Why do we have so much trouble getting rid of things that once made us happy...

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Why do we have so much trouble getting rid of things that once made us happy...

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Started 1 year ago by themusiclivez
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themusiclivez
Member

... but that no longer make us happy. I have this problem with books and media items. A certain DVD used to make me happy, or a band used to really "speak" to me, but now they don't. So why is it so hard to let go of these items?

A line from a song I love says, "Holding on to what is gone won't heal it." This is so true. Sometimes I keep an album because it reminds me of the past. But it no longer makes me happy. These are the items I find the hardest to part with. We are always changing, growing, evolving. How can we expect to like the same things today that we did ten years ago? It's time to let them go! When I get home from work today I am putting some hard to part with items in Goodwill. They no longer make me happy and it is time for them to go.

Posted 1 year ago #
maxinemarshall
Member

I know what you mean, some stuff is really hard to get rid of. The most amazing thing for me is that once it is physically out of my hands, I feel so happy. Not when I decide to get rid of it, but only when it has physically gone. Bin, ebay, charity, any way out the door, it all feels fantastic. I have found that the more hard stuff I have gotten rid of, the easier it gets. I get bolder and bolder and feel happier and happier.

Posted 1 year ago #
themusiclivez
Member

@maxinemarshall - I feel so happy when the stuff is gone as well because it feels like a huge weight has been lifted from me. But you're right, it's not when the decision is made but rather when the item has gone out the door. The tougher the decision the happier I am when it leaves.

Posted 1 year ago #
chacha1
Member

why is it so hard to let go = because the stuff used to make us happy!
:-)
and it feels so good after we finally do let it go, because that stuff - the stuff that used to make us happy and no longer does - is an emotional anchor. It ties us to the people we used to be.

Once the ties are cut, we are *literally* lighter and more free. Emotions are heavy, dude.

Posted 1 year ago #
Sky
Member

I have trouble letting go of silly little things my Mom and Dad had. A 3 hole paper punch, little round circle things that repair notebook paper holes, a typewriter eraser, etc. They sit in my desk drawer taking up space, are totally useless and I need to let them go....but they are still there!

Posted 1 year ago #
themusiclivez
Member

chacha1 - You're right, they really are emotional anchors, tying us to who we used to be. That's such a good point. Maybe we really feel like we are losing a part of us when we let them go. Like you said, however, it is so freeing once we do let them go.

Sky - I know what you mean. I had trouble letting go of a calculator that I used in high school. A calculator! I finally donated it, along with those little brass things that hold hole punched paper together. Those were stored in a really cute, smiley faced container so maybe that's why they were so hard to get rid of!

Posted 1 year ago #
mili
Member

I think this happiness thing you mention only really happens when you are at a time in your life where you are either UNhappy, or just malcontent/restless. That's when you kind of look back on those times when you were happy, and the items are just a tangible memo of that (which you need as an anchor to reality).

As such, whenever you start to feel happier - or to be more precise, you start to shed the discontent either by deciding you're fine where you are, or by deciding to kind of get off you figurative bum and do something about changing your current situation (eg quitting a cruddy job, leaving a less-than-stellar relationship, etc), THEN you are automatically gonna get rid of the stuff you mentioned.

In my experience though the key is not to force this process. You probably have plenty left to give the heave-ho to before you turn on those 'used to make me happy' items, so just leave those for when you have no mixed feelings at all about tossing them.

Posted 1 year ago #
anitamojito
Member

What an excellent question! I have had this difficult experience myself, as well as let go of some important items easily. I wonder if we fear letting go of a part of ourselves, of losing some of our identity, when we let go of the objects that were an important part of our personal history. I agree with mili, the happier you are in the present, the easier it is to choose to keep only items that are relevant to you right now. And choosing to let go of items whose time has come, despite the discomfort of doing so, can make us feel more in the present. And that can lead to feeling happier! This would be a fascinating research topic.

Posted 1 year ago #
themusiclivez
Member

@mili - You gave me a lot to think about. Thank you! I am going to keep track of my moods and see if they are having an effect on how difficult it is to let certain items go.

@anitamojito (great name, by the way) - I'm glad this topic interested you! I was hoping it would be interesting to our fellow unclutterers :o)

I read somewhere online today that we should look at the time period that "difficult to get rid of items" come from. Are they all from the same period in our lives? Mine are. I realized that mine all come from my high school days. (I'm 28 now). Strange, right?

Posted 1 year ago #
Sky
Member

Interesting, mine are from my childhood with my parents. I've never thought about this. My Mom and Dad are gone so I tend to hang on to their little things I remember them using.
You've given me much to think about!

Posted 1 year ago #
themusiclivez
Member

I think we have a lot to reflect on! I know I will be doing a lot of thinking...

Posted 1 year ago #

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