This is so huge an undertaking I am actually sitting here with dread coursing through my veins. Kind of like the precourser of a full blown panic attack. Everything is too loud, my thoughts are flitting about like so many malevolent hornets and my heart is beating too hard. What happened to me? I am a Virgo, calm, cool and collected - the steady rock everyone else leans on. Now I need a rock, something or someone to hold onto and I turn to myself and find confusion, deep unhappiness with the direction of my life, my physical surroundings and can't find the first rung of the ladder to climb back to the place I had worked hard to get to - equilibrium, a sense of connectedness and tranquil order to my surroundings. Rationally I know that I didn't get here in a day and won't get out of this emotional black hole in a day either, it is the feeling of paralysis and inertia I can't seem to confront and start dealing with. I am a passionate gardener, gifted with green thumbs and digging in the dirt, growing things, pruning, coaxing beauty, creating a tiny oasis in my backyard was my refuge from the daily grind. Now I just see work, and endless continuum of work inside my house as well as outside. How does a tiny, 1,100 sq ft house become so messy, disorganized and pure hell to wake up in? Plus, I work from home right now at a job I hate and I know I need to, have to, must get myself and my environment organized, under co trol, de-cluttered so I can feel in control, organized to embark on a job search with mental, emotional confidence and the physical stamina it will take. Should I tackle my little office first? I am leaning in that direction - something in my mind tells me if I get that room sorted - now it is office, storage, depository of stuff, clutter, begun and unfinished projects, a hodge podge that is hard to look at, difficult to spend time working my job in and just soon depressing to be in I know I have to start there but I'm so scared and there is no rational reason to feel this way. So what the heck is my problem? How to tackle my inertia? Steps, I need steps, a roadmap to sanity, please. Thank you for letting me letting this out, maybe it can be a first step.
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Posted 4 months ago #
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Sit down, close your eyes, and do nothing but breathe for just one minute. Maybe two. You know in your head it will be a journey; your body just has to take a moment to catch up to your mind.
Pick one small thing to start with: one stack of papers, one basket, one corner of your desk, one drawer, one notebook of jottings, just one manageable thing. Start there. When that's done, pick another small thing. Until they actually invent teleportation, to get from one end of the house to the other, you still have to take one step at a time.
I've had the terrible, soul-sucking job, and I know how much that can affect every fiber of your being. Even though you work at home, do you have a way to compartmentalize the job? Make a deal with yourself that you won't think about it outside of work hours, or outside of work space?
It sounds like you have the right frame of mind to set things back in balance. We'll all be here cheering you on, and you can come here anytime for commiseration and support.
Posted 4 months ago # -
Thank you Lori, for reminding me to breathe, I did fine minutes of just breathing and it helped. Thank you also for responding and giving m,e the gift of your thoughtfulness and that first little step - a step I will start everything with I need to tackle; sit, breathe and the brain responds so the body can follow. Calmness overcomes panic. An important realization - have to practice it to make it habitual. I feel a little more in control already. And I have realized something else about myself, to feel balanced I need to have a sense of control, not in a control freak way but it is a need I do have and as long as I can excert it rationally in parts of my surroundings, life where it won't hurt others it is ok to integrate into my reality of existence. I am giving myself permission to want and enjoy a sense of control. Again, thank you.
Posted 4 months ago # -
Welcome and yeah, take that breather. Overwhelmed is no productive state of mind and if you check out the articles found through that tag, you will see that you are not alone in any way. We all have gone through waves of it sometime. I don't know why one should want to eat an elephant, but as the saying goes it's done by taking one bite at a time.
My impatience messes me up sometimes and I feel like I want it all changed right now, but then I have to remind myself that it is indeed a process; we grow with it and are allowed to change slowly. Permanence comes from slow and secure steps, not the dramatic actions that usually are zeroed only a short time afterwards.
Start small is another good tag.
Posted 4 months ago # -
I second the "pick one manageable thing" approach suggested above. Physical/emotional/mental energy can ebb and flow, especially in times of stress. One day maybe choose something small like a desk drawer, another day you might feel a bit better and think "I can tackle a whole closet!" The best pace is slow and steady, and don't overwhelm yourself with thinking you need to get it all fixed overnight. For the first few steps maybe don't even let youself think of the big picture, just focus at the small task at hand you have selected for that time.
Before you know it you will start to see the wonderful progress you have made, and it just might give you the inspiration to tackle the harder areas.
Good luck :)
Posted 4 months ago # -
Ninnak, yes I do feel driven by impatience and the need to do, do and do some more. I want to see results and forget that I have to be the one to do it...I prefer to be in the process and not outside of it trying to set it up. A feeling of pemanence is one goal, the creating is what is hard to figure out. I lost my career in 06, a huge shock after a life of upheavals that was permanence, security and sense of self, I'd found what I was good at and enjoyed doing everyday. Within the past few years I lost my Mom, Grandma and most of the people in my family whom I loved and who loved me. Jobs in the meanwhile have been few and unsatisfying on all levels. My kids went through downsizing for a period in there and came back to stay with me but have since left again to thankfully good careers and fulfilled and busy lives. This has left me with everything in upheaval, unconnected and at a loss as to where to begin the mending and weaving process of the fabric of my life. Maybe the process of writing here will be cathartic and begin to unlock the huge boulder of grief, anger, despair and self loathing I feel just roiling in my body and mind.
Posted 4 months ago # -
Luxcat and Ninnak, I did pick one thing that was easy, a wall calendar from 08 and finally tossed it. That thing had hung over my desk and everyday when I sat down at my desk to work I would make a mental note to buy another to replace it but now I realize I can toss this one and don't need to waitvuntilci have another one...feels ridculously good! I think I'll post on the ATAD thread, too to get some momentum going...
Posted 4 months ago # -
Buzzy, you are in the right place. This is such a helpful, caring and articulate community. Congratulations on tossing out the first thing. I look forward to hearing more about your progress!
Posted 4 months ago # -
the calendar is a perfect start, buzzy bee!
we can't be a literal hand to hold, but you can always turn here for support and a figurative hand whenever you need some encouragement. just keep at it one step, one day at a time. it will happen.
Posted 4 months ago # -
Welcome, Buzzy bee!
I couldn't agree more with the other posters here. Bit by bit is the way to go when you are overwhelmed and temporarily undernurtured (or, since ninakk is determined to eat that darn elephant, "bite by bite" lol) Congratulations on getting that calendar out! Isn't it interesting how the smallest action can feel so great? Little successes build a sense of achievement and confidence and control.
Things sound a bit bleak overall for you at the moment--we will be your on-line champions, but it might be good to have an IRL (in real life) support system too. Do you have a church family, friends, volunteer work, dance class, book club, pottery, regular movie night,sewing stitch&bitch club, something to give you pleasure and energy and a respite from that job?I also agree you should start with the office if it is bugging you. Can non-work-related things be put elsewhere at your place? Can you decide on a "I'm done work now" routine to signal that work is over and private time has begun? At 5 pm have an alarm ring, and shut down, close the door behind you, and go for a walk around the block or take yourself out for a coffee at a nearby café? My SIL is a busy doctor and she shuts the work/sickness/death/giving bad news part of her day off by taking a long shower and as she washes her hair she does a visualization exercise that the flow of water is literally washing her day off her body and mind. Then she refuses to discuss work after that shower.
Pleasure is a powerful motivator. Find something good to mark the aaaaaahhhhhh work is DONE transition time.You can do it, really. You've already begun by signing up and writing. So see you over at ATAD!
Posted 4 months ago # -
ELFish1,and grey and everybody really, thnk you for welcoming me into this group, I am not ashamed to admit the need of encouragement right now. Years ago I dabbled in poetry and this one used to define me.
Contentedly in solitude I dwell, to share it might be bliss.
I'd love to just get to that point again, I realize I was severely depressed and circumstances and I conspired to completely isolate myself from other people and now I am ready for the next phase. I want it to be a fulfilling journey, I want to attract the good karma, another satisfying work experience career if possible and wake up feeling ready for whatever challenge the day may bring. And a clean, organized setting will and is the only way I can move forward in. My back is against the wall and further retreat no longer an option. So, unashamedly I will avail myself of your help, encouragement and suggestions as to the steps on how to accomplish my goal of regaining control over the clutter and my home environment.
Posted 4 months ago # -
djk, thank you, yes it does all start with a first step, I lost sight of that lately, just easier to push it all aside rather than confronting it. New routine, sit, breathe, don't think, get up and do it, even if just for a few minutes. Ok, those grapes are a treat, sweet and refreshing and I give myself permission to enjoy them. My work hours are sick, 9-1, 6-10, weekends included so no social life at all and that too stinks, another powerful motivator to look for a decent job but I need to have my stuff together and in order to do it right. Energy, focus and Intestinal fortitude as well as dealing with the inevitable anxiety of interviews, waiting to hear, disappointments, etc all dictate the necessity to be organized and on top of my game personally. So yes, I can do it, one step, occasional leap at a time.
Posted 4 months ago # -
Oh Buzzy bee, I think the fates led you to this forum. We love helping people take those first baby steps toward decluttering. I've been decluttering for years and I've streamlined it into something that works well for me. My suggestion to you is to get three containers. Plastic grocery bags work well. Then you pick a starting point, which can be absolutely ANYWHERE because all progress is good. Bag #1 is for things you are going to give away. Bag #2 is for things you are going to throw away, and Bag #3 is for things you are keeping that need to be put away.
As soon as you finish your decluttering session put bag #2 is the trash, put away the things in bag #3, and put bag #1 on the front passenger seat of your car so the next time you go somewhere you can drop it off at Goodwill or whatever charity you'd like to use.
Don't worry about where the items in bag #1 will end up. Just give them back to the universe and they'll find a home.
Posted 4 months ago # -
You are so right. Give it to the universe...and since there is an inherent order, balance in the seeming chaos of it, my unwanted stuff will fill a need or not, but that does not need to be my concern anymore. Less stuff, less clutter, less emotional baggage, more room to breathe and just exist. I bought these black fake alligator organizer totes 3 years ago convinced I needed them and now I am actually using them as my keep, toss and donate boxes...
Posted 4 months ago # -
you will find many more of those what-was-i-thinking??? items along the road and at times you will just smirk or laugh a bit at yourself whereas in a few cases (me and my still unwashed delicate laundry requiring gentle handwashing - since a few years - to mention one example and another one my ten year old yogi tea decluttered during the december advent calendar) you will feel close to shell-shocked. often there may be other emotions involved such as fear, loss or hurt and it is not the item itself you are processing then, but your psyche. slow is from now on your middle name. "i am slow bee. buzzy slow bee." sorry pal but there is no making haste on this journey.
Posted 4 months ago # -
I have actually been thinking of starting a "What Was I Thinking?!??" thread because I regularly stumble upon those items. Next time I will start a thread, if no-one else has already done it.
It is a slow process, but I think you will find that it gets easier and easier. And slightly addictive :)
We are all here to hold your hand.
Posted 4 months ago # -
candy, i am right here right now challenging you to start one, because i already have material for it.
Posted 4 months ago # -
I'm a sucker for pretty boxes. The idea of you using your alligator totes for your keep/toss/donate bins makes me smile.
Also, there's another website that I visit that calls those things you don't want to do "iguanas" (morphed from "I don't wanna"). And then I picture your alligator totes, so maybe those things that need to move on one way or the other are alligators.
Posted 4 months ago # -
ninakk, please go ahead - I'm looking forward to it :)
Posted 4 months ago # -
Buzzy: sometime I find it easier NOT to start with the hardest thing that needs to be done -- like the office -- but rather with something small and guaranteed to succeed. Perhaps something like the bathroom cabinets or drawers, or the "junk" drawer in the kitchen. Work your way up, in small projects, to the bigger challenges.
The ATAD thread has been a great help to me in keeping focus every day to at least get something done.
Best of luck to you!
Posted 4 months ago #
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