Post-Christmas

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(9 posts) (8 voices)

Started 2 years ago by zchristy
Latest reply from BillyOceansEleven
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zchristy
Member

I have uncluttered much of my life and I continue to do monthly trips to the thrift store. I love how it feels.

This year my Grandma passed away in mid November. My Mom has had a terrible time with this loss - she is very lost in her grief and this was a difficult Christmas for her. My Mom tends to have a great crash after Christmas every year emotionally, but knowing how much harder this year was going to be, my husband, Dad, cousin and I worked together to help her get all of her Christmas things put away yesterday. She has SO much Christmas stuff - I don't believe she has ever de-cluttered her Christmas things and she admitted to me yesterday "I have enough stuff here to decorate 2 houses". She expressed interest in de-cluttering her Christmas things, but EVERYTHING Grandma gave her (and Grandma LOVED Christmas) is important to her right now.

How do I help her reduce her Christmas things? While much of it is beautiful, at least half stays in the box just because there is no more room to decorate...it is utterly ridiculous. It doesn't need to be done immediately, but would doing it at an unemotional time help, like in Summer?

I know how to de-clutter my own life- deciding what is important to me is easy, but how do I help my Mom decide what she needs to keep and what to let go?

Posted 2 years ago #
Claycat
Member

Gosh, zchristy, this is an emotionally charged situation! It's always easier if you aren't actually related to the person you are trying to help.

I imagine it would be better to wait until summer. Then, the two of you can go through the decorations, and you can help her decide which decorations she loves the best. Then, maybe she can donate the rest to a battered women's shelter or something like that.

Posted 2 years ago #
Another Deb
Member

Grieving takes time, a lot more than one month. Don't force your mother to get rid of anything yet. Later, maybe in summer, you might offer to help her "plan" her holiday displays and get them all in order. I know my parents have given away their own Christmas decorations because it is too difficult to drag them out every year now (they are both 75 years old). Maybe it would be a selling point to streamline the process for the coming holidays, although the first few sets of holidays after a loss are especially difficult. She may not be ready by then. Just let her know you are ready when she is. Blessings to her and to you in this difficult time.

Posted 2 years ago #
Jeri Dansky
Member

I think Another Deb is right on the mark; she's said it so well, I don't really have anything to add!

Posted 2 years ago #
Lehcarjt
Member

Another thought is to look at the problem from the opposite direction. What about helping your mom to put everything she plans to use next year for Christmas in specific boxes. That way the sorting is already started and you aren't speaking about getting rid of anything. And then when summer (or whenever) comes around you can go straight to the 'do not use' boxes for items to discard/donate.

Posted 2 years ago #
Claycat
Member

That's a good idea Lehcarjt. It makes it easier!

Posted 2 years ago #
Kaz in Oz
Member

I like that idea Lehcarjt. And summer is definitely a better time than right now. I lost my 5yo son 3 weeks before Christmas 10 years ago and Christmas is still a hard time for me - even with 4 and 6 yo boys now. Give yourselves some time to grieve and when you do go through the decorations you can enjoy the memories they bring, without the emotion of the season.

Posted 2 years ago #
nws2002
Member

My mom has always loved Christmas and my sister and I have always helped her decorate her house after Thanksgiving. This year we decided to get rid of anything we didn't put up, since there was probably enough for 3 houses. The rest we gave away on Craigslist or Freecycle.

This seemed to work well, but there really were not many emotional issues beyond "we used those stockings when we were little, are we sure we don't want them?" We did purchase new stuff during the clearance sales this year, like we always do, and plan to give away what we don't use next year.

Posted 2 years ago #
BillyOceansEleven
Member

I'm with nws2002's suggestion. Wait until next year after she has done her decorating and then suggest whatever she didn't put up be tossed unless there is a really good reason to keep it. Hopefully by then she'll be able to look at items logically without a raw emotional response.

Posted 2 years ago #

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