When the decluttering gets difficult

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When the decluttering gets difficult

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Started 1 year ago by Zora
Latest reply from bandicoot
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going the last mile

Zora
Member

I've been decluttering for years, ever since my ex-husband moved out. He was a worse packrat than I am and he left behind mounds of old #$%#@$% that he had never let me throw out, but that he didn't bother to take with him. Felt good to declutter!

Then I did a couple more rounds of MY stuff. Books to the library, cloth to the quilt guild, bags and bags of stuff to Goodwill.

It's all stripped-down, organized, and labeled. But I still have too much stuff! I own a small two-bedroom condo. I cleared out the extra bedroom (once my daughter's) for a potential renter, and all my stuff is packed into my bedroom. It's like living in a storage locker.

None of it, however, is easily tossed. There are a number of sewing and quilting projects, in which I've invested hundreds of hours. I'm not tossing those. I *am* sewing up and getting rid of things, if slowly. Current projects is fixing up a pair of large cloth dolls that I made for my daughter, dolls that she doesn't want. One suffered in storage (hair and lace needed replacement) and one was never properly finished. I'm spending hours fixing up the dang dolls so that I can give them away. When I finish that ... there's more.

Typing up or scanning all my research materials, so that I can donate them to a library. Scanning, OCRing, and giving away some of my books. Many of them are out-of-print, specialized, or hard to find. If I just get rid of them, I'll never be able to re-read or consult them.

All that's left to declutter is stuff that is going to take TIME to declutter. This is overwhelming. I realized yesterday that this is why I tend to procrastinate on dusting my room; that means handling, and facing, all the stuff I need to do. I actually DID dust my bedroom yesterday (yay me!) but I've been forced to face the reality: too much stuff, too little space. If I just had a sewing room ... but I don't.

Posted 1 year ago #
Rosa
Member

Is there a way you can stash some of it out of the way? Like, all but one sewing project, all but a few books, so you don't have to look at all of it every minute while you are working on it?

Some ideas: boxes of books work well as a replacement for a bed frame, I've seen grad students do this. Or, if your bed is on a frame already, under-bed storage boxes or vacuum bags work well for unfinished sewing projects. If you don't have a lot of dresses, it's possible to raise the floor of your closet one box high and have 2-3 packed boxes in there under the shoes.

I'm not suggesting hiding all of it so you don't deal with it. But packing away all but what you're currently working on can give you the mental energy to really work on it - and then, when you finish your dolls, you can open up the box of unfinished projects and maybe one or two you'll think, I don't really want to finish this.

The most important thing is to just not add more projects, so the amount of unfinished stuff is always going down. And it sounds like you're doing that already.

Posted 1 year ago #
ArtGal
Member

Hang in there! As you continue the process you will think of ways to organize that are not coming at you right now! :)
I bought a cheap ($35.00) used wardrobe with doors that I converted into my "sewing room." Looks similar to this (but is not this brand), and I added a small folding table on the right side for the machine, and have a folding stool that fits in neatly as well...when I am done sewing, I close it up and everything is stored neatly away.

http://www.britevisualproducts.com/images/mfrs/1/500/wardrobe.unit.main.jpg

You will be amazed at what you will come up with...give it time and don't push too hard. :)

Posted 1 year ago #
Zora
Member

Artgal, leaving aside the three sewing machines, if all my sewing stuff were stacked up in one pile, it would be about 27 feet high. Perhaps about 45 cubic feet. Fit it in an armoire? Hahahahaha!

I gotcher buttons, beads, trim, handmade lace, antique lace, zippers, ribbons, rattail, crinoline, interfacing, pattern paper, enough thread to stock a fabric store (except I'm always out of the color I need) ... and uncut cloth and boxed-up quilting projects and cut-out shorts and ...

My big project over the last year was to process all my smaller scraps into scrap wheels. Cut the scraps 4 inches wide and 3-5 inches long, sew them together, and wind them up into wheels. Take much less space, rolling them presses them, and they're ready to go for quilts and trimmings and the like. I must have miles of scrap. I just need to use it up :)

Posted 1 year ago #
bandicoot
Member

you sound tired...and crowded.
is this sewing stuff THAT important to you? that you are prepared to sacrifice yet more time and space to it?
the money is already spent.
what more are you prepared to invest in it?
personally, i'd just wheel it all down to the nearest charity shop and donate the lot. just for the thrill of being done with it!
life is too short.....

now naturally, if you love working with this stuff, then that is perfectly fine and you should carry on with it.
but if it has grown into a massive chore that could be pretty easily solved by just letting go of it....then perhaps it's time to start considering that.

Posted 1 year ago #
klutzgrrl
Member

I'm hearin ya, Zora. Not a lot to offer in advice, but sympathizing! I'm in a similar place.

What about packing aside your most precious must-do things, and favorites from the collections (very special buttons and fabrics) so that they are safely secured, and inviting a local sewing group to choose some items from the rest? Someone might be able to complete some projects to sell on a charity stall. They might enjoy finishing things.

How about donating kits to the charity shops - making up a big ziploc bag with the half-finished item, or the collected pieces ready to go.

You need to get rid of the things that you don't really care about so you can complete the things that you do.

Why do you need to type up and photocopy stuff? There's a wealth of information out there in the world, internet and libraries. Out of print books are appearing on the net all the time. Keep the ones you really love and let the rest go.

Maybe tackle one area at a time - just the fabric stash, perhaps. Maybe decide to limit yourself to a certain colour palette.

Good luck. Know that you aren't on your own in this! I'll think about you when I tackle another corner of my office tomorrow.

Posted 1 year ago #
trillie
Member

Zora, you have my sympathy, too! Also, congratulations for already having decluttered so much :o)

I think there is great advice here already, and I think for me, it would help most if I didn't see the "to declutter" stuff all the time, because it just wears you down by being there. Is there any way of putting it into a closet (even a hall closet)? Or maybe you could divide a small section of your room off with a curtain out of nice fabric and then make the area behind the curtain the "storage area"? I think this is not about hiding it, it's about giving yourself room to breathe when you're not decluttering. (Is it possible to maybe use the spare room for a while, just as long as there is no roommate yet?)

For me, it also helps to remember that uncluttering also takes place in your brain, so if you don't manage to declutter anything for a few weeks it's okay, because during that time, your brain is coming to conclusions and maybe shifting priorities. So for example, if your goal is to declutter for 15 minutes a day (or to work on something to be able to get rid of it 'properly'), thinking about how to do it for 15 minutes also counts :o)

Posted 1 year ago #
irishbell
Member

I second what bandicoot said, unless you have a profound need to finish the dolls and whatever sewing project you have to finish but not keep- why not just give it away now?
Is it a necessity to type and give away your research?
The books I totally understand.
But if there's not that many, maybe you could just put those on the back burner and start with the stuff in your bedroom, which sounds like it is the most pressing issue. It sounds like you already faced the reality of the stuff while dusting, why not set aside some time everyday or once a week and get going on it?

Posted 1 year ago #
Zora
Member

If I give away half-finished projects they won't be finished; they won't be of use to anyone. Most of them *I* need; I'm woefully short on clothing, and I need to finish some household projects (curtains, cushion covers). I started on the dolls because they're big and take up a fair bit of space. Prolly a bad choice, but I'm committed to finishing them up and getting them OUT.

If I give away materials, I am too poor to replace them -- and I do use them. Recently I had to take my desktop computer to the shop. Several times, alas. I got tired of trussing it up with string so that I could lift it (I'm crippled, use a cane, and can use only one arm to carry), so I sewed a bag for it. No big deal; I already had a large piece of washed and ironed thick cloth I could use. And the thread and sewing machine :)

If I give away tools I won't have them when I need them. I may not use some of them all that often, but I do use them.

Compared to most fabric artists, I don't have a lot. It's just that I live in a small space.

As for the books ... I'm a scholar. I *need* my volumes of Al-Tabari and Ibn S'ad :) And my collection of science fiction and fantasy? The older paperbacks were printed on acidic paper and they're disintegrating. They need to be scanned or they may just disappear from this world. (Dang copyright laws; if copyright only lasted 28 years, as was the case until fairly recently, most of these books would be public domain and they would have been scanned, OCRed, and distributed.)

The research? Again, I'm a scholar. I didn't finish my PhD, but that doesn't mean that my collection of 1980s Tongan religious literature wouldn't be a goldmine for someone else.

I can winnow all this stuff down, but it takes time to do it properly, and that's what's daunting. Oh well ... I'm on track to finish one of the dolls today.

Posted 1 year ago #
GardenGirl
Member

@Zora -- you said "And my collection of science fiction and fantasy? The older paperbacks were printed on acidic paper and they're disintegrating. They need to be scanned or they may just disappear from this world."

Are you sure they are not available elsewhere? And does it need to be your responsibility to keep these books available for the world?
Seems like an overwhelming chore, no matter how much one loves books.

And about this: "If I give away half-finished projects they won't be finished; they won't be of use to anyone." The time you've spent on these things (projects like the dolls; not the projects for yourself) is already gone. I understand wanting to reap something from your labor. But I keep wondering how much time and energy you want to sacrifice for the unknown "someone" or "anyone." If you still enjoy working on the projects, that's one thing; but if they just feel like a burden, I'd encourage you to put yourself first, before the unknown "anyone."

Posted 1 year ago #
GirlOverboard
Member

You definitely have my sympathy as well. That's a lot to tackle!

Have you considered a task list? I use Toodledo on my iPhone, which I LOVE, because I'm always losing/damaging paper lists. I used it to help me keep sane planning my wedding and now I have categories set up for each room of the house to help me declutter.

A list can sometimes be daunting when it gets really long, but it can also be inspiring and help with time management because it gives you a place to start. You can sit down and go "Alright, today I'm going to tackle ONE thing (3 boxes from the box pile in the bedroom/ the top shelf of the closet / under the bed) so I can check it off of the list." I sometimes add things I've already done because just seeing stuff crossed off encourages me to keep going lol.

Anyway, getting it all down on paper (whether physical or electronic) might give you an opportunity to unclutter your uncluttering process. Take a look at the things on the list and give some priority over others, or split up problem areas into smaller tasks to get done over time. It might take you longer than you'd like, but it'll probably take you less time than having big projects looming overhead for weeks at a time!

Posted 1 year ago #
Zora
Member

I use time management software called Above and Beyond, which has made a big difference in my life. However, I had to give up on the things to do list. I had a very very long list. When I looked at it I got so depressed I couldn't do anything. Now I try to keep my entries to the program to daily and weekly tasks, appointments, and stuff that must be done that very day.

I have tried the list everything approach and it didn't work for me. Probably because I tend towards anxiety and depression. I tend to focus on what I haven't done rather than what I have done. I occasionally make resolutions to have a cheery end-of-the-day session with myself where I list all the things I got done that day and tell myself "good girl!" -- but I keep backsliding.

Probably the root of the problem is that I expect too much of myself. My house must be perfectly clean and beautiful, my garden must thrive, I should sew everything I wear and use, I must eat healthy food exquisitely prepared, I should exercise, and meditate every day. I must build my own computers. I need to finish the two novels and write up the dissertation, work on Wikipedia articles, read hundreds of books, learn a few more languages, write various articles, and do at least 30 pages of proofreading at Distributed Proofreaders, daily. I need to keep up on some 40 websites and blogs. My professional editing must be perfect. People say to me, "Wow, you do so much!" and I feel as if I have done nothing.

Is this TMI?

Posted 1 year ago #
GardenGirl
Member

No, not TMI -- just TMUE (Too Many Unrealistic Expectations).

Zora, I think you'd need to have about 5 clones of yourself to be able to do everything you just listed there. I don't s'pose it'd do much good for us here to say "give yourself a break" (or ten)? :)

Edited to add: Your post puts me in mind of a phrase that might be from the '70s or '80s -- something about remembering that you're a human being (not a human doing).

Posted 1 year ago #
klutzgrrl
Member

Oh wow, I'm so identifying with your issues, Zora. I managed to ditch a lot of crafty type stuff, but I'm getting my knitting back out. I'm an amateur scholar, though in a scattered way - I wish I could consider myself an intellectual. Shelves of latin and Greek, books on linguistics, history, training the Roman cavalry... And I built my own computer.

I've always found Leo Babuta's 'Three Big Things' idea useful - choosing the three most important tasks for the day and focusing on those. As you define yourself as a scholar, I'd suggest that you make dealing with your books and papers a higher priority than the other stuff. I also liked on one of the book threads, how someone said that books could just form a 'wall'. (Though this is difficult in small spaces with no built-in bookshelves). I'm not keen on getting rid of books.

Do have a network of colleagues? Maybe you could get an undergrad student or someone to help with the scanning and care of the books? Perhaps, they could choose an old volume to keep as a reward.

You might also need to consider keeping your proofreading and other activities under control. We have too many choices these days. I totally understand how you feel - theres so much to do, so much to know. Some days I wish I could just hotwire my brain into the internet. But excellence in your chosen field means you need to sacrifice some of the peripheral stuff.

Posted 1 year ago #
Periwinkle
Member

Just another word on the sewing, if you decide there are some you don't want to finish: my mum donated a whole pile of sewing kits a couple of months ago, from brand new to taken out of the packet but not started to a handful of stitches to half-done to almost finished. The shop were very pleased to have them and sold them rather than throwing them out.

Also, a few years after my grandad died, we started selling off his old projects. He was a skilled mechanic/engineer/woodworker/craftsman and had a lot of things he'd started but never finished, and we were able to sell or give away almost everything, even the plans (which can be quite expensive as some of them were very specialised). That's obviously a bit different as none of us have the expertise to complete those projects, and we had to look a bit further afield for people who did, but there is a market for half-finished stuff out there, and we made decent money on some of it (even stuff we didn't know what it was!).

I would also check with the library whether or not they accept donations. I worked in a library and the policy was that unless it was something the library could definitely use and could not hope to afford, donations were to be refused. As a scholar I guess your materials may be more specialised and therefore more desirable to the library, but it's still worth checking in case all your work is for nothing.

Posted 1 year ago #
Zora
Member

It took me six hours (and two Bollywood movies, Partition and the 1970 version of Heer Raanjha) to finish the #$%#$%#$ doll, but I did. That was just for the hair! Her curly hair looks cute, tied back with a ribbon.

One more doll, four cushion covers, and two curtains to go, before I can start sewing for me.

Oh, and I wrote and posted a review of two social psychology articles, which I had promised to do.

Posted 1 year ago #
bandicoot
Member

zora, it sounds like you get an AMAZING amount done.
please be kind to yourself. you know....go easy.
we can only do what we can do.
your instant bag solution for getting your computer to the shop tells me exactly what kind of determined, smart, resourceful person you are. please take some time to celebrate that. you are obviously someone who gets things done!

i'd love to be able to sew my own clothes.
i used to, when i was a teenager.....very basic shirts and trousers in wild fabrics. lots of fun.
but i know how much space and time it all takes up. and while i would adore more original clothes, i am not sure right now how that fits with my simple living.

Posted 1 year ago #

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