tell me to get rid of this - old tea set from deceased grandmother

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tell me to get rid of this - old tea set from deceased grandmother

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Started 1 year ago by maxinemarshall
Latest reply from bandicoot
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maxinemarshall
Member

Our house has plenty of storage space, we seem to have effortlessly filled it up. I have done well emptying out the cellar, garage and the cupboards in the laundry.

I have a tea set from my grandmother who died in the 1950s before I was born. It is nice enough, but I have never and will never use it. I feel terrible getting rid of it, but I must, otherwise I will just carry on moving it from house to house. If my relatives knew what I was up to, they would be livid, they would think I was most disrespectful and ungrateful. I have psyched myself up to get rid of it and it is almost out the door. It is on the laundry bench and the laundry is getting tiled on Monday, I need to clear the bench. Anyway, I think it is almost out the door, but could you tell me to get rid of it. Thanks in advance for my beatings over the head.

Posted 1 year ago #
Mimi
Member

i am sure my grandmom would like me to be happy and i am sure your grandmom also would like you to be happy. grandmoms china that has been sitting in my wardrobe for many years did not make me happy and so i have sold it this year. it´s a relief.

Posted 1 year ago #
Ella
Member

Here's what I would do, but your mileage may vary...
I'd invite a friend over and serve tea using grandmother's tea set. Or just serve yourself tea alone. If you enjoy it, rethink keeping the set. If not, then offer it up to the would-be livid family members. If they decline, then tell them clearly it's meant to go to a new home outside the family circle. Set it free and wish it well.

Posted 1 year ago #
lucy1965
Member

Maxine, if you had known your grandmother, had a relationship with her, that tea set might be a physical "hook" for memories.

But you didn't. You couldn't.

If you think it could be done without stirring up outrage, offer the tea set to a family member who did have that relationship. If not, let it go and be happy that someone will find it who will make good use of it.

(Seriously, people, we need a permanent link to Ursula K. Le Guin's short story "The Keeper" on the sidebar of the forum.)

Posted 1 year ago #
Netleigh
Member

Maxine,
If you never use this tea set, how will the relatives know that you have disposed of it? Unless you tell them, I'd just quietly let it move on to a charity shop without mentioning it.'What the eye doesn't see, the heart doesn't grieve over.'

Posted 1 year ago #
luxcat
Member

I had the exact same situation

I got rid of the tea set a few years ago, after dragging it around for years

It never entered my mind again since then until reading this post

Get rid of it, and don't sweat it.

If livid family members ask for its whereabouts look vague and say "it must be in the attic someplace, I don't know"

Posted 1 year ago #
ninakk
Member

I can't add much more than what has already been said. No matter how well or not we have known someone, they don't linger in things as far as my belief system goes. I can't put words in your grandmother's mouth, but I'm fairly certain she would tell you to get rid of it by donating or selling it to someone else who enjoys using it, if you don't do so yourself.

Posted 1 year ago #
bandicoot
Member

i agree with everything already posted above....and i have personal experience.
i have released not one, but TWO sets of family china into the wild and it has worked out just fine.
i vastly prefer using plain-but-nice simple white easily-replaceable stuff and no one has to have a nervous breakdown if they chip a saucer or drop a gravy boat or something.
offer it around the family and if you have no takers, then sell it and enjoy the money.
i can't imagine anyone's grandmother not approving of that!

Posted 1 year ago #
djk
Member

I would have loved family china/silver/crystal. My family is not at all the type to value these things so I don't have them, and neither do they. In the end, if you use it and love it--keep it! if you don't, let it go and keep something you use and love. Using and loving trump obligation every single time.

a girlfriend of mine has some gorgeous rings and when I enquired about them, she said they were family heirlooms. Upon further enquiry, she said she bought them at an estate sale. And they were going to be family heirlooms--they were just starting with her. How delightful! the lesson I took from that is: You make your own heirlooms for YOU.

Posted 1 year ago #
lazycow
Member

It seems like the tea set is taking up valuable space in your head! Probably much more than the set is 'worth'. I'd get rid of it too, and wouldn't worry about the relatives.

Posted 1 year ago #
jbeany
Member

Oh, yeah, I've already heard the "OMG it was your gram's china!!!! You just can't!!!" Yup, I can. I sold it as part of her house - the new owner loved all 24 settings of it. I thought it was ugly as can be - fussy, flowery, cream and gold. "But you can keep it to use on holidays!" Geez, if I had enough people over to need to use a serving set that big, I'd be using disposable dishes anyhow. Plus, it's covered in pastel pink and blue flowers - not really a holiday theme for me. "But you should store it in case you change your mind later!" Where? It would have filled every single cupboard in my apartment's galley kitchen. It was so heavy that gram's enormous kitchen cupboards needed bracing because the weight of the china was pulling them off the wall. "Well don't store it in the kitchen then." It would take up every shelf of my walk-in closet - plus, it's so heavy I couldn't store it on the shelves, so I'd have to put it on the floor. "But what if the next generation wants it?" Really, I don't think my 12 year old nephew is going to want pink and blue flowered dishes. Ever!
Set it free, Maxine! If you feel terribly ambitious, call or e-mail immediate relatives with a time limited offer - ie, pick it up by this day, or it's all gone. Otherwise, dump that baby!

Posted 1 year ago #
Another Deb
Member

Plant an African Violet in the sugar bowl and sell the rest!

Posted 1 year ago #
Sky
Member

I have struggled with family pieces too and believe me, once you take that last step and let them go you will feel a big relief. It's not your Grandmother it's only china and she would tell you to do what makes you happy.

Maybe keep one piece or a cup and saucer if it will make you feel better. :)

Posted 1 year ago #
trillie
Member

+1 to Ella's idea. Try it and see if you like it, and if you do, use it more often. If not - ask family members. If they don't want it, you have our permission to get rid of it :o)

I got my grandmother's tea set (orange flowers! I would have chosen neither orange nor flowers for myself) from my mom about a year ago, and I use it when I have guests, for breakfast or just for coffee. Although it has to be carefully washed by hand, the joy of using it - and the "ooooh I'm special!" feeling my guests have - outweighs washing it. And I'm also very determined not to have a nervous breakdown if something breaks, that's just the way it is, and my very practical grandmother (who died more than 20 years ago) would not approve fussing over a broken saucer, I'm sure - after all, she always let me use her good crystal wine glasses for apple juice when I was a kid. :o)

Posted 1 year ago #
susique
Member

could you possibly share these things with others who might want them.

Posted 1 year ago #
tmichelle
Member

Definitely give first dibs to the livid relatives to take it.

Posted 1 year ago #
jbeany
Member

I think I'd feel bad about letting gram's china go if I didn't have so many of her things that I do use and love. I've got hysterically funny old condiment dishes that line up in the shape of a curvy daschund dog, awesome 50's cocktail glasses, vintage mixing bowls, some of her books, furniture, photos in old frames, jewelry and even a handful of knickknacks that I like enough to keep out. (The life-like 16 inch ceramic frog from the 70's is so obnoxious it's cool.) These things are either on display or used regularly. With all these things that I use and love, why save space for something I don't really care about, just because it was hers?

Posted 1 year ago #
Ann
Member

I had a "hot chocolate set" that my grandmother gave to me 50+ years ago. My mother never let me play with it, use it and when it finally came into my possession as an adult, I felt guilty to use it. It was meant to be a child's set, yet it went unused. I ultimately offered it to any and all relatives with small girls. No takers. I gave it to Goodwill. It was a beautiful set, Japanese figures, good colors and totally NEVER USED. I hope some little girl's mother had sense enough to buy it and let her use it. Mine didn't.

Posted 1 year ago #
bandicoot
Member

ann, i felt kinda poignant and sad reading about the hot chocolate set.

Posted 1 year ago #
Charity
Member

My grandmother would say to keep it, like it or not, but she was horrid. My parents have lots of her preecious (and hideous) brass ornaments. I can't imagine my baby brother will want them, he doesn't even remember her, so when the time comes, I am NOT keeping them. Why on earth would I want a brass ashtray shaped like a fly?!

Posted 1 year ago #

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