Warning Signs of becoming a 'Lifer' (for the young professional)???

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Warning Signs of becoming a 'Lifer' (for the young professional)???

(19 posts) (14 voices)

Started 2 years ago by NeedsBall2BeOn
Latest reply from terriok
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NeedsBall2BeOn
Member

I am 30. I am economically independent. I am a school teacher at a reputable school. No children or partner yet. I am very attractive and social yet.......ARRESTED in my domestic world! My house is practically uninhabitable. I ALWAYS had excuses for my disorganized Room(s). However, now I have my own first apartment all to myself, and the messiness is worse than EVER, and has been Off again, On again, Off again, On again...and now just OFF for the past 6 months or so.
No family over, No friends staying from out of town, no book clubs, not eating healthy (messy kitchen).
I ALWAYS THOUGHT WHEN I LIVED BY MYSELF MY LIVING SPACE WOULD BE WELCOMING, ORGANIZED, AND BEAUTIFUL!

YES! I have too much stuff. YES. I don't know where to start. YES, time, money, and other comittments are factors that I perceive as the main deterents.
However, maybe I am perceiving things wrong, and I just can't see what to keep, how to keep, and when to maintain it, the way a NON-clutterer in my similar economic bracket and age group would see it.

For example, budgeting my money influences me to NOT get rid of things, that I may need to purchase again. However, because my cluttering is so out of control, things usually break, are out of date, or lost when the time comes for me to need them. AWESOME.

So, ALL of you out there,....do any of YOU know insights of what to keep and what NOT to keep.
Because currently, I keep telling myself, "Oh as soon as I am dating someone I'll snap out of it." or "Oh I won't be like this when I have children" But maybe I am repeating patterns that I CAN AVOID but don't know it.
And I am NOT talking about my everything that may be causing a deterent should be changed. For example, I teach Kindergarten, and it takes a lot out of you, and I am new in the profession so I am maybe even more drained. That is something that will not change right now in my life.
I am also an artist, and loves antiques, and toys. Mind you, I am not an old lady with a life worth of stuff....BUT how do I avoid becoming like that???????
I rent a one bedroom apartment with no specific storage except two closets and a balcony (being used for storage!!). I own a small car.

What are some of the REALISTIC MODERN DAY warning signs of becoming a life long clutterist???? Because I want to avoid them!

EXAMPLES:
How many dishes is too many to own?

(Blank) amount of flashlights is too many. A single young woman should only have (blank) amount.

Posted 2 years ago #
JuliaJayne
Member

Are you shopping frequently? The first thing you need to do is stop the retail therapy.

Can you get rid of things?

Posted 2 years ago #
NeedsBall2BeOn
Member

Yes, I can get rid of things. But all the things are are all over the place, and I need to organize to do that. I'm WAY past all the traditional and practical insights into getting organized....I understand all that but the time is not good for that.

I think I really don't know WHAT amount of possessions is a healthy amount. I don't EXACTLY know what things are keeping me from truly being organized.
Shopping is not really a problem currently. It used to be to some extent. My real problem is ORGANIZATION and getting rid of stuff.
NO, shopping is really not that bad. EXCEPT I've gone through moments of collecting FREE stuff. Like the magazines at the library...stuff like that. And then it builds. BUT no, I've become so stagnant with domestic duties, that I won't even grocery shop because I don't want to add ANYTHING to the house!!! I'll eat canned goods and crackers instead.
I really HATE going to the stores lately. Even for my facewash. I just use what I already have because there's more than one of everything it seems like.

Posted 2 years ago #
SarahJ
Member

Personally, I know if I'm not eating healthy, regular meals I feel like crap and don't want to do anything. (Which is sort of a tough cycle to break, if you're already tired and stressed, cooking is the last thing you want to do.) So I'd say start in the kitchen. If you don't want to add to the mess in the kitchen by cooking at least make sure you get something reasonably healthy for take-out, and eat around the same time every night. Not specifically organization advice, but all things are connected in one way or another.

Posted 2 years ago #
NeedsBall2BeOn
Member

Good Advice.

Posted 2 years ago #
JuliaJayne
Member

I agree with Sarah that it's beneficial to be eating more healthy foods.

I know what it's like to be so tired after a long challenging day, but can you dedicate 15-20 minutes a day to declutter? At the very least, can you find an empty box, label it donation, and find at least one thing to put into the box every day? Make sure you bring it to the thrift store or Goodwill on a regular basis.

One thing I feel strongly about is your home is not a place to store trash. If there is any trash laying about, get rid of it soon.

You could also start by getting rid of like items, such as getting rid of the magazines.

What do you think? Will any of this work for you?

Posted 2 years ago #
s
Member

One of the keys I've learned from Unclutterer is that you can't organize trash. Worry less about organizing and more about just picking one thing (or 7 or 10 or whatever number works for you) to get rid of each day or each week. The recycling, filling landfills, making money, giving away decisions are probably too big right now. Remember that if something could be useful, but not by you in the known future, that you are helping others by putting it out in the world for them. Goodwill or other charities are a great way to help others with your valuable stuff.

Also, just in case, I found that I was overwhelmed by things in my life. I never thought it would happen or work, but the right combo of therapy and medication have allowed me to be who I know I am.

Best Wishes.

Posted 2 years ago #
ArtGal
Member

I too am a teacher and artist and know exactly where you are coming from!!! My guess is that you are spending all day teaching (with youngsters taking every bit of your energy) and then you are having to do all the teacher things that must be done for the next day during your off hours (at home)...and then you might squeak in a few hours on the weekend to do some artwork, but you look at your house and can't concentrate on the art because of all the house chores in your head! It's like a hamster on a wheel...spinning and spinning and spinning!
OK. Here is what I did...maybe it will help you: I gave everything a time, just like my job. Teaching was 7am to 4pm (that was set, so no lee-way there.) Go home and at 5pm, fix a good, simple meal (or go get a GOOD meal,) no junk (it REALLY makes a difference.) From 6pm to 8pm was getting stuff ready for school the next day...and QUIT at 8pm (no exceptions!) Weekends were for house issues; decluttering (2 hours on Saturday), cleaning, laundry, time-outs (although sometimes brief,) friends, and ART (initially, I made time for 2 hours on Sundays)...I set this up as a schedule as well. BELIEVE ME...this was not easy because I was a "fly by the seat of my pants-go where the wind blows" kind of gal, but here is what I found out ...I didn't have time to shop and increase my "stuff"...the world didn't end if I didn't get everything done in the alloted time (it was still there the next day)...I didn't get fired from my job...I got healthier (and the healthier I got, the more productive I became)...and things got done :) Instead of focusing on the things not done (which was paralyzing), I was able to focus on the things that WERE done.

What I learned was that I lacked true discipline and I had to put myself on this type of schedule in order to learn it...kind of a boot camp for the soul.

I did this for a year and then I was able to be more lax with the stringent times...it was not easy and I did not even think it was possible...and I am SO GLAD I did it.

Take Care of Yourself and the rest begins to fall in place if you let it. :)

Posted 2 years ago #
NeedsBall2BeOn
Member

Thank you for that

Posted 2 years ago #
theredhead
Member

Brand new to this forum. I too am a young professional in my early 30s and live in a small 1bd apartment. I grew up in a house of clutter, chackies and saved butter dishes. My young adult years were spent struggling so I saved everything just in case. As I've become independent I have trouble parting with it, but I find that if I spend some money to get something more efficient and better quality I have less trouble getting rid of what I have.

You mentioned you can't meet your goal of eating healthy because your kitchen is a mess. The kitchen is my playground so I'll focus on that.

Example: storage containers. My cheap containers from college were warped, stained, kinda broken or have missing lids. I pulled all my storage containers (including butter dishes and cool whip containers) out and first tossed all containers and lids that were broken. I then matched lids to containers and tossed anything that didn't match up. Next I looked at the sizes and got rid of anything I didn't use or wouldn't use. That left me with two from one set and a handful from another. I did fine with those until I found a set of much better quality Rubbermaid interlocking lid containers (gray lid) on clearance at Target. I also bought a basket to store the lids - keeps them organized and easy to find without trying and failing with stacking lids.

For your example questions

"EXAMPLES:
How many dishes is too many to own?

(Blank) amount of flashlights is too many. A single young woman should only have (blank) amount."

Flashlights - I live in earthquake country and have 4 flashlights - one in my bedroom, one in my living room, one in my emergency kit and one in my car.

Dishes - I have matching service for Eight. Eight dinner plates, salad plates, soup bowls, chef salad bowls, saucers and coffee mugs. I also have a matching pitcher, fruit bowl and hostess set. The dishes were my first real "adult" purchase (in my early 20s) and I thought the "adult" thing would be to have all of this. I also had grand vision of dinner parties. Looking back I'd buy everything but the coffee cups, saucers, pitcher and hostess set. The last two are still in their boxes

Pots and pans - how much do you cook? Several frying pans, pots and matching lids of various sizes are important. You can always use a larger pot/pan to cook something smaller.

If you are in the financial position to replace something you may need later don't worry about maybe needing it later if you haven't used it recently and don't see an immediate use for it.

What's broken now? If it's broken trash it.

In your kitchen do you have a lot of things that have come with you through your 20s and college? Why are you holding on to them? Do you still use them? Are they still functional?

Posted 2 years ago #
bandicoot
Member

i have started a reply several times and it's all become too wordy.
i want to give you my condensed rule of thumb on this topic.
which is: buy for what you do 99% of the time.

if you eat alone 99% of the time, then one setting is all you really need.
if you throw a three course dinner party for eight every night of the week, then, you'll need more.

neither extreme is right or wrong....it's for you to decide what YOUR life looks like and to organise your stuff around that.
the bottom line is that none of us can possibly be prepared for every single eventuality that life may bring us.
but we can be prepared for the probabilities.

i only allow stuff into my house that i am pretty sure i am going to be using the majority of the time.
it was a process to get here.
i have a small house and i love space....so i begrudge anything hanging around rent-free that isn't bringing some value to my life.

flashlights?
you need one. and you need to check the batteries from time to time and store it in the same place always.

you sound a bit overwhelmed....you've come to the right place!
lots of clutterers and recovering clutterers here. and people in every phase of the process.
most of them are going to suggest that you start with one small area, even one drawer....and tackle it. and then move on to the next one.

Posted 2 years ago #
RebeccaL
Member

You DO have time. Set a timer for 15 minutes. When it’s stops- you’re allowed to stop for the day, but chances are you’ll reset it one or two times. Take baby steps- it didn’t happen overnight, and it sounds that if you try to do a marathon weekend, you’ll be overwhelmed. This is working wonders for me in clearing my basement.

How many dishes? That depends on your lifestyle. Do you have room/desire to host a dinner party, for example? Do you have a dishwasher? How many do you have space for?

Posted 2 years ago #
Megan@SanityInSimplicity
Member

"Have nothing in your homes you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful." -- William Morris

If you haven't used something in months (and it's not seasonal, like a grill for the summer or a winter coat), get rid of it. Are you throwing frequent dinner parties for 8? If not, you only need a few dishes. If you do decide to have people over, you can always use paper plates or borrow someone else's.

If you don't take control of your stuff, it can end up owning you instead of the other way around. Don't let clutter dictate your life! Take a few minutes everyday, and clean out one space. Make a few separate piles, i.e. one for must-keeps, one for don't needs, one for not sures. Go with your first instinct. Takes the don't needs and drop them off at Goodwill. Put the must-keeps back in an organized fashion. Revisit the not sures in a month. Haven't needed them? Then they go!

Posted 2 years ago #
terriok
Member

I taught for decades. The Munchkins will sap every ounce of energy out of you and then, as Artgal said, there is a lot of time spent working at home. I could barely make it in the door, I'd be that exhausted.

Teaching is also a terrific career for accumulating stuff.

Make sure you make time for yourself. Pick a day.

One time I had to make very quick decisions about what I was going to keep and what had to go. I had one of my best friends over and it went quickly; I enjoyed her company. I only regretted tossing a few things.

If I had to do it over again, I'd hire someone to come in once a week or even once a month to help me. Believe me, they have seen worse. Face it, some people are just better at cleaning and organizing than others.

I was terrific at organizing a classroom. I had all sorts of little helpers. Train the Munchkins. You would be astounded at what I had first graders doing. And, unlike an aide, they will do exactly what you say and will not argue with you. Frank Schaffer has some terrific older books on organizing. You can find them on Ebay.

I am trying to transfer organizing skills to my apartment and I am making progress but a ways off.

Hit a deli. There is plenty of prepared food there that is healthy. (Some of it isn't, of course). Treat yourself to dinner out.

Oh and there is no bigger motivator for me than watching "Hoarders"!

Posted 2 years ago #
klutzgrrl
Member

terriok said "I was terrific at organizing a classroom"...

now there's a thought - what if you approach your home as though it was a classroom? Just take that same 'get the job done' mentality to your home, and even use some of the same organizing strategies.

You sound terribly stuck though. Is there any chance you could afford the money and time to get a professional to help you get started? Maybe over a couple of days in the next school holidays, or a weekend?

Otherwise, I'd say start with one small manageable area - either the kitchen or bathroom. Sounds like you should buy the book.

Posted 2 years ago #
chacha1
Member

All excellent suggestions, especially ArtGal's. If it were me, I'd start in the kitchen as well, and - since you sound very overwhelmed and maybe want someone to give you a checklist instead of asking you to think too thoroughly about things right now? if this is not accurate please disregard! - here's some "how many" suggestions.

How many bath towels, hand towels, and facecloths - for one person - two of each.

How many sets of sheets - two.

How many place settings of china & flatware - two, plus two extra spoons, two extra bowls and two extra salad plates.

How much glassware - two stemmed glasses, two tumblers, two mugs. (Why two of everything? 'cause that way you don't have to wash after every single use. Also you can invite a guest over.)

How many pots/pans - one 10" frypan, one 2-quart saucepan, one stockpot. Keep only one of each type of kitchen implement.

Clearing the kitchen table (I'm guessing your apartment does not have a dining room) and countertops should give you enough breathing room to think clearly about what's in your cabinets, food-wise. I would do a weekly inventory and make a meal plan, using items you already have, and a shopping list for fresh ingredients to go along with. You will use up your stockpiles faster than you think, and then there is *more* breathing room.

The more fresh food you eat, the better you will feel and the less cabinet space you will devote to packaged food - meaning you can use it for other things.

Keep us posted, good luck!

Posted 2 years ago #
habithacker
Member

NeedsBall2BeOn: I know being a teacher is such a demanding profession that you feel zapped at the end of the day. But if you feel you can't have family or friends over, then it really is time to get going on this...even if it's only for a few minutes a day. It's not healthy to isolate yourself.

Studies have shown two things conclusively: one is that you will be better at ridding yourself of clutter and making decisions about it if someone is there with you while you do it. This declutter companion doesn't really have to do much of anything. Just be there. Secondly, you are more likely to keep what you touch. So handle the things you're making decisions about as little as possible.

Maybe if you're tired after work you'll find it possible to do a declutter session on the weekend. If you're uncomfortable invited someone over to help, spend a week or two getting things under a little more control and then issue your invitation. You'll be surprised at how understanding most people are (and how they, too, will admit how junky their basements and closets are).

Let us know how you're doing. This unclutterer community seems really supportive.

Posted 2 years ago #
Ginge
Member

Hi NeedsBall2BeOn I agree with s, sometimes the clutter is just a symptom of things more psychological that need addressing. Maybe I am reading you wrong but you sound like you have a lot of good things going for you in your life but you aren't very happy at the moment.

Take it from someone who knows, the right combo of therapy and medication can sometimes be the solution. Never rule it out, a good therapist can help you see the underlying problem that you can't see for yourself. What they do is not so different to teaching children they are just teaching lessons to cope in life and help pinpoint what is really bothering you.

Here is a blog I found the other day that I found useful http://zenhabits.net/zen-attachment/

Or if you want a gentle approach to decluttering try http://www.365lessthings.com

Posted 2 years ago #
terriok
Member

Teaching Kindergarten is beyond exhausting!

Picture yourself in a room for 6 hours or more tethered to 25 little, adorable but very active 5 year olds, vying for your attention with you leading them in song, dance and educational activities!

Many of them cannot even zip their coats up! LOL!

And teachers cannot even leave to go to the bathroom!

I took my cousins kids to the park one time during a barbeque. There were about 7 or 8 lids. My cousins got some peace and quiet and were so thankful.

"Seven kids? To me- that's a piece of cake!"

NeedsBall2BeOn, just start tossing. Junk mail goes immediately in the garbage. I do not buy the Sunday paper as it takes on a life of its own. You don't need 40 tubes of Super Glue, 50 crummy plastic bags and 67 twist ties. (I am referring to what I use to accumulate!)

Maybe start with the large stuff so you can see your progress. Anything that can be replaced you do not absolutely need. The minutia I have learned to let go and not waste my time on. Too time consuming and little results. You can keep those 43 concert ticket stubs. They take up very little space!

Keep at it! Keep on truckin'. You decide and just do it!

Me? I am working on it! ;o)

Posted 2 years ago #

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