT thread

    So glad to hear your Dad did well, PJ. Enjoy San Francisco!

    We are sitting here with more snow falling – after two days of above freezing weather with rain, making a real mess of the snow that was already on the ground. I love winter – not! :)

  • #204276
    Avatar of djk
    djk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    We’ve only had one snowfall this winter, just a few weeks ago, and it lasted about 2 hours on the ground, then it warmed up and rained for a very short time. I’ve loved this winter! It’s been sunny and bright so even the shortest days were perfectly pleasant. What a difference a blue sky makes.
    I’ve worn my gloves only twice this winter, today being one of those days! -14 feels a lot colder than I remember!
    We’re supposed to get light snow Sun-Tues and I’m rather pleased. Hot chocolate will feature prominently, as will cat cuddles and woolly socks. Semester break has officially begun and I have next week off (sort off, still have commitments, lesson planning, a private student and a private group also). And my German course.
    But Wednesday I have blocked for me and me only, and told everybody that I wasn’t free. I’m not–for them.
    I’m getting the spring cleaning urge, and I think I’ll start running with it. Later.

  • #204314
    Avatar of liag
    liag
    Member

    CHAT thread

    susanintexas from liag: Have you been getting RAIN? We cannot believe it’s been raining daily. Now that so many trees from our Memorial Park (Houston) are dead, it is raining like it usually does in June–every day. Better than more drought.

  • #204351
    Avatar of Hansi
    Hansi
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Need a new vaccuum cleaner since the one I have outs out more dust than it sucks in. The question is…should I buy the small silent newest model (expensive) or should I go for the bigger cheaper basic model?

  • #204352
    Avatar of liag
    liag
    Member

    CHAT thread

    I have a Sears canister–three years old–and it is flawless on hardwood, carpets, tiles. It is middle-sized, powerful, and has HEPA filtration.

  • #204353
    Avatar of candy
    candy
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Hansi, I’m struggling with the same question. I think I have made my choice: the one that was “best in test” in Råd & Rön.

    http://www.tretti.se/hushallsapparater/dammsugare/golvdammsugare/electrolux-z8820b

    It’s expensive, there are cheaper models around, but I think I’ll be happy with this one. The HEPA filter convinced me.

  • #204355
    Avatar of lottielot
    lottielot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    I have a Miele and it’s very good and has lasted well (maybe 10 years, 12 years?) It’s heavy though and most of our carpets are on stairs, so I’m going to buy a lightweight Dyson for lugging upstairs when dh forgets about saving money :)

  • #204358

    CHAT thread

    liag: rain??? Oh YEAH! I know the aquifer needs it, but for the past few weeks it’s been raining and I’m getting a little tired of it. Last week there was a tornado in town (not common here) and last night some areas had 60 mph winds and hail as well as the rain. We were supposed to go on a 10K walk this morning but canceled because of the flash flood warnings. Stay safe!

  • #204409
    Avatar of pkilmain
    pkilmain
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Another Miele here. It’s much lighter than the 20 year old Kenmore it replaced. Oh and it’s new last spring. HEPA filter too.

  • #204416
    Avatar of djk
    djk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    We’ve got a Miele with a HEPA filter too. I like it a lot. I don’t like doing floors so I try to make it easier by having good tools.
    Every day I do a 5-minute pick-up with my beloved dustbuster to get the cat hair which collect in certain places from the magic of air currents and static electricity. This has absolutely been a sanity saver.

  • #204419

    CHAT thread

    feel free to send some of that weather to us. I’m so sick of the heat that I feel like I’m going to permanently melt!

    Blanche cuddled with me while we watched TV last night – it was so adorable, I didn’t want to move when the movie finished.

  • #204423

    CHAT thread

    kiri: It’s supposedly mid-winter here but the temperature is in the low 70s and it’s raining like it’s April. I hope we don’t have another summer like last year — three months of temps over 100 and no rain for six months. I feel for you!

  • #204425

    CHAT thread

    Susan – Low 70′s is pretty warm I think? The converter says that’s in the 20′s. I love the 20′s C – it’s so pleasant. We’ve been averaging 35-42C this winter…(the conversion tells me that’s 95 – 107F) I hope you don’t get another hot dry summer – they are not good at all.

  • #204426
    Avatar of candy
    candy
    Member

    CHAT thread

    I just placed an order online for my new vaccuum cleaner. I decided to go for the Electrolux. You know, “nothing sucks like Electrolux” as their old UK slogan stated :)

    Actually I have hesitated for a long time for a completely stupid reason: I don’t really like the colour. For some reason, I have in my mind that a vaccuum cleaner should either be black, grey or red. My current one is red, as is all my cleaning equipment. It cheers me up, which is quite good since I don’t particularly love house cleaning.

  • #204433
    Avatar of ninakk
    ninakk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Speaking of sucks. My sis turns 30 and I saw a funny gift idea on Pinterest; make a cool presentation of 30 lollipops and place beside them a tag saying “30 sucks”. Don’t think she sees that one coming!

  • #204438
    Avatar of candy
    candy
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Great idea, ninakk :)

  • #204478
    Avatar of Hansi
    Hansi
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Thank you for all help It’s going to be a Electrolux. My former was also an Electrolux. I’ve been happy with it for all these years so why not another one.
    at first I thought of going really minimalistic and just buy a broom (but I have one carpet in the living room).
    It will be a red one actually. I don’t have any other red cleaning things but there is a campain right now at my local store and it’s a nice basic machine so I will go for it. Although I was greatly tempted by the other Electrolux named before 8820, it’s gotten great reviews bur I want the new handle and parquette and hardwood floor nossle as included. So tomorrow I will go down to the local store (I know I can get it cheaper online, but I like to support the local shops) and pick one up.

    It is bigger than the one I really wanted but it is better in it’s function.

    Now I will test if I can get a picture to the forum to test my future thread.

  • #204525
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    snosie
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Seeing this is the random chat thread, and we’ve been helping with people’s different things in life, I was wondering I could ask for advice too. A close friend (sort of an ex) found his sister, who’d committed suicide. I found out through a mutual friend (a specific phone call, not a ‘by the way’). He lives in another city, which I will be visiting over the weekend coincidentally for a wedding.

    I’m not sure what to do (i’d like to ‘do’) or say. I’m religious, but he’s often laughed at my ‘stupidity’ for believing something you can’t prove, so I don’t want to go down that route, even though (for me) religion is really helpful in these times. I know we have some ministers (or ex ministers), so perhaps they have some wise words?

    I feel is it was someone in the same city as me, I might make meals and take them to them, or do their chores?

  • #204526
    Avatar of Ella
    Ella
    Member

    CHAT thread

    snosie: You’re very kind to want to help ease your friend’s loss and suffering. As I’ve mentioned on other threads, I belong to a grief support group. Over half the members (including myself) have lost someone to suicide, and some of us have lost several people… wife, best friend, son, brother, father. From my own experience and from listening to others in my group for the past 3 years, I would say it’s best not to bring religious or philosophical views into anything you might say to your friend. But it is extremely important that you acknowledge the loss and extend your sympathy. Ask him if he wants to talk about her (now or anytime). He’ll probably say no, but then again, he might open up and surprise you. Let him talk, and try your best to just listen with a sympathetic ear. To find someone who has taken their own life is horrible beyond imagining, and the memory remains raw, it never goes away. Anything you might say to be philosophical will probably be taken wrong and with pain. Please believe me on this. I’m speaking not just from my own experience but from listening closely to many other suicide survivors.

  • #204527
    Avatar of smallLife
    smallLife
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    CHAT thread

    Snosie: as someone who’s not religious, the last thing he wants to hear is anything religious – even “I’ll pray for you” or “she’s in a better place” or any of the other generic religious comforters. To be frank, it’s a bit insulting. As you stated “doing” is more important.

    Call him before you leave and ask if there’s anything you can do/he needs – groceries (his neighbors have probably overloaded him with food), laundry, coffee, chores, etc. If you knew his sister, a letter containing good/funny memories of her might be appropriate. Take him out to eat maybe, get him out of the house for a change of scenery. When my cousin committed suicide it was the pity and the whispers that bothered me the most. Don’t be ashamed for him, there is only sadness at the loss of his sister.

  • #204537
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    ninakk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    snosie, it is very kind of you to want to support your friend. I would wait and see what he wants to discuss and would stick to just being around, available, as well as choose daily life talk topics. I know it’s nowhere near the same when my grandma died, but it was very clear to me who I could say what to and while your friend may want to discuss what happened with someone, it might be someone entirely different, like Ella says someone he doesn’t know privately perhaps. Sometimes compartmentalising is the only way to handle hard stuff. That’s why people often have friends who fill entirely different needs.

    Personally, when hearing someone will pray for me, I feel they should keep that information to themself, it’s none of my business to know what kind of a relationship they have with their god. My god is not their god and I don’t even know what my god is like right now; it’s a mix of religions or however I should put it. Mostly about energy levels though. As of late, I’ve found myself deleting blogs from my links if the blogger is very verbal about their beliefs; it may become too much in my face and I don’t perceive a quilting blog to be the right forum for religious discussions (there are surprisingly many who talk about Jesus and stuff on their blogs). I’m also surprised here on Unclutterer to see how many are active in their religious communities, because where I come from basically nobody I know has anything to do with church unless someone gets a name, becomes confirmed, gets married or dies. Even Christmas church is so and so. If someone is active in their church, they never talk about it, so while it’s impressive to me to find such interest and volunteering here, I’m a bit at a loss what to say except “well done”. Long explanation from my side since I do get where your friend comes from; there was a long time when I didn’t believe in anything at all.

  • #204538
    Avatar of ninakk
    ninakk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    I came to this thread for an entirely different purpose, namely a comment made by EraserGirl a few months ago. I kept it on a sticky on dashboard, but decided it’s time to unclutter it so here goes:

    “on occasion i will just box up an offending item and ship it back to the corporation who made it. it used to get me a replacement item, or at least a refund, but it is never ignored.”

  • #204539
    Avatar of Nina
    Nina
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    CHAT thread

    Snosie: as someone who has lost loved ones (and isn’t religious) I would agree that any comfort you might find in religion would more likely upset him. When someone you love dies there are no right words (but there are wrong ones). But I am sure he would like to hear/know that you care and are thinking of him and his family in this difficult time.

    As far as helping goes: sometimes in a situation like this just deciding what someone can help you with can be overwhelming so I would maybe go there and see what you can help with. I second smallLifes suggestion that he might be glad to get out of the house and NOT talk about what just happened. Everyone grieves differently so I think you need to just take the visit as it comes. I think the hard part about grief is that there isn’t much you can do – but just being there for someone can help them to not feel so alone in this.

  • #204551
    Avatar of bandicoot
    bandicoot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    snosie, everyone has their own opinions on religion and spirituality….truly i would keep quiet at such a time, particularly when you have an idea of how this guy thinks already.
    turning up and being supportive is the big thing. it won’t be easy and you are very decent and kind to do so.

  • #204556
    Avatar of liag
    liag
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    CHAT thread

    When my cousin died young, my other cousin–his sister–was most grateful, she much later said, just to have me there, with my arm around her. Words that are meaningless to the speaker and/or the listener fail. Say only what is both sincere for you and not false for him. “I care about you,” I love you,” or “You can always call on me, any hour, any day” work; “God works in strange ways,” “It was meant to be,” “Your faith is being tested” do not necessarily help everyone. May you have and convey strength.

  • #204557
    Avatar of rutheverhart
    rutheverhart
    Member

    CHAT thread

    as one of the “religious professionals” on this forum, let me just say a couple things:
    ~ earlier posters are right in saying that lifting up happy memories of the deceased is always appropriate — writing them down in a card or letter is usually appreciated — if not in the moment, later.
    ~ it is always okay to extend your sympathy and acknowledge sadness. Don’t pretend nothing bad happened, or it becomes “the elephant in the room”
    ~ no comments about “better place” or “everything happens for a reason” or all those bumper-sticker religions. — those are very irritating and upsetting to people. What I say after a suicide is “God’s mercy is wide and deep.”

  • #204570
    Avatar of Northshore
    Northshore
    Participant

    CHAT thread

    It is so important to send a note or to visit a person who has lost someone close. I still occasionally read the sympathy notes and cards that I received when my husband died and I enjoy talking about him with friends and family. But at the time of his sudden death, the only thing that really registered was the presence of people who expressed sympathy. I was very grateful for gifts of food–especially soups that could go in the freezer for later. And your friend would probably appreciate, in a month or so, another note or phone call to see how he is doing. (And don’t be surprised if he is not doing well. I think the shock of a sudden death can delay the recognition of one’s loss.)

  • #204571
    Avatar of ninakk
    ninakk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    I wanted to add that I don’t mind our discussions here the least bit, since this thing goes on basically every level and aspect of life, even if someone else might say otherwise; in my opinion it does. What I meant earlier is that religion is something, which people can have a very silent relationship to here and it’s rather startling how especially American bloggers seem to talk so much about it. I’m getting more used to it being on the surface on a daily basis, though, so don’t mind me :) If nobody else would make me confront it, then at least my mother-in-law; she talks about god in almost every email *phew* Anyway, snosie, questions are usually better than statements if in doubt and other than that I agree with how Ruth put it; way more eloquently than I.

  • #204584
    Avatar of irishbell
    irishbell
    Member

    CHAT thread

    we had a nephew who committed suicide the week after we had just spent a weekend with his parents. it was also my dd’s bday. I had 2 days of b-day parties, sleepovers and family dinners planned and could not be with his parents until the day of the services. even though i was not expecially close to them, all i could say was that i was so so sorry and that my heart was just breaking for them. there are just no words at a time like this, no words at all. a hug, a handhold, tears is sometimes all that is manageable. people understand, i really believe they do.
    (dh and brothers went to their home and shoveled and salted their drive and front porch, picked people up at the airport, others came to their home and cooked for days)i’m sure there’s something you could do.

  • #204591
    Avatar of snosie
    snosie
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Thank you all for your guidance. I really appreciate what you’ve said – I agree, platitudes and empty throw away lines (i like the idea of ‘bumper sticker religion!) are infuriating for me when I’m upset (for whatever reason), so I will stay well away!

    ninakk – I totally understand where you are coming from, I find the same things on some blogs. Generally speaking, I am very private about my faith, it’s only for something like this that I should seek advice about what part it should (or shouldn’t play) and I’m thankful for all the advice before I foolishly did something!

    I will definitely just try to be around and help in whatever way seems to suit at the time.

  • #204601
    Avatar of lucy1965
    lucy1965
    Member

    CHAT thread

    “I’m so very sorry; it’s not fair.” If you knew his sister, perhaps share a good memory about her: “She had the most wonderful laugh/she was so kind/do you remember when she . . . .?”

    If you aren’t close enough to do something personally, you might use a service like Send A Meal, or arrange for housecleaning or an errand running service for a little while.

  • #204675
    Avatar of Ella
    Ella
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    CHAT thread

    What an incredible post on Brooks Palmer’s blog today!

    http://brooks-palmer.blogspot.com/2012/02/opening-up.html

  • #204754
    Avatar of Hansi
    Hansi
    Member

    CHAT thread

    My kitchen today as I entered the door after being on a mini vacation.

  • #204756
    Avatar of Hansi
    Hansi
    Member

    CHAT thread

    I also tried to post a new thread on the forum with my home in pictures but it didn’t work so I temporarily gave up.

  • #204764
    Avatar of bandicoot
    bandicoot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    ella, i read that post late last night here and yes, it is incredible!
    i love the way brooks palmer writes….so spare and economical, but the narrative moves along at a clip.

  • #204789

    CHAT thread

    Snosie,

    Your heart is in the right place and your brain is steering you well.

    My ex has an alarmingly high amount of suicide on his side of the family, so I’ve been in your shoes, not knowing quite what to say – and not religious either.

    His brother shot himself after his wife served him divorce papers (incidentally we got the call the night I was planning to ask for a divorce – which caused me to shelve the idea and try even harder to make things work for another 18 months) and his step sister deliberately overdosed on pills (she was bi-polar and borderline schizophrenic) and half a dozen others in his family are in the grave or on their way due to slow suicidal acts (heavy drug use, drinking themselves to death).

    I applaud you for working hard to find the right thing to do – not the ‘expected’ thing or the ‘traditional’ thing.

    ((hugs))

  • #204899

    CHAT thread

    Just dropping in to say hi. Haven’t been around much but thinking of you all.

  • #204951
    Avatar of Hansi
    Hansi
    Member

    CHAT thread

    My kitchen is now altered. New furniture in others out.

  • #204968
    Avatar of ninakk
    ninakk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Crap. One of my two best friends in Cph just sent me a couple of photos of her belly. She has a little alien in there (well, by now rather large, it’s week 38) and I’m just so incredibly sad I haven’t been able to touch it even once before she gives birth. All of her pregnancy I’ve had a roller-coaster in my own life and it sucks. She’s absolutely beautiful in those pics and I just want to hug her :(

  • #204971
    Avatar of liag
    liag
    Member

    CHAT thread

    It is a sad facet of modern life that we cannot be physically and literally in touch with people we love. I am also, through a tragic situation with my daughter, 1100 miles away, on a roller coaster and unable to even consider going anywhere but to see her. Can you Skype? Send a voice message? Write letters? Send intentional IOU’s about future meetings when your roller coaster ride slows down and with luck stops? I am sorry, ninakk.

  • #204981
    Avatar of ninakk
    ninakk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    thanks for your sympathy, liag. I just turned on iTunes and started rediscovering some healing music of mine. Plus I chuck out bad ones as I stumble upon them :D

  • #204983
    Avatar of lottielot
    lottielot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Aww, ninakk, I know how you feel :( My 3 best friends live 11000 miles away and I miss them all the time. And my horrible dh won’t let me go and visit them because it’s ‘too expensive’ to go with the kids (even though we can afford it), there’s nobody to look after the kids if I go by myself, yet he sees his best friend every year (who lives in the US). Really annoys me, I haven’t seen them in nearly 3 years. And ds1′s best friend is the son of one of my best friends, he would love to see him too.

  • #204984
    Avatar of ninakk
    ninakk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    What’s the logic of that, lottielot??? Silly man your dh :) Doesn’t he already know that a happy wife is a better wife somehow? *scratches her head* I’d fly you there in an instant if I had the money, you know that.

  • #204989
    Avatar of lottielot
    lottielot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Yep, but the man’s a control freak :) He’s a bit concerned about his job right now, so I’m not pushing it…

  • #204997
    Avatar of Ella
    Ella
    Member

    CHAT thread

    I’m spending (wasting) a lot of time on the forum reading today, partly for inspiration (or so I hope), partly for procrastination. So far coming up empty on the first part, but plenty of time-wasting, oh yeah. What to do when your decluttering mojo is out to lunch? Is anybody decluttering today? Anybody out there? I hate to see my motivation going down the drain. “Frittering”… that’s the word my mother used whenever she observed me wasting my time, my life. I fritter, and the clutter accumulates insidiously until I’m buried again and can’t move or breathe.

  • #205000
    Avatar of liag
    liag
    Member

    CHAT thread

    If your frittering is enjoyable and restful, then it is serving a purpose. Consider it like a nap. I call it puttering, and Ido it sometimes int he middle of the night. It beats lying there wide awake waiting for dawn.

  • #205001
    Avatar of Ella
    Ella
    Member

    CHAT thread

    It is neither enjoyable nor restful.

  • #205003
    Avatar of liag
    liag
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Oops. Take a nap instead!

  • #205006
    Avatar of candy
    candy
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Ella, I have today finally, after a week of nothing-nothing-nothing, found the ketchup, and I’ve had a very productive uncluttering day. Don’t worry, your decluttering mojo will come back to you. Maybe it’s just gone away on a short trip to Sweden to visit me?

  • #205007
    Avatar of pkilmain
    pkilmain
    Member

    CHAT thread

    I’m slowly reducing a pile of paper in between helping DH with a computer project – he is not quite computer illiterate, but close…. I’m sorting several year old papers from our church council and saving the ones with no printing on the reverse to use (no confidential info at all – just reports) and send the rest to the recycle box. Hope to finish before lunch time.

  • #205024
    Avatar of Conny
    Conny
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Ella, i thought fritter was a food item. :-))
    I am not decluttering either, “officially” hmmm… yes, i guess that is what the uncluttered here would say, but i am, in a sense doing the sorting that comes *before* decluttering. Putting like things together, seeing what can go to whom (kid and teen stuff mostly) what will be sold, given to donation and so on, because of the way i still think, i want the things that are still OK, to go to the (in my mind) right place.
    There must be a process of learning to let things “just go”. I am still at the stage of “yes, but i want to see/decide who gets what” although ever increasingly a lot more goes to donation bag where i do not have that “control”.

    It could also be that i seem to think i know who would appreciate those things that we have extras of (=the Justin Case items)
    There are several young couples starting out, some with young ‘uns, in our extended family, and if we can give them things they can use and thus help them save money, all the more reason to hold on to the “stuff” until they can look through our stash that i have pre-sorted. It delays my goal, (right now my February goal) but i like the idea of helping out more.

  • #205037
    Avatar of clutterbug22
    clutterbug22
    Member

    CHAT thread

    @ Ella,
    Don’t worry, I haven’t been decluttering much lately either, just tiny things like using up toiletries and getting rid of the odd bits of paper, so consequently haven’t posted them because it doesn’t seem much. I haven’t even completed all january’s ATAD yet though not far to go. It’s probably the February feeling – in January it’s a new start so you feel more energised and motivated etc. The cold weather hasn’t helped, I don’t feel like moving much just wan’t to relax and keep warm!
    Perhaps you can at least put all your paperwork in ‘like with like’ piles, this way you aren’t actually having to think about what to get rid of but at least you are taking the first step to getting your paperwork in order. Good Luck, I’m sure you’ll achieve your February goal in the end!

  • #205041
    Avatar of bandicoot
    bandicoot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    ella….go and look at your beautiful closet.
    remind yourself how it was, just a month ago.
    now cut yourself some slack.
    you have a cold; it is natural to feel a bit crummy.

  • #205062
    Avatar of ninakk
    ninakk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Guess i will be decluttering large soon. Hubby has been psychologically abusive for three years and had yet another fit a couple of hours ago when coming home drunk. Name change, less stress, no abuse, the works.

  • #205063
    Avatar of liag
    liag
    Member

    CHAT thread

    ninakk–Take care of your SELF. Be brave. I have seen my daughter’s struggles with her ex. It is hard to get out, but it is worse to stay. My thoughts are with you. You are one of the best forum writers.

  • #205065
    Avatar of ninakk
    ninakk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Thank you.

  • #205066
    Avatar of liag
    liag
    Member

    CHAT thread

    A therapist and a support group have helped her most of all.

  • #205068
    Avatar of djk
    djk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    dear ninakk, big, big hug and courage to you. Know that folks from around the world are thinking of you with kindness and affection, and want the best for you, whatever form that happens to take.

  • #205069
    Avatar of irishbell
    irishbell
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Ninakk- we all ADORE you! Come here anytime for support, we are with you.
    if you need to be out of your home, go for a walk, a swim, the gym, a drive to the library,museum,
    store- wherever- just go!
    If you have an immediate problem, please do not hesitate call the police. YOU are important.
    xxxooo

  • #205070
    Avatar of ninakk
    ninakk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    I have an appointment to a psychiatric nurse on monday and while it originally was for the lifestyle change/stress eating, i might as well use it for this. I’m mostly worried about the entrance exams.

  • #205072
    Avatar of ninakk
    ninakk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Irish, what tipped the scale permanently was that he actually got violent to physical extent, so for a sec I thought i would call the police. He is a mess.

  • #205073
    Avatar of pkilmain
    pkilmain
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Ninakk, sweetie, please go to your parents or sister if you feel threatened. I’m hoping the violence is related to the drinking, and as such, will subside and you can plan an exit strategy if that’s what’s needed. Big hugs for now!

  • #205076
    Avatar of ninakk
    ninakk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Oh he is sleeping it off, not in the bed though but demonstratively beside the couch on the floor. Just as well, smells like a brewery.

  • #205087
    Avatar of Ella
    Ella
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Dearest Nina, please prepare a small grab-and-go bag. I hope he sleeps it off, but still it’s a long weekend until your appointment. These things can escalate and flare up as quickly as a lighted match. Keep checking in here, because we will be worried for you.

  • #205088
    Avatar of liag
    liag
    Member

    CHAT thread

    NKK: is there a close friend or relative you could go to? Because it doesn’t get better, you know?

  • #205089
    Avatar of sleepykitten
    sleepykitten
    Member

    CHAT thread

    ninakk – I don’t have any experience in what you are dealing with, but my thoughts are also with you! you are very important to all of us here! be careful.

  • #205090
    Avatar of clutterbug22
    clutterbug22
    Member

    CHAT thread

    @ ninakk,
    your situation doesn’t sound as if it is going to have a happy outcome for you, I think you said you’d separated for a while not that long ago and from what you have written lately, he just does not seem interested in making a beneficial relationship together with you. My ex-husband was also psychologically and physically abusive for years before i left him, at one point I genuinely felt that the dirt on the sole of my shoes had more worth than myself because for years he had been telling me that I was worth nothing. I second liags advice and she’s right, it just gets worse.
    Sorry, don’t want to sound downbeat or anything but just recognise the situation too well, take care of yourself.

  • #205092
    Avatar of rutheverhart
    rutheverhart
    Member

    CHAT thread

    @Ella — do you read Brooks Palmer? He had a great post a few days ago about going to the heart of the problem with clutter — that there is often one issue a person has “buried” under their clutter — and they are full of fear about it. I just wonder about your paper — there seems to be something “bigger than life” there — because why is it such a big deal to you? You conquered that closet. Now it sounds like you are procrastinating. I think you will feel tremendous relief when you just confront whatever it is that’s in that pile of paper. Just do it.

    @Ninak — I hope you get out soon and take care of yourself. You are precious. You cannot save him, you can only save yourself.

  • #205094
    Avatar of Ella
    Ella
    Member

    CHAT thread

    rutheverhart: I would indeed be a ripe candidate for Brooks Palmer’s compassionate decluttering guidance. We are talking years of depression, deaths, and multiple other losses all documented in excruciating detail by this gruesome paper trail. I wish I could afford his fee, but it’s not within the realm of possibility.

  • #205097
    Avatar of bandicoot
    bandicoot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    dear ninakk, big huge hugs to you.
    please look after yourself.
    please play it safe. err on the side of caution.
    you do not have to put up with this.

  • #205099
    Avatar of irishbell
    irishbell
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Ella- I recall you saying earlier this paper mess just reminded you of your failure.
    Everybody fails at some point or another, but death and depression are not your failure, are they?
    Have you asked your therapist for advice on this?
    Maybe the reality is you just are not ready to take this on by yoursrlf yet?
    Do you have a friend that could help you make a try at it?
    I honestly haven’t a clue, just trying to look at it from a different angle.
    You have had such success, try to keep that in mind!

  • #205101
    Avatar of chacha1
    chacha1
    Member

    CHAT thread

    +1 to ninakk, prepare that grab&go and please don’t be afraid to leave everything else behind. What’s most important is in your HEAD and HEART. … I’ve had a bastard in my life too, and I wasn’t smart enough to just up and leave him (because it was “too complicated”). We want you safe.

  • #205104
    Avatar of Jennifer
    Jennifer
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Yes nina, please leave if you feel at all threatened or worried. We need you! Big hugs to you.

    And big hugs to Ella too. Are there papers in the pile that you *know* you need to keep? Is there something missing you need to find? What would happen if you just shredded everything? I have no clue what’s there so maybe not an option, but just a thought.

  • #205105
    Avatar of grey
    grey
    Member

    CHAT thread

    oh nina, i’m so sorry. my thoughts are with you. know that we love you and value you’re input here very much. please keep checking in with us if you at all can.

  • #205107

    CHAT thread

    Ninakk: {{{big hugs}}} Stay safe. Have an escape plan if it gets too weird.

  • #205116
    Avatar of luxcat
    luxcat
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Ninakk- everyone else here has better advice than I, but to add a voice- you are worth more than that, do not put up with this sort of bullsh–.

    If you can, keep a little taxi/hotel money and a grab and go bag where he will not notice, and don’t fear to use it if need be.

    I have known many ppl in your shoes, and they were able to build wonderful, wholesome lives after leaving destructive partners. you are an intelligent, wonderful person with a great deal to both give and experience. Do not limit your amazing potential. Be safe.

  • #205120
    Avatar of Netleigh
    Netleigh
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Ninakk, more hugs, hope you find the right solution to the problems with not so dh.

  • #205128
    Avatar of Ella
    Ella
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Nina, I’ve been thinking about you the past few hours. Here’s something you already know but I feel I must say it anyway. He crossed a line into physical violence, and now that line no longer exists, it’s not a barrier any more, drunk or sober. You are at risk for more abuse at a new level. Please be prepared to leave immediately at the first sign of anything further. And continue to let us know how you are.

  • #205131
    Avatar of Netleigh
    Netleigh
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Ninakk,
    Has he woken up yet? Is he showing either contrition or denial? It must be such a scary time for yo uas everyting you’ve been working towards seems in peril. Keep posting here to let us know you are OK.

  • #205133
    Avatar of ninakk
    ninakk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Thanks for your concern guys! I’m okay under the circumstances. Had physiotherapy, then stopped by parents’ place for coffee and talk. Stayed there for a couple of hours. Am at home now and he’s sleeping, turns out the doormen had thrown him out and kicked him in the back and shoulder pretty bad, so he didn’t go to work. He’s violent only when drunk so the worst has blown over, but when someone is to move out this time it’s not me. My sister is in Asia right now and returns tomorrow so I can sleep there the coming night should I want to, and I’ll have a spare bed at parents’. The network is mobilized and I feel in control.

    That’s more than can be said of him though. As predicted, he was full of remorse when calling me while I was still out. All “I’m sorry I did it but you have to understand why”, also as usual. Only this time he crossed some for me more dramatic lines, got physical (grabbed me by the arms to show me how the doormen grabbed him, like it’s relevant to demonstrate…) and spat in my face not once but a few times (he was completely possessed, also as usual). I’ve been able to somehow tolerate the psychological part, but now it has become alarmingly complex. With all the things broken (did I mention those already?) I’m just over it. Not only does he break my heart but he starts to smash stuff, and it’s like he was attacking the extension of me, my safe place. As crazy as it sounds, I feel worse about the space attacks than the words directed at me.

  • #205135
    Avatar of Ella
    Ella
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Thank god you’re safe for now. Good that sister and parents are on alert. What are your plans for today, besides cleaning up the debris? Can you stay in constant contact with us or a friend or someone nearby? I wish I was there to give you a hug and a helping hand right now.

  • #205137
    Avatar of candy
    candy
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Oh dear, ninakk – now I get the explanation to the smashed things in the ATAD thread. This is really not good, I can just add to what the others already has said: take care of yourself. You are worth so much more than this abusive relationship! *hugs*

    You say that “when someone is to move out this time it’s not me” – do you have a plan for making him move out?

    We’re here for you!

    And Ella, big hugs to you as well! Depression and deaths and such are not your fault! I’m sure that you will find a way to deal with it. Don’t be too hard on yourself, I’m sure that there are some (relatively seen) easier papers to start with and then you can feel at least a small victory.

  • #205138
    Avatar of Nina
    Nina
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Dear Nina, I’m sorry to hear about all you are going through. I’m glad you have people close by that you can go to and are there for you and hope you do leave the house when things turn ugly like last night. Take care of yourself. Nina

  • #205140
    Avatar of clutterbug22
    clutterbug22
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Dear ninakk,
    Have just read your post above and the one on ATAD re: the smashed up stuff. So sorry to hear about the extent of what you had to go through last night, it must have been very frightening. I know, I’ve been through a similar situation although not so much from out-of-control drunken behaviour with my ex as from severe possessive behaviour. And I also had the repentent remorse afterwards and with the ‘but’ following it, ie the underlying blame aimed towards yourself, eg, ‘you made me do it, it’s all your fault’ etc and I can say that they will always blame yourself or external factors for why they behave in this way forevermore. This certainly isn’t a healthy situation, do tell us how it is going today.

  • #205141
    Avatar of ninakk
    ninakk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Thanks again, it’s okay for now! I’ll keep you posted and yes, candy, I’m hoping to see a change rather soon. I can’t live with the uncertainty anymore and don’t wish to keep my guards up in my own home the way I’ve done for quite some time already.

  • #205173
    Avatar of Northshore
    Northshore
    Participant

    CHAT thread

    Nina, so sorry to hear about your troubles. Sending hugs. Stay safe!

  • #205188
    Avatar of lottielot
    lottielot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Hugs, ninakk :) You sound like you’re going through a lot lately…

  • #205197
    Avatar of Conny
    Conny
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Only just read all about your troubling situation Nina, and do hope you make use of the support around you.
    Is there a way you can change the locks, pack his stuff and deposit all of that somewhere neutral?
    Keep/change the number of your parents in your phone in a quick dial.
    Just some ideas…
    keep safe.

  • #205199
    Avatar of mskris
    mskris
    Member

    CHAT thread

    I just read your posts and the subsequent ones, NKK. I’m so very sorry to hear it. Take care of yourself – YOU are the only one who’ll look out for YOU. It sounds like you’ve given him plenty of chances and time to overcome his demons and he hasn’t been able to do so. I agree with you that it’s time to make a major change. You need to protect yourself – I’m so glad you have somewhere to go. Don’t hesitate to seek help if you need it. It’s so very sad when a situation like this develops, but it sounds as though you’ve been trying to make things work for a very long time. Best wishes for a much happier future!

  • #205214
    Avatar of Astreja
    Astreja
    Participant

    CHAT thread

    Nina, I’m seconding Conny’s suggestion to change the locks. Physical abuse, even the threat of it, is IMO a deal-breaker. Your personal safety trumps everything, including someone else’s feelings or potential inconvenience at being uncluttered from your life.

  • #205217
    Avatar of ninakk
    ninakk
    Member
  • #205218
    Avatar of ninakk
    ninakk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    thanks ladies!

  • #205225
    Avatar of Jennifer
    Jennifer
    Member

    CHAT thread

    I wasn’t sure where to post this, but it’s a smartphone app for removing yourself from mailing lists.

    http://lifehacker.com/5883999/paperkarma-stops-junk-mail-with-a-snap-of-a-photo

  • #205227
    Avatar of Charity
    Charity
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Sorry to read all that Ninakk, it sounds like a horrible place to be, but you can get to a better one in time.

  • #205229
    Avatar of paisley
    paisley
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Ninakk– I am new to this forum and have only posted a couple times, but I want you to know that the circle of people concerned about your welfare probably goes beyond what you even realize. I hope you find strength in that there are so many of us who are here to support you.

  • #205233
    Avatar of mdfloyd
    mdfloyd
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Nina: I’m with Astreja here. Physical abuse trumps everything else. Change the locks. Call the support system. Do whatever you need to do. You are too important and valuable to suffer with this kind of stuff. We all are!

    A good therapist is worth their weight in gold.

  • #205234
    Avatar of Ella
    Ella
    Member

    CHAT thread

    ninakk: Just by way of suggestion… you might find the writings of Pema Chodron helpful during this time.

  • #205239
    Avatar of bandicoot
    bandicoot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    ok, who tagged the greek spam thread with “o, for pity’s sake?”.
    i haven’t stopped snickering all morning.

  • #205242
    Avatar of Ella
    Ella
    Member

    CHAT thread

    hehehe…

  • #205244

    CHAT thread

    ???? ???? ??????!
    I just figured it was Charity’s MIL posting . . . .

  • #205281
    Avatar of sleepykitten
    sleepykitten
    Member

    CHAT thread

    @ninakk – I really enjoy the Be More With Less blog as well as her Project 333. I check that one regularly (along with Unclutterer).

    I also really like Miss Minimalist – in fact, I think she may be my favorite, though she posts somewhat infrequently.

  • #205295
    Avatar of liag
    liag
    Member

    CHAT thread

    For fun: Things Organized Neatly.

  • #205297
    Avatar of starlight
    starlight
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Call me a lurker, but I just registered to say this.

    @ninakk Even though how horrible everything seems. If people truthfully and honestly in their heart want to change and strive for change then everyone deserves that chance.

  • #205300
    Avatar of irishbell
    irishbell
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Oh, i agree- absolutely everybody deserves as many chances as it takes,
    as long as its not hurting anyone else in the process.
    And sometimes, one can only change when they are alone.
    Ninakk, maybe your h will get his act together one day,
    but you don’t have to wait around for it!
    ( not one more word from me on this! :-) )

  • #205301
    Avatar of irishbell
    irishbell
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Liag- lol! Its a website, and i thought you were making a game of organizing things!

  • #205302
    Avatar of liag
    liag
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Lol indeed, Irishbell! Have you gone to the site? I love it.

  • #205308
    Avatar of Conny
    Conny
    Member

    CHAT thread

    @liag: I bet if i took a pic of (part of) my collection display and sent it in, it might make it there too….Thanks for pointing out that website. I know some artsy folks in my family who will love to have a look at it- if they don’t know it already.

  • #205309
    Avatar of liag
    liag
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Hope they like it. It goes along with the neurosis of uncluttering obsessively!

  • #205332
    Avatar of grey
    grey
    Member

    CHAT thread

    I haven’t seen PJ in a while… since shortly after her ordination i think. did she say something about being a way for a while? i miss her!

  • #205336
    Avatar of pkilmain
    pkilmain
    Member

    CHAT thread

    PJ was going to San Francisco on vacation a couple days after her dad’s surgery. But where is Lucy lately??

  • #205444
    Avatar of Ella
    Ella
    Member

    CHAT thread

    ninakk: It would be good to hear from you. Worried a bit….

  • #205448
    Avatar of liag
    liag
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Thinking same thing here.

  • #205464
    Avatar of PJ
    PJ
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Hi all!

    I’m not quite caught up on a week’s worth of posts in the forums, but I can see it’s been an interesting week around here …

    A few quick comments, in no particular order:

    1. My dad is doing well and is at home, I saw him today and even peeked at his surgical scar, which is nearly healed.
    2. I had a good time on holiday, and wish I had come home to a nice neat house – sorry, I’ve forgotten who posted a pic of what they came home too that was so neat and tiday, but I have to say that I’m jealous, um, I mean, motivated!
    3. I teared up a little when I read grey’s post above ^ asking about me. Says sappily, “I love you guys!”
    4. I am also a little worried for ninakk, and if you are reading this, I hope you knows that you are a marvellous human being who deserves to be treated well and feel safe in your own home.
    5. Ella, hope you’re not too discouraged by your paper project progressing more slowly than your closet project did. Do you need to re-group in some way, build in more rewards for yourself or take things more slowly, or enlist the help of a friend or find a good book to motivate you or …? Your closet project showed you that sometimes it’s a matter of approaching it in the right way or at the right time, so I’m sure you’ll be able to figure out how to tame that paper monster!
    6. In case anyone is wondering, the sky is blue in my part of the world … or at least, it would be if it wasn’t night.

    Now, I’m going to go post in one of the “getting things done” threads!

  • #205471
    Avatar of grey
    grey
    Member

    CHAT thread

    yay! glad to have you back PJ!

  • #205476
    Avatar of ninakk
    ninakk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Thanks for the warm thoughts once again. I’m completely exhausted and the weekend was the worst of my life. We talked for hours, cried, talked more, watched some tv to clear the heads a bit and talked again. Awful. During the process it became very clear to me that, while I knew I need to work things out on my end in my own way and tempo the way he should as well, I actually have much deeper scars than anticipated. Allowed myself to be a victim, because even if I was in control in the beginning, allowing the bad things to be said over and over, at some point I had heard them enough times to actually get sucked into it and this is the part that hit me yesterday; I really did become a victim of psychological abuse and while thinking I still had control actually had lost slowly when it just slipped away. I need to get to terms with this in me as well as my tendency to blame if not people per se then at least circumstances when I’m scared of failure and everything already mentioned in my fear thread. I have a dear friend who was in love with two guys at the same time, which led to her betraying her boyfriend while having a few-months long affair. She just didn’t know what to do anymore and it was a mess, but at some point she chose the boyfriend. Later she said she had to live forever with the knowledge of her being capable of doing such a thing and I think it took her a long time to forgive herself. The knowledge part is what I’m referring to in my case, to know that we have it in ourselves to hurt ourselves and others; it’s hard to live with and come to terms with. Thanks again for your support, it means a lot when I’ve exhausted most options in friends already; I just can’t burden them anymore and my family has had enough soon, too. Have the psychiatric nurse appointment in a couple of hours, but can’t say I’m looking forward to it even though it will be good for me.

  • #205477
    Avatar of clutterbug22
    clutterbug22
    Member

    CHAT thread

    PJ, Glad you had a nice break and that your Dad is doing well!

  • #205478
    Avatar of ninakk
    ninakk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Glad to hear your dad is well, PJ.

    Re:lucy, I think she had to take a break, she sounded very fed up in the Uncluttering = Freedom thread.

  • #205479
    Avatar of clutterbug22
    clutterbug22
    Member

    CHAT thread

    @ ninakk, Good Luck with the nurse, take care of yourself and take it slowly, it must be very overwhelming at the moment, an awful lot has happened to you recently.

  • #205484

    CHAT thread

    PJ: I am SOOO glad that your father is home and doing well!
    Ninakk — I am very relieved that you checked in — worried about you! We are all human and have within us the full and terrible range of human behaviors and feelings. A friend of mine likes to tell this story:

    An elderly Cherokee Native American was teaching his grandchildren about life…

    He said to them, “A fight is going on inside me, it is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves.

    One wolf is evil — he is fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, competition, superiority, and ego.

    The other is good—he is joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.

    This same fight is going on inside you, and inside every other person, too.”

    They thought about it for a minute and then one child asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

    The old Cherokee simply replied: “The one you feed”.

  • #205494
    Avatar of mskris
    mskris
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Susan: I love that story – I’ve heard it before and it’s so true. Right now I’m struggling with the bitterness I feel about my job. Even though I’m leaving, I’m finding it hard to leave behind the negative feelings and the things that happened. I’m trying to view it as a learning experience and move on without bitterness, but still find myself cursing (to myself) some of the key players who contributed to my downfall here.

    Nina: don’t beat yourself up – we all allow ourselves to become victims at times – I did here at my job. I finally had enough and moved on – which is what you need to do. Forgive yourself, acknowledge your part in allowing the victimization to occur and continue, and then move on! Great things await you!

  • #205504
    Avatar of lottielot
    lottielot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Ninakk: glad to hear you are ok :)
    Mskris: you will recover from your toxic workplace. I felt very bitter about the last place I worked, it was full of bitchiness and nasty characters and people not treated well. After I left the company pretty much imploded, and I was glad to hear that the people who deserved it the most were shown the door. Or better: they had to stay and do the work of 5 people <evil laugh> The decent people went on to better things, I helped a few of them get a job at the much nicer previous workplace where I still had contacts :) I also had my ex-boss from the nice company ring up and ask about one of the awful characters I worked with who had applied for a job with them. I suggested a 10 foot pole wouldn’t be long enough :) Stay professional and know that nasty people often get their comeuppance, and even if they don’t you are well shot of them!

  • #205521
    Avatar of liag
    liag
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Keep on trucking, Ninakk. You are our hero.

  • #205545
    Avatar of Netleigh
    Netleigh
    Member

    CHAT thread

    PJ, glad to see you back and that your Dad is healing well.

    Ninakk, even if you feel your situation is too much to burden friends with, do still unload your problems here, we can cope! You will get to a better place with relationships and you do deserve to not have fear.

  • #205548
    Avatar of liag
    liag
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Friends feel better when you let them help. And you are the one to set the terms of the type and extent of that help. (You would help your friends, right? You would doubtless feel worse not helping if you could.)

  • #205549
    Avatar of candy
    candy
    Member

    CHAT thread

    ninakk, please don’t be to hard on yourself. We all make mistakes, we all get dragged into situations (or jump into them) that with hindsight we may come to regret. From what I’ve seen of you here on this forum, you are an intelligent, strong woman and you will get through this eventually, and come out stronger on the other side.

    Just make sure to take care of yourself. You may feel that you have to take responsibility for yourself and your husband and the rest of the world on top of that, but in reality you must take care of yourself first, otherwise you will never have any strenght left to take care of anyone else. At least that’s what I believe. I call it my philosophy of responsible selfishness :)

  • #205550
    Avatar of candy
    candy
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Mmmmkay… why can’t I see my last post in this thread? Strange.

  • #205554
    Avatar of Conny
    Conny
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Happy Valentine’s day to one and all. ! <3
    Hope you all get yummy consumables or a treat that does not clutter!

  • #205564
    Avatar of pkilmain
    pkilmain
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Ah, Candy, it’s the “you can’t see a page til there’s 4 or 5 posts on it.” I used to think it was only the ultra-long posts, but this one is comparatively normal in length. Who knows what causes it? Some glitch in the software I’m sure, and not worth the trouble to debug (at least on the part of the programmers). Hang tough, it will appear.

  • #205566
    Avatar of Ella
    Ella
    Member

    CHAT thread

    By now we have enough posts to show them all on this new page. But in future, if your post isn’t appearing, just change the url to the next page number and voila!

  • #205569
    Avatar of pkilmain
    pkilmain
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Oh, duh! I never really look closely at the URL and when I do it’s to see which thread I am in….. Thanks, Ella.

  • #205576
    Avatar of PJ
    PJ
    Member

    CHAT thread

    How 24 hours change things …

    My dad is back in hospital – actually, he was last night when I posted, they just hadn’t called to tell the kids as they weren’t sure it was really a big problem. Dad was having some pain in his shoulder, quite severe. To be on the safe side, they called the ambulance. He was admitted for some tests which apparently couldn’t be done until today – they thought maybe it was just a muscle spasm but could be he had a blood clot. The pain was gone by morning, but after waiting for hours to have the CT scan (and – still, tonight – not having had the ultrasound done yet) and to get the results, they decided he does have a blood clot in his lung and they have started him on blood thinners. He is *very* unhappy to be back in hospital after a few precious days in his own home and his own bed. He will probably be a miserable patient for them …

    Nina, what you said resonated a lot with me – I had a relationship once with a guy who was very good at sarcastic humour. “I was just joking” was his excuse, but the fact is, what he said was very very hurtful and it sunk in and badly affected my self-esteem, although I couldn’t see it at the time. In fact, a year after we broke up, when I started dating someone who was very effusive with the compliments, I felt like I didn’t deserve them! Took me a while to realize I was still processing the previous relationship’s impact on me. Coming to the decision that I wouldn’t ever allow myself to be treated that way again took a while longer. And I know what you mean about not feeling like you can burden friends. Boyfriend 2 also turned out to be not such a great guy (cheated on me), and in both cases I stayed far too long in the relationship. That means my friends were treated to 7-8 years of complaints, concerns, and drama, but with me persistently staying in the relationship(s) despite all the issues. I was down to only a couple of people who could stand to hear me talk about it, and they only did because I had really been there for them through some rocky times. So talk away here … I would have loved a safe and supportive place like this back then!

    Oh, and mskris, good for you on leaving the toxic work environment. I saw a friend go through much the same process once, and can tell you that she has become wildly successful in her new place, partly because she learned SO much about poor management vs good management. She also learned to spots the signs that someone is manipulating, triangulating, or abusing her in any way, so she can stop the person in their tracks.

  • #205585
    Avatar of ninakk
    ninakk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    all the best to you dad, PJ! hope he will have a speedy recovery.
    mskris, good for you for being able to break the toxic pattern!

    i’m so glad there is positive energy in the forum again after a few days of near silence and edginess.

  • #205693
    Avatar of clutterbug22
    clutterbug22
    Member

    CHAT thread

    @PJ, Hope your Dad feels better soon.

    @ Lottielot, Good Luck with your interview tomorrow, are you ready and feeling confident? I expect it is a bit difficult trying to prepare yourself for it and having the kids off school at the same time.

  • #205742
    Avatar of chacha1
    chacha1
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    CHAT thread

    Completely trivial comment coming up. It is a blustery “winter” day in L.A., meaning wind and clouds and occasional drops of precipitation. So rush hour is going to suck because people panic when the sky is grey (they really do). On top of that the President is in town and will be on the move at rush hour. DH and I have a coaching session scheduled tonight 26 miles south of us. I am wondering if we should cancel. Don’t want to, but also don’t want to spend two hours getting there.

  • #205752
    Avatar of ninakk
    ninakk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Is it tomorrow, your interview? lottieeeeloooot? Hello? Am I supposed to cross fingers all day or what?

    chacha1, trivial is good sometimes :) I can’t imagine commuting daily in hour-long queues, which normally take 15-20 minutes. Hope you’re enjoying whichever decision you end up making.

  • #205755
    Avatar of clutterbug22
    clutterbug22
    Member

    CHAT thread

    chacha1, did you go in the end?

  • #205759

    CHAT thread

    Been having a bad week depression wise. Pretty much if you barely see me – that’s depression.

    Absolutely no reason to be depressed. But there you go.

    @NinaKK, @PJ – Hugs! Hope all is improving for you.
    @Chacha1 – Good luck!

  • #205765
    Avatar of irishbell
    irishbell
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Celeb- do you have a therapist, do you take any meds for depression?
    Just wondering if you’ve received any professional help?
    I don’t have any experience in this but I don’t think with clinical depression , you need a reason
    to be depressed. We’re all good listeners here!

  • #205768
    Avatar of grey
    grey
    Member

    CHAT thread

    celeb – i’ve been there. no reason for the sad days, but they still come. definitely see a therapist or talk to your doctor about it if you haven’t. and just know that there are people who empathize and care about you!

    hugs all around! what i wouldn’t give to actually live near you all and be able to help – real, tangible, physical help – you in your various struggles. but alas all i can offer are kind thoughts and a listening ear via the internet. you are all very special!

  • #205775
    Avatar of bandicoot
    bandicoot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    pj….lots of good thoughts for your dad. i hope he is mending as we speak….i perfectly understand the burning desire to be home in one’s own bed.

    ninakk, i think of you every day. i believe that tough times give opportunity for growth, in a way that good times simply do not.
    i know you are probably thinking sheesh, how much growth do i need already? :) but seriously, if you can use the pain to move forward into something better, then it has a point to it. hang in there, my friend.

    i am surrounded by the sounds of tiles chipping off the walls and being jackhammered off the floor and concrete flooring is being chopped open for new drainpipes.
    it is terrible, but wonderful, at the same time.
    the cats are in two camps….half have fled to the workshop and down the end of the garden.
    and the other half are hanging aroundlooking a bit anxious and needing reassurance from time to time.

  • #205799

    CHAT thread

    @Irish Bell and @Grey – Thanks for your care. It means a lot to me, to have people who will encourage me when I’m down.

    I’m on anti-depressants, and I see a psychologist at the moment. I get 6 visits a year covered by health care. It keeps me level when I have no stress, but anything can tip me over. I’m in the process of trying to convince my dr to up my med dose. But I think that she’ll want to send me to a psychiatrist, and I’ve already done that one and don’t want to start that round again. (Been diagnosed with depression for 21 years now, but had it since I was in my teens).

    The hardest thing when I’m down is to realise that it’s only temporary. I know it in my head, but my heart says this is how it is forever. I wish my heart and my head would organise between themselves.

  • #205800
    Avatar of lottielot
    lottielot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Clutterbug and ninakk: you may uncross your fingers, interview done and dusted! Weirdly I wasn’t too scared, I think going for my job interview and getting it and having to put myself out there in lots of new situations recently has really helped my confidence. And I was going to say that working with kids in the house is a doddle after years of doing it…except this morning my kids decided to draw on the landing carpet in felt-tip pen. Maybe it’s a good thing I’ve been procrastinating so long on that new carpet! Dh is going to go mental. I thought they’d outgrown that stage aged about 5, but clearly not.
    PJ: hope your dad is home by now and doing better.
    Celeb: you don’t need a reason for a bad day with depression, they just happen. Try to go for a walk outside, you may feel better even just for a short time.

  • #205816
    Avatar of clutterbug22
    clutterbug22
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Lottielot,
    Glad your interview went well and it’s must be nice to not have to think about it now, one less thing to do!
    Gosh, what exactly did the boys draw on your carpet or is is just random scribble! Did you ask them what the idea was behind it?! Not sure how you clean that off if it non-washable felt tip, might have to be a quick cover up with a rug type of solution, hope your dh doesn’t go too mad!

    Celeb, I second what lottielot says about getting yourself out and going out for a short walk, it does seem to make you feel a bit more energised and it takes your mind off things and gives you a more motivated perspective.

  • #205817
    Avatar of Conny
    Conny
    Member

    CHAT thread

    @lottilot: perhaps benzine ( gasoline/petrol) might work getting out stains…? try it on a tiny part with a q-tip or such…

    @ celeb, yep, going out for a walk does help a bit. Any chance you can walk a dog for someone? that might do you double good, as dogs can lift your spirits too.

  • #205839
    Avatar of lottielot
    lottielot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Luckily the carpet is 15 years old, covered in stains and desperately needs replacing. Maybe even dh will agree on that now :) It’s quite funny, the kids have covered it up so their dad can’t see it, I’m enjoying watching them sweat! Will teach the little sods a lesson…

  • #205873
    Avatar of lottielot
    lottielot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Oh dear, dh found out and went completely mental, as predicted…Cue lots of tears before bedtime. Whereas I shouted and yelled and was intent on making sure such a thing did not happen again, dh was intent on punishment and making the kids feel as bad as possible. He is really not rational sometimes, this carpet is so old and threadbare and covered in stains that it’s actually quite embarrassing when people come over. No, they should not have done it, but it’s not like they damaged something of any value. Luckily he’s out tonight, hopefully he will have calmed down by tomorrow…

  • #205897
    Avatar of clutterbug22
    clutterbug22
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Oh dear, Lottielot, sounds a bit stressful. Did you try anything that might get the marks out? Hope he does calm down a bit and did he ask how your interview went in all the commotion?

  • #205902
    Avatar of lottielot
    lottielot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    The kids have scrubbed it so there’s a pink stain left but not much more :) He’s still cross though, and I’m cross that he refuses to change the carpet when it’s so old and manky that it actually looked better with a few drawings on it :) Especially when I know he’s going to have to spend at least £1000 getting the decking and garden landscaping done outside. The man drives me insane!
    Which is ok as my kids have driven me insane already, going to the supermarket with my kids in tow is enough to test the patience of a saint…
    And dh has just invited his friends over for a card night, luckily I uncluttered the dining room the other day and the kitchen is respectable enough. A quick vacuum and tidy and it’s not terrible, well apart from his bike in the dining room and all the bike paraphenalia which has no home!

  • #205908
    Avatar of clutterbug22
    clutterbug22
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Lottielot, Perhaps you should station his bike and all his new bike gear just inside the front door just before his mates arrive so it’ll inconvenience him when he’s letting them in and so you can hint on getting some proper bike storage!!
    Sounds like a couple of glasses of wine might be in order tonight to relax after a dramatic week!

  • #205930
    Avatar of lottielot
    lottielot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Lol, clutterbug :) You’re right about the wine though, been a weird week. I get to run off all my stress on Sunday at my half marathon, can’t wait!

  • #205941

    CHAT thread

    Oh, lottielot!

    My ex used to go utterly mental on the kids. It was so bad I would go off on them in front of him harsher than I usually would hoping it would stave him off, then when I realized what I was doing – well, it was another step towards realizing he was no good for me OR my children.

    I think one of the utterly worst things each of them ever did was empty out a brand new container of baby powder. You’d think after the first time I’d keep it under lock and key, but noooo. Each one of my children did it at least once, and OMG that stuff is the worst to clean up!

    I was torn between feeling awful for you and the slightly insane urge to giggle at the kids trying to cover it up – my four year old does the same and it’s so sneaky.

  • #205942
    Avatar of clutterbug22
    clutterbug22
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Last year I found an egg in the washing machine (Thanks DS!). Luckily I noticed it before it got covered up with clothes and then put through a wash, can you imagine the scrambled egg scenario!

    Cheers, Lottielot, (raises a glass of red)!

  • #205963
    Avatar of lottielot
    lottielot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Omg: an egg! That is hilarious :)
    Dh is not that bad, but he’s unaware of how his heavy-handed approach affects us all. He has a lot of upheaval at work right now and he tends to take out stress on his family, so I can see why he’s doing it. It’s still hard to live with. It’s funny how his tantrums always seem to centre round material objects, his rants usually revolve round how his family disrespects the stuff which *he* works so hard to pay for. A psychoanalyst would have a field day with him…I need to have a quiet word with him some time and let him know it’s not on.

  • #205995
    Avatar of clutterbug22
    clutterbug22
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    CHAT thread

    Lottielot,
    Hope things are calmer now!!
    Have a good Half-Marathon run (?Sunday), hope the weather is good for you.

  • #206019
    Avatar of djk
    djk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Yes Lottielot, have a great run!

    I’ve been learning something slowly–to not stock up on things.
    In many ways I’m not a stockpiler but when it comes to pantry items/food and toiletries, I have a tendency to see having only a few left of something to be out of it.
    For the staples like TP or coffee filters or dishsoap, it’s obvious that when we are down to a certain level we will run out before the stores re-open after the weekend, so it is only good planning to ensure we don’t have to go to the airport or a main train station where there is a shop open on Sundays, to get TP!

    However, I am learning that it’s enough to have one milk, one spare can of tomatoes, to wait until the coffee is down to a quarter before buying a new bag.

    We live amongst many shops, (granted, no Sunday shopping, and limited opening hours compared to North American cities of the same size) but still, it is easy enough to replace what we need in good time without needing a packed fridge and pantry.
    This frees up a surprising amount of space, and looks a lot better when our small flat isn’t packed full.

  • #206029
    Avatar of bandicoot
    bandicoot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    pj….how is your dad doing?

    celebkiri….nobody needs a reason for depression. please be kind to yourself.
    there was a wonderful line in a movie trailer the other day:
    everything will be alright in the end.
    if things are not alright, it is because it is not the end!

  • #206033
    Avatar of Hansi
    Hansi
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Yesterday I bought a new laundry basket that will replace my old 1950s heavy plastic one (it is about 10 kilos) to a new one that is foldable when not used, I love it as it is recycled as well. And I am going to give the other one away next week along with a carload with stuff. Many stuff gone.

    I asked a houseguest what she thinks about my home, empty she said. Then I asked her if there ias anything she lacks in my home and she said that I should get a sofa since I only got 2 armchairs.

    Since I explained why I don’t have a sofa she said that other than that she said my home was very functional.

    I have more goals and I am going to order a new backpack since I gave mine away today. It was 16 years old and in good shape but not functional for my new demands. The new one will be much more in sync with my needs. But should I order the big one or small one?

  • #206036
    Avatar of clutterbug22
    clutterbug22
    Member

    CHAT thread

    @ Hansi,
    I suppose it depends on how much stuff you plan to pack in it. If you get a small one will it be big enough for any future needs when you might need to carry more. Is it for travelling or just every-day?

  • #206037
    Avatar of Hansi
    Hansi
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    CHAT thread

    Its actually for both. Thats the hard part. I need it to fit my basic work needs and to be able to fill it with gym clothers and a change to be the best match.

    I think a 25-30 liter would be perfect.

  • #206038
    Avatar of lottielot
    lottielot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Did my half marathon, completely worn out now! Dh has been very sweet and cooked me a nice dinner 2 nights in a row :) I have stacks of uni work and the boys’ rooms to finish off but think an early night is called for instead…Almost all the slings are sold, need to run them through the machine quickly ready to send off tomorrow. It did take me most of yesterday to field emails etc but I will have made about £200 so not bad for a day’s work :)

  • #206050
    Avatar of bandicoot
    bandicoot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    hansi, i can live out of 32 litre backpack for six weeks…..i haven’t tested it beyond that :)
    32 litres isn’t too large to use as a daypack/work bag either….even if you only carry a small amount of stuff.
    i usually buy timbuk2 bags from ebay.
    i have a h.a.l. and a hemlock backpack and both are extremely light and tough.
    the h.a.l. has more organisation in it.

  • #206166
    Avatar of ninakk
    ninakk
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    CHAT thread

    Wow, lottielot, half marathon done! Congrats, I would have liked to stand at the finishing line offering you a towel, beverage and hog, not necessarily in that order.

    Enjoyed the egg story and believe I will have a hard time containing myself one day, because I’m known for occasional uncontrollable giggles at inappropriate times.

    eta:
    10 posts in a row, beat that :P

  • #206167
    Avatar of bandicoot
    bandicoot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    heavens lottielot…..that is what? 21 kilometres?
    i feel faint.
    you must be as fit as a fiddle.

  • #206176
    Avatar of clutterbug22
    clutterbug22
    Member

    CHAT thread

    @lottielot, congrats on getting through the Half-marathon, was the weather ok on Sunday? (weather turned wet and miserable on Sat, where I am, improved Sun tho’).
    Well done re: the slings, quite a nice windfall!

  • #206184
    Avatar of lottielot
    lottielot
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    CHAT thread

    The weather was bright but cold, I had to hang about for 15 minutes at the end and thought I’d get hypothermia! I can’t say I enjoyed it, I found it really tough but I did it with a friend and we encouraged each other around. I was coming down with a cold though and now it’s hit me full on, luckily uni is quiet this week so I can do the minimum. Dosed up on Nurofen and feeling like crap, just waiting for it to go! I haven’t been sick in a couple of years so I’m not feeling very patient!
    I have £250 in my Paypal account from all the slings, and one left to sell. I have to pay postage but I reckon I will finally clear £275ish, not bad! At this rate I can pay for a new carpet myself :) I’m going to look on eBay for what wooden train track goes for, maybe I may sell that instead of giving it away, if it’s worth my while.

  • #206187
    Avatar of clutterbug22
    clutterbug22
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Lottielot, wow, you did really well with the money for the slings! Hope you feel better soon, I expect your body could do with a rest after that long run and all those trips heaving heavy bricks to the tip! Are you taking up weight training as well as running? lol!

  • #206189
    Avatar of Charity
    Charity
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    CHAT thread

    Very impressive, both running and selling. I’m supposed to be doing the Olympic park Run at the end of March but I don’t think I will to be honest, I just haven’t had time to train properly. I was over-optimistic when I applied.

  • #206196
    Avatar of lottielot
    lottielot
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    CHAT thread

    Clutterbug: carrying bricks about is my alternative core workout :)
    Charity: we are all always overoptimistic when we sign up for races! There are plenty more races out there though, sign up for a more distant one once you have your studying done. I think I’ll do a 10k next, I’ve never done that distance in a race but can do it easily for a training session. Goodness knows how people find the time to train for full marathons…
    Big mug of lemon and honey, Nurofen and now I have to tackle some uni work I’ve been procrastinating on.

  • #206197
    Avatar of Charity
    Charity
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    CHAT thread

    I just feel guilty because I have friends who failed to get places; need ot figure out if I can transfer it. It’s only 5 miles, so 8k I guess, and I can that just not in one go as yet!

  • #206198
    Avatar of lottielot
    lottielot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Charity: usually you can transfer a place but need to pay an admin fee and do it before a deadline. Or you could just give your friend your race number, it’s not like they ask for ID :)
    Somebody kick me if I don’t post on here later saying I’ve done some uni work…

  • #206215
    Avatar of clutterbug22
    clutterbug22
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Lottielot, Have you been doing your UNI work?!!!:)

  • #206217
    Avatar of lottielot
    lottielot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Thank you, clutterbug, lol! Yes, I did an hour or so before the school run, just had a nap as I felt terrible and can do another hour after I’ve sorted dinner, laundry, kids to karate etc. Tomorrow I have to go in to uni to work through a software tutorial, so I’m thinking I won’t go to the governors’ meeting in the afternoon as I’ll be wiped out. I should be starting my data analysis for my project, but that requires serious brain power beyond my current capacity, may have to wait for next week…

  • #206221
    Avatar of irishbell
    irishbell
    Member

    CHAT thread

    At our big bday bash Sunday, I noticed my dads GF nudging him over to me.
    He proceeded to tell me he’d had a biopsy done on a spot on his elbow that he’d had for over a year.
    It’s skin cancer and he’s having it removed in a few days. The GF then went on to say the dr. was concerned that maybe
    it had gone into the bone since it had been there so long and there’s very little skin padding that part of the elbow.
    He said the “nurse” who called to schedule the procedure just said skin cancer, nothing else. No particular name, and of
    course being the ostrich he is, he didn’t ask anymore questions!!! Wahhhhh.
    I’m thinking it’s not a melanoma, or she would have said so.
    Strange that the dr. would have brought up the bone issue without any further talk about it.
    He didnt tell my sis or bro either.
    He’s had other spots removed that turned out fine,so it’s likely this will turn out to be like the others, I’m hoping.
    Guess we’ll have to wait and see.

  • #206231
    Avatar of djk
    djk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Irishbell, I’m sorry to hear about your dad. I hope all goes well and everything shows up as ok at the doctor’s!

  • #206244
    Avatar of Swede
    Swede
    Member

    CHAT thread

    I’m too tired to add anything of importance. Just wanted to share a pic of my shredder. It’s awesome. I can recommend it to anyone who’s looking for a new shredder. It’s not completely silent, you can normally hear a low purring sound. Watch your fingers as it’s very sharp! I hear it comes in a wide range of colours too! And there are not many shredders on the market that are this cuddly and cute. ;)

    (I really hope the pic works!!)

  • #206246
    Avatar of Ella
    Ella
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Can’t see the pic, Swede. But I do fully understand shredder love! I hope you’ll be able to soon shred some of the wretched stuff pertaining to your old job. I’ll be cheering and raising my glass to you this Friday. Your new job sounds so wonderful!

  • #206248
    Avatar of Swede
    Swede
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Said shredder is trying to lie on the computer and on my hand as I’m trying to type but I think its working now? :)

  • #206249
    Avatar of lottielot
    lottielot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Yes, and this particular shredder is also multifunctional :)

  • #206250
    Avatar of candy
    candy
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Awwwww!!! That is one cute shredder! :)

  • #206251
    Avatar of Ella
    Ella
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Ohhhh THAT kind of shredder! Adorable! And so efficient!

  • #206252
    Avatar of Swede
    Swede
    Member

    CHAT thread

    I just wish he wouldn’t shred the junk mail all over the hallway floor while I’m at work. It’s a mess to clean, I keep finding bits of paper in the whole apartment. Hehe.

  • #206255
    Avatar of bandicoot
    bandicoot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    lovely shredder, swede!

  • #206258
    Avatar of pkilmain
    pkilmain
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Yes very cute! I have a different model, one that is most fond of shredding the “date due” library slips.

  • #206263
    Avatar of irishbell
    irishbell
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Djk- thanks!
    I suppose I was thinking out loud, but really wondering if
    anyone here has had any experience with skin cancer issues?

  • #206266
    Avatar of Northshore
    Northshore
    Participant

    CHAT thread

    Irish, an elderly relative of mine had a skin cancer removed last year in an area without much flesh. The surgeon ended up taking quite a chunk out–not the usual liquid nitrogen fix. It took her quite a while to heal and the wound had to be cleaned and rebandaged every day for several months. All is well now. Perhaps this is what your father is facing. It wasn’t fun but the surgery was very successful.
    Oh, and congratulations Lottie on the half marathon. I had to laugh at your core training. And, Swede, your shredder is adorable. Wish they didn’t make me sneeze and wheeze.

  • #206277
    Avatar of djk
    djk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Swede I’ve got an older version of that shredder: toilet paper was always the preferred item though, unless a magazine is available.
    I like the portability aspect–the shredder goes to the paper rather than vice versa!

  • #206283
    Avatar of ninakk
    ninakk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Irish, sorry no, but I send you some strength during the stressful waiting and perhaps you could encourage him to ask some more specific questions in the meantime? I hope it turns out to be a false alarm!

  • #206323
    Avatar of irishbell
    irishbell
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Northshore & Ninakk- thanks, words to think about.
    As usual, I’m likely worrying prematurely!
    Getting my Dad to ask more questions would be harder than pulling his teeth out!
    What he doesn’t know, he doesn’t have to worry about!
    This is the man who got up and tried to leave my mom’s hospital room when all
    the docs came in and said…”we have a decision to make here folks”.
    I think it’s partly a generational thing. Your dr. tells you something, you listen and don’t question,
    because, of course, drs. ALWAYS know what’s best for us!

  • #206354
    Avatar of ninakk
    ninakk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    !!!Heads upp google users!!!

    http://tech.slashdot.org/story/12/02/22/198207/last-day-to-tell-google-to-forget-you

    Delete your search history from your account today or they will save it forever as per tomorrow. While logged in, go to:
    https://www.google.com/history

    If they prompt you to turn it on, make your choice. If there is history saved (had it on one of my accounts and it was scary), choose to save or delete, then choose to keep turned on or off.

  • #206360
    Avatar of candy
    candy
    Member

    CHAT thread

    ninakk, that is if the search history function is turned on in the first place. I checked, apparently it wasn’t for me, so nothing to delete. Thanks anyway for the alert, it would most probably have been scary if it had been turned on :)

  • #206364
    Avatar of pkilmain
    pkilmain
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Ah, thanks, Nina. Mine was turned on, but is now empty!

  • #206374
    Avatar of bandicoot
    bandicoot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    thank you nina….i have done mine and dh’s google accounts right now.
    i had the browser sset to private, but that isn’t enough to override google!

  • #206375
    Avatar of clutterbug22
    clutterbug22
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Thanks nina, just done mine and dh’s. Will have to look into the privacy issue a bit more in the future.

  • #206481
    Avatar of PJ
    PJ
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Hi folks,

    Realized it had been a couple of days since I’d been on – 3 evening events at work in a row and a rally re: the breed specific legislation aka pitbull ban here (I have one and have been involved in fighting against the ban since it was brought in 7 years ago) have kept me pretty busy. Hope to be back to posting AND decluttering in a big way as of next week though. I did drop off a bag of previously put aside stuff at the animal shelter today, and got a box of old old theology books out to a seminary that holds an annual book sale too. They had both been sitting around waiting to go out for a long time, so it’s a relief to see the empty spot on the floor!

    I see in my absence that congratulations are in order for some people, and hogs are needed by others. I love how people here support each other in times of celebration and sorrow or worry. Bandicoot, thanks for asking a few days ago how my dad is – he seemed fine last time we talked, and I’ll see him tomorrow, unless the forecasted snow storm for tomorrow is really bad.

    More updates in a few days . . .

  • #206483
    Avatar of ninakk
    ninakk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    spammers are pathetic. i wish they would rot in hell.

  • #206488
    Avatar of bandicoot
    bandicoot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    i hope you have a nice visit with your dad, pj.

    nina, ugh, aren’t they the worst?

  • #206527
    Avatar of ninakk
    ninakk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    gosh i love cesar millan! he has so much to teach even non-dog owners like yours truly. unbelievable how often dogs are rehabilitated whereas humans are trained… i will look into books at some point, think he has written at least one. fabulous to learn from case studies, though.

  • #206529
    Avatar of paisley
    paisley
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Ninakk– I couldn’t agree more! I love Cesar Millan, too. My dog has had a good life because of watching Cesar.

  • #206536
    Avatar of ninakk
    ninakk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    paisley, it just pains me to see how people struggle with their dogs when everything starts from a calm mind, quite obviously as seen on the show. Wish the message would reach more doggie owners for the sake of both parties. I’m just afraid of coming across as a know-it-all if I open my mouth (and in text it’s even worse due to lack of body language!).

  • #206538
    Avatar of bandicoot
    bandicoot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    i know a few vets and dog people on another forum and they all pretty much loathe cesar milan’s methods.
    http://beyondcesarmillan.weebly.com/
    he’s been widely discredited.

  • #206539
    Avatar of ninakk
    ninakk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    wow, that’s surprising!

    Eta:
    I’ve never seen anything weird happening on the show as opposed to the youtube videos (yeah there’s editing I know) but the concept of pack seems rather logical and even that is being criticized “by” for instance Bristol University. Don’t know whether I stand corrected or not, but it sure is interesting to hear some differing views too. Thanks for posting the link, bandicoot!

  • #206561
    Avatar of paisley
    paisley
    Member

    CHAT thread

    bandicoot-that is really interesting! I have a golden retriever (one of the gentlest breeds ever) and I liked CM for the idea of keeping calm when dealing with the dog. Have never needed much in the way of convincing the dog to do what we wanted. I had not seen the youtube videos before, but there does seem to be a lot of kicking. Had I just not seen that? Anyway, it is good to see another viewpoint and maybe I will look at it differently. thanks for posting.

  • #206578
    Avatar of Hansi
    Hansi
    Member

    CHAT thread

    I moved 3 months ago from a house to a 2 room apartment since I didn’t need the space. It was a 2 floors 3 room hose with 2 bathrooms and a garden. 1 room stood unused an empty.
    I decluttedred massive amount of stuff and had a choice when moving of taking a 2 room or one room apartment but one room would feel cramped since I still have stuff left. 3 months later I have uncluttered once again and the 2 room apartment is gaping with space. I cold now live in a one room apartment hazzlefree.

    there are 3 reasons why I don’t.

    1 I’m looking for new work and if I find it it is not in the same place as i currenly live.

    2 Moving is expensive and I already moved once this year.

    3 I work nights, to have a bedroom that is totally blacked out gives me tranquillity to sleep when I want to and to be awake when I want to. One room blacked out and the other one not.

    But all this aside, I do feel that I would be quite ok in a one room apartment.
    Who knows it might happen.

  • #206634
    Avatar of djk
    djk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Wow Hansi you have really downsized! Do you have a particular goal of owning a minimum number of items?

    On another topic, I just noticed the spammer whose post is titled something like “get a unique gift for your kid”. Before reading the post I knew it was a non-English-speaking spammer because of the word “kid”. I have noticed that native English speakers don’t say this (at least I have never come across it) but non-native speakers (i.e. my students) often do. However, we do, in casual speech, use “kids” in the plural, and that is seen as acceptable orally and informally.
    I’ve been wondering why we find the plural okay but not the singular. My theory is that we can use a faintly derogatory word in generalities “my kids are driving me crazy today” but it is too specifically offensive if there’s only one child, “my kid is driving me crazy today”. We would say or write son/daughter/child/4-year-old/youngest/eldest, DD/DS, anything but the unpleasant “my kid” with its goat derivation.
    Other ideas?
    Am I the only one irked by this?

  • #206655
    Avatar of Hansi
    Hansi
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Hi again. Yes I have really downsized. I was tired of paying for the space that was filled with stuff I didn’t need. I gave most of it away I was so tired of it.
    When it comes down to it, I don’t really have a certain amount I would like to own. I just wan’t my home to be more mobile since I don’t know if i’m moving again and how many times this will happen. The work makes me travel quite a bit if I want to advance. I feel that i have 5 yrs to make a career so I must be mobile and grab every chance I get even if this means that I have to move. I really can’t affort it to be harder than it is, that’s why I declutter. But how it goes nobody knows. i would love to own 100 items. Since they don’t count some stuff I proboably could fit there soon.

  • #206660
    Avatar of lottielot
    lottielot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Djk: I’d say ‘my kid’, what irks me is the English who talk about their ‘children’, usually as if they are a different species :) To write child or children is ok, it just sounds quite pompous and patronising in speech. But that’s probably just my Aussie upbringing!
    Speaking of spammers: why are wedding dresses so uniquely attractive to spammers?! I just don’t get it.
    Our news is: dh has decided he wants to move house…Whilst my heart sinks at the thought of all the time and work I will have to spend to get the house up to selling condition, the prospect of moving is quite exciting.

  • #206661
    Avatar of lottielot
    lottielot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Lol, hansi, you’re a proper minimalist!

  • #206663

    CHAT thread

    lottie: he just wants bigger closets so there’s room for more shoes and shirts. And a bicycle shed, just for HIS bike. And a wine cellar.

  • #206666

    CHAT thread

    “Kid” is a keyword, though, and the spammers are trying to target specific keyphrases – many people who search Google enter “gifts for kids”, “unique gift for a kid” etc. This forum has a high PageRank so unethical SEO firms are spamming you senseless for the high quality backlinks. Make the forum ‘no-follow’ and most of the spammers will give up and go away.

    /rant against crap SEOs :)

  • #206671
    Avatar of lottielot
    lottielot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Lol, susan, looking at the photos of the house we like there is even less storage space than in our current house…There is a bigger garden and possible bike storage though, and the outside space is much bigger and more usable. A lot more money for essentially less indoor space but a garden twice as big. I’m going to have a look at it tomorrow hopefully :) Right, I am going downstairs now with all his shirts because he said he will throw some out ‘at some stage’ and I am NOT going to iron any first!!

  • #206678
    Avatar of Swede
    Swede
    Member

    CHAT thread

    @susanintexas – Nothing wrong with a wine cellar, I would LOVE to have one. Preferably filled by someone else. Hehe.

  • #206696
    Avatar of snosie
    snosie
    Member

    CHAT thread

    I’m just here to vent!!

    So I’ve organised a housewarming for next weekend AGES ago, based on a friend/colleague letting me know she’d be away for six weeks, and I hoped she’d come. So I picked a date, told her pre departure, she ‘put it in her calendar’. Today she emails me to tell me she’s got something planned with her parents that date (they are here from overseas). Just don’t know why I went to the effort. I totally empathise she wants to spend time with her parents while they are here, but the party would only be an hour or two (and the invite says partners/kids welcome, which would extend to her parents). And then it annoys me that she, and others, assume they’ll just ‘come around another time’ (I’m disinclined to invite people repeatedly who continue to cancel. I mean it just makes me feel lame!)

    Anyhow, seems I should have just stayed in bed today! Everything grating on me today! Rant over

  • #206698
    Avatar of irishbell
    irishbell
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Snosie- it is disappointing to find merely fair weather friends who you once valued as real friends!
    I think it has happened to everyone, unfortunately. As we get older , we (hopefully) get wiser!
    I have had the opposite happen over the years. A friend who was a best friend in high school, moved
    to San Fran right after high school, so we pretty much lost touch over the years.
    In the last 10 years or so, we have reconnected and are closer, truer friends than ever. It’s wonderful to
    have a “new” friend after all these years!

  • #206702
    Avatar of bandicoot
    bandicoot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    snosie, we’ve all been there, i am sure.
    i have a “friend” who cancelled on me TWICE in a 16 hour period recently……and both events were at her instigation and at the time convenient to her. i am pretty flexible, but the second cancellation took the cake.
    and it wasn’t just two events….it is a repeated pattern.
    i am done with her.
    i will now be entirely civil and completely unavailable.

  • #206704

    CHAT thread

    Snosie — I recommend sleeping on it, and then having a talk with her about how you feel (hurt, angry, inconvenienced . . .) If this is a repeated pattern, it might be time to cease rearranging your own schedule to accommodate someone who doesn’t respect this. If it’s a one time aberration from a usually reliable friend, there could be something going on in her life.

    We sometimes have this problem at work — rearranging events and meetings to accommodate one person — who then doesn’t even bother to show up. I found that it has become less frequent when I started becoming more vocal about it rather than just fuming silently.

  • #206714
    Avatar of djk
    djk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    How frustrating!

    When I was a young adult I had a friend/roommate who was mistress of manipulation. She would put enormous pressure on me to do something that I didn’t much want to do, and often could only afford if I severely curtailed my expenses in another area. She was financed by mommy and daddy still (and probably still is, 25 years on, no doubt)

    Her communication style was big tears and entreaties and “it would mean so much to me if…”
    When I reluctantly would agree and cave in, she would then change all the details of whatever I’d agreed to, making it entirely unacceptable. If I protested it would start again with big wobbly tears, “but you said you would…”

    I’d never experienced manipulation in my life and had zero defense against it. To this day I consider emotional manipulation and passive aggression to be the most insidious poison.

  • #206719
    Avatar of lottielot
    lottielot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Snosie: she sounds like an annoying cow, particularly if she knew you’d arranged your party around her. Sometimes friendships can recover from wobbles and bad behaviour, sometimes they just aren’t worth the effort…
    Now I’m girding my loins to think about moving house. It might not happen, but even if it doesn’t it’ll provide fresh impetus to get the house sorted out and pleasant to live in. Sometimes I despair at just how quickly the house goes from pristine to shocking, often kid-related. I helped ds1 tidy his room for 20 minutes yesterday. I found a rolling pin on his floor. You see what us mums have to contend with?!!!

  • #206741
    Avatar of irishbell
    irishbell
    Member

    CHAT thread

    My Dad’s elbow situation was basal cell carcinoma, which is the “best” skin cancer.
    There was no bone involvement at all.
    He called back to ask the drs. office what it was,after I gave him the third degree- but didn’t fill me in on that info until today.
    All in all, even after 40 stitches, he seems to be pretty happy!

  • #206748
    Avatar of lottielot
    lottielot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    That is great news, irish!

  • #206751
    Avatar of pkilmain
    pkilmain
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Wonderful news, Irish! My mom had several of these and all were contained and easily (relataively speaking) removed.

    My DH had a chest x-ray about 10 days ago, and it showed striations on his lungs. So next he had a CT scan and a pulmonary function test. THe latter we don’t have the full results from, though his lung capacity was 100%. The CT showed the striations as well as some enlarged veins near his esophagus and a cyst on his liver. Hmmmm. He has had acid reflux for years, but it was untreated for quite a while (as, since he is a man, he refused to go to the doctor about it). He’s now seeking an appointment with both a pulmonologist and a gastroenterologist. I refuse to worry until we have more info. On the other, I will be accompanying him on these appointments.

  • #206754
    Avatar of clutterbug22
    clutterbug22
    Member

    CHAT thread

    @ irishbell, I expect you feel slightly relieved now, glad to hear it’s all sorted.

    @pkilmain, hope all goes well with your dh

  • #206760
    Avatar of irishbell
    irishbell
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Thanks guys!
    Yes, pkilmain, another set of eyes and ears at the doctors is always a good idea.
    Fingers crossed this is a slight bump in the road, I know you’ve mentioned he’s had
    more than his share of mountains.

  • #206763
    Avatar of snosie
    snosie
    Member

    CHAT thread

    djk – i love that title ‘mistress of manipulation’ (though I’m not sure it applied here, but I still love the alliteration). Thanks bandicoot, irishbell, lottielot and susan for your support. I just felt a bit put out by it all. Life goes on!

    Irishbell – glad to hear things are OK with your dad. Let’s hope the good fortune extends to pkilmain’s DH!

  • #206894
    Avatar of djk
    djk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Am reading Stephen Clarke’s “1000 Years of Annoying the French” and chuckling all the way through. History made delightfully amusing.

  • #206898

    CHAT thread

    snosie: chiming in a little late – I would just have said, “Oh, but I arranged the party date around your schedule. Would you be able to come for a short time with your folks?” and listen to her response. If it were an Oksana one, “Oh, but I never asked you to,” I would know bad news lurked thar.

  • #206900
    Avatar of Hansi
    Hansi
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Finished sorting my basement storage for now.
    Of I didn’t save all the boxes my expensive stuff came in I could totally empty that one but I can’t (bums the value on the stuff when reselling).

    Other I am laying plans for storage in the apartment.
    I am currently going thru all my external harddrives to be able to fit all my things in there instead of buying yet another one.
    That project is ongoing. And has been for say 3 weeks now I think.

  • #206918
    Avatar of snosie
    snosie
    Member

    CHAT thread

    ntch – that’s AWESOME, if only you’d been on hand sooner! She didn’t reply to the email I sent her back saying I had planned it around her…

  • #206951

    CHAT thread

    snosie: Also, come from the “I” – rather than attacking with “you” statements:

    I was disappointed vs You are disappointing me
    I would like vs You should or You are so or You seem to be

  • #206968
    Avatar of Hansi
    Hansi
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Got really pumped when I thought about March goals and decided to get going right now. I sorted out a big bag full of clothes for the homeless and less fortunate people.

    Will continue to sort out my wardrobe later on in the month but really happy to get going.
    Will be able to give the stuff away in 3 weeks when I go off leave but I only started so there is a big chance there will be more
    things going out the door.

    Well i’m on my way. Just keep on truckin’ ;)

  • #206986
    Avatar of ninakk
    ninakk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Chiming in on the snosie/NTCH discussion; I love to hear “You always…” when it’s really not true but just something a person barfs out thoughtlessly.

  • #207039
    Avatar of Conny
    Conny
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Although a bothersome cold is making me mitherabbable, i used the 20-20-20 system today [again] to get some things done around this place. You probably know this, something like FlyLady’s “you can do anything for 15 minutes” chant. I use 20 min for active things, 20 for passive (things i can do sitting) and 20 as a reward.
    After 3 hours of this, felt better knowing some things got done.

    And yet………… so much more to catch up on after having been away a week.
    You’d think if i’m not here to make a mess, why do i have so much to do this week than before i left?
    (It is mostly paper work and computer stuff)

  • #207047
    Avatar of pkilmain
    pkilmain
    Member

    CHAT thread

    I’m having a bad day. Feel like I’m going through mud, or heavy fog. Getting nothing accomplihed. Oh wait, I made an appointment with the podiatrist and called a therepist’s office to see about an appt (who have not called back yet).

  • #207052

    CHAT thread

    pkilman — hogs to you :) Good move to make the calls.

  • #207053

    CHAT thread

    Profanity warning ahead.

    I just uncluttered ANOTHER car. Got hit HARD by an asshat doing 60 in the 35 this morning just outside my son’s prek, I had both boys with me. My 4 year old not hurt, and thank goodness all the preK workers came running out and took him inside for EMT to check on and let him have a (somewhat) normal day.

    I was FREAKING because they split me and my 10 year old up and sent us to diff hospitals – him straight to the good one with lights and sirens since he is insured, and me after 3 diverts to whatever one would take me after they did a wallet check and determined I was UNinsured. Bastards.

    Meantime I am practically hysterical after realizing they took my boy somewhere else than where they were taking me. Now, the preK called my partner and told her about the accident, and that I had been taken to hospital B. By that time, I am already routed past hospitals B and C, and am in route to D.

    To top off, hospital A (where the my son was taken) calls the school and asks for identification and emergency contact information since NO_ONE of the EMTS communicated that his MOM was taken to another hopsital. My son’s elementary school did NOT call my partner and tell her where my son was taken even though she is listed as emergency contact, on the excuse that my partner is not “family”. BASTARDS twice over.

    My partner is a disabled veteran, so she had to get a cab and follow us divert after divert for a $50 cab ride to get to the hospital they finally ended up at – which was only ten minutes from the scene of the accident so STUPID.

    I FINALLY get to the hospital my son was taken to, to be greeted by THREE child protection officers wanting to know where the eff was I and why was my son alone – “Don’t you have an emergency contact??!!” – I told them that (A) they could ask the EMT who blocked me from getting in the ambulance with my son and forcibly hauled me into ANOTHER ambulance to route me to 3 alternate hospitals, and (B) the bigoted school for not notifying my emergency contact who could have been there so much faster.

    My poor son was scared shitless all alone on the ambulance ride, and he had a broken arm!! and then it took me 3 hours to get there from the other hospital – I was so upset and furious.

    I hate hate HATE that determinations on how to treat people are based on whether they have health insurance and that I was forcibly separated from my son for THREE hours when he was hurt and scared — and my partner who could at least have comforted him was blocked from doing so by bigoted hateful FUCKTARDS.

    GASP Sputter choke fume gahhhhhhhh.

    My face was shredded by the airbag and I have incredible whiplash. My son is in a cast from shoulder to wrist – clean break – but is chipper and saying he wants to go bowling tomorrow since it was just his left arm. My 4 year old was clingy today but no soreness or bruising anywhere – that booster seat was worth every cent.

    Sorry for the long post – ha to get it all off my chest. Whew.

  • #207055

    CHAT thread

    DMO3: welcome to Georgia :) I’m glad to hear that nobody was too badly injured — better to have your face shredded by the airbag than by the windshield! That is a really scary story about a totally broken system. Now go change it :)

  • #207060
    Avatar of djk
    djk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Omg Dmo3!!!! That is awful!

  • #207068
    Avatar of candy
    candy
    Member

    CHAT thread

    That is a horrible chain of events!! I hope your son is feeling better, and that you will not yourself have any long-term problems from your whiplash. And how incredibly rude and cruel of them to not call your partner when she was listed as an emergency contact!! This is one reason why I fight so hard for gay marriage and equal rights, it is just not fair that people should be treated differently because of something that is no-one else’s business (i.e. who falls in love with whom).

  • #207072
    Avatar of Swede
    Swede
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Omg… DMO3! I’m glad you’re all alive and somewhat ok… but that story is horrible!! I really feel for you. :(

    I am so upset with the school for not contacting your partner. Are they even allowed NOT to call when you have a person listed?? Shouldn’t they have said that your partner wasn’t allowed on the list at all when you gave them her info if she is not “family”. GAH. Idiots (it was the nicest word I could think to type on an open forum like this haha)!!

  • #207073
    Avatar of candy
    candy
    Member

    CHAT thread

    “Are they even allowed NOT to call when you have a person listed?? Shouldn’t they have said that your partner wasn’t allowed on the list at all when you gave them her info if she is not “family”. “

    Swede, that’s the best questions ever! If a person who is not “family” is not allowed as an emergency contact, that would (for example) mean that a widow with no living relatives would not be allowed to have anyone as an emergency contact??!

  • #207075
    Avatar of grey
    grey
    Member

    CHAT thread

    wow, dm3, i’m furious for you. i so sorry you were treated so poorly.

  • #207076
    Avatar of pkilmain
    pkilmain
    Member

    CHAT thread

    DMo3 – you certainly were treated unfairly by both the EMTs and the school. Once you can speakly calmly about this – I know I couldn’t for a few days! – I would think that a chat with someone with more authority in both organizations is in order. I am here sputtering on your behalf!! I’m glad to hear that neither or you was badly injured physically. Hogs from me!!

  • #207080
    Avatar of Conny
    Conny
    Member

    CHAT thread

    I completely agree with pkilmain. Once you have calmed down a bit, time to start writing letters ( not e-mails ) to the department heads of all of those organisations involved. Keep copies of the letters, and preferably send them registered mail, if applicable.

    If you were here, your child might be able to sue for trauma compensation because they did not let you ride ambulance with him. Although it is not a “speak to my lawyer or see you in court happy” place, a case like yours would make the local news here. I wonder how it is there…

    Take care of yourself, be kind to your body, whiplash can be tricky sometimes. My sis is one of those cases where symptoms re-appeared after a few weeks when she had to brake suddenly.

    Hope you don’t have too much trouble getting another car.

    Just curious…not that it matters at alll…What happened to driver who hit your car? arrested?

    Wishing you and your sons a good and stable recovery.

  • #207087
    Avatar of PJ
    PJ
    Member

    CHAT thread

    I’m finally making my way back to reading all the forum posts and posting myself . . . I see there’s been so much going on that it would be hard to comment on the happenings in everyone’s lives. But I will say that I find DMO3′s story horrifying. I’m a believer in universal healthcare, so can’t imagine being paraded around, delaying treatment and taking up valuable resources (EMT). And the action/inaction of the school in contacting your partner was reprehensible. I hope you get a formal apology and a clear policy in the school board . . .

  • #207104
    Avatar of bandicoot
    bandicoot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    dmo3… i am outraged on your behalf.
    the system is indeed completely broken :(
    what is next?

    i have spent the weekend driving around new zealand and hanging out with my extended and dysfunctional family here.
    on friday i drove from auckland to opotiki, only to be stopped at the bridge just out of opotiki….the gorge was closed, they said. big rock slides completely across the road.
    omg, i said, i must be in gisborne tonight…..what is the best way to go?
    around the east cape, they said. fuel up before you go.
    so i set off on a wild and hairy trip around the cape, on what was little more than a goat track, through some of the most beautiful and spectaular scenery i have ever seen, for another 5 and a bit hours, on top of the six or so i had already done that day.
    it was worth it. lots of other people heard about the gorge and stayed home. but i had already travelled quite a way to that point.

    today however, i came back to auckland via napier and taupo. the gorge was still closed, and for a while the whareratas were closed too.
    the only other option north was the motu track and i simply wasn’t game to do that in a rental car!

  • #207107
    Avatar of rutheverhart
    rutheverhart
    Member

    CHAT thread

    DMO3 — this is just an outrageous story, I am so upset on your behalf! I do agree with others that you could write this up somehow, bring it to the attention of the right people.
    And I do wonder about the other driver. Was he insured (both car/health?)
    Take care of yourself — and put your outrage and your writing skills to good use when you feel well enough!

  • #207108
    Avatar of lottielot
    lottielot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    *white-hot rage on DMo3′s behalf*, especially when you must have been very shocked and shaken by the accident. Go kick the butt of those bigots at the school and the idiots who separated you from your kid. What a dumb healthcare system, so inhumane.

  • #207136
    Avatar of Netleigh
    Netleigh
    Member

    CHAT thread

    DMO3, how horrendous, both the lack of care and coordination on the medical front aand the stupidity of the school. Campaign to improve it, start letter writing to the organisations concerned, local press, other mothers, local politicians, national politicians.

  • #207149
    Avatar of PJ
    PJ
    Member

    CHAT thread

    DMO3, hope that you and your sons are both feeling ok today. I know that a day or two after hurting oneself can be a bit rough, as stiffness and swelling get settled in.

    Actually, that’s what I’m expecting for myself tomorrow. Nothing serious, but pulled a muscle in my back this afternoon. Sadly, I wasn’t even doing any uncluttering, just moving the baby gate that I use to keep the dogs in the kitchen when I’m out. I’m heading to bed early with some ibuprofen, but will try to find one thing to put in the donation pile before I go. Having cleared out my accumulated donations last week, I haven’t managed to start a new box or bag yet and it’s depressing – I like to see the stuff accumulating on the way out the door. I did manage to get a couple of things out of the house though – an old digital camera to my brother, and a couple of tupperware containers to my mother (these are somewhat rotating – next time we have a family dinner she will no doubt send me home with something again!).

  • #207218
    Avatar of irishbell
    irishbell
    Member

    CHAT thread

    dmo3- it just kills me to think how frantic you were for your son, knowing he was hurt, scared and without you.
    it literally makes my stomach hurt to think about it.
    3 hours? unbelievable. thank goodness children are more resilient than us grown ups.

  • #207221
    Avatar of Netleigh
    Netleigh
    Member

    CHAT thread

    dmo3,
    How are you doing, it’s been a few days since the accident. Hope you are not suffering more pain.

  • #207258
    Avatar of Conny
    Conny
    Member

    CHAT thread

    @PJ : you have empathy from me: i probably have tendonitis (again) in lower leg. Have to take it easy next few days. So, tomorrow, while putting my legs up, i’ll declutter my PC.

  • #207271
    Avatar of PJ
    PJ
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Thanks Conny!

    Surprisingly, it hasn’t been too bad. I’m assuming that’s because I took something with muscle relaxant and pain reliever/anti- inflammatory within 5 minutes of the incident and kept it up for 24 hours. My mother and I have both pretty much agreed that we will try to commit to an exercise program alongside my dad in his rehab. Although we’re both generally healthy, we are desperately out of shape!

    You take it easy though – digital uncluttering counts too!

  • #207305
    Avatar of paisley
    paisley
    Member

    CHAT thread

    DMO3- I’m a bit late here, but I, too, think this is an outrageous way to be treated. I hope that by now, you have gotten a positive response from the school. (I’m thinking that it would be easier to do that than change the healthcare system!) But hopefully someone will see that it is terrible to separate a mother from her child. That’s not exactly rocket science! How are you feeling? Are you recovering?

  • #207315
    Avatar of Conny
    Conny
    Member

    CHAT thread

    For those who can read German, a blog that might make you smile and perhaps even motivate. http://derkrempeldenichrief.blogspot.com/
    She writes about topics covered here, and keeps track of stuff that goes in and out and why…
    (I was telling a friend about unclutterer.com on the phone and she pointed me to this blog)

  • #207317
    Avatar of ninakk
    ninakk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    dmo3, I’m so sorry about your experience, can’t imagine exactly how stressful it must have been to get separated from your child and how awful it must have felt for both you and your partner not to be acknowledged as such by the school.

  • #207328
    Avatar of pkilmain
    pkilmain
    Member

    CHAT thread

    I finally have an appointment with a mental health professional to hopefully help me deal with this depression. The first clinic I called (after a recommendation from a friend of a friend) and had to leave a “call me back” message twice, has never called me back, I called another this morning and could have had an appt tomorrow, but I already have a conference call with our financial advisor that conflicted, so I have one for Tuesday. The first place I consider professionally lax – if not irresponsible – what would it have cost them to call back and tell me they were not taking new patients, or whatever their reason was for not calling at all……

    And don’t they all know that I have a strong adversion to making “cold calls” to anyone? LOL

  • #207399
    Avatar of Swede
    Swede
    Member

    CHAT thread

    @Pkilmain – It really is bad that they don’t even bother to call back. You should write a letter and complain (since they have phone issues lol). I do hope you get the help you need, depressions are a b#tch! Lots of hogs! ;)

  • #207477
    Avatar of bandicoot
    bandicoot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    big hugs pkilmain!
    a clinic that doesn’t return calls isn’t the clinic for you. you deserve far better, my dear.

    i have an old friend who has fallen on hard times and suffered a very traumatic event to boot.
    her daughter won’t help, and it is beyond my capacity to understand why. daughter is an enviable position financially, with oodles of lovely family trust money :(
    so, i have decided to fly her out here to rest, recuperate, save some money, escape a temperate climate winter, and hopefully heal a little.
    she has made some terrible decisions in her life….but she has always been very kind to me.

  • #207486
    Avatar of ninakk
    ninakk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Yep, plenty of hogs from here too, sweetie/y pie pkilmain!

  • #207507

    CHAT thread

    Thank you, thank you everyone! We curled up and healed and caught our breath. My 10 year old had his arm recast by a specialist yesterday and is doing MUCH better. My face has peeled clean on the left side where the burns were and just looks like a sunburn now and the cuts and black eye are healing fast! My 4 year old was clingy for a few days but is back to normal.

    Now I am able to calmly deal with the issues and hopefully this will not happen to anyone else. I was (as you all could probably tell!) unutterably livid 5 days ago.

    First off, I ended up withdrawing my son from the school. This incident was the final straw. We had serious issues since day one with insane bullying of my son, but because he is white and a few inches taller than the other children, I was told it was not considered bullying – apparently shoving him down, tripping him, kicking him and body slamming him into walls (I documented every time he came home bruised and scratched and bleeding) was totally OK if the antagonist weighed less then he does.

    The verbal abuse was just as bad – keep in mind these are 10 year olds – “whitey”, “ghost”, “faggot”, “white gay boy” “dumb whitey” and “suck my d**k, white boy” were daily taunts (he is one of perhaps eleven or twelve white students in an all Latino school). My acerbic questions as to whether it was ok for him to call them “beaners” or push back when shoved into a locker were met with “Oh, no, THAT would be bullying”.

    Between that and the decision that it was better for my son to be alone and terrified for four hours rather than call “that lesbian woman”, I can tell they obviously have ZERO care for the well being of my child. The education was also sub-par (the school just effed up with no-child-left-behind and is now ranked one of the worst schools in our county). My son was way ahead in every subject, and bored out of his wits – between the staying home “sick” because of the bullying and three cases of strep he has missed around one day of school per week all year and still aced all his tests.

    I homeschooled all my siblings, so teaching him 4th grade is a snap. I think I’ll even work him through the 5th grade material this summer, and he can simply start middle school in the fall (he’s the right age, he repeated kindergarten because he had 4 eye surgeries when younger and couldn’t see to read the board).

    I am contacting the superintendent, the school board, and have written an open letter which will go to the press. If that yields no results, I can let my vindictive side out – it’s NEVER a good idea to f**k with the children of someone who makes her living working in the field of reputation management. That principal will never work again if all the top results in Google for her name make her unemployable. *evil, evil laugh*

    Thanks to all for being so supportive and caring. I can’t say what it means to know that all of you were pulling for us! <3

  • #207509
    Avatar of lottielot
    lottielot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    I’m glad you’re all ok, and it sounds like a good idea to take your kid out of such an awful environment. I’m a school governor at my son’s school and can say that behaviour like that would not be tolerated on a single occasion by management, no matter what the racial background of perpetrator or victim. You seem like you’re taking your revenge as a dish served cold :)

  • #207542

    CHAT thread

    DMO3 — sounds like a wise choice to take your child out of the school. Don’t let your anger take control, though — it will end up eating at you and probably won’t touch them at all. Find some anti-bullying/GLBT groups in the area that can offer you support. You don’t have to do this alone.

    I’ve been down for the past week — think some of it is the rain and lack of sunlight :( I’ve been feeling like I’m treading water (appropriate metaphor, given the weather recently) and not making any progress, even though my logical mind tells me that amazing things have happened over the past few weeks, not the least being getting a lot of lingering home repair and improvement projects taken care of.

    Think I need to walk though the house today and remind myself of all that has been done in the past year and how much nicer everything is — and maybe give the whole place a good dusting to brighten it up a bit.

  • #207543
    Avatar of irishbell
    irishbell
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Dmo3- glad to hear you both are healing!
    you are doing your son a great service by teaching him to stand up for human rights.

    SIT- Flowers or a lovely green potted plant always make the day seem brighter!
    You’ve had an amazingly, crazy, busy, successful year! Maybe you feel like you’ve reached a plateau
    of sorts and don’t know what to do next.
    You’ve been working toward a goal for quite a while now, perhaps
    another smaller goal would get you feeling ” in the swim of things” again. I can’t imagine what that might be,
    but we can usually find something to do if we look hard enough! Least ways, I can!

  • #207556

    CHAT thread

    SIT, what you have achieved in your home has *always* impressed me, so please don’t think you are lacking in progress. Irishbell is right, some natural beauty may make you feel perked up? I had ‘house blues’ a little earlier due to too much mucky DIY, so banned us from from doing any chores and went out for a walk with DH instead.

  • #207557

    CHAT thread

    Irish — thanks. You helped me clarify. I think my balance has gone slightly out of whack, tipping too much towards home/body and not enough towards mind/work. I need to figure out how to re-balance that. I have a couple of more intellectual work -related projects that I keep putting off — perhaps it’s time to reinvigorate them.

  • #207564
    Avatar of rutheverhart
    rutheverhart
    Member

    CHAT thread

    DMO3 — I think your plan for your son is very workable — catching him up over the summer with a fresh start in middle school in the fall. I wish you the best in that endeavor.

  • #207566

    CHAT thread

    Also, maybe check into dopamine and serotonin levels which can be affected by what we eat and don’t eat. Craving for sugar and high carbs can indicate low levels because they help up levels and boost mood. SAMe and 5-HTP I’ve discovered mostly thanks to unclutterers here, help up levels and stop sugar/high carb cravings. I just am throwing the thought out since you recently had your pretzel craving and now talk about a malaise of sorts. I feel a bit of malaise and feeling a bit out of sorts and wonder if it’s at least in part to wt loss and type of food intake. I’m just feeling my way though at the moment. Foods that boost your mood: http://video.foxnews.com/v/1498915235001/foods-that-boost-your-mood/?playlist_id=86892

    On another topic, it’s always irked me that it’s the victim that gets punished over the perpetrators when it comes to school bullying. May I suggest you and your son read _The Power of One_ by Bryce Courtenay. It also comes in a children’s version.

    Best wishes to all.

  • #207567

    CHAT thread

    I don’t want to start another thread, so thought I’d budge in here about acknowledgment.

    This morning my lovely fiance, who currently works and lives 800 miles away (while my kids and I live in his house here), emailed me two photos of his friend’s basement where a bunch of them meet to play board games… lots of board games. The email message was cryptic and just said he’d like to skype me and explain the photos. I looked at the photos… ohhhhh… there was stuff everywhere, so I braced myself for my fiance enthusing about all the games and whatnot and figured I’d just ask for our future home’s basement to have a LOT of cupboards! Instead, on skype, he thanked me for the fact that he knows we will never live in that sort of clutter or dust. He said he really liked how clean and organized I kept our home.

    The power of him acknowledging the effort and vigilance it takes to keep a place clean and tidy was remarkable. I have been smiling ALL DAY. In my previous 20 yr marriage, my exhusband never made any comment, good or bad, about having a clean and tidy home.

    So, this is me acknowledging all of the work that everyone here does, whether your partner/family/friends notice/appreciate it or not.

  • #207568

    CHAT thread

    Thank you. :)

  • #207573
    Avatar of Irulan
    Irulan
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Just read your story, DMO3, and I am nauseous with rage for you. You and your family (and every family!) deserve better than that. This sounds like the kind of thing that you should talk to the ACLU about. I’m very glad to hear that you and your sons are okay now.

    @pkilmain, good luck with finding a clinic.

  • #207606

    CHAT thread

    A little humor to lighten the moment:

    [video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V2zObKpKacw&feature=channel[/video]

    [video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HD0y3pn-KbM&feature=related[/video]

    [video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4dc55Fd5PVo&feature=related[/video]

    [video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HD0y3pn-KbM&feature=related[/video]

    [video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ldYzK2BtBQg&feature=related[/video]

    [video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c8oIkOxz1Qc&feature=related[/video]

    [video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eTjXH8I0Rdw&feature=related[/video] (steven tyler had some profound stuff at the very end on this one)

    [video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2w9GoKGM0Eo[/video]

    Heejun is my favorite character, coming a close second for engaging character and my favorite singer, Phillip Phillips: [video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5viXQQSOiXk&feature=related[/video]

    He reminds me of a young Bruce Springsteen.

    [video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Or1cLq-_Wr0[/video]

    [video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zzzGS44TIE4&feature=related[/video]

  • #207682
    Avatar of ninakk
    ninakk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    The shittiest piece of software I’ve ever had the pleasure of working with is made by Canon. Every time they’ve come out with some new crap, I’ve had nothing but problems and unfortunately I hit “update” when the software program on the computer found that and another thing to update. Never should have, they don’t know anything at all and write bugs into their stupid code everywhere. Now I need to scan something and it tells me to turn the computer on as well as connect the usb cable. Piece of lowlife crap it is. Sorry for ranting but mac is never the problem, the pathetic accessories are.

  • #207684
    Avatar of lottielot
    lottielot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    LKH: I cannot imagine my dh ever saying anything complimentary about anything I did round the house, I’m glad your fiancé appreciates your hard work :)
    Ds1 is keeping his room beautifully. He rearranged and uncluttered it even more last weekend, set up a display of his sporting and academic achievements on the windowsill, folded and straightened everything possible, quite funny! I’m going to buy him a nice rug to cover his ugly carpet, and possibly a folding desk, and if I ever get the slightest hint of oomph back in my life, I will paint the walls with him. I just hope it lasts…

  • #207698

    CHAT thread

    LKH, That is positively lovely! Congrats on landing a true “keeper” :)

  • #207717
    Avatar of JuliaJayne
    JuliaJayne
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Do you think that I can catch up with your lives in 349 posts? lol

    What a great thread to start with.

    Bandicoot – I hope all that awful flooding going on in Oz isn’t affecting you. At least I’ve read in alternative news sources that it’s still going on, but the US is avoiding the coverage.

  • #207738
    Avatar of Irulan
    Irulan
    Member

    CHAT thread

    lottielot, your kids sound so cool!

  • #207774
    Avatar of irishbell
    irishbell
    Member

    CHAT thread

    I am wondering where liag has been, and hoping that all is well with her family. :)

  • #207791
    Avatar of ninakk
    ninakk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Same here, irish.

    Those of you who use essential oils in clearing the space, so to speak, how does it work?
    Do you have one of those thingies with a bowl on top and a tray for a tea light underneath?
    How much stuff goes in the bowl?
    Do you mix it with water?
    Which oils are to be preferred (aren’t they all flammable? and what about health?)?
    How strong is the scent?

    I’m not into scented candles at all since they smell so overly sweet already in the shop, but for some reason I have this idea that the pure oil might be cleaner/clearer or whatever.

  • #207815
    Avatar of pkilmain
    pkilmain
    Member

    CHAT thread

    I had my appt with the mental health folks yesterday. Saw a nurse practitioner who is basically their medication person. After talking for a bit, we decided to try a low dose of an anti-depressant, and re-evaluate when I get back from vacation in mid-April. SHe was surprised I’d gone so long without seeking more help than what I’ve been doing (light box, exercise, B-12, Sam-E). But these things obviously haven’t been working, I still have days where I am simply stuck in the fog, and even my best days are pretty flat. After this initial trial (about 6 weeks) we’ll see if I need more, less, the same, and whether to add therapy into the mix. At least I feel like I’m taking some action rather than just drifting along.

  • #207819
    Avatar of Netleigh
    Netleigh
    Member

    CHAT thread

    pkilmain,
    I hope the anti-depressant make some difference for you, clinical depression is a terrible illness. Has the nurse prepared you for the possibility that you may feel worse for a couple of weeks before you see any effect? That is if they are SSRI’s and some types can make you feel more anxious(e.g.Prozac Fluoxetine) others more calm(e.g.Citalopram).
    I know a lot of people need both the light box and ‘happy pills’ to make their brain chemistry more normal during the winter, I’m one of them. Remember most people feel no shame in resorting to drugs for physical illness and you should view depression as a physical disruption of your brain chemistry that needs appropriate treatment.

    ninakk,
    I agree some scented candles are incredibly overpowering but have found that Diptique ones, though expensive, have wonderful scents. Otherwise I use an oil diffuser where you put a tealight underneath the bowl with a few drops of the oil in it.

  • #207877
    Avatar of ninakk
    ninakk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    pkilmain, I hope you will feel better soon, depression is so flat like you said. hogs!

    netleigh, i just remembered there is a “green” store in the city centre, where i remeber rows of eo’s all of a sudden. i think they may have those bowl thingies too.

  • #207880
    Avatar of chacha1
    chacha1
    Member

    CHAT thread

    When I feel the need for an olfactory brightening-up of the house, I mull some spices – or bake something. Works every time.

  • #207883
    Avatar of Ella
    Ella
    Member

    CHAT thread

    I’ve started using a combination of lemon and eucalyptus essential oils to nullify the stale smoke problem, and that seems to be working nicely without being overpowering of itself. It’s a light fresh uplifting fragrance.

  • #207886
    Avatar of Ella
    Ella
    Member

    CHAT thread

    pkilmain: I deeply sympathize with your efforts to ease your depression. I have been working with my depression for a bit over 5 years, and I’ve tried numerous therapies, many of which you’ve mentioned. As you may know, some people are antidepressant resistant or have adverse reactions. Please be sure to report any negative effects of your antidepressant to your therapist immediately; do NOT tough it out.

    Depression can arise from different causes, so it follows that different treatments will apply. My diagnosis is called major depressive disorder, and yet all the psychology professionals I’ve consulted have agreed that I’m not a good candidate for medication. I agree, too, as I really do not want to take drugs. My depression is situational rather than chemical (although adverse situations can bring on chemical and/or neurological changes in the brain). Therefore, talk therapy and what is called “integrative” therapy are the most successful treatments for me. Like you, I suffer from SAD. You will probably see a lift in April as spring begins, so it may be hard to distinguish that lift from any effect of the drug.

    As for the integrative approach to treating depression, the very best book I’ve read on the subject is a new one by Dr. Andrew Weil: “Spontaneous Happiness.” In the intro he explains that his concerns are not so much with seeking happiness (which he regards as one emotional point on the full spectrum of emotions), but rather, with discovering one’s own spontaneous well-being encompassing of body, mind, and spirit… that is to say, a sense of well-being, balance, and resiliency that arises from within. I recommend this book to you.

  • #207906
    Avatar of ninakk
    ninakk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    I was just cleaning my Pinterest up a bit (realised it doesn’t have to be a junk drawer just because I have the option to make it such) and had to laugh out loud about this quote, a keeper:

    “I’m not weird. I’m limited edition.”

  • #207914
    Avatar of Hansi
    Hansi
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Down on vacation to my mom. I filled the car with furnitures donation clothes for the homeless and misc items (2 big moving cases). I am now down to the last section in my home to finish it all. I have upcykled old furniture and reapplised their uses and am currently buildning a 3 story tray table of an old stereo furniture.

    Thinking of paying of my car load completely. I will be broke but happy. Only the student loans left then but they are hefty in return. Cheap loans rate so no worries yet. I try to mortgage as big as I can when I have a good work for as long as I have one.

  • #207953
    Avatar of pkilmain
    pkilmain
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Thanks, Ella. I ordered the Dr. Weil books. I have others of his, and I like him a lot.

    So far I am tolerating the anti-depressant just fine – a little early yet to tell if it’s helping. The NP and I agreed that we’d talk about using talk therapy in connectiong with the AD after I get back from vacation in mid-April. I know that I’ve had problems with depression for several years, but losing my BIL and two friends in 6 months certainly made it worse….

  • #208010
    Avatar of Swede
    Swede
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Oh pkilmain. So sorry for your loss. Losing someone is never easy but three in 6 months… horrifying to even think of. Take care of yourself and I really do hope the medicines work out for you. Lots of hogs!!

  • #208019
    Avatar of Jackthetiger
    Jackthetiger
    Member

    CHAT thread

    So sorry that you are feeling poorly Pkilmain. I hope the drugs help and other therapies help. Sometimes we are just not able to bounce back without help.

    DMof3 I am horrified about your experience. How did it save money (as an uninsured person) to put you in a different ambulance to your son. How could this be allowed to happen? How could a school make a judgement about who is and is not an appropriate contact? Please let us know how you got on with your health authority and the education department/school.

  • #208025
    Avatar of bandicoot
    bandicoot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    it is after midnight here and the rain is hammering down so loudly that i cannot sleep.
    it has been raining NONSTOP for two whole days: not always as heavy of course.
    i am a bit concerned that my office may flood.

    on the upside, at least the water tanks must be full or jolly close to it!

  • #208037
    Avatar of bandicoot
    bandicoot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    and now it is 5.30am and it is still bucketing down.
    i kept an ear on the rain all night and now i am tired :)
    the office hasn’t flooded….the water has come up a certain way and then overflowed in a different direction, thank goodness!
    i think it is high time to order firewood and get the woodstove cracking, or we’ll be looking at a damp and mouldy house soon.
    it is far from cold…20°C to 28°C… but the humidity is 99% most of the time.

  • #208051
    Avatar of ninakk
    ninakk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    bandicoot, glad to hear your office hasn’t flooded!
    jack, how are you doing?
    swede, any luck with finding a place yet?

  • #208062

    CHAT thread

    Tomorrow is big trash day, so today a lot of neighbors dragged stuff out to the curb, and we have had increased traffic from people looking for stuff.

    Best moment: my son reported that a young couple and their daughter stopped to look at nextdoor’s tricycles. The father tested each of them to find one that worked, had his little girl try them out, and they took the one that worked.

    Worst moment: my son came upstairs and said “I know you watch Hoarders, so look outside.” Man in a packed van with doors gaping open at the back, and a packed trailer… he went through everything, got a hammer out and smashed old bathroom fixtures – we think possibly he just wanted the faucet and toilet tank chain and flap? Anyway, we couldn’t figure out what was on his trailer, just looked like a junk heap, not scrap metal or furniture. I felt bad for him because he appeared to have a hoarding problem, but also felt bad that someone else, like a young family, might have been looking for a toilet or washbasin, and he’d broken them both.

  • #208161
    Avatar of Jackthetiger
    Jackthetiger
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Hi Ninakk, I have not posted much since mum got sick. It is now three and a half months since she died and I am still in that stage where you realise that she has gone but you find it a bit hard to believe it. I received an offer from the Australian Brandenberg Orchestra for a discounted ticket and my first thought was that mum would like to go. Still, I am lucky to be resilient and in time will I work through this tough period, although mum will always be missed. You are never ready to lose your mum!

    On a positive note, the planning for our house is well underway and I may try to post some pictures of the land and our initial drawings. It is exciting and daunting to imagine this big move to the country and building a house.

    BTW, Things really move on with the threads if you don’t keep up with them regularly. It takes some time to catch up with all the news.

  • #208181
    Avatar of liag
    liag
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Hello, Unclutterer Friends; I have so missed you. We are home from the Southeast–and sore from the drive. Everything is settled except for custody for my daughter; there will be a grueling and long trial in June. We expect not to return there till then, but my daughter is having some health problems, so we may go earlier. I am going to catch up on your postings now. Yldnof, Liag

  • #208183
    Avatar of bandicoot
    bandicoot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    great to see you posting liag!
    a long drive is so tiring.
    i hope you can rest and recover a bit now that you are home.
    and prepare for the next round.

  • #208189
    Avatar of djk
    djk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Good to have you back, liag

  • #208194
    Avatar of irishbell
    irishbell
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Hogs for liag! : ) I’ve been thinking bout ya.
    We are only as happy as our unhappiest child, and you are doing your darnedest
    to make her happier, good for you all!

  • #208198
    Avatar of ninakk
    ninakk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    great to hear from you, liag!

  • #208204
    Avatar of liag
    liag
    Member

    CHAT thread

    I love you all. That in itself is amazing: who would have thought one could develop a special type of cyber friendship? Thanks, Unclutterers.

  • #208230
    Avatar of ninakk
    ninakk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    love you too. have you all told someone important you love them today? i freaked out a bit and had to call both the parents and my sister to say it, because i feel like i don’t say it enough. i know they know i don’t take them for granted but you never know what may happen. so i told them i love them.

  • #208234
    Avatar of Ella
    Ella
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Happy first day of spring! Did you all see the cute Google doodle for today?

    http://www.google.com/webhp?hl=en

  • #208235
    Avatar of lottielot
    lottielot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Aw, that is cute!
    Ninakk: I tell both my kids I love them about 20 times a day :)

  • #208291

    CHAT thread

    Ninakk and lottielot – I do the same. Especially my youngest who still loves extra kisses and hugs and asks for them on a regular basis :) He is the sweetest thing – I had a migraine last night and he came in and kissed me on my head and announced:

    “I go turn my teevee qui-et-er since you have head-ache, mommy! I make it so qui-et, not loud and hurt your head!” (I couldn’t even hear his TV cartoon from my room, but I thought that was so sweet!)

  • #208303
    Avatar of lucy1965
    lucy1965
    Member

    CHAT thread

    *offers hogs to TiggeryJack, liag and DMo3, should they be welcome*

    My great-aunt died this morning: I don’t think I met her more than a handful of times, so I don’t need hogs myself, but I’m concerned about what the loss of her last living sister will do to my grandmother.

    In better news, DH is wrapping up a contract job, has another one waiting, and it’s almost April — if we’re going to hear anything from the engineering department at Former Employer, it will be soon — a job has opened in Portland that’s basically an extension of what he was doing before the lay-off and a friend has given an incredible recommendation to the hiring manager, and another friend has asked if he has time free at the end of this week to discuss a fourth job. He’s seeing a therapist and was actually able to say “I love you and you’re doing things that hurt me” to his mom.

    And my dad’s surgery is in two weeks.

    I think that’s everything. I just keep getting up and plodding forward.

  • #208322
    Avatar of Hansi
    Hansi
    Member

    CHAT thread

    I have a severe cold but i didn’t take that as an excuse for being lazy and I cleaned all of my home yesterday and took photos of my progress. Today the cold is worse but everything is done. I had to call in sick to work but now I can concentrate on being sick, everything is cleaned, vacuumed, scanned, binned and sorted.

    Feels great but I am totally worn out, it sucks to be sick.

    Oh by the way goals for march is done, april too.

    Soon the home is done. I see the finish line. So long time to do this but soon it is time for phase 2.

  • #208347

    CHAT thread

    Hope you feel better, Hansi!

    Well, we had the foundation repair guy inspect the MIL’s house. As we suspected, it needs work (to the tune of about $12K) but the kicker is they will have to dig through the FLOOR of the house so she will have to move out while the work is being done. We figure at least a week for the foundation repair, then (since it makes sense to do it then) another week or so while we have the ceilings repaired and the interior painted. Then a pause for the concrete to cure, then another week to have most of the flooring replaced. She wants to stay with us. Her daughter will gladly have her, but she doesn’t want that. She wants to stay with ME. For three weeks.

    It’s making me anxious just thinking about it. Need to sort out a plan that will take care of her needs and preserve my sanity :)

  • #208350
    Avatar of lottielot
    lottielot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Oh god, Susan! What if she never leaves? :) I can’t spend more than a few hours with my MIL, let alone several weeks (which, let’s face it, could easily be much longer…

  • #208354
    Avatar of bandicoot
    bandicoot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    mil in my home for countless weeks?
    i am freaking out at the very idea.

  • #208359
    Avatar of irishbell
    irishbell
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Hello, I am a MIL!
    I understand though, it sounds daunting!
    My Dear MIL passed 23 years ago, we had great times together.
    She never stayed with us for 3 weeks though, she wouldn’t have dreamed of it!

  • #208369

    CHAT thread

    My MIL is actually a very nice woman and a good house guest — eager to please. She also cherishes her independence — at age 90!~ — and would not want to stay a minute past the time when her house is suitable to move back into. She’s not the problem — I am. Our house isn’t all that big, she’s chatty, and I work from home.

    DH is being surprisingly supportive — even to the point of suggesting that I go on a long trip to visit friends when she is here.

    We’ll make it work. Thanks for reminding me it could be worse :)

  • #208370
    Avatar of irishbell
    irishbell
    Member

    CHAT thread

    90 years old, isn’t that something? Wow!
    Any houseguest , no matter who, is bound to be a somewhat taxing.
    Like you said, you’ll make it work!

  • #208392
    Avatar of clutterbug22
    clutterbug22
    Member

    CHAT thread

    @ UK unclutterers,
    Did you see last night’s programme of the new Channel 4 series ‘Get your House in order’ (8pm)?
    For those outside of the UK, the programme tackles people who have hoarded vast amounts of stuff, puts it into a warehouse so the hoarder sees exactly how much has been bought/collected and then it is sold to raise money towards re-styling their living space. Any money left over goes towards something meaningful for the hoarder (in this episode, the left-over money raised is going towards a wedding for the young couple involved). The idea behind re-decorating and beautifying the living spaces is that hopefully the hoarder will not want to spoil their new surroundings with future purchases of mostly unused clutter. It would be interesting to find out if this eventually helps the person with consumer/hoarder tendencies. Has there ever been follow-up series in the US with programmes such as ‘Hoarder’, ‘Clean House’? We have ‘How clean is your House?’ in the UK and they do do follow up episodes with that show, with some houses having descended back (or partially) into grimy chaos.

    susanintexas,
    Good Luck with your MIL, how soon will she be coming to stay? Are you sure she couldn’t stay with her daughter if it is going to be stressful for you, you seem to have been busy lately? Or perhaps she could stay part of the time with her daughter and the rest with you so that the whole emphasis on having her stay doesn’t rest with you?

    Hansi,
    Well Done on completing your March AND April goals!

  • #208393
    Avatar of Hansi
    Hansi
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Thank you very much. Lady luck is smiling at me: today I went to the medicine cabinet and organised it and found cough medicine (strong russian type) and tissues. Today is a great day!

  • #208397
    Avatar of bandicoot
    bandicoot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    i once had some cough medicine that i bought in bangkok.
    it actually had tincture of opium on the ingredients list.
    i still prefer the hat and whiskey cure : place hat on bedpost. drink whiskey with honey and hot water, until the hat moves.

  • #208406

    CHAT thread

    clutterbug: We have discussed sharing the visit — that’s what we did when she fell 2 1/2 years ago and needed to be looked after, and it worked well. We passed her on before any blood was shed :) She likes to sit and read in the sun porch, which is out of my way, and watch TV in the living room, which is also apart from where I work.

    The other part of the equation is that this will be MASSIVE amounts of work for . . . someone. Because big holes will be dug in every room except the living/dining room and bathroom, ALL of her stuff will have to be shuffled around to lay new flooring. EVERYTHING will have to be cleaned because of the cement dust. She has immense amounts of stuff for such a small house, even though we have been helping her declutter over the years.

    I don’t know when it will be. DH says “soon,” which I take to mean over the next month or so.

  • #208407
    Avatar of ninakk
    ninakk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Oh dear, Susan, that sounds like quite a project. Both having your mil stay at your place for so long and the renovation.

    Your couch medicines sound like something out of a medicine man’s chest filled with hair from virgins, bone marrow from albinos (yes, they hunt them in some parts of Africa), parts of various animals, toxins from plants etc. Scary.

  • #208410
    Avatar of clutterbug22
    clutterbug22
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Yes, Susan, that sounds like a whole lot of work going on there. Make sure you don’t take too much upon yourself and put your foot down about getting plenty of help!

  • #208425
    Avatar of lucy1965
    lucy1965
    Member

    CHAT thread

    I have MIL issues and am quietly going “eeep”, but trust in susan’s ability to set boundaries and speak up for herself — but get some help with cleaning up the space after the demolition and reconstruction’s done!

    (As an aside: I know a lot of people with albinism, as my opthalmologist specializes in that field — it’s why I was first referred to him; I have a rare eye condition that was misdiagnosed as a variant form of albinism — and while “albino” mice won’t object to the use of that word, people with the condition can get quite loud about it.)

  • #208427
    Avatar of ninakk
    ninakk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    lucy, is there some stigma to the word albino? If yes, I haven’t been aware of it, because in this part of the world it’s a neutral word.

  • #208430
    Avatar of lucy1965
    lucy1965
    Member

    CHAT thread

    nina, people with the condition (and my physician) have told me that using “albino” to refer to someone with albinism is putting the disability before the person. I’m not “pigment dispersion syndrome”; I’m a woman dealing with that disability. Does that make sense?

    (Which reminds me, it’s time for the biannual “lucy is asked if she can stick around and let all the interns have a look” visit to the specialty eye clinic at the university, gah . . . .)

  • #208431
    Avatar of ninakk
    ninakk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Perfectly logical when you put it that way :) Hadn’t even thought about it.

  • #208443
    Avatar of Netleigh
    Netleigh
    Member

    CHAT thread

    clutterbug22,
    I’d missed that Channel 4 programme ‘Get your House in order’, just watched it on 4oD, the clutterer really didn’t seem to be buying into the whole reason to declutter and was being pressurised by the two ‘experts’ and her fiance.
    I would bet that she just carries on shopping as a hobby!

  • #208447
    Avatar of clutterbug22
    clutterbug22
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Netleigh,
    Yes, I have that feeling too. She had rather a lot of clothes, shoes and bags, and loads of them unworn. I expect once the novelty of an uncluttered space (her fiance’s ideal and not hers) that she will slowly start buying and consuming again. There wasn’t any indication as to why she has a compulsion to shop either. I suppose in essence that it was really more of a ‘makeover’ show with a slightly different angle to it.

  • #208488
    Avatar of liag
    liag
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Emergency with daughter–will be gone for a while once more. Leaving in a couple of hours at dawn.

  • #208489
    Avatar of liag
    liag
    Member

    CHAT thread

  • #208490
    Avatar of bandicoot
    bandicoot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    good luck liag.
    fingers crossed for things to be ok.

  • #208508
    Avatar of lucy1965
    lucy1965
    Member

    CHAT thread

    liag, I’m so sorry — I wish you a safe journey and an easy resolution to the family difficulties.

  • #208523
    Avatar of djk
    djk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Best wishes liag–hope to have you back soon, with a successful resolution to this situation.

    Mini-rant:
    I bought a soft fabric cross-body bag with the intent of keeping my bag comfortably secure and my hands free while being utterly focused on my camera and shot. It’s big enough to carry my camera, lenses, camera case, wallet, keys, cell phone, tissues, yada yada.
    However I can never find anything in there. It’s sort of semicircular in shape, has a zillion pockets, and I am always panicking about where stuff is. I conclude it’s the lack of a flat, squared bottom that drives me nuts. If I only carried my camera that would be fine; it allows me to change lenses without needing a flat surface or putting my bag down on a dirty street. (this is why I don’t use a knapsack anymore for my camera.)
    I need a place for my wallet, glasses, keys etc.
    I dislike multiple bags hanging everywhere off me–I am not a pack mule.

    I haven’t figured out yet if I am not using the bag to its best advantage or if there’s something specific that drives me batty about this bag.

    It’s not a big problem in the grand scheme of things but it’s irksome. I take pleasure in things which function smoothly.

  • #208524
    Avatar of grey
    grey
    Member

    CHAT thread

    thinking of your liag. hope things are well (or as well as they can be).

    djk – i’m equally as picky about my bags. they have to function just so or i can’t use them.

  • #208527
    Avatar of bandicoot
    bandicoot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    djk….i hear that.
    bags….well, anything i use really…have to be functional.
    sloppy, lazy, or poor design makes me crazy.
    i hunt high and low for good design, because when i find it, i know i’ll be using (and enjoying it) that item for years.

  • #208531
    Avatar of irishbell
    irishbell
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Liag- thinking of you and yours.

  • #208535
    Avatar of pkilmain
    pkilmain
    Member

    CHAT thread

    liag – have a safe trip and I hope things work out for your daughter. You and your DH are great supportive parents.

  • #208882
    Avatar of ninakk
    ninakk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    resurrecting the general chat! what’s up, people? silence?

    I stumbled upon some old articles that were deemed important while starting to tackle small projects if not on a daily then frequent-during-the-week basis. One contains ideas for visiting parks and other green areas, which gave me the idea to schlep my sister to at least some of the places. Dug out a link to the city of Helsinki, which was a treasure trove indeed! I’m now realising I don’t know my home city that well at all! Do you? I bet there’s a lot to do for free where you live, as well! I’m longing to get out more and the only thing stopping me is the wallet, but no more :)

  • #208885
    Avatar of bandicoot
    bandicoot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    i haven’t been online much for a few days.
    our lively, lovely, visitors came and went again…..they left today and we miss them already. le sigh!
    we have had days of wonderful conversation, belly laughs, too much wine, playing with the cats, making soap, and vegetarian feasts.
    and perfect weather!

    nina, i’d give my eye teeth to amble around helsinki, wallet or no.
    wonderful architecture, design, galleries, museums, parks…..i am sure it is alllllll there for the taking!
    some friends of mine wound up in helsinki by accident once and they haven’t stopped raving about it yet!

  • #209297
    Avatar of lucy1965
    lucy1965
    Member

    CHAT thread

    I know I have been very quiet about DH’s search for full-time work, but today I have some very happy news to report!

    After four interviews, today he learned that he’s one of three finalists for a job in Portland; they’re flying him in next Monday, he’ll do a 20-minute presentation and a 40-minute panel interview, and if he gets it he’ll start immediately.

    We could move there on our own schedule (his direct report is also in the Intermountain West and would fly him in as needed), the office is four miles from the apartment we want — nearly a direct shot on the streetcar! — and the job is a perfect fit for his skillset. I haven’t let myself feel anything about it until the e-mail arrived today, but my best friend in Eugene and I just spent an hour on the phone shrieking at each other (once we could pry our husbands, who are also good friends, off the phone).

  • #209301
    Avatar of pkilmain
    pkilmain
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Oh, fingers crossed Lucy! We’ll be in Portland for one day – April 19 – on our way home from Boston. Too bad you aren’t there yet….

  • #209302
    Avatar of Jackthetiger
    Jackthetiger
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Good luck Lucy!!!!! You have had a hard time of it, so I hope this is the start of something wonderful for you both!

  • #209312
    Avatar of bandicoot
    bandicoot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    best of luck, lucy!
    portland seems like a cool place to live.

  • #209313
    Avatar of grey
    grey
    Member

    CHAT thread

    oh lucy, i hope this works out for him. what a wonderful opportunity and to have good friends near is even better!

  • #209320
    Avatar of djk
    djk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Got my fingers and toes crossed for you Lucy!

  • #209338
    Avatar of lottielot
    lottielot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Ooh, I hope he gets it!!

  • #209342
    Avatar of djk
    djk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Such a nice in today: I was in a second-hand shop looking for silk ties or scarves for cutting up (for tie-dye Easter eggs) and I saw a pair of walking shoes in my size, perfect colour, perfect condition, for 12€. I am in shock. My main black walking shoes, which I have worn almost every day from October to May every year are really falling apart. I’ve worn them almost totally through on the sole. I can’t replace them because I found them in a secondhand shop 4 years ago for 7€. They’ve been wonderfully comfortable on my problem feet.
    For the past 2 months I have been seriously looking for a replacement, hunting around all the shops, and had the thought I’d like them in tan. No luck, and I’ve tried on a lot of shoes. Well blow me down I found The Pair, by complete chance. For a lot less than the 150€ I was prepared to spend! I am beyond thrilled. AND I found two ugly silk scarves for just a few Euros which I hope will make gorgeous eggs!
    *skips around a little*

  • #209346
    Avatar of bandicoot
    bandicoot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    sometimes, the universe just hands you the perfect thing at the perfect time. and, at the right price ;)

  • #209389
    Avatar of Jackthetiger
    Jackthetiger
    Member

    CHAT thread

    djk, That is the other side to decluttering. Someone decided to get rid of those shoes that did not work for them rather than leave them gathering dust in a cupboard. You gain by their sensible approach. Enjoy a nice, long, comfortable walk to help work off those Easter eggs!

  • #209390
    Avatar of Jackthetiger
    Jackthetiger
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Double post!!!

  • #209396
    Avatar of Netleigh
    Netleigh
    Member

    CHAT thread

    djk, not only recently finding The Teapot but now finding The Shoes, you have been fortunate with your 2nd hand shop visits.

    Lucy, thinking positive thoughts about your Dh’s interview.

    A UK TV show, where they clearout stuff to sell to raise funds for a makeover, where the chap involved had mountains of old tech seems to have inspired my dh. He has said the old desktop and crt monitor no longer needs to lurk in his study as well as the one he uses.

  • #209408
    Avatar of bandicoot
    bandicoot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    happy easter/pesach everyone!
    we are doing nothing in particular here. just enjoying a few days without phone calls, emails, couriers, etc.
    usually i have friends/family for sunday lunch, but it didn’t eventuate this year.

  • #209428
    Avatar of djk
    djk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Happy Easter!
    Heard Mozart Missa Solemnis in C, followed by Handel’s Hallelujah Chorus. Aftersome lunch in Alt Wien we’re Bering to the Albertina–and it’s SNOWING! Yikes! Am freezing!

  • #209430
    Avatar of bandicoot
    bandicoot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    i am off to bali first thing in the morning, and i have packed a personal best in light luggage.
    under 6 kilos for ten days! i am very happy.
    but you don’t need much in ubud apart from a sarong, swimsuit, couple of casual outfits and a big container of sunblock!

  • #209437
    Avatar of lucy1965
    lucy1965
    Member

    CHAT thread

    @djk Wrap up warm, love!

    @bandicoot That is fantastic; you are an inspiration, truly. Have a lovely time!

    Day before yesterday, DH was procrastinating instead of working on his presentation, and helped me measure the Big Room (combined formal living/dining room): if we get rid of everything in there, plus everything in the basement and garage, what’s left will easily fit into the proposed new apartment. *grins*

    (I know, that sounds ridiculous, but we never use that space, so I’d only want the books and artwork. The only things in the garage we’ll need are my hand gardening tools, which fit in a five-gallon lidded bucket, and except for one tool box and the cordless drill the only stuff in the basement we might take are the boxes with DH’s personal papers: his therapist assigned him homework of looking through a box a week.

    (Of course, since we’re still wrestling with whether it would be kinder to wait to move until after the 17-year-old cats have passed, as working remote is an option, all of this is theoretical anyway.)

  • #209443
    Avatar of djk
    djk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Jacktt, that is a cool way to look at it–so I am benefiting from someone else’s good uncluttering sense and I’m tickled pink to find what I need. May my things that I routinely ship off bless someone else.

    Netleigh–hmmmmm…I do think there is a bit of give and you shall receive going on, I just never expected such a literal interpretation of that verse!

    lucy, thanks! brrrrrr…my hands were so cold on the train earlier I see there were some typos from using my phone with cold hands. I’ve got the heat cranked up.
    I think I would be measuring too! Even theoretical moving is exciting–much to think about and plan for! Pressing my thumbs, as they say here, for him!

  • #209455
    Avatar of clutterbug22
    clutterbug22
    Member

    CHAT thread

    bandicoot, have a lovely time in Bali, you certainly get around to some exciting places!

  • #209458
    Avatar of Netleigh
    Netleigh
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Jealousy rears it’s head over Bandicoot popping off to Bali again, have a lovely time.
    I’m consoling myself with having booked a week at a lovely spa hotel in Austria in late May, from previous experience the meadows will be full of flowers around the village and even if the weather is not brilliant it’s a lovely setting and you can while away many hours in the spa.
    As our warm spell in the UK seems to have vanished I’m glad I decided to get on with decorating this weekend. Only two more coats of emulsion on two walls tomorrow and it will be finished, then I have to put stuff back in with an uncluttered mindset.

  • #209488
    Avatar of clutterbug22
    clutterbug22
    Member

    CHAT thread

    netleigh,
    That was a positive result from the TV program with your dh getting rid of some of his computer stuff! I haven’t watched that episode yet, will have to watch it on catch-up on the computer. Good work with all your decorating.

  • #209489

    CHAT thread

    djk, your boots (and teapot) are a result of deluttering karma! I have found some great things in charity shops/on consignment-it spurs me on to donate stuff which is in great condition but unused :-)

  • #209512

    CHAT thread

    Out: $81 of my Christmas present Eddie Bauer gift card :) They were having a 50% off all clearance items sale, so I got a nice pair of brownish, lightweight cargo pants, a beautiful scarf (I had lusted after that scarf when it was marked $45 — love it at $19.99!), a white linen blouse and a cap sleeve sweater (although it’s already hot here, everything tends to be over air-conditioned.)

    In: a wonderful pair of athletic shoes. Got fitted at the New Balance store and they found a pair that feels like walking on air :) I checked online, and they sell for about the same price everywhere, so it was well worth it to go through the extensive fitting process and make the salesman happy.

  • #209513
    Avatar of chacha1
    chacha1
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Nice to see such good and hopeful news from our Unclutterers! Keep it coming!

  • #209517
    Avatar of lucy1965
    lucy1965
    Member

    CHAT thread

    DH is on a plane. He received an e-mail just before we left for the airport asking if he would be available to start immediately if he’s hired (as in next Monday: they’d fly him back to Portland for the week), and that he’d know by close of business tomorrow.

    I am never going to sleep tonight.

  • #209518
    Avatar of paisley
    paisley
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Hope it goes well for you, lucy1965! We’ll be eager to hear how it goes. That email does sound positive, doesn’t it? Good luck.

  • #209520
    Avatar of grey
    grey
    Member

    CHAT thread

    oh, i’m so hoping this works out for him lucy! keep us updated!

  • #209521

    CHAT thread

    lucy: keeping fingers crossed!

  • #209525
    Avatar of Jackthetiger
    Jackthetiger
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Lucy, sending you best wishes. I hope you have good news to tell us soon!!!!!

  • #209534
    Avatar of Charity
    Charity
    Member

    CHAT thread

    My kids both have chicken pox, so we’re under 7 days of house arrest. Aaargh.

  • #209540

    CHAT thread

    Lucy – sending good job mojo for DH!

    Charity – yikes. Hope it goes smoothly.

    Me – good and bad. Revving up to do a large project with a team of fellow professional organizers, and I lOVE working in collaboration.

    A dear friend fell and broke her femur, about 5 inches below her hip. She’s had surgery, and the surgeon says she’s doing well, but it’s going to be a long recovery. She’s 67, and while she’s very fit looking and quite active, still . . .

    Liking this thread a lot.

  • #209542
    Avatar of irishbell
    irishbell
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Charity- stock up on calamine lotion!
    3 of my kids had chic pox, the youngest 2 had the shot so they didn’t get it.
    I sympathize, they can be pretty miserable. Hope it goes well!
    I have a 16 yr old home with strep throat, she is a mess.
    We haven’t had strep around here in forever, I forget how crummy it can make you feel. :(

  • #209547
    Avatar of djk
    djk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Charity I hope your kiddos feel better soon! I remember endless baths with baking soda in the water to soothe the itchies.

    irishbell I am prone to strep. It’s awful. My latest thing (found researching google on my phone at 2 a.m. in desperation last winter) is to drink a tablespoon of apple cider vinegar in a glass of lukewarm water. Yup. yummy! I was so desperate I just didn’t care. It did work though. Or maybe the flavour made me pass out. One or the other.

    Secret Squirrel I love the thought of uncluttering karma:)

    bandicoot I think about you and that tub of sunscreen and I wish I could be there too! Have a great time!

  • #209550

    CHAT thread

    Fingers positively pretzeled for your DH, Lucy!

    Charity, my parents didn’t believe in shots, and I got chicken pox at age 20. Horrid.

    My kids never had strep until we moved to GA, then over the past 9 months they have had it at least 2X each. Ick.

  • #209551
    Avatar of irishbell
    irishbell
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Djk: thanks for the tip. In the past we’ve gargled with warm saltwater, which does help,
    even if they can’t stand it. Sounds like the vinegar drink helps along the same lines.
    Yesterday was ice cream and Popsicles for her,today is warm tea and honey and
    as always- lots of TLC.
    Laundry still going, almost finished, downstairs bathroom,laundry room and cat litter box- clean as a whistle!

  • #209552
    Avatar of lucy1965
    lucy1965
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Thank you all SO much for the good wishes. He’s having lunch right now with the man who will be his boss if he gets this. I am Doing All The Laundry and blasting “The Craig Charles Funk and Soul Show” to distract myself.

    Aaaaaaand I’m out of laundry soap. Are you kidding me? Okay, shower, walk down to the store on the corner, I can do this.

  • #209553
    Avatar of Netleigh
    Netleigh
    Member

    CHAT thread

    The illness thread! I’ve retired to bed with an achey cold type thing, work colleagues agreed I should take my germs home, hope I sleep it off quickly.

    Charity, If the spotty kids are really itchy, Calamine cream can be a good alternative to lotion because it stays put on the spots for longer.

    I’ve finally looked up strep throat, as it’s not a common description for an illness in the UK, found out we refer to it as tonsillitis.

  • #209556
    Avatar of Ella
    Ella
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Lucy, I love the “live” report! Fingers crossed! Keep us posted!

  • #209557
    Avatar of Hansi
    Hansi
    Member

    CHAT thread

    2 colds in one month but thats life.
    I’ve changed the tires on the car for the first time in my life from winter to summer tyres. I told the tyre guy to instruct me how I do the tire swap and then I will do the job myself. I wanted to learn. And now I know. I was very proud of myself. In full rain but I carried on and fixed it.

    I have to fix the clutch on the car, its a new car so it will be a warranty issue. I hope.
    I have scoped the internet for a monocular and found a Echo pocket scope that will fill my needs, I will get it tomorrow hopefully. It was relatively cheap aswell.

    Oh, and I started painting some furniture today aswell. Will continue tomorrow. Maroccan blue. It reminds me of my vacation in Egypt and gives me fond memories.

    When I think of it I have done quite much today. Oh and I finished the digital storage, cloned my harddrive in case of failure.

    It has happened one time before so I learned from that.

  • #209563

    CHAT thread

    10 million points to Lucy for the Hyperbole and a Half ref :)

  • #209564

    CHAT thread

    Ah thanks Netleigh, I always wondered what strep throat was!

  • #209565
    Avatar of irishbell
    irishbell
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Strep is short for streptococcus (sp) , there are a few varieties of it.
    It’s a bacterial infection which requires antibiotics to cure. It’s one of those common illnesses,
    but one that back in the “ole pioneer days” could kill you.
    Thank goodness modern medicine is still good for some things!

  • #209572
    Avatar of lottielot
    lottielot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Charity: at least they’ve both got it together rather than consecutively :) I found pouring Piriton syrup down their throats at the minimum recommended intervals helped hugely, didn’t need any calamine and they hardly itched. Ds1 gave me a few sleepless nights with it nonetheless!
    I have my fingers and everything else crossed, Lucy!

  • #209579
    Avatar of lucy1965
    lucy1965
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Thanks, everyone. He didn’t get the job.

  • #209580
    Avatar of Jackthetiger
    Jackthetiger
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Oh Lucy. So sorry to hear it. I know it may take time to get over it, but hopefully another opportunity will be along soon.

  • #209584
    Avatar of paisley
    paisley
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Oh, dear, Lucy! I’m so very sorry to hear that. How very frustrating for you (and him). I do hope something better comes along very soon,

  • #209585
    Avatar of irishbell
    irishbell
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Well crap, Lucy.
    Hogs for you and hubs.

  • #209586
    Avatar of grey
    grey
    Member

    CHAT thread

    i’m sorry lucy :( huge hogs for today and hope that a better job offer is coming soon.

  • #209593
    Avatar of djk
    djk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Oh I’m sorry, Lucy. That’s rotten news:(
    Here’s to hoping that other good opportunities come along soon.

  • #209596
    Avatar of PJ
    PJ
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Oh, I’m so sorry Lucy! You guys haven’t had it easy. I hope and pray that the perfect opportunity shows itself soon!

    Edited to say: I must be tired. I just totally copied what djk said, above, and didn’t realize it until after hitting send on my post.

  • #209597
    Avatar of lottielot
    lottielot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Aww, hugs, Lucy. You must be really disappointed.

  • #209600
    Avatar of Netleigh
    Netleigh
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Sorry to hear he didn’t get it Lucy. I really hope the right job is just waiting somewhere soon.

  • #209605
    Avatar of Charity
    Charity
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Sorry to hear that Lucy.

    The UK doesn’t vaccinate routinely against chicken pox – the reasoning is that it wears off and then adults get it very badly, and it is dangerous for pregnant women. So most kids get it before they are 10. Mine don’t seem to have it too badly, and enjoyed an oat bath (oats in a muslin, squeezed into the water). Piriton and calamine are in play too!

  • #209606

    CHAT thread

    Sorry, Lucy. What a disappointment! There will be other opportunities, though.

    Bandicoot — hope the tsunami is well away from you!

  • #209609
    Avatar of ninakk
    ninakk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    That sucks, lucy! :( And all of you who are sick or have various stuff going on in your families, get well soon!

    Here there is one major focus, the entrance exam, and a minor one to balance it nicely, the sewing corner. The latter hasn’t received the deserved attention in a while, but it’s nice to be back at fiddling with fabrics.

  • #209611

    CHAT thread

    I’m so sorry, Lucy. Something will break open soon for you both.

    Chez writing all the time, it’s the final day before the Big Project. I’m reminded how much of life is a moving target, like, everything. I haven’t met the Client yet, we’ve been corresponding via email. Every day brings a new twist to the schedule. Today I’ll purchase a couple small tools, get my kit together, and put together an easy menu for taking lunches and snacks.

    And, print out all the emails and contracts to take with me in a binder.

    I’m excited – will post again about how it goes.

  • #209613
    Avatar of irishbell
    irishbell
    Member

    CHAT thread

    In the U S, The varicella immuniz. is fairly routine, but ultimately is optional, and I believe as far as immunizations required for entrance to schools it’s not mandatory. My 2 youngest have also had a booster for it, as you said, it is not as long lasting as first thought.
    We had a neighbor woman who had a badly scarred face after having the shot, and having a terrible reaction to it.very scarey. Had I met her before my kids had the shot, I may have thought much more about it.
    Off to google Piriton, it shall be my new word of the day.
    Piriton= antihistamine. Got it.

  • #209615

    CHAT thread

    It is actually required in the US – 2 doses or proof of history of illness… of course you can claim religious exemption. In which case I think you should live in a bubble and keep your kids away from other people – several infants have died from being exposed to unvaccinated children with childhood diseases the infants were too young to be inoculated against. I had 2 little brothers nearly die of whooping cough of all things, so I have strong feelings about vaccinations.

  • #209618
    Avatar of irishbell
    irishbell
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Dmo3 – good to know.
    My youngest is 16 now, it was not required when she went into K. I don’t know if you
    had to do the moral/religious claim to have it waived and not mandatory, but the
    pediatrician highly recommended it so we did it.

    I have a dear old friend who
    did not get all the immunizations that the general population did for her daughter.
    We chose to not talk about it as we both have such opposing views on the subject!
    There will always be studies saying such and such cause autism and everything else under the sun,
    but you really have to weigh benefit against risk, especially for your children.

  • #209623
    Avatar of bandicoot
    bandicoot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    i am in my beautiful room in the heart of ubud after a very full day (massage, facial, blondie foils, breakfast, lunch and dinner in different eateries around town, lots of walking, wheatgrass shots, and chatting with people) and catching up on all the news.

    lucy, i am so sorry. and i do believe that strange things happen for a reason, which may never be clear to us. hang in there guys. and big hugs.

    we were never vaccinated for chicken pox in nz….you either got it or you didn’t.
    i never got it, but the rest of my family did. and both parents have had shingles in their sixties.
    on the other hand, i am the only one to have had rosea pityriases.
    i didn’t even know there was tsunami action until i read it here. off to google!

  • #209626
    Avatar of lottielot
    lottielot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/varicella-vaccine/Pages/Introduction.aspx
    But part of the reason may be the MMR vaccine shenanigans.
    Writing all the time: sounds exciting!

  • #209637
    Avatar of Jackthetiger
    Jackthetiger
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Not a parent, so it is easy for me to comment. The Autism claims against immunization have been disproved being based on research of TWELVE manipulated examples. The Lancet have retracted this claim because they discovered the paucity of the research and corrupt practices. http://briandeer.com/mmr/lancet-summary.htm It is one of those pervasive myths that endangers others in the community. End of rant!!!!!!

    Have a great holiday, Bandicoot. The earthquake was off Aceh, so the tsunami warning was more for the Indian Ocean. The danger has passed now thank goodness. Aceh is still rebuilding after the last horror.

  • #209638

    CHAT thread

    Agreed, Jack! And I have very dear friends with children who have autism, but even most of them agree that the “it was the vaccines!” argument is baseless. I routinely have to remind people that it is thanks to vaccines and pasteurization that most children today are not dead before the age of four, and that the “little white hearse” is seldom seen.

  • #209640
    Avatar of Swede
    Swede
    Member

    CHAT thread

    I haven’t been very active here lately… Not sure how to post this so I’ll just get right to the point. A tumour was discovered in my back and after what feels like a million hospital visits and different tests (combined with another million hospital visits for the eye infection that I’ve had for SIX MONTHS now), last week I had surgery to remove it. They got everything out and it turns out it wasn’t cancer so I’ll be fine. Which is great and a huuuge relief.

    Too bad my landlord wants to kick me out in 2 weeks. :( Today I texted my sister begging her to help me out and call the lawyer (she is in parts responsible for me getting kicked out) and only got harsh words in return for not doing it sooner. And I KNOW I should have called sooner, but there’s only so much one person can do. Inbetween the doctors, the soul crushing situation at my old job, money worries, finding and starting a new job and family drama on top of that I simply have no more energy… Not sure what to do, have nowhere to go. Can you all please keep your fingers crossed for me that things will work out? My sister stopped replying to my texts so I don’t even know if she will call the lawyer for me. I really need my luck to turn… I really need a place to live (the housing situation is impossible in Stockholm with at least 8 yrs wait or rents that are super expensive which I can’t afford). Pretty please keep your fingers crossed, i really need it right now. :( Thanks.

  • #209641

    CHAT thread

    Oh Swede!

    (A) so glad and grateful the tumour was benign.

    (B) Sending thoughts and hopes and wishes for the living situation and that your sister will soften in her attitude towards you. ((hugs))

  • #209643
    Avatar of Northshore
    Northshore
    Participant

    CHAT thread

    Sending hugs to you, Swede. I hope all works out well for you.

  • #209644
    Avatar of paisley
    paisley
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Oh, Swede! I’m sorry for all your stress. So glad the tumor was benign. And I really hope your living arrangement has a solution forthcoming. Fingers are definitely crossed!

  • #209646
    Avatar of lucy1965
    lucy1965
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Swede, dearheart, I’m so sorry. My wishes don’t seem to be doing me any good, so I’ll send them your way and hopefully they’ll be of some use to you.

  • #209648
    Avatar of djk
    djk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Oh Swede, lots of hogs and hopes to you.

  • #209649
    Avatar of Zora
    Zora
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Swede, I’m sorry to hear that you have so many troubles. Even if your medical care was free, even if the tumor was benign, just dealing with the worry and the frequent doctor visits would have been enough to wear you down. If the problems had come one at a time, you probably would have been able to soldier through them … but all at once!

    I would guess that you have to live in Stockholm, or within practical commuting distance, to keep your job. Would it be any cheaper if you were to look for a room in a shared house or apartment? A student flat? That might be noisy and dirtier than you’d like, but it would at least let you keep your job while you looked for something more tolerable.

  • #209655
    Avatar of clutterbug22
    clutterbug22
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Swede, glad to hear your tumour was benign, that must have been so frightening. Wishing you the best of luck in your current situation, you certainly have been going through a lot.

    Lucy1965, sorry to hear dh didn’t get the job, good luck to you as well.

  • #209683
    Avatar of Jackthetiger
    Jackthetiger
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Thinking of you Swede. There has been so much on your plate. Ask for and accept help from your close contacts.

  • #209686
    Avatar of PJ
    PJ
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Thinking of everyone who is dealing with issues of family, health, housing, and jobs, and praying that better times lie ahead for you all . . .

  • #209687
    Avatar of bandicoot
    bandicoot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    dear swede, what a lot, all at once. i am so sorry for your troubles.
    sending you lots of good wishes for resolutions and hugs for yourself.

  • #209697
    Avatar of Swede
    Swede
    Member

    CHAT thread

    This forum really is the warmest place on the interwebz. :) Thank you all. I actually started crying when I read all of your comments (I’m such a wuss).

    I’ve tried asking my family for help. My sis is now ignoring me (even though I actually used the words please and I’m begging you) and my dads idea of helping was giving me a leaflet for an apt next to his house for 3 million SEK. He knows very well you can’t get a loan in Sweden unless you had an income in Sweden the two previous years. And I’ve been living abroad for over six years. Thanks dad. *sigh* Also, you need at least 15% of the amount you are lending which would be about €50 000. I wish I had that in my savings… LOL.

    I’m doing my best in packing the not heavy stuff but my back still aches so I need plenty of breaks. I’m getting rid of everything that I can to make it easier. A friend of mine has a storage unit in the basement of his house and has offered up some space there… But my furniture wont fit. At least I wont have to put the stuff in my dads attic which is hard to get to and full of crap. And has bugs in the summer. :/ Another friend owns a moving company and he will move my stuff for cheap.

    I’m trying to take one step at a time but my mood and my enery levels are very low. :(

  • #209699

    CHAT thread

    Ahh, Swede, what a rough patch for you. Take care of yourself the best you can. All we can do is our best.

    I’m glad you have some friends who are stepping up to help you. It’s very natural your energy is low – you just had surgery and your family are being a***s! I’d be tired and cranky too!

    Take more breaks than you think you need, be as kind to yourself as you can be. You’ll get through this crappy part of your life.

    You can always come here for support.

  • #209725
    Avatar of lottielot
    lottielot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Omg, poor Swede! Thank goodness it was benign, but it must have been incredibly stressful for you :( And to have all the other issues too, that sucks :( Sending you cyberhugs, and I hope you sort out the housing situation quickly.

  • #209740
    Avatar of sleepykitten
    sleepykitten
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Yes, Swede, I have nothing more to add than what others have said already, but I am thinking of you!

  • #209742
    Avatar of bandicoot
    bandicoot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    it looks like i have lost a major customer….they appear to be making product in-house instead of buying it from me.
    i have felt this coming for a couple of months and last night i confirmed it.j
    i cannot blame them….times are tough and everyody is trimming expenses. ( but i wonder how their customers will react?)

    i will be trimming expenses as soon as i get home too :(
    my house cleaner, window guy, and gardener are going to be the first hit, along with my charities :(
    we are in for an interesting and minimalist winter!
    my husband and i skyped this morning and we are both feeling reasonably chirpy and optimistic in the face of quite a big blow.
    maybe the universe is telling us that we were getting too comfortable and complacent and needed to shake us up!
    i guess i need a fresh challenge.

  • #209744
    Avatar of Zora
    Zora
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Sorry to hear that, Bandicoot! I hope that other customers will appear to take their place.

  • #209748
    Avatar of lottielot
    lottielot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    That’s bad news, bandicoot. However, you yourself have said that you needed a new approach so this is the perfect opportunity :) I’ve always admired your dynamism, I’m sure you will come up with something marvellous :)

  • #209750
    Avatar of clutterbug22
    clutterbug22
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Bandicoot, that’s a bit rough. You could be right when you say that the universe is shaking it up a bit for you, sounds like it could be a new opening or challenge that you need to look into. Don’t let it spoil your lovely holiday though.

  • #209765
    Avatar of bandicoot
    bandicoot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    thank you, guys.

    well, it has been a bit of a shock and somewhat stressful and it has disrupted my sleep a little….i can’t get to sleep for the brain whizzing in circles at high speed, and then i wake very early for more of the same.
    i think i will take a compensatory nap this afternoon. and do a gratitude meditation. and get my centre back. two nights of being off-balance about this is quite enough!

  • #209772
    Avatar of pkilmain
    pkilmain
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Oh my, such a lot has happened in the past 10 days or so since i’ve had time – and a wifi connection – to read here. Huge “hogs” to everyone who needs them!

    We have 3 more days here in the Boston area, then one day in Portland Oregon on the way home. We have at last found warm weather the last few days! I am looking forward to going home though – miss my kitties, my bed, home cooking….

  • #209773

    CHAT thread

    Bandicoot: sorry to hear about the defection. You will cope!

    Back from the 2-day wedding in Louisiana. 16 hours in the car with DH and his mother, a very nice wedding with a very nice bride and a loooong reception with a bunch of people I did not know (not my favorite kind of event.) I did survive, however — onward!

  • #209796
    Avatar of djk
    djk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Sorry to hear about the setback, bandicoot! Who knows, maybe this will bring new customers in. Nature hates a vacuum!

  • #209841
    Avatar of Netleigh
    Netleigh
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Sorry that your customer has ‘defected’ Bandicoot, remember you built the current business from a position of adversity. I expect to read about your astonishing resourcefulness in the coming months.

  • #209843
    Avatar of irishbell
    irishbell
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Thanks to your talk of Downton Abbey (and Netflix), hooked, line and sinker I am, before the first episode was half through.

  • #209848
    Avatar of ninakk
    ninakk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    I’m sorry on behalf of those hurting.

    Have I invented a new “smiley”? Can’t type it here since it is rather rude, but here goes in words:
    dot dot pipe dot dot

    I don’t think I have to say who it is aimed at. Some people on this planet need to wake up from their narcissism. I’m tired of crying and tired of not sleeping.

  • #209852
    Avatar of lottielot
    lottielot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Hugs, ninakk. Everything’s crap when you don’t sleep :( At least if you’re tired of crying it means you may be starting to get over whatever you’re crying about (dh I assume?)
    I have a bit of a quandary. I’m undecided what to do with the rest of my life, and whilst I want to do a PhD one of my ideas was to work for a year so I can save the fees and pay to do my PhD, rather than spend a year applying for funding which may lead to an area I’m not that interested in, or may lead to nothing. I’ve been feeling thoroughly overwhelmed by all the options, to be honest.
    And then today I was idly googling jobs sites and found what looked like a great job, fixed term for a year. I think I’m well qualified for it and it looks quite varied (I hate being bored). Let me list the pros and cons:
    Pros: looks interesting, varied, can get out and about and visit people sometimes, lots of different projects, would suit my skills
    Cons: money is not great, the commute would be horrible, it’s full time, I’d have to put the kids in breakfast and afterschool clubs and holiday clubs and still have to negotiate shorter hours or something (working from home for a bit of it?), my take-home salary after childcare and petrol would be rather dismal and not sure it would actually pay for the PhD, I haven’t worked full-time for 10 years and I’m not sure I could juggle it with the kids and dh who is never here, and actually we don’t need the money (though dh would probably be happy I was earning he would be massively unsympathetic).
    Thoughts?

  • #209856

    CHAT thread

    A friend once offered excellent advice: applying for a job is not the same as accepting it. Even if you get an offer, you can say no. You won’t know how accommodating they will be unless you apply. If it doesn’t look like it will work you can say no.

    That being said, there sure do seem to be a lot of negatives. What would be the repercussions if it doesn’t work out? Is your field so small that word would get around and perhaps jeopardize your chances at other jobs? What are the odds of other, better suited jobs cropping up?

  • #209858
    Avatar of Netleigh
    Netleigh
    Member

    CHAT thread

    lottie,
    Sounds as if the cons may outweigh the pros, will it really give you enough after all expenses for the PhD funding? Will the kids and dh resent how much less you’ll be available for them?
    You could just apply anyway and see if you get it! Make the decision then.

  • #209862
    Avatar of lottielot
    lottielot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Thank you, you’re both right! And obviously I may not be offered it, I’ve been turned down for plenty of jobs before :) I would probably take home more money from a minimum wage job round the corner, it’s just this job looks like a great fit for me other than being a long commute away…I’ll dust off my CV tomorrow and apply, the worst that could happen is that they won’t offer any flexibility at all.
    Susan: it’s not related to anything or anyone I would probably end up doing a PhD in, so from that perspective it’s low risk. And it’s not the type of thing I’ve seen advertised anywhere else before, or even knew existed, so it seems like a perfect opportunity from that point of view. It would also look better for PhD applications than working a crappy job. I’m very bad at just staying at home, it makes me feel like a failure when I have all day free and can’t manage to keep the house clean or get anything done. But too much stress makes me fall apart, and I find commuting and juggling childcare stressful. Dh earns enough that I don’t have to work, but I really need some structure in my life, and I think he’ll be resentful if he ends up paying for my PhD anyway! I’m having a bit of a midlife crisis right now, the last 4 years of my life have been focussed on getting my degree and (almost) finishing my MSc, I feel like I’m running in circles working out what I enjoy enough to do for the rest of my life! And I have so many talents, I feel like I’m wasting them being a student
    and mum…
    Anyway, thanks for your thoughts :)

  • #209864
    Avatar of bandicoot
    bandicoot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    being a decent mother and raising decent human beings is about THE most important work there is.
    i don’t have kids but i know that much.
    please don’t sell yourself short, lottie!
    and here is some advice from someone older, if you will permit me: don’t stress out looking for the thing that is going to occupy you for the rest of your life, and simply focus on something you’d like to do right now. it takes a lot of pressure off and gives you permission to change your mind later if you want to.

  • #209866
    Avatar of irishbell
    irishbell
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Lottielot- please don’t ever feel your talents as a mother and a student of life and learning are wasted.
    There are worse things than soaking up knowledge and raising the people of the future.
    This opportunity sounds like its just the thing you think you need at this time in your life. I’m sure you’ll
    figure it out. Good luck with it!

  • #209867
    Avatar of lottielot
    lottielot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Yes, bandicoot, I agree that being a mum is important! But my kids have reached a more independent stage and they don’t need the constant, hands-on attention they once did (thank goodness!), so sometimes I feel surplus to requirements :) They are the most amazing kids though, and I’m really proud of them. Even if their bedrooms currently look like a bomb was detonated.
    The planning ahead thing: if I spend 3 years doing a PhD (4 if you count saving up too) then it absolutely has to be something I find fascinating. And it really narrows your path, that’s one thing I’m struggling with. You’re right though, I’m stressing too much, I will try to be more bandicoot-y :)

  • #209870

    CHAT thread

    Job sounds terrible because of the time and energy it would take away from you and your family; however, would it help lead to a great job and place to be? Would the sacrifice now be worth future benefit? If you are concerned most about structuring your free time would there be other ways to fill it, including with things that would enhance your PHD applications? How would your children be with breakfast and afterschool care? Your DH? Yourself? Perhaps you can consider your house your job and schedule things to do just like at work? Best wishes to you.

    PS I would kill for the time you have ;)

  • #209874
    Avatar of lottielot
    lottielot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Thank you, ntch, I appreciate your thoughts :)
    You are all so wise and sensible, it’s good to get a range of opinions and suggestions.

  • #209889
    Avatar of clutterbug22
    clutterbug22
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Lottielot,
    Sounds like the job could take up a lot of your time and energy, it does sound as if it could end up being quite stressful trying to organise all the childcare and then with a long commute as well. But there’s no harm in applying. Like susanintexas said, you don’t actually have to take it if it was offered to you and it’s good interview practice if you get an interview. I was going to suggest finding out if it could be offered as a job-share but then financially it wouldn’t be worth it for you which is part of the point of you going for a full-time post. Maybe they may be able to offer you some flexibility after all.

    Have you thought about taking a year out from studying when you have finished your Msc? Is doing a Phd a definite ambition of yours? I was just wondering that perhaps after having a break from studying you might find that doing a Phd might not feel so important to you and that you might discover other avenues to go down that are equally as interesting for you, especially as studying for 4 years on a specialist topic is quite a long time. Or perhaps there are possible part-time distance learning Phd courses, maybe Open University or at regular universities?

    I can understand your frustration at being at home, undertaking academic study and never seeming to being able to get the house tidy. I’ve got a Master’s degree and it does sometimes feel as if I am wasting my abilities. I am always asking myself where the time has gone each day and I feel bad about the flat being untidy, in need of decorating and never getting round to doing any of the hobbies that I want to do, even though I am at home all day! But at the moment I would just focus on finishing your Master’s, perhaps keeping an eye out for any interesting jobs and spending time with the kids whilst you’ve got the chance and not worry too much about the Phd just yet, you’ve got enough on your plate!

  • #209892
    Avatar of irishbell
    irishbell
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Omg, I just found Dark Shadows for instant play on Netflix.
    Wow, what a score! And with the app I can watch on my iPhone.
    I’m a tv fiend this week.

  • #209961
    Avatar of lottielot
    lottielot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Ok, I have mulled it over and decided not to apply, mostly because the thought of the kids having to spend most of the summer holidays at holiday club is just too horrible.
    However, since the job looks so good I am going to send them my CV and a letter telling them I’m unable to apply for a full-time position, however my skills could be of real use to them and I could offer them a lot of flexibility. And then ask them to keep my details on file in case they have any opportunities for a job-share/part-time positions/short-term contracts or ad hoc projects.
    Got to be worth a shot :) It makes me cross that you seem to have to be in a job already in order to get child-friendly hours, whereas trying to find such a job from scratch seems nigh-on impossible.
    Thanks for your thoughts too, clutterbug, nice to know I’m not alone!

  • #209964
    Avatar of clutterbug22
    clutterbug22
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Lottielot,
    Glad you had a good think about it all, sounds like a good strategy what you have decided, about sending them your info even though you are not actually applying for the vacancy. At least it feels like you are being pro-active rather than presumably letting the chance of an interesting job ‘get away’. I know how it feels when you see a fantastic job but there’s a catch eg wrong hours etc, you keep thinking about it, thinking that if you don’t apply for it that you’re missing a ‘once in a lifetime’ chance, but in the end something equally interesting usually comes along in the future and maybe with better working hours/wages etc.

  • #209965
    Avatar of ninakk
    ninakk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    lottielot, I hope something works out the way you would like the best.

    Funny how pure exhaustion can make us a bit cuckoo in the head. I have slept so badly for so long that the house is a total mess, but today I decided to take a whole day off and clean, do laundry etc. On purpose I have a friend coming over tomorrow evening because I couldn’t take the mess anymore. As a result I do feel a bit better and the air is much nicer to breathe, too.

  • #210003

    CHAT thread

    I think maybe I’m just tired — the neighbors were up late partying and revving motorcycles outside the bedroom window last night.

    I think DH is shortchanging his mother on food. I cook for her — she just gets what we are having, packed up in divided containers for her microwave. She has a very hearty appetite — even thought she’s 91, when we go out to eat she puts away more than I do. DH typically fills her container after we are done eating, as he does the dishes and also packs his lunch (also leftovers) for the next day.

    Anyway, for the last few months I’ve noted that the containers have been returning faster than expected. I will have picked up all the empties on Thursday, say, but on Friday he’ll bring back containers from three meals. Sometimes she’ll have one for lunch, but THREE makes no sense unless she is eating more than one meal at a time. I started inspecting the containers prior to delivery and found them … scanty. Tuesday, for example, we had sausages. There were five of them. She got ONE, (I had 1 1/2) and ONE pierogi (there are 12 in the pack; I had four.) He gave her about five green beans and put the rest into his lunch container. Today I made six enchiladas — two for each of us. He held back one of “hers” for his lunch. Quite frankly, she could easily eat three.

    When there isn’t enough GOOD food in the house she eats junk, which he buys her. She has high blood pressure and diabetes, so the frozen meals with a lot of salt, although handy for an emergency backup, are not a daily solution. He’s also started buying her boxes of crackers and other “junk” food. She’s been going through more sugar-free cookies than normal.

    I think I’m going to have to pack her meals myself BEFORE we eat. I periodically ask him if I am cooking the right amount — does he have enough for his lunches — and he always says yes. This is so weird. Sometimes I wonder why I bother.

  • #210005
    Avatar of irishbell
    irishbell
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Susan-I’m happy you are looking out for your MIL.
    Sometimes people think the elderly don’t eat much or need to, but everyone
    is different, your MIL has a good appetite and should continue to eat well as long as she can,
    especially since its her only food!

  • #210011
    Avatar of clutterbug22
    clutterbug22
    Member

    CHAT thread

    susanintexas, wow, I was a bit surprised when I read your post about the food, hope your MIL doesn’t think it is YOU that is packing her ‘mini’ meals. Looks like you will have to ask her about whether she’s having enough (obviously not, but at least you will be able to bring the subject up with her). You certainly seem to have a lot to contend with everyday what with work, dh, MIL trying to declutter and noisy neighbours, we’ll be here to rally you on!

  • #210015

    CHAT thread

    sit, no offense meant, but I don’t trust your [has a history of p-a] DH … sounds like he’s eating her food … must be hungry … my unsolicited advice is to just cook more and pack it yourself …

  • #210017
    Avatar of lottielot
    lottielot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Susan: is your dh feeling pressure to eat less alongside you but then cheating by taking extra to work perhaps? It does sound odd, but I’m sure he’s not doing it deliberately. I would pack your MIL’s food as soon as you’ve cooked and dished up for you both, let your dh do his own leftovers and maybe cook a bit extra.

  • #210024

    CHAT thread

    Clutterbug — My MIL is a people-pleaser, and would not be comfortable telling me that her meals were too small, even if asked, for fear that it would be taken as criticism. That’s a dysfunction in that family — not knowing how to give or take kindly given, constructive criticism with grace. And NTCH & Lottielot — I think you are right. DH eats better — more restrained — when someone is watching; lunch is his chance to catch up :) I do need to cook more, I suppose. I’ve been trying to match the food volume to our needs better so that there is less waste, and might have been cutting it too close. And I do need to pack up the meals myself. I also have several little casserole dishes — when I make lasagna, enchiladas or quiche I can make her her own personal portion so that there is no question about what is meant for her. And Irish — you are right as well. He like to think that his mother has a dainty appetite :) He is so wrong. She eats like a trucker. What he doesn’t see is that if we skimp on the healthy meals she fill the void with less healthy stuff.

    There’s part of me, though, that just thinks it’s GREEDY.

  • #210047
    Avatar of lucy1965
    lucy1965
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa my ex was just here aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!

    He had a good reason: one of DS’s stepbrothers has his ROTC graduation this afternoon and the university is 60 miles away, so he’s giving DS and DSP a lift. But being around him reminds me of how happy I was to unclutter him!

    *breathes out* Anyway. My dad’s cancer surgery was today and my brother says he has come through fine, and all else going well will be back home Monday night.

  • #210048
    Avatar of PJ
    PJ
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Oh Lucy, such a lot you have going on! Glad to hear your dad’s surgery went well!

  • #210055
    Avatar of clutterbug22
    clutterbug22
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Sounds like a bit of a stressful day, Lucy1965

  • #210059
    Avatar of lucy1965
    lucy1965
    Member

    CHAT thread

    There was a certain amount of screaming into pillows for relief after, yes. *embarrassed grin*

    But now there is chicken korma on the stove and this week’s episode of Tabletop downloading, and I’m going to turn in early and sleep the sleep of the just.

  • #210064
    Avatar of bandicoot
    bandicoot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    lucy, best wishes from here for your dad’s recovery.
    those first few days post-surgery are just so grim.
    thank god for modern drugs, really.

  • #210066
    Avatar of Astreja
    Astreja
    Participant

    CHAT thread

    I may be uncluttering a gym membership when I get back to work on Monday morning.

    Every year they have a vote on what radio stations to play in the gym, and when I got there this afternoon there was a sign that essentially said Station X won by a landslide and we’d be listening to that one for the whole year. (Previously the top 3 or 4 stations would be played in a 2-week rotation.)

    The new station is awful. Simply awful. After less than 2 minutes on one of the machines I had a headache and a serious rage underway. I stomped out of there, changed back into street clothes, then came back with a pen and composed a strongly-worded note which I signed and dropped into the suggestion box.

    It isn’t entirely the bad music, either — It was the “our way or the highway” attitude implicit in the sign near the door, and even if they apologized I’m not prepared to trust them again. I’ll spend that gym money in a nice quiet swimming pool or yoga class instead.

  • #210075
    Avatar of clutterbug22
    clutterbug22
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Astrega,
    I can’t think of anything less relaxing and more vexing than listening to an annoying radio station whilst exercising. I can understand how the annoying music affected your mood, as soon as I get into the car the kids want the radio on and a particular station whose jingle advertises that it has the widest range of music (or something suchlike). Does it ever! There is only so much revisiting the 80′s and 90′s I can take plus the repetitive disco stuff of today. (Gee, don’t I sound old!) I tell the kids that we have 30 minute slots of alternating stations otherwise I would genuinely be banging my head against the dashboard.

    Seems a shame that your gym has decided against rotating stations as that seems more sensible and fair, after all you are a paying customer. Going for a swim in a quiet pool sounds much more fun (although they can get pretty noisy as well!)

  • #210079
    Avatar of bandicoot
    bandicoot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    heavy depressing discordant repetitive music drives me into a homicidal rage within seconds.
    truly, it makes me all hyped up and adrenalised and i can feel my blood pressure rising and my stomach and jaws clenching.
    i would totally quit a place with the wrong kind of music!

  • #210085
    Avatar of lottielot
    lottielot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    I’m surprised the gym doesn’t just play background music, given most people bring their iPods now.
    Clutterbug: when I’m driving I have control of the radio, the kids can lump it :)

  • #210089

    CHAT thread

    Am doing a kind of detox this weekend to try to sort out a stomach problem. Just taking it easy as I am pretty low on energy, and so am just reading along on unclutterer enjoying other’s progress… Good work everyone :-)

  • #210103
    Avatar of bandicoot
    bandicoot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    today i am simply depressed.
    the loss of this big account is hitting me harder than i imagined.
    i feel angry, anxious, and tragic.
    all of which is not very usual for me.
    i need to get things happening, but i feel as though i have been kicked in the stomach.

  • #210105
    Avatar of djk
    djk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Sending you hogs bandicoot. Your calm, perspective, and confidence will come back in spades. Loss is always tough, regardless of how it occurs

  • #210106
    Avatar of lottielot
    lottielot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Aww, hogs, bandicoot! Take your time to deal with those feelings, do your walk around your lake and come back to it when you’re ready. It sounds like it’ll take a while to cover the hole left by that account. Have you thought about selling overseas at all?
    I’m sure you’ll come up with some ideas :)

  • #210123
    Avatar of ninakk
    ninakk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    More hogs, hogs, hogs from here, too!

  • #210133
    Avatar of pkilmain
    pkilmain
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Indeed, many more hogs from the far NW US as well! I understand how it feels almost like a betrayal, or a death of a friend, to lose an old customer. I am sure that you will grieve and then move on, and hopefully this will only be a temporary setback.

  • #210135
    Avatar of Netleigh
    Netleigh
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Even more hogs from the me. I think pkilmain has hit the spot with saying you need to grieve the loss then move forwards.

  • #210137
    Avatar of irishbell
    irishbell
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Bandicoot- Sorry bout your business loss, what a tough thing to happen.
    Sometimes our hearts rule us more than our heads- and that is a good thing.
    In our heads we think, this is not so terrible, I can deal with this, no biggie-
    but our hearts tell us the truth and it surprises us.
    It’s hard to know how to deal with it. One way or another you will feel your way through.:)

  • #210151
    Avatar of bandicoot
    bandicoot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    you know something?
    this is about the nicest friendliest place on the internet!
    thank you, all.

  • #210154
    Avatar of Jackthetiger
    Jackthetiger
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Bandicoot, From what I have gleaned over the last year or so, your business was built on your determination, hard work and your passion for your product. It must be devastating to lose an important client when you had reached a level of comfort and stability. Things will turn around and you will find new clients. Maybe you need to mourn the loss, then come back with that same passion. You will succeed, you have done it before! I hope this does not sound glib; I do not mean it that way.

  • #210155
    Avatar of Jackthetiger
    Jackthetiger
    Member

    CHAT thread

    PS Excuse my ignorance, but why do people send “hogs”?

  • #210156
    Avatar of clutterbug22
    clutterbug22
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Because pkilmain (I think) sent some hugs to someone once but mis-spelt it as ‘hogs’ and it’s stuck ever since!

  • #210160
    Avatar of bandicoot
    bandicoot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    i adore the hogs and always wondered where they originated.
    a typo? that is so cute and silly!

    JTT, thank you.
    for a few days, i have been feeling as though “we have to start all over from scratch”.
    but that is so untrue.
    i remember where “scratch” was….it was miles and miles from here.
    i need to just get over myself and get on with it.
    i thought it would happen faster, that is all.
    i suppose i have only known for a week….it might take a little longer :)

  • #210163
    Avatar of Hansi
    Hansi
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Preparing for tomorrow. I have to sit in a car for many hours and then go to a course for my job. One course I really don’t need because i’ve been doing the thing they are going to learn me for about a year and a half now. I’d rather just work.
    But it just don’t work that way.

    Oh well, I have to be satisfied since after the summer I might not keep my work (cutbacks). I have another job lined up but it’s radically less money. I can manage but I have to live without all the extras if it comes to that. Not fun but it can be done.
    I asked my boss today if there are any hints on when I will know and they just said that many people are fighting for the same job. Just my luck…..Oh well hope for the best prepare for the worst. Thats my motto.

  • #210164
    Avatar of
    Anonymous

    CHAT thread

    Good luck, Hansi! Cutbacks are happening here too. My job is safe, which is ironic since I’m trying to get out; happily I may be able to swap jobs without someone who wants to stay. Here’s hoping!

    The weather is making me unhappy today. It was snowing this morning, and now it’s a mean, cold, needly kind of rain that feels like it pierces through your skin and freezes your bones. I woke up this morning, looked outside and said “no. I refuse to participate in this.” … but still had to get up and go to work. Shooting the rain disapproving looks has also not been terribly effective.

  • #210165
    Avatar of djk
    djk
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Good luck Hansi! Got my fingers crossed for you!

    Anita, if stern, reproving looks at the rain don’t work, I don’t know what would;)
    I’ve a friend who always suggests I write a Strongly-Worded Letter to the Management whenever I complain about the weather!

  • #210168
    Avatar of pkilmain
    pkilmain
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Yup, the “hogs” came from me with my ever-present iPad typos! :)

  • #210185
    Avatar of bandicoot
    bandicoot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    fingers crossed for that job, hansi.

  • #210193
    Avatar of grey
    grey
    Member

    CHAT thread

    what a week. i’m trying to catch up here, but am afraid i’ll miss something so hogs to those who need them and friendly encouragement all around :-)

    i’m not sure if i’ve shared this before, but i’m immigrating to canada (from the US) and received word that my file is finished and i will officially be a resident next week! it’s been such a long process and i’m elated to be done.
    at the same time, we learned that h’s boss is leaving which means a huge transition and a lot more work for h in the meantime. so much change, so much happening i haven’t had much time to focus on the house or decluttering lately. hopefully i can jump back in this week.

  • #210198
    Avatar of Ella
    Ella
    Member

    CHAT thread

    I’ve barely been able to do a thing for the past several days because of an insane allergy attack. Lots of recent rain = lots of flowers in bloom and the pollen count is a killer. Sneezing and coughing attacks started on Friday, so violently that I was exhausted afterward and had to go to bed. Took cetirizine (Zyrtec) and just conked out. Saturday I managed to drag myself to and from the laundry room for two loads. Then while I was trying to get ready for a volunteer concert, I had such a violent coughing attack that I actually cracked a rib! Of course I had to cancel the concert plans and go back to bed. Sunday much the same (minus laundry or any other such activity)… just hacking my guts out and taking more ceterizine plus 600mg of ibuprofen for the cracked rib. Lordy!!

    This morning at Italian class I wasn’t alone. Three of us were sitting there with our swollen red noses, swollen watery eyes, and big packets of kleenex. I saw my nurse friend before I went… she said to clutch a pillow against my ribs when I cough, and increase the ibuprofen to 800mg. So my only achievements of late have been two loads of laundry and my Italian homework. Meanwhile, my new toaster oven was delivered three days ago and I haven’t yet mustered the strength to unpack the box, which is parked in the middle of the bathroom floor. So that’s my report… going back to bed now…

  • #210202
    Avatar of irishbell
    irishbell
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Ella, I take my Zyrtec at night, it helps with the sleepiness.

  • #210205
    Avatar of lucy1965
    lucy1965
    Member

    CHAT thread

    @pkilmain: don’t apologize, it gave us a term of affection unique to the forum!

    @hansi: you may have my employment wishes, and may they be of use to you.

    @grey: what wonderful news! Congratulations.

    @ella: oh, hon, I’m sorry. DH is also suffering the effects of all the tree sex and is thoroughly miserable. I hope it eases soon.

  • #210206
    Avatar of pkilmain
    pkilmain
    Member

    CHAT thread

    My DH came home last night suffering from something blooming that he encountered. Just think, it means it’s spring! :)

  • #210207
    Avatar of lottielot
    lottielot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Ella: try a 2-pronged approach. I found cetirizine on its own didn’t cut it for me, I use a nasal spray too (like Beclamethasone) and that keeps a lid on things. I’m anticipating misery soon as I just spied the privet flowering…It’s got to the stage where I have to take stuff all year round, but I don’t dare not as a sudden attack can put me in bed with what seems like flu but is just an extreme reaction, just horrible :(

  • #210208
    Avatar of Hansi
    Hansi
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Many thanks for the nice things said I really appreciate it.

  • #210212
    Avatar of
    Anonymous

    CHAT thread

    @grey, that’s great news! Congrats and welcome :)

    @Ella – hang in there! Boyfriend is a year-round allergy sufferer, so I feel your pain. Mine are seasonal and fairly mild, thank goodness.

    @djk – the stern looks didn’t help at all. It rained all day yesterday, and poured all night. Today it’s raining diagonally and I can only hope I don’t end up flying home. Strongly worded letter to the management is starting to sound very good.

  • #210232
    Avatar of Jackthetiger
    Jackthetiger
    Member

    CHAT thread

    I send my first bundle of “hogs” to all who need them.

    Good luck with the job, Hansi.

  • #210233
    Avatar of bandicoot
    bandicoot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    allergy folks, have you tried using a neti pot?
    very gentle, very safe, verrrrry effective.

  • #210236
    Avatar of Ella
    Ella
    Member

    CHAT thread

    I’ve used my neti pot twice today. I’ve found that if I use the neti pot more than twice in one day, it really hurts. But maybe I’ll have another go before bed. Today for some reason my left nostril has become a snot factory. I have a feeling a sinus infection is in the making.

    Thanks for the commiseration, everybody. I feel a bit better today, not so horribly flu-ish. I actually got all the dishes washed and went out for groceries without coughing but a lot of nose blowing. I’m really bummed about the rib fracture, so I hope the coughing is over and done with.

  • #210237
    Avatar of paisley
    paisley
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Sending hogs to all of the folks in need of them now. Hope things start looking up and everyone is feeling better. I would agree that this is one of the friendliest places on the web!

  • #210304
    Avatar of clutterbug22
    clutterbug22
    Member

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    Gosh, that Ladies Nike fantasy Spam is so pointless, why do people waste their lives writing and then posting such crud, sad, sad, sad.

    (Didn’t want to post this comment on the spam post in case it compromises the administrators being able to delete it, but it was so breathtakingly unbelievable)

  • #210307
    Avatar of bandicoot
    bandicoot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    ella, the cracked rib sounds just completely horrid.
    hogs to you. rest that rib. no heavy lifting.

  • #210313
    Avatar of Netleigh
    Netleigh
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Love lucy1965′s take on tree pollen being ‘tree sex’, I’m thankful that with all the rain the UK is having the tree pollen count is low when I would normally have itchy eyes.
    Hogs to everyone with sniffles and allergies. Ella how terrible to have cracked a rib with the coughing!
    I am feeling signs of cautious hopefulness that antibiotics may actually be conquering the cough and snot fest that my body has been having.

  • #210316
    Avatar of clutterbug22
    clutterbug22
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Geez, more fantasy spam

  • #210339
    Avatar of clutterbug22
    clutterbug22
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Oh good, they’ve got rid of that awful spam, it was ridiculous! Thanks, Erin!

  • #210347
    Avatar of clutterbug22
    clutterbug22
    Member

    CHAT thread

    I’ve mentioned these on the ‘One nice Thing’ thread but had to bring them to general attention here as well, have you seen this Wednesday’s Unitasker – the ‘Pic-nic Pants’? Go check it out and the comments, absolutely unbelievable, I haven’t laughed so much in ages!

  • #210349
    Avatar of clutterbug22
    clutterbug22
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Lottie, perhaps you could get some and take them camping with you this week-end!

  • #210380

    CHAT thread

    My ex showed up in town, as I think I mentioned. I have tried so hard to be civil. I even picked him up and drove him with us to our son’s first bowling tournament last Sunday.

    While we were watching our son bowl he leaned across the table and belligerently said “So, since you’re bisexual now, I guess that means you and —- (my partner) are just having huge f***ing sessions with all kinds of guys and gals and whoever all the time?”

    I barely refrained from slapping him across the face. I stood up and making sure our son was still out of earshot, said clearly that I found him disgusting and I was sorry I brought him and I wish he had never moved here – that I and my children were better off without him.

    I was so upset I shook all the way home. I HATE him.

  • #210384
    Avatar of Zora
    Zora
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    DMO3, what a distressing experience! I’m guessing that he intended to be offensive … maximally offensive. Sharing parenting with this guy will be an extreme challenge, on the order of climbing Everest. Perhaps it shouldn’t be attempted.

  • #210386
    Avatar of bandicoot
    bandicoot
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    CHAT thread

    when people say things that are so vicious, i figure they are coming from a very hurt/fearful/confused place.
    if my husband left me for a man, i don’t know how long it would be before i could be even remotely cool with that.
    i can easily imagine saying some regrettable, horrible things.
    he was lashing out, dmo3. it doesn’t excuse it…but it helps explain it a little bit.

  • #210392
    Avatar of PJ
    PJ
    Member

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    dmo3, that was an awful thing for him to say. Sounds like you have some thinking to do about if/how you and your kids spend time with him. If you have the discretion to limit his time with the kids, you might start with telling him that if he ever says something like that to you again, or if you even suspect him of ever saying something like that about you to your kids, that he will find it difficult to get you to agree to visitation.

  • #210397
    Avatar of bandicoot
    bandicoot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    clutterbug….the picnic pants were hysterical!

  • #210405
    Avatar of lucy1965
    lucy1965
    Member

    CHAT thread

    DMo3: oh, darling, I’m so sorry. As hateful as it was to hear, I hope that you documented it, and that you’ve been doing so every time he says something hateful to you. I’m having no luck searching the Georgia state code, but there’s a provision in the code in my state that forbids either parent from badmouthing the other in front of the children; if he makes a habit of doing so, or allows third parties to do so unchallenged, you should be able to petition for a visitation modification.

  • #210407
    Avatar of irishbell
    irishbell
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    CHAT thread

    dmo3- everyone else sounds more forgiving than I think I would be.
    How many strikes does he get?

  • #210409
    Avatar of lucy1965
    lucy1965
    Member

    CHAT thread

    irish, I don’t feel forgiving at all: I’d like nothing better than for DMo3 to have the option of one good consequence-free punch up the snoot. But my own relationships with DS’s father and stepmother were similarly combative, and while I was absolutely free to tell them to get knotted and leave, as long as they weren’t talking smack in front of our son I pretty much had to lump it, legally.

  • #210420
    Avatar of clutterbug22
    clutterbug22
    Member

    CHAT thread

    DMo3, sorry to hear what’s happening with you, it’s certainly not a pleasant situation.

    Lottielot, how did your camping go this week-end, what with the current stormy weather?

  • #210422

    CHAT thread

    Thanks guys. I’m much better now that I’ve got some distance from it.

    Bandicoot – I’d buy that except the underlying chant for 11 years of our marriage was a constant “Can we have a threesome? Can we? Can we? canwecanwecanwepleeeeease?”

    I haven’t actually seen him since the incident, although he did call and “apologize” – along the lines of “I didn’t mean anything by it” and “You took what I said all wrong”

    I told him that I only let him see his kids for their sakes, not his, and hung up. Since then the boys call him once a day to say goodnight and I put the phone on speaker and don’t interact with him myself.

  • #210428
    Avatar of bandicoot
    bandicoot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    hmm, ok, that is a little weird.
    particularly if you kept saying no thanks.
    boy gotz issyooooos.

  • #210432

    CHAT thread

    No kidding. I wish he’d just stayed far away from me. He sucks.

    Enough about that. Lottie, do tell about your camp out!

  • #210458
    Avatar of Hansi
    Hansi
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Today I sold two of my possessions that was very dear to me. I do not use them but I liked to watch them and remember the joy i’ve had with them. I then sold them, I have just sent them to their new owners and for the money I got from them I bought my partner a camera and a nice meal for my mother. I don’t have the things anymore but I have the memories and with the money I got I created new memories.

    For me, it was a hard choice but it was worth it.
    There is one more thing to sell as a result of getting rid of these items but it will take time.

    One step at a day.

  • #210459
    Avatar of bandicoot
    bandicoot
    Member

    CHAT thread

    hansi, i like the idea of circulating stuff through my life.
    keep the energy moving.

  • #210471
    Avatar of lucy1965
    lucy1965
    Member

    CHAT thread

    LOTTIE!!! Tell us about camping!

    (Why am I bellowing about camping? I hates it, precious. Oh, right, my uterus is trying to kill me today and I need distraction.)

    hansi, well done! I agree with bandicoot about keeping things moving.

  • #210514

    CHAT thread

    Lucy, You might like this 4 part comic series I wrote for a camping blog (no profit to me for a visit to the blog, just think you would appreciate the humor!)

    http://dzynezone.blogspot.com/2008/10/but-honey-campgrounds-dont-have-room.html
    http://dzynezone.blogspot.com/2008/11/debunking-blueberries-for-sal-of-bears.html
    http://dzynezone.blogspot.com/2008/12/of-tents-and-men.html
    http://dzynezone.blogspot.com/2008/12/deer-santa-please-spare-me-from-camping.html

    I hate camping with a passion.

  • #210519
    Avatar of PJ
    PJ
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    Posting in hope that DMO3′s post will then show up …

  • #210533
    Avatar of lottielot
    lottielot
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    CHAT thread

    Gosh, DMo3, he sounds messed up. Be firm with him, tell him he’s out of line but try not to get angry, it sounds like he’s trying for a reaction…
    My camping trip was very wet and muddy :) The Friday evening was lovely, then Saturday it rained all day, but we went for a nice walk and a pub lunch, Saturday night was very windy and wet but we’ve probably had worse :) At least there was plenty in the area and the toilet block was heated :) I hate cold loos. We watched a couple of DVDs and read, it was no worse than staying home in wet weather really.
    On Sunday we packed up and came home, again in the pouring rain. I got everything dry yesterday as there was a bit of sun and wind. We went to SIL’s new house for lunch, it is gigantic with a huge indoor heated pool…And it cost about £2.5 million!

  • #210536
    Avatar of lottielot
    lottielot
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    CHAT thread

    Ok, DMo3, I get the camping hatred thing :)
    But…you’re not allowed to wild camp in Engkand, which means a campsite of whatever size. Which means proper toilets :) And fires are usually banned, which means cooking on a gas cooker, no big deal.
    My kids love camping, they always find new friends and are running around wearing themselves out playing football, playing cave men or spy games or building dens. Give them a thicket and they’re happy :) We hardly see them in good weather, so we can drink wine and read. Blissful parenting :)
    The tent thing: we could put our big old one up in about 15 minutes, some of them do take hours which is why you go for the quick ones. Or better still: pop-up tents! And we take about 10 pillows between us and very comfortable blow-up mats. No rocks, though you need to pitch the tent level so you’re not facing downhill, that’s not comfy.
    And most importantly, we do not have bears. A fox is about as scary as it gets. No dangerous insects, snakes or anything, though you may have your food nicked by a wild pony if you’re unlucky :)
    See: you’re just camping in the wrong place! Italy is nice for camping too :)

  • #210541

    CHAT thread

    I feel about camping the way I feel about going to the beach: no thank you.

  • #210567
    Avatar of
    Anonymous

    CHAT thread

    DMo3, I feel you on the camping hatred. I have NO good memories of camping, even as a kid. The closest I have to a happy camping trip is when I visited a friend’s cottage which was not fully finished, so we slept in tents outside. Tents that had been provided and put together by our host before I even got there. The house was thankfully already equipped with a full bathroom and kitchen (thank God for people who get their priorities straight!), so this time there were no awful stories of peeing behind bushes or eating burnt junk food.

  • #210572

    CHAT thread

    The boy scout pack leader just sent out a snotty all cc’d email about the upcoming camping weekend. She used the words “NO EXCUSES” in caps and underlined them about six times, mentioned that having other kids was no excuse not to come, having to work was not an excuse not to come, on and on and on – and I know I’m the only mom in the troop who doesn’t like camping and hasn’t gone on a camping trip and am having a hard time not taking the email personally.

    I do have a small child, plus an older daughter who hates camping as much as I do. Why should we all be miserable? There is another family happy and willing to take my child along as before, and he has an adventure being off without mommy hovering.

    I have a job that doesn’t always give me long weekends off – or any weekends off, really. I don’t have a 2 income family with a six figure income. It’s just me (and my partner’s pitiful pittance from the country she served to protect).

    No-one seems to understand that with being a single mom running my own business and being the sole supporter for my family, taking off to go camping is huge PITA for me and logistically almost impossible. I am the ONLY single mom in the troop – can’t count my partner as they would start screaming about my immorality if she ever showed up to help out. Ironically she would love to take my son camping.

    The email really cheesed me off because I know it was meant specifically for me. Grrr.

  • #210575
    Avatar of lucy1965
    lucy1965
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Is there a complaints department for BSA? There ought to be someone to forward this to with a note saying “You are not really all that big on inclusive behavior, are you?”

  • #210577
    Avatar of irishbell
    irishbell
    Member

    CHAT thread

    Oh absolutely dmo3, ridiculous.
    Scouting is about comaraderie, growing, learning, serving, responsibility, but most of all FUN!
    This “leader” has no right to include working and other children as “excuses”!!!
    Even if you have 2 parents and all the money in the world and babysitters to watch your
    other children, you should NEVER feel forced or coerced to go on any overnight trip.
    Some people just like to be everyone else’s boss, I do not understand this, but have seen it plenty before.
    Good luck on uour return email,( i guess i assume there will be one) Please let us know how it turns out.

  • #210578

    CHAT thread

    The BSA, despite getting loads of federal money and kickbacks from the United States government(the Pentagon hosts their annual Jubilee to the tune of over $7 million a year, and the US Mint creates coins to sell at far over face value specifically to raise funds for the BSA), staunchly insists it is a private organization and has the right to discriminate against LGBTs and atheists.

    Since I bat 2 out of 2, they’d love for me to complain so they can kick my son out. No point. I’ll just grit my teeth and do what I want/need and they can suck my big fat one as seen here (NSFW/K): http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/ba132721d0/white-man-s-d-k-with-susan-sarandon

  • #210615
    Avatar of Jackthetiger
    Jackthetiger
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    CHAT thread

    How bizarre DMof3! They are ALLOWED to discriminate against atheists and LGBTs??? Surely a community organisation can’t get away with that, private or not??? They would kick a child out because you didn’t or couldn’t toe the line??? What a disgrace!!! I hope you have a wonderful time reading, lounging about and drinking cocktails whilst the others dance to the tune of that despotic scout leader.

    I do love camping and being in the great outdoors. I love camping in the bush when nobody else is within cooee. I love the stars when there is no light pollution. And I can deal with digging a hole when needed!! The only thing I hate is the endless stuff that seems to go with it. I think you should be able to be minimal and organised, but it seems to take a day to get ready to go and a day to pack it away again.

  • #210618

    CHAT thread

    Jack, you’d think, but the BSA has very cleverly taken advantage of every loophole they can find to stuff their pockets with government funds while stubbornly maintaining that they are a private corporation with the right to discriminate however they see fit.

    It’s ironic that their argument against gays and atheists is that we are immoral and potential child molesters, every one…

    … when the BSA, like the Catholic Church, has covered up years and years of thousands of incidences of child rape by morally superior, deeply religious straight men in their leadership.

  • #210619
    Avatar of Charity
    Charity
    Member

    CHAT thread

    That’s terrible. I’m involved with the Brownies here (7-10 year old girls) and previously had a lesbian co-leader. She didn’t tell the parents, but none of the other local leaders had an issue with it and some went to her wedding (well, civil partnership). My 4 year old boy comes to Brownies every week and is coming on holiday in August, although his dad will pick him up in the evenings to sleep at home.

  • #210621

    CHAT thread

    The Girl Scouts are a completely different animal. The leadership and mission statement are definitely NOT anti LGBT, and in fact it’s usually troop members that end up being the problem

    Case in point: recently a little transgender child wanted to be a Girl Scout, and she was allowed becasue the GS do not discriminate like the BSA does.

    Sadly, some of the parents made such a horrid stink about the “inappropriateness” of the “boy in a dress” that they literally disbanded the troop since they weren’t allowed to kick the poor child out according to Girl Scout rules.

    One little girl with very rigid conservative parents even made a video urging no-one to buy Girl Scout cookies, because the GS had defending the transgirls’ right to be in the troop. The video was incredibly hateful, and disturbing because it was recorded by a child.

    Happily, it backfired. The video went viral – but it was being shared by supporters of the Girl Scouts who urged people to buy double cookies this year to support the official stand made by the GS of acceptance and non-discrimination.

    Girls Scouts, 2 thumbs up! BSA — booooooo.

  • #210623

    CHAT thread

    At a friend’s request, called my brother to see if he could give her daughter a discount rental on his place in Ocean City so she and her daughters could afford to go to a soccer tournament. He offered a great deal — then the friends more geographically grounded husband said — but the tournament is in Ocean City MARYLAND, not NEW JERSEY! Anyway, had a nice chat with my brother and caught up on all the news.

    DMo3: in my experience, Girl Scouts are less adult-centered than Boy Scouts. It gets messy sometimes, letting the girls plan and decide, but they grow more for it. And when I was a scout leader, all girls were welcome. The parents were diverse in their ability to help, but I always figured that the kid who would get the most out of camping was the one whose mother wouldn’t be caught dead in a tent. If all the parents had the time and inclination to take their daughters white water rafting, or horseback riding or camping or canoeing — they wouldn’t need me. And I agree with you — BSA tries to play both sides — get government support and claim they are “private” and exempt from the rules. It’s not right.

  • #210624

    CHAT thread

    Thank you Susan!!

    I am always the first one to step up and offer homecooked food, the one who comes early and does set-up and who stays late and washes all the dishes after the banquets when everyone else hightails out, and I help carpool when possible since I have a 7 seater Mercedes. I try to hold up my end.

    I just don’t like camping and don’t have the time to take off for 3 days at a shot. Making me feel bad about it won’t change that. I wish the troop would just accept what help I do give and not try to guilt trip me every time I turn around. they actually seem to think I am somehow defective for not being eager to spend 3 days roughing it in the rain (and it ALWAYS rains.)

    And LMAO at the mix-up – sorry you didn’t get the great deal, but that WAS funny.

  • #210652

    CHAT thread

    DMo3 — I didn’t expect the parents to do ANYTHING except sign permission slips, write the occasional check and help with transport on the rare occasions we needed that. I had scouts in N Virginia, and the parents were a mix of very well educated and wealthy professionals and public housing immigrants. A lot of the wealthier girls were actually poor in getting attention from their parents, and I helped fill in that gap. Most of those parents never showed up — but their daughters had ME and my co-leader. If youth groups only accept children with engaged parents they are missing the biggest need. Sounds like you do more than your fair share, though!

  • #210668

    CHAT thread

    I hear you!

    Sad story – in our pack in Texas, the cub scout den leaders were almost all women, becasue the men were all “too busy”. But at the end of the year banquet, some of the husbands (notably they were ones who didn’t participate at all) actually had the all-fired gall to stand up and say that they felt it was very inappropriate that so many women were in leadership positions in the pack.

    I saw the looks on the faces of the women who literally spent hours, not to mention money out of their pockets to make scouting fun for the boys, and I wanted so badly to smack the ever loving SNOT out of those guys. How dare they. Want to stand up and diss the women and say there should be more male leadership? How about pitching the frack in?!!

    Grrrr.

  • #210698
    Avatar of Hansi
    Hansi
    Member

    CHAT thread

    I tried on my summer pants.
    All are 2 sizes too big at least. It’s not good in the long run, my jeans are to big so I bought new ones but all clothes thats expensive.
    I am only going to buy 2 or 3 pairs of shorts. Thats enough.

  • #210700