What do you regret?

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Started 1 year ago by mydogspot
Latest reply from susanintexas
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mydogspot
Member

Just got married in August, and closed on a new house last week! My husband sold his house and all of his stuff is crammed into my garage or in a rental pod. Now we are facing merging our two households into one. Unfortunately, we are both packrats and we have a lot of stuff. What I'm hoping to do is move essential items into the new house (our beds, enough furniture for each room to be usable, then add in clothes/linens/extra furniture). I'm *hoping* that we can at least start out life uncluttered. But we both have more than enough sentimental krep that it is hurting us to part with. My husband has one of those big video game consoles from the 80s that doesn't work - but he is going to get it working "some day". I have two beautiful antique oak tables that are so darn fragile that we're afraid to use them for fear they will collapse under us. And so much more!

Anyway - for those of you who have gone through extreme decluttering - did you regret anything that you got rid of? And/or if you have pressured a spouse to get rid of his "junk" (of course you only have treasure), were you sorry afterward?

Posted 1 year ago #
themusiclivez
Member

I have not regretted anything that I have gotten rid of so far, and I have been decluttering for about a year and a half now. My husband, after seeing how much I had cleaned out, decided to get rid of a lot of his old sports magazines. He has not regretted anything yet either!

Usually once I get it in my head that I don't want something, I have no regrets about it once it is gone!

This is how I like to look at it: If all of my stuff were to wash away in a flood, what would I replace? If the item I am about to get rid of is not something I would replace in this "flood" then it is not something I am going to miss at all!

Posted 1 year ago #
Anita
Member

I haven't regretted anything I consciously got rid of. I do regret leaving some things behind when I moved across an ocean -- mostly sentimental items from friends. I still hold out some hope that I will go back to retrieve them at some point.

As for making someone else declutter, I was pretty ruthless with the boyfriend's wardrobe. For the most part he didn't object and neither of us regret getting rid of his oversized sweaters from high school or his shirts that his parents sent him that were two sizes too big. But there's one old, worn-out, faded, holey t-shirt. It was a race t-shirt from his first 10k run, for which he trained intensively for several months and lost around 20lb in the process. The race organizers didn't hand out participation medals or anything, so the t-shirt was his only memento of the race, his achievement and all the effort and determination that went into it. I respect that, and I woould never tell him to get rid of it; I just wanted him to stop wearing it, because it looked like it might disintegrate if a stiff gust of wind were to hit it. He decided that since he can't wear it, he might as well toss it, so he did. The funny thing is, I doubt he's ever thought of it since, but it still bothers me because I feel like I inadvertedly forced him to give it up, even though it wasn't my intention.

Posted 1 year ago #
candy
Member

I still regret a serving tray that I left to my ex husband. He didn't particularly want it, but I didn't feel like taking it at the time (I needed to squeeze all of my belongings into a Ford Fiesta after my divorce, so I had to be rather selective). It was a metal serving tray, originally from a French café. But frankly, if I had taken it, I probably wouldn't have used it anyway.

I also regret giving away some clothes to charity that I could have saved for my niece. She would have loved them.

Posted 1 year ago #
lazycow
Member

No, no and no. I don't regret *any* of the 1,000 plus items I've gotten rid of this year. Once it's gone, it's gone. The whole family is loving the feeling of more space and airiness (is that a word?) in the house, and it is SO much easier to keep clean and tidy.

Fortunately my husband isn't a pack rat, and regularly declutters his wardrobe, paperwork, etc, so I'm lucky there :-)

Posted 1 year ago #
chacha1
Member

The only thing I regret is that I didn't start decluttering sooner.

Posted 1 year ago #
bandicoot
Member

chacha1, you said it for me.
my only regret is that i didn't start sooner.
i have not regretted a single item i have decluttered, and neither has my husband.
try it and see.

Posted 1 year ago #
librarygal
Member

I don't regret having let go of anything. A couple of weeks ago, I did waver though. For about a day or two, I thought... should I really have gotten rid of X? And after a few days, I saw I really didn't need it and was able to let it go emotionally. The funny thing? That was really just 1-2 weeks ago and now I can't remember what item(s) I was worrying about... can't remember at all. So yeah, obviously not critical to my well being. LOL!

The only regret I have is when my stepmother cleared many of my father's belongings out of a storage unit without telling him/us. She tossed family items (fine art, sentimental things handed down). And that was not cool. Even if my Dad got over not having them (I don't think he ever did, btw), us kids were sad that we didn't get a say in anyone in the family keeping those things. So tread carefully when it comes to other people's things. Communicate, communicate, communicate! (It sounds like your project is a team effort though, mydogspot, so that's not directed at you!)

Posted 1 year ago #
Nithy
Member

Things I've voluntarily given up: no regrets I can think of.

Posted 1 year ago #
Maggie Sue
Member

Good question! I think that regret is the one thing that holds us back from decluttering and having the life that we want. "I might need it some day...I paid good money for that...It just needs to be fixed...I need a spare one in case the other one goes out, They don't make it like this anymore, It belonged or was made by Aunt So and So, etc." These are really just excuses to holding onto clutter. I have gotten rid of more stuff than I care to admit and there really has only been a couple of things that I truly regretted getting rid of once I made the decision to let go-some old letters and a butcher block table. But it still doesn't keep me up at night! My only advice is to be careful with the really personal sentimental stuff. You are correct about one thing...your stuff means more to you than it does to your husband and vice versa. Maybe you could make a "game" of it...you get rid of one thing and then he gets rid of one thing and so on. I wouldn't pressure your husband too much. As other posters have stated, it's not a good idea to get rid of someone else's possessions. I bet that together, you will make some good decisions. Congratulations on your new house and marriage! In my opinion, you are very smart to try to control your possessions now before they control you later:).

Posted 1 year ago #
NYCPakRat
Member

I haven't yet either. When I have something that is new, or "I paid a lot for that", I first think of if I could sell it and get a little of it back. If I don't put it on line, then I donate it. I don't feel so bad when its passed on for someone else to use - I don't feel its been wasted.

If I'm really in doubt about something, then I keep it for a while and revisit it about 6 months later.

Posted 1 year ago #
jbeany
Member

I regretted pitching some papers I thought I should look back at for school. Then I found the information online anyhow. So I stopped regretting pitching the papers.

Maybe I should be regretting not having a better memory. It would have saved me the time I wasted looking for the old papers - even if I had decluttered to the point that it only took me 5 minutes to find out I didn't still have them!

Posted 1 year ago #
Sky
Member

A few items took a while to let go of but once they're gone....good riddance! It is so freeing to live with less stuff.
I, too, wish I had started decluttering years ago.

Posted 1 year ago #
Rosa
Member

I have repurchased a few books I purged...but maybe 4 out of several hundred. And they were easily repurchased.

Posted 1 year ago #
HelofaMess
Member

I'm still not a regular unclutterer and I have a long way to go. I can't honestly think of a single thing I regret uncluttering and I relish getting rid of everything still to go!

Posted 1 year ago #
STLMom
Member

I'm so happy I read this, because I would have expected a lot more people to have regrets! I always worry that I will want or need something, or find the perfect person to give it to, a week after I've thrown it out or donated it. It looks like I really need to relax and just donate already! No fear!

Posted 1 year ago #
EraserGirl
Member

no regrets so far.
though for items with a lot of metaphorical strings i usually have to work up to it. think about getting rid of it for a long time, once i have accepted it as a given. i just do it one day and there is no pain.

Posted 1 year ago #
Nithy
Member

To be perfectly honest, I lost a ton of stuff in a flood in August, and most of it was a relief to get rid of. The only things I actually remember and wish I hadn't lost are books. A few books from my childhood and a few that are out of print. I *might* be able to list ten titles that I truly wish I still had, and since wishing won't bring them back, and I don't plan to spend much time or effort trying to replace them, I don't think I'd consider it any real kind of regret.

To look at it another way: not having those books any more does not change the quality of my life. It does not change who I am, and it does not negate the benefit I got from them. I would not have chosen to get rid of them, but even if that is regret, it is not paralyzing. I am not hesitant to get rid of other things because of that loss.

Posted 1 year ago #
Beth213
Member

I think that by the time you get in the mind to declutter, you really start to look at everything you are getting rid of with a different eye. Then you get rid of the things that truly don't matter and hang on to the ones that do. I know I haven't regretted one thing that I have gotten rid of, that includes many items that were "family" items and I "ought" to keep them. What I have ended up with is a small number of things that truly mean something to me and not alot of things kept out of guilt.

Posted 1 year ago #
camellia tree
Member

I got rid of a journal at a time when I was really gung ho about decluttering, and I regretted it for awhile. But I have gotten rid of a lot of things in the last year, and that is really the only thing I had regrets about. Everything else I am just so happy to have out of my house. And frankly I have mixed feelings about keeping the journals (I still have plenty of others)- since I wouldn't really want anyone reading them, they are especially cluttery as they can't just go on a bookshelf.

Posted 1 year ago #

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