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Started 5 months ago by Demerna
Latest reply from everydayminimalist
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Demerna
Member

I have two questions that I would love opinions/suggestions on.

1) My house is sparse, but I want even less. The less stuff I own the less stress I have and the more liberated I feel. How do you continue declutting when you are at the maintenance stage?

2) How do you handle a spouse that does not want you to declutter your own stuff. For example: I have a small collection of exotic monies, very little of it is worth anything and when I was little (I have been hauling it around for 20+ years) I loved it; however now it just sits in a binder or in a glass and I never look at it. I decided to decultter it and DH got upset claiming, “What happens when you decide you want it back.” Then he used an example of a collection of artwork I spent years collecting and framing that I decluttered and do not really miss. (note: I do not declutter any of DH’s stuff just mine.)

Posted 5 months ago #
bandicoot
Member

i am at the maintenance stage, but i am also still decluttering.
it is because my definition of uncluttered is shifting over time.
the less i have, the less i want....it seems.
so, i revisit areas after months or a year and i often find that i can pare down further.
like you, i find it liberating. but i don't want to cross over into having so little that it is inconvenient to have guests, or to be comfortable.

as for personal belongings, well, my husband and i both understand that that is a personal decision.
i don't dictate to him and he doesn't dictate to me.

Posted 5 months ago #
lottielot
Member

Demerna: number 1 I have no idea, I'm nowhere near a maintenance stage...
Number 2: it's your stuff, don't tell him and ignore any crap he gives you about it. If you let him sort his stuff out then he should pay you the same courtesy. As always, it's about him, not you. Maybe he's feeling defensive for hanging onto his clutter while you're discarding yours? Whatever, it's his problem, stay strong.

Posted 5 months ago #
susanintexas
Member

For me, it's taken two years + for me to get to where I am now -- both in terms of physical clutter and my mental outlook towards it.

(1) I am convinced there is no real maintenance phase. If there is, it's temporary. My attitude towards my stuff is constantly changing and things I never would have contemplated getting rid of a year ago are now tossed without a twinge. A year from now I expect to be getting rid of stuff that today seems loved and needed -- but won't be, then. I think this is perfectly normal.

(2) Your husband has not been through the same process and is not in the same place. What seems liberating to you might appear callous, wasteful, frightening, sterile or depriving to him. I agree that you should have the authority to get rid of your own stuff without being second-guessed, but there is a point where it becomes a joint issue. If you, for example, purchased all the art on the walls and then decide that you don't want any art on the walls -- even though it's technically your stuff, they are also his walls in his living space. Conversely, if stuff that is primarily his -- say, the tools in the garage or his clothes in our mutual closet -- are in disarray, it affects me I feel I have a right to do something about it. I find the relationship part of decluttering the hardest part :) I know this really isn't an answer, but it's my experience.

Posted 5 months ago #
ninakk
Member

My reply is about the same as Susan's. I know I personally will never hit a maintenance phase the way there is one in weight loss (but there is not maintenance mode when it comes to lifestyle change in general, though, and even a target weight will shift a little over the course of years).

I feel in my heart that this is a never-ending journey, since interests come and go, people leave and come into my life, and my appreciation for or dislike of my stuff will follow my reactions to ideas in me or the surroundings.

Posted 5 months ago #
Another Deb
Member

If you decide you want it back, you can once again go through the pleasurable and leisurely process of the hunt. Perhaps for a new collectable. For many collectors, that is the best part.

You can sell it and get something such as an experience (non-clutter) you both would like, depending on the sales price.

Keep a few of your favorites, get rid of the rest.

DH and I both have a few odd coins sitting in safety deposit boxes only because they were collected over the years or given to us by relatives. We don't really care about them and they aren't worth more than pennies over their face value, if that. I guess it is easier to keep them than to try to go through the process of deciding.

Posted 5 months ago #
Demerna
Member

Great perspectives! I am beginning to think I have hit a plateau in my decluttering journey where I am having a hard time finding areas to declutter; plus I have had a real problem lately with "1 in 1 out".

I know DH is trying to be supportive and look out for my feelings. Susan you are probably right in that he is not at the same place I am. 2 1/2 years ago I decided to become a minimalist which was not a problem because 98% of the stuff filling our apartment, at the time, was my baggage/stuff. However it has only been within the last 6 months that DH has truly began to accept my change.

Posted 5 months ago #
Ella
Member

Demerna: I recently started reading a minimalist blog that might resonate with you: The Everyday Minimalist. I like her pragmatic approach, and I especially like her carefree attitude about the opinions of other people.

http://www.everydayminimalist.com/?p=3120

Posted 5 months ago #
Demerna
Member

I have been following The Everyday Minimalist, since 2010, she is great!

Becoming Minimalist is good to http://www.becomingminimalist.com/

Posted 5 months ago #
AleighJc
Member

Personally I would hang the money up and use it as art work.

Posted 5 months ago #
chacha1
Member

I've seen some very imaginative uses of foreign currency and coin in art and jewelry. I have some myself that I expect to use, eventually, in such a way - almost all from my grandmother who kept her small change when she got back from trips overseas.

I think Susan is right on (as usual) about maintenance points shifting over time, and also that everyone has their own way of processing their relationship with Stuff.

Posted 4 months ago #
jmhva
Member

I had quite a few pins from previous nursing jobs. 5 year pin 10 year pin. Combined with my nursing school pins from RN, BSN, MSN programs I had quite a few in a box in my drawer. Since most of them are 14K gold I decided to showcase them in a shadow box that I put on a shelf in my office. When they are all combined in one place they are very pretty! I imagine coins would look good like that also!!

Posted 4 months ago #
Irulan
Member

We all hit plateaus at points. I think that's normal and natural as our circumstances and preferences evolve.

The responses above about dealing with a spouse are great. One thing that helped me with other relatives (my husband is fully on board) was to discuss it in terms of my own emotions and space - e.g., that I get anxious in a cluttered environment, that cleaning and other concrete tasks reward me and improve my mental state, etc. It may be useful to address your minimalism in more personal terms, so that your husband gets a deeper sense of where you are coming from and that you are not trying to make him uncomfortable.

Posted 4 months ago #
Stella
Member

I have finally begun to realize that we can go waaay too far with decluttering. It becomes obsessive. For a while being organized and decluttered was all I was thinking about. It started creating mess in my head all on its own. I didn't realize it until one day I didn't look at my friend who was carelessly taking 100s of pictures of her son and I asked her "how do you organize those?" and she said "what do you mean?". Then she told me she still had photos from 2010 in that camera, never downloaded. Yuck! It would just about drive me crazy.
But my first thought was "lucky her, she doesn't bother with all those details".
And while I love being organized, that first thought I had about my "unorganized friend" was of how free she was!

While I love my uncluttered house (which was never cluttered in the first place), I now do other things, read, go out and work on my hobbies, etc. without having to have everything organized to perfection.

So about your coins - if they really bother you, just toss them. But does it really matter?

Posted 4 months ago #
Demerna
Member

Stella: The coins are vestiges of someone I use to be, like most of my things. However, I still cannot simply throw stuff into a landfill when it can find another home.

My embrace of a minimal home came from how hard it was to move every couple of years. Now it is because I don’t want to clean. I hate cleaning and organizing. Since our house is uncluttered we have the most open space and our home has turned into the place to get together, so we host every weekend which means a lot to us. Plus DH & I can make the house sparkle in less than 30 minutes and if people stop by without announcing I am never embarrassed (which I couldn’t say 3 years ago).

Posted 4 months ago #
patia
Member

I would love to be at the point where I could make the house sparkle so quickly! That must feel great.

Lots of good thoughts already on this post about speaking with your DH, but I thought I would just add one phrase I have found helpful. "I hear your concern."

As in, "I hear your concern and I have considered that possibility."
"I hear your concern and I know you care about me and want the best for me. I know I can handle that consequence if it comes about."

Congrats to you on your accomplishments!

Posted 4 months ago #
everydayminimalist
Member

Thank you so much for mentioning my blog here! I hope I can continue to live up to expectations :)

Posted 4 months ago #

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