We've all heard "Why make the bed if it just gets unmade again?". This is how I feel right now when cleaning my tiny ghetto apartment my wife and I live in. I spend my day off cleaning all day, and the very next day it's a mess again!
Do you guys have any advise on how to overcome the "why make the bed" mentality? I feel like all my cleaning is pointless and it's really frustrating. How have you over come this frustration?
I think you already answered this question for yourself on the "time for uncluttering" thread, mayhem! But just as important as the HOW is the WHY. For me, the answer to WHY was, because it adds materially to my sense of peace and comfort to know that when I am ready for bed, the bedroom is ready for me.
It is infinitely better *for me* to take five minutes in the morning to pick up any litter, make the bed, and open the window for air, than to come home after work and do the same things. Although if there is a cat asleep on my bed when I'm leaving for work, I let her be. :-)
Same principle applies in the kitchen. If that room is ready for me to cook when I get home, I am much more likely to cook - as opposed to call for takeout! So while I have no problem leaving dishes in the sink at night, I try to make sure the kitchen is tidied up before I leave for work in the morning. Even if we call for takeout anyway, I know I don't have to spend time cleaning after a full day's work.
I'm not much of a morning person, but I've discovered that giving myself an extra half-hour of time before work in the morning ensures that our apartment is presentable, peaceful, and comfortable. I just adjusted my schedule back, and go to bed earlier.
Knowing the essentials are taken care of at the beginning of the day, and that you have no major housework waiting for you, can give you quite a boost throughout your day.
I think you covered it very will chacha1. Keeping on top of things by puting things away after you when you're done with them works for me too. I don't think there are too many people out there who enjoy housework but I tolerate it because I hate a dirty/untidy house even more.
Thanks chacha1, I like your input. My wife and I aren't morning people either, we're more like wake up at 1pm kinda people because we both work late in the day, lol. Sometimes I do get up early and I prefer it because I hate the wasted time from sleeping in.
I think the hard part is making sure everyone's on board with the decluttering plan. I know what I should do, I just don't want to have to do it alone and clean up after everyone else.
mayhem, I understand the frustration. One thing that made a huge difference for me is when a good friend pointed out that I was striving for perfectionist standards. I'd look around and see a mess, when she couldn't even see anything that was out of place. I would spend hours cleaning and then when one smudge appeared, I'd feel like all my hard work was for nothing.
Letting it go was not the answer for me-that just made my frustration much worse.
It took a while, but I finally realized that there is a "clean enough" level. Somewhere between "eat off the floor" and "there's a floor under all that stuff?"
Getting rid of as much clutter as possible helped tremendously-if it is not there, it can't get messed up and you don't have to clean it.
Making sure everyone is in general agreement on what constitutes clean is still a challenge for our family. Nothing is worse than to feel like you are fighting the battle alone.
Good luck (and great topic!)
Thanks paperdog, I think I really do try and keep everything perfectly clean all the time, but it's just not realistic to keep things 100% clean all the time.
I don't know if any of you are familiar with the TV show Monk (great show). The main character, Adrian Monk, has OC (Obsessive Compulsive) disorder and cannot tolerate even the least degree of disorder or filth. Sometimes I joke with my wife that I am kinda like Monk sometimes. :)
Speaking of Monk, I love his apartment, lol!!!
I loved the Monk series. I have also been accused of having my "Monk-ish Moments"-at least I think they were joking...
There was an episode where I think there was a garbage strike and Monk couldn't cope. He wound up in a clean room so he could think. I actually sometimes close my eyes and imagine my own clean room just for a moment of serenity.
Sorry to get off-topic. I'll now just go back to my mental clean room...
Haha, I loved that episode! My wife and I were so sad when the series ended, so now we're going back and watching old episodes on Hulu. :)
As a general answer to your original question--have the offending family member watch consecutive episodes of BBC's "How Clean is your house?" and let them see what happens when you never do! bleh.
This is why so many housewives end up with depression. Because it's such a thankless, never-ending Sisyphean task.
But when you don't do it and find spiders and dead insects under your bedside tables or months-old fruit in the back of your pantry... *sigh* yep, it can't be avoided.
Great thread, great answers (and yup, Monk rocks).
I think chacha is right: It's in the "why". I make my bed only for "future-me", the me that will love to slide into a made bed at night. And I do a daily pick-up of my apartment (not more than 10 minutes, just returning things to their homes) also for "future-me" so she won't have to pick up a week's worth of stuff when company comes over. The only thing I cannot always bring myself to do for "future-me" is to do the dishes, so when she'll be doing the dishes when there are no more clean spoons or bowls or cups, "future-me" will hate "past-me" with a passion ;o)
I'm lazy. I'd rather do a quick swipe over the counter top, kitchen cabinet handles, stove top and microwave than do a semi-annual deep clean. I'm not even beginning to talk about the bathroom. I just find it easier to do the constant sweeping-swishing-swiping, and actually get anxious when I need to do an all-over cleaning session.
i have cleaners right now, but i've done it myself for decades.
and even with the luxury of once-a-week cleaners, there is still a bit of daily cleaning and tidying to do. not to mention the cooking.
i clean because i love the result/reward of a clean tidy place...i figure it is well worth the process.
decluttering has helped enormously.....there is hardly anything here left to clean!
where are you on the decluttering, mayhem? if there is stuff hanging around, it will impede your cleaning efforts enormously. that's what i found, anyway.
as for the tiny ghetto apartment....i hear ya. we lived in 56 sq metres (602 sq ft) for ten years. it can be challenging.
Mayhem, I am in total empathy with you! I know exactly how you feel. Sometimes I just don't do it. Then I feel bad, because I didn't. So, I guess it's better to stay on top of it.
I have found that I get a lot more done when my husband is home on his days off. I don't know why; he doesn't help a lot, and that's okay, because I'm not working outside of the home right now. It's just having him around feels companionable, and I get more done. If you and your wife can work together, maybe it will be easier.
a thought i had this morning:
most of us don't grudge the time we spend cleaning or grooming our own bodies....indeed it is usually an enjoyable process and the rewards are immediate.
the artist hundertwasser maintained that our skins are our first layer of skin, our clothes are our second layer of skin and our homes are our third layer of skin.
he was very much into the importance of architecture that worked with/embraced/supported our humanity.
with this reasoning, we should be equally as careful with our homes (as we are with our bodies and clothes)....with the cleaning and decoration of them.
they are our outermost skins and deserve our tender care and respect.
Very interesting viewpoint, bandicoot. Indeed, I don't resent the time I spend everyday on personal grooming. It has just become automatic and yes, the rewards are immediately evident. Having that same attitude toward my home is a logical extension.
I would resent it however, if I just spent an hour "doing" my hair and then someone approached me and messed it up!
Why eat if you just get hungry again?
I really don't understand this mentality. If you don't like to practice maintenance cleaning, go to the "Hoarders" website and see what can happen if you live by "why clean it if it's just going to get dirty again?" I rest my case.
Thanks for all the comments everyone! I think what I need to do is figure out a nice way to get my wife to help out with cleaning. I'm totally guilty of thinking "Okay, I won't clean at all and let everything become a mess until my wife starts cleaning too" and then the place gets so messy that I can't stand it anymore and by then it takes forever to clean. If I would just kindly ask my wife to help instead of assuming she knows what I want her to do, then things would be great.
So, what's a nice way of asking for some help keeping things clean and organized?
Hi mayhem,
I am hopeless when it comes to asking others for things for myself, help with anything, pay rise, a fair deal anything like that. Sometimes it is easier to take more stelthy approach hense my cowardly suggestion below on how to tackle this problem.
If you are having problems approaching your wife with this issue maybe you could sit her down at the computer and ask her to read through this topic stream and then let her know you are mayhem and she what her reaction is. At lease she will know your torment and you may be able to find a way to reach a situation that is more livable.
Good luck!!!!
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