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Started 1 month ago by devilot
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devilot
Member

Heya, I stumbled upon this forum, funnily enough, while attempting to clean/ declutter. I found a page out of Real Simple magazine that I'd torn out with an article by Erin R Doland and it mentioned this site. Since the article was compelling, I figured a poke around the site (and subsequently the forum) would behoove me.

The Dirt: Me-- chronic hoarder, collector, and slob. We're talking-- can't see the top of my desk or most of the cat-mess-stained-carpet, cluttered.
The Uh oh: my long distance boyfriend is coming next week and will see my room for the very first time. He is The Supreme Minimalist (2 pens on his desk, not even a trash can in his room, etc.). He is an EXTREME minimalist.
The Goal: Realistically, I know I can't have (and wouldn't want) to be as minimal as he is, but I don't want to cringe when I walk into my room.

Some main obstacles:
1) random clutter -- I don't know what to do with it! First, brought up by conservative Asian parents who never let anything go or go to waste. Must. Hoard. Just in case. But let's say I miraculously cull and toss some clutter out, the problem is that I don't know how to put away the rest of the randomness! Don't I need a space to put it first?! I'm all outta space! :P

2) Clothes. A lot of people have a similar issue-- they gain weight, they keep some of their old wardrobe but learn to lose most of it. For me? I can wear, and still wear, some of my clothes from freshman year of high school. I've been approximately the same size for 11ish years or so. How do I really let go of my clothes? And I had a period when I gained a bit of weight and went up a size or two, I'm also tempted to keep some of my "fat clothes" just in case I get a little tubby again. Halp?

If you've read through this epic post, I'm both amazed and grateful for any help and pointers. I've already read quite a few of the topics on this forum and saw fly lady mentioned and googled that. Unfortunately, I found Fly Lady to be incredibly overwhelming. I am a super newbie and insanely cluttered. Please take it easy on me! :D :o

*Edit*

And another note, while I'd love fancy shelving or organizing tools, or hell, a professional to come in and help, I'm unemployed (and have been for a year now). So yes, money is v tight. Which also makes me less willing to purge.

Posted 1 month ago #
HappyDogs
Member

As far as the clothes, I started shopping in "vintage" stores about 5 years ago. I consider them kind of like lending libraries, I bring some clothes in, I take some out. So, I'd get rid of everything that doesn't fit or is out of style or that you don't wear. "New" clothes won't cost you that much if pre-loved, and you deserve a wardrobe update. Give yourself permission!

Posted 1 month ago #
devilot
Member

I'd love to do that, but I haven't had much luck at vintage shops! I think part of the problem is my size-- I'm fairly petite. I'm 25, but often find girls (as in kids) sized (12-14) clothing fits. So even a women's size 0 can be ill-fitting on me.

Posted 1 month ago #
Lori Paximadis
Member

Welcome, devilot. You'll find lots of good advice and encouragement here. Just remember that there isn't one "right" way to approach it; you may have to try a couple of things until you find what works for you.

First, take a deep breath.

Next, grab a couple of boxes. Castoffs from the grocery store are fine; at this point, they don't have to be pretty. Grab a couple of trash bags, too. One box is for keep. Another box is for give away. Another box is for recycling. And the trash bags are for trash.

Now, pick ONE spot. The top of your desk sounds like it might be a good place to start. Clear that one spot. If there's something there that doesn't belong there (yesterday's coffee mug, makeup, cat toys, whatever), remove it and either put it where it goes (or close to where it goes until you can get to clearing and organizing *that* spot) or in the "keep" box to sort out later. Once you've got the surface cleaned off, give it a swipe with a dustcloth or what have you and put the stuff that really belongs there back neatly. Maybe you will find out that you don't have enough space there for the stuff you really need to keep there. If so, you'll eventually have to do more culling, but for now, when you're triaging, I say it's okay to put the extra stuff in a box*, LABEL it "desk-sort" or something like that, stack it neatly in a closet or a corner, and make an appointment with yourself to deal with it later.
(*There are some people who will disagree with me about this, but I have found that as long as I follow through on my commitment to actually deal with that box and what's in it and not leave it rot at the bottom of the closet, it's a good way to get to sanity fast.)

Lather, rinse, repeat.

The key, for me at least, is to tackle one small spot at a time. One shelf, one drawer, one counter, one cabinet. Otherwise, it's easy to get overwhelmed and distracted and end up with a worse mess than when you started.

Good luck, and be sure to tell us how it's going.

Posted 1 month ago #
angelicious
Member

Heh, Lori beat me to it! My box suggestion is similar.

Step 1: Get some boxes. I like to buy a pack from Office Depot ($8 or so for 10 boxes). Put them together and then put one in near each problem area.

Step 2: Put EVERYTHING in the problem area into the box. If it doesn't fit (or you look at it & go "it's not gonna fit," cull selectively. I'm with you on the clothes, same size for at least 6 years now. Separate winter / spring / summer (heck, give them their own boxes). You can always go through the box(es) later.

Step 3: Label the boxes and stack them neatly in a mostly unused room (storage, guest room, garage, whatever). If visitor/guest asks, you're doing "a major decluttering project."

Step 4: All those newly visible surfaces? Clean them. With actual cleaners and cloth. They will be shiny and new and you will not want to sully them.

Step 5: Enjoy yourself for the visit. Forget about the boxes for a few days. They have been corralled and they will be dealt with at a reasonable time. And *do not feel guilt.*

Step 6: Visit over, pick a box a day. If you have multiple boxes for each section - still, a box a day. Missing something you think is in a box? Dig through the box for that something 'til you find, then PUT EVERYTHING ELSE BACK IN THE BOX. It will be dealt with on box day.

Step 6b: BOX DAYS: Follow Lori's instructions: three more boxes (keep/toss/donate). Be brutal. You live in the land o' the plenty, so if you toss a twist tie, there'll be more in the next package of grocery bags.

Step 6c: Plan a Goodwill/Salvation Army/Charity of Choice visit every day. I put a box in my car and make it the last errand before I come home. Goodwill dropoff spots are great - drive-in, hand over, get receipt, DONE.

Step 7: Hey, you done? NIIICE. Now fold up those Office Depot storage boxes and keep them under your bed. Once a month, pull them out and look @ them. Does the box labeled "DESK" make you think you should try de-cluttering your desk again? Heck, why not? It takes 15 minutes to throw everything in, 1 day to sort, and 15 minutes to donate.

Step 8: Smile. It took you years to get there, but months to return.

Posted 1 month ago #
klutzgrrl
Member

Can't add much to the above excellent posts other than try to get a friend to help. They could hold on to the 'don't know' stuff for a (SET, LIMITED) time frame while you make some space.

You're probably shy of asking for help with this sort of stuff, but you'd probably be surprised by how willing people are to help someone who is putting in the effort.

Being an ultimate minimalist he probably likes clean, so I'd be putting in some elbow grease into cleaning as well.

Good luck!! You can do it! (And remember, its YOU he adores, and being disorganized and a hoarder is part of your personality - I'm guessing you're a creative type - he can deal. He might even think it's cute.)

I tried Flylady until I heard an interview where a woman complained about her lazy husband. Their attitude was 'why should he?' and berated her for complaining! I was astounded! If he lives in the house he should contribute, the lazy slob! They are coming from a wife=subservient house-slave viewpoint.

Posted 1 month ago #
Linada
Member

I agree with angelicious. Deal with the crisis first, then think about the whole declutter/organise thing.

You have a week to get things presentable to your boyfriend. Get boxes (I find supermarkets can be a good source of free, if odd sized ones) and box things up as already said. Divide your home into even sized bits and do one bit a day. Or do one bit in the morning and one in the afternoon. Splitting things up is going to make them look more manageable, and also help pace yourself. Leave one day for emergencies and last minute "oh that".
Designate a space for the boxes (or several if needed). I am sure you have a nice sheet/blanket around to drape over them. If you have time on the last day, you can even pick out some decorative pieces and place them on box mountain.
Enjoy your boyfriend. Don't even dare think of us :)
Then come back and start dealing with your boxes.
I find working on one collection at a time works well. Eg clothes, jewellery, cosmetics, scarves, cookbooks, novels, mugs, etc. Having like and like together makes it much easier to think it's enough.
Once you have figured out what to keep in a collection, and only then, you get to look at organising it.
I find that it helps me to jump from collection to collection a few times to really decide what to keep and what not. Just make sure not to let them out of their boxes for too long. They start breeding :)

Posted 1 month ago #
Linada
Member

Sorry, sideline, and i probably shouldn't but:

"I tried Flylady until I heard an interview where a woman complained about her lazy husband. Their attitude was 'why should he?' and berated her for complaining! I was astounded! If he lives in the house he should contribute, the lazy slob! They are coming from a wife=subservient house-slave viewpoint."

Isn't feeling to have to wait for a husband to join in and 'approve' by action before you can make a nice environment for yourself very disempowering?
I think the no whining rule in FlyLady exists because whining rarely is empowering and leading to action. It's asking who can i blame, instead of what can i do. Sure, it's nice if other people help, but if they don't, I don't stop my life waiting for them.

Posted 1 month ago #
Bobbi
Member

I don't mean to assume but if you have that much stuff, you probably haven't really cleaned recently. Focus on the dust, grime and filth. Again, I don't mean to be mean. Hit the bathroom, kitchen counters, sink, all the floors and wash the bed linens. You can box up as you go if you have time. Having lots of stuff can be more forgivable than green/black fuzz growing in the frig or toilet. Focus on the dirt and trash. The rest will "fall into place." This week is for getting ready for company - not uncluttering your closet. Bath, kitchen, sleeping arrangements are most important for now. Have fun with your boyfriend!

Posted 1 month ago #
Mrs.Mack
Member

I have been in your shoes!

What I found the most helpful was to get a friend (a non-judgmental, productive/focused friend) to help me sort through my stuff and clean. That's the most overwhelming part (more than putting what's left away), so having moral support as well as an extra pair of hands really help.

Most of the advice others have given you here is great. My only thing to add (and maybe it was mentioned and I missed it) is to do one part at a time. I.e., pick a spot and work clock-wise around the room, instead of attacking the whole room at once.

Good luck!

Posted 1 month ago #
Claycat
Member

Good luck, devilot! We are here to cheer you on! You might even want to post photos, if not of the before, at least the after. :)

Posted 1 month ago #
bandicoot
Member

i second the box idea and the one-little-area-at-a-time idea.
it all feels less overwhelming when you break it down into little manageable chunks.

the main thing is to START and then you just have to keep on going.
no job right now means you can devote some serious time and energy to the project.
keep focusing on how nice and clean and calm it is going to feel afterwards.

the gotta-keep-it-just-in-case/poverty mentality is a real problem for hoarder types.
i tend to it a little too, but through practise, it is getting easier for me to just.let.stuff.go.
is it worth keeping bags of old string and sacrificing space, calm, and a quiet mind for that?
i don't think so. but everyone needs to come to that place in their own time.

i wish you the very best with your project and if you have any questions along the way, please just pop in and ask.
someone will know what to do! and we can all support you.

Posted 1 month ago #
devilot
Member

Thank you so so much for the wonderful advice and encouragement. The second I saw some tips, I set down the coffee mug and got to work. I'm not sure why it took me soooo many hours-- am I just really inefficient? But truthfully, it took me hours and hours just to clean my desktop.

@klutzgrrl "(And remember, its YOU he adores, and being disorganized and a hoarder is part of your personality - I'm guessing you're a creative type - he can deal. He might even think it's cute.)" Thank you for writing that. Truly. I was actually on the brink of tears on the phone w/ the bf because if you've ever seen his condo and seen how my living space is, you'd be convinced that such a man would never be with a woman like me. :P But we had a really good talk about our differences, and yes, you're right in that I lean towards the "creative" type. :D Busted!

@Bobbi "Focus on the dust, grime and filth. Again, I don't mean to be mean." I don't take that personally and I'm not offended in the least bit! It actually got me to giggle a bit. You're right in that things were CRAZY dusty. Such that I used at least five, maybe six alcohol wipes to clean off the desktop. Yikes! Luckily, I don't think I've let things get bad enough to have mold or furry stuffs. ;)

@Claycat Your suggestion of before/ after pics also kept me chuggin' when I really wanted to give up. Without further ado, a quick snapshot of my day's work:

http://img300.imageshack.us/img300/7779/deskbefore2.jpg

http://img684.imageshack.us/img684/6472/deskafter.jpg

Again, thank you so much for the tips and encouragement. You're all right. I really really have to bunker down, but only focus on one small area. Otherwise it's much too overwhelming. :P

(Wait, how do I get the photos to display in message? What kind of tags do I use?)

Posted 1 month ago #
Vivace
Member

@devilot: Great job on your desk! It looks like you're off to a good start.

Posted 1 month ago #
bandicoot
Member

well hell!
i'm impressed!
you are off to a great start!

as for it taking hours....i think i am faster now than i used to be.
i reckon you'll get quicker as you go along too.

Posted 1 month ago #
Lori Paximadis
Member

@devilot: You're doing great! And yeah, it does take time. It took time for it to get that way, so it's going to take time to undo. Be patient with and kind to yourself.

Posted 1 month ago #
Claycat
Member

Way to go! Thanks for sharing the photos! That is one thing that really helps me. It holds me accountable on my part, but I really love looking at everyone's photos, too!

I'm a creative type, too. I think a lot of us are. That is part of the reason we have so much trouble with clutter and so much sentiment about our things. They bring memories. Maybe it's our thinking "outside of the box" that gives us so much trouble keeping things in the box. LOL

Posted 1 month ago #
jennysbelly
Member

Great work! I'm working on a project right now, and had to stash everything on my desk to allow me to concentrate. I was shocked that it filled a giant bin!

Posted 1 month ago #
Gypsie
Member

@devilot - Your before picture of your desk is exactly what my desk currently looks like (iMac included)! Thanks for the inspiration! Perhaps, that is what i will work on tomorrow.

Posted 1 month ago #
devilot
Member

Thanks so much for the positive feedback. It's really helpful for me. Though, I'm feeling super burned out on cleaning. :P I really didn't want to clean more, but I had to, and so I asked my mom to help keep me on task and she was the perfect taskmaster. Wouldn't lemme stop. ;)

Yesterday I tidied up my big bookcase.

Before pic:

http://img171.imageshack.us/img171/3369/bookcasebefore.jpg

And after pic:

http://img42.imageshack.us/img42/3091/bookcaseafter.jpg

And no pics, but tidied up my bed area and there's almost nothing on the floor!!! Wound up organizing a lot of out-of-sight areas (inside of drawers, etc.) Also tidied up the other surfaces in my bedroom (long dresser, organizer at the foot of my bed, etc.). And vacuuming is a lengthy process as we have a horribly underpowered vacuum (add in two cats and my easy-to-shed long long hair) so yeah. But I think I'm pretty much donezo with my room for the time being.

Spent some time w/ my mom cleaning up the guest room a bit (as I have a lot of overflow boxes and crap there, too).

Next up on my list? Make the bathrooms sparkling. Both mine, and the one that I'll make the bf use as it's less cluttered. (I'm sort of an avid lover of bath and body stuff, so I have tons of it. And I'm sure it comes across as 'clutter' to him and most of y'all. :P)

@Lori "It took time for it to get that way, so it's going to take time to undo." Yes! That makes a lot of sense and that's the sort of thing I need... I need things to make sense to me. Thank you for saying that!

Posted 1 month ago #

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