So...when do I start feeling less burdened?

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So...when do I start feeling less burdened?

(17 posts) (13 voices)

Started 10 months ago by Emilie
Latest reply from bandicoot
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Emilie
Member

Hey Unclutterers! Pardon my random musings, but I felt the need to share some of this stuff...

I started Uncluttering in January 2011. Before that, I had been a major packrat and had never really tried to reduce my belongings. Soon after I started, I took on the mammoth project of clearing out our family's off-site storage space, which had been virtually untouched for 13 years...and yet we still made payments on it monthly. With my mom's help, she and I were able to clear out the storage room completely, and we moved some of the heirlooms to a small storage pod that we aim to get rid of by July 22nd.

Yeah, it feels good to pass Public Storage on the freeway and know that I never have to go back there. But I feel like decluttering has, rather than making me feel lighter and more clear-headed, unearthed a lot of emotional baggage. Maybe it's just a phase I'm going through. But I'm finding it hard to maintain my boundaries on my own clutter, versus other people's. I've become fairly effective at decluttering, and so I want to help my loved ones who are having more trouble with it (and of course, who want the help). The enormity of everyone's combined clutter really weighs on me--my own personal clutter is bad enough. Decluttering has also brought up a lot of family-related emotional issues that I never could have anticipated.

I'm also an environmental unclutterer, and it's frustrating how time-consuming it is to dispose of items in an environmentally responsible manner. But if I just trashed everything, it would upset me a lot. So that really does seem like a no-win. I've stopped acquiring extraneous items, but I've not yet seen the results of this effort--I guess it's hard to see the results of something you DON'T do.

On some level, I enjoy decluttering a lot because I feel like I'm doing something "productive" with my free time. But I've also started to feel like I'm decluttering instead of doing other important things that may be even harder and have more remote payoffs. I am one of those people who tends to get distracted by their visual environment, and because that environment is so cluttered, it's always the first activity I end up doing. It almost becomes a form of procrastination for me. Like, "When my space is uncluttered I can finally do X" when I needed to do X months ago.

While I want to celebrate the impending end of all extra storage spaces, I still feel frustrated and overwhelmed. I'm not sure how to continue making headway without stressing out and hyperfocusing. I know that this could be a "it gets worse before it gets better" type of thing. Any tips from people who've been doing this longer?

Posted 10 months ago #
Beccab
Member

Emotional clutter and physical clutter often go hand in hand, its hard to deal with one without addressing the other. One way to not feel so overwhelmed is to deal with and come to peace with your stuff first, then start helping your family so you are not so overwhelmed. And it can be helpful to talk to someone about all the emotional baggage that has been uncovered. Wether a friend, or personal councellor, maybe a local support group for those seeking emotional healing. take it slow, this can be a long process. If there are many different issues that need working out, perhaps pick one emotional "project" to unclutter at a time, and then address another need. And remember, healing takes time.

I understand the concept of letting the "uncluttering" take precedence over the need to do items as a way of procrastinating, I do it to. I find it helpful to have a list of essential "to do's" every day or week, and I don't allow myself to take on an unclutter project till those things are done.

When starting a big uncluttering project many people tend to make long lists of what they want to get done. That isn't a bad thing, but for big projects it can make the task seem never ending. I like making a reverse list, of items I have finished, so I can look at my list and see how far I have come.

Posted 10 months ago #
rutheverhart
Member

Emilie, I recommend you read some of Brooks Palmer "Clutter Buster" blog. He has a very forgiving attitude that I find reassuring.

Posted 10 months ago #
Emilie
Member

Thanks, y'all. :) "List of things I've finished"...hmm, that's never occurred to me, but it sounds useful. It can be hard to remember all I've done, in light of the amount that still needs doing.

Posted 10 months ago #
Irulan
Member

I feel for you, Emilie. If it helps, I think that your emotional stages sound pretty normal. A lot of times dealing with clutter really means dealing with decisions about your life that have been delayed at some point in the past. It's only reasonable that these things would still have an emotional impact when they reappear in your life. That's especially true for things like heirlooms that are emotionally charged to begin with.

Regarding the never-ending, overwhelmed feeling, do you think it would help to focus on concrete celebrations of your goals? Things like going out to dinner or a concert in the park after each specific goal (like the July 22 storage pod removal)? This way your accomplishments feel more formal, rather than just another part of the same unending slog.

Posted 10 months ago #
Rosa
Member

Emilie, who keeps the money that's not now going toward the storage space? If I did all that work and all I got out of it was brownie points from probably not-very-excited-about-it family members, plus all the emotional work of going through the decluttering, I'd be pretty bitter.

If you feel like you're uncluttering to avoid other things, maybe you should make a priority list & see how high up uncluttering really is. Because it *is* a lot of work, and if it doesn't feel rewarding it can be very draining.

Posted 10 months ago #
Claycat
Member

Emilie, I think the thing that scares me the most about getting the decluttering finished is the expectancy of what's next. I have some plans to do some art work when I get everything under control. I am so worried about the possibility of failure/success (?) involved with the art, that I am afraid I have done a great deal of self-sabotage to keep those impending projects at bay. That's why I can so identify with that type of procrastination!

Also, the emotional upheavals that come with the uncluttering of sentimental stuff leave you feeling wrung out.

Hang in there!

Posted 10 months ago #
Emilie
Member

Thanks for your comments :)

My mom and I do have a special dinner planned for after the removal of the storage pod. So I agree, doing an event like that is a good idea. Party! :)

Who keeps the money? Good question...my parents keep it all. It doesn't really make me feel bitter though. They've done a lot for me financially, and I wanted to "repay" them in some way. Clearing out their clutter was like the one thing they couldn't do themselves. At certain points in the process, I've welcomed the challenge, but now that I'm nearing a deadline I'm starting to stress out. Even though I didn't procrastinate on this.

I don't think I'll actually be finished with decluttering any time soon. But I know a lot of my procrastination (on other stuff) is perfectionism-based. It's definitely a killer of much potential creative work, although I try to keep it at bay as best I can.

This has all got me thinking! After I'm done with the current things I've said I'd help with, I'll try to make a point of not volunteering to help others with their clutter. I definitely have enough of my own, as well as a lot of other stuff to do. A priorities list might help. I have a goals list, but since they're not prioritized I'm never sure what to do first.

Posted 10 months ago #
Parsifal
Member

If you feel like uncluttering is preventing you from focusing on the underlying issues that led you to hoarding/cluttering, then congrats on recognizing that. I would recommend focusing on fixing your immediate environment rather than worrying about what's 'next'. So much of the time, the things we worry about never end up happening at all.

Posted 10 months ago #
Mimi
Member

emilie, it sound that you are a caring daughter, wonderful. maybe you need a break from uncluttering your parents´ home and concentrate on your things for a while.
for the overwhelmed feeling, i´d also recommend to make your efford visible, e.g.: write down your goal of uncluttering for a special day and cross it out if you are finished. make a goal that small that you can finish it one day, or maybe in 15 minutes or so. or you could take "before-after" pictures. this is a great reward, to really SEE the result, and not only the result but also the comparison.an example for this way is shown in this http://unclutterer.com/discuss/topic/new-and-overwhelmed-is-this-common/page/3 topic.

Posted 10 months ago #
Netleigh
Member

Emilie,
This sounds such a familiar feeling. I think you need to make a plan to enjoy life and perhaps deal with some(not all)of the emotional issues that are coming up, as well as getting on with the decluttering to avoid what I think you have been doing which is totally focusing on the decluttering. Be gentle with yourself by only taking things on a little bit at a time.

I've had to deal with sorting out elderly relatives stuff in emergencies that has stopped me from dealing with my own stuff. I've felt it's been unending, I've felt overwhelmed and the most effective technique for self-motivation has been to focus on ATAD in my own stuff now and to not feel guilty if I don't manage to do something everyday.

The ATAD doesn't even have to be daily, if I sort out more things one day that covers me for that number of days when I can have no need to do more uncluttering if I'm unmotivated, tired or busy.I will get back to it when time allows. I reassess what clutter spots are annoying me the most, make a list of the top 4 or so and pick from that to prevent the paralysation of my procrastination.

Alongside of the decluttering I have booked, into my diary, time to do things I want to do, not yet all the things I want to do with my time but I do see progress.

My great motivation is that I don't want my stuff to become the burden on future generations as my elders has been to me.

Posted 10 months ago #
themusiclivez
Member

@Emilie: I know where you are coming from. I have felt/still do feel the same way. One of the decluttering challenges is that you start to declutter and realize that it's like peeling an onion - there are SO many layers. I am similar with regard to the "environmental uncluttering". It takes longer but it makes me feel so much better when I make what I feel is the right choice.

It definitely WILL get easier. When I started a few years ago I thought I was finished within a year. But by getting rid of so many things I was able to really view what I had left with a clear head. That's when I realized that I had so much more to do. At that point I felt overwhelmed. I like to sell many of the items I don't want to make back some of the money and that takes time as well. I am just finally starting to feel like I am almost done. And it has been three years!

Posted 10 months ago #
jlynnewell
Member

In some ways I feel that when Uncluttering becomes your #1 priority what happens is that all of your focus goes on the things you don't want. I know we all want to be green, but the guilt of never being free enough is actually clutter.

Contentment is the only way to solve this. Be content with what you have accomplished so far. Be content with what you can realistically accomplish day by day. And be content knowing that we are in no rush to UnClutter the world. Take your time to breath...

Posted 10 months ago #
lottielot
Member

I agree: focus on how life has improved since you uncluttered some stuff and see it as a lifelong process. Sometimes I see clutter as the tide coming in and out. Things come and go from your life, hopefully you will reduce the number coming in and the number going out will increase, but that tidal movement is part of life. I'm not sure you can ever be 'done', just content with where you're at. If you are overdoing it, commit to a time limit per day/week and stick to it, or a number per day limit. I tend to work in bursts, but I always have at least ATAD in mind for when I have the energy to actually go find that thing and put it in the donation bag or the car boot. I don't have to do it for relatives though, that would be exhausting. Take a break from uncluttering others for a while when you've finished this task. I actually love helping others with that sort of task, but usually only a day's worth or so, this sounds much bigger and with family involved more emotional.

Posted 10 months ago #
Emilie
Member

I really appreciate all the support and advice. It makes me feel better to know that these kinds of feelings are a regular part of the process. Yesterday I was definitely feeling a bit frantic, but luckily I've calmed down some today. @themusiclivez, I notice the onion metaphor really being true. For me there's also different layers of difficulty. Like, one I'm done with the low-hanging fruit that's obviously useless, I get into stuff that still isn't serving me but that's harder to part with. But I notice my ability to get rid of stuff is improving. It's helped me to acknowledge the discomfort of getting rid of a thing, but to go through and do it anyway (in most cases). So that was valuable. I've only been doing this for 6 months, I guess in the scheme of things it's not that long. Oops, gotta finish this comment now!

Posted 10 months ago #
lottielot
Member

I think uncluttering is like exercise: the more you do, the easier it gets. Once you've got rid of something and 6 months later barely remember you owned it, it becomes easier to get rid of something else. So I've found anyway, but I used to have a cluttered house due to overwhelm and disorganisation, rather than emotional attachment, so others may find differently.

Posted 10 months ago #
bandicoot
Member

it's fascinating how peeling the stuff away, also peels layers of emotions away.
we all experience that to some degree. we all have attachments to our stuff.
the ultimate expression of detachment, for me, is the buddhist monk....with shaved head, robe, bowl, his/her life is void of material things and therefore void of attachments.

it sounds like you have done a huge amount of work, emilie, and there is more ahead of you.
it would be good to have a rest and like jlynnewell says, we are in no rush to unclutter the world.
as long as you move persistently in one direction, you will end up where you want to be.
perhaps you would enjoy some guided meditation to help calm your thoughts.
i have found great benefit in listening to mary maddux at meditation oasis.

Posted 10 months ago #

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