newbie feeling suffocated :(

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Started 2 years ago by chiwi
Latest reply from SunshineR
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chiwi
Member

hi all! i joined the site today and so far it looks fun. i have a clutter problem and i'm so tired of feeling overwhelmed. i just got married and there isn't much space for my husband's stuff. he doesn't have clutter and he's patient with me but i can tell it bothers him. :( i'm a "omg that's so cute, i have to buy it!" impulse shopper. most of my stuff is from the dollar stores because i'm a student. the other day i was moving stuff around to get to my closet for the millionth time and i started seeing my clutter as a burden. i'm constantly moving boxes/bags of stuff to get to something.

i estimated the $$ i've spent on everything and i'm so MAD at myself i could cry. like i'll spend a few bucks on something here and there (worse is the craft stores) and then i have trouble affording groceries or stressing over my credit card bill. we have a SMALL (600 sq. ft.?) apartment and most of the clutter is mine. i have stacks of boxes filled with knick knacks. today i emptied a box and donated/gave away everything. it wasn't hard, i didn't even remember what i had! other boxes have craft supplies because i'll want to try something new so i go buy everything, do a couple projects, lose interest and then it sits there.

please don't tell me to "just stop going to dollar stores" because it's not that easy for me. i need advice on how to control the clutter and my spending habits. please help!

Posted 2 years ago #
ArtGal
Member

I used to do the same thing...what I did was I WENT to the dollar store...I just didn't take any money or credit cards with me!
Without funds, shopping is not as much fun. I decided that if I saw something that I HAD to have, I would go back in 5 days to get it with only enough CASH for that item and the cash had to come from other clutter that I sold. It's a discipline thing and discipline is HARD, but very doable, and eventually, VERY rewarding.

This will then lead to less clutter automatically...it just takes time and a strong will (which I think you have or else you wouldn't be on this site looking for solutions :)

Posted 2 years ago #
Mrs.Mack
Member

ArtGal, that's a great suggestion!

I just came in here to give you encouragement, chiwi. I'm still trying to tame this beast myself, but you should know you're well on your way to changing! Seeing clutter for what it is—clutter—and wanting a different kind of life is the first step.

Imagine the kind of home you want. Cut out pictures from magazines if that helps. Then every time you get overwhelmed, take a look at that collage and remind yourself that your goal is worth it. That it IS attainable! This can also help you not buy things you don't really want, but are hard to resist. Does it fit into what you dream and hope your home will be? If not, you can save that money for something that will fit your goal and that you'll cherish.

Just take baby steps. Decluttering for just a little bit each day (like 15 minutes) really adds up over time.

As for shopping, sounds like you need to learn to build and keep a budget. Consider talking to a money-wise friend, or go to your bank and ask someone to help you build a budget—that's what they're there for, to help you manage your money.

Also, I can't help but sing the praises of http://www.mint.com/ since it keeps track of all your purchase. Just like a food journal helps a dieter to be aware of what they're putting into their mouth, Mint.com helps you see where you're spending your money... and that awareness helps stay your hand when you reach for your wallet.

Good luck! You have good company here.

Posted 2 years ago #
365lessthings
Member

Chiwi I suggest you watch this video http://www.storyofstuff.com/ if that doesn't put you off buying stuff nothing will. Be patient it takes a while to load.

I also have a blog about decluttering one item at a time and this page http://www.365lessthings.com/?p=205 was my take on what I call "retail assult".

If you can change your spending mind set you can change your life. You will be able to relax because you will have enough money to pay your bills and your home won't get more cluttered than it already is. Meanwhile you can start clearing out the clutter you have already amassed. There is plenty of advise already on this blog and also on mine so I won't bore you with the details here.

Good luck!

Posted 2 years ago #
trillie
Member

Welcome, chiwi :o)

It sounds like you shop mostly alone. But if you're with a friend or your husband, maybe try this: When I'm shopping with a friend at a store where I'm very likely to impulse shop (for me and my best friend, it's IKEA), we swap wallets. Then before we're at the cash register, we have to hold a little speech justifying the purchases and how they will be useful before getting the wallet back from the other one. It's ridiculous, but it works for us and we're much less likely to buy things that were not on the list.

And I'm not sure if this is applicable to shopping at a dollar store: When my budget is tight, I use a 4-weeks-list. It's in the notebook where I also keep magazine pictures of pretty homes, furniture ideas and other design stuff I like. So whenever I want something, I write it down with the date, and wait for roughly four weeks and see if I still want it then. If I do, I'll buy it. That happens only about 10% of the time.

On budgeting: I think tracking your spending habits (online at mint.com, in Excel, or on paper) is important. I've often heard people say "what is measured, improves" and this can apply to spending habits or weight loss/calorie intake or pretty much everything that has a goal. From what you say I dare to allege you're an emotional shopper -- so I would also suggest you don't only track item and price, but also time of day and the mood you were in, like emotional eaters track their food intake. Who knows, maybe you'll recognize a pattern. Don't beat yourself up over purchases though, just record them, and think of it as collecting data for science. Then once you have some data, you can evaluate it and create a plan for the future.

On decluttering strategies: I know you haven't got much room, but it might help if you designate an area to everything you want to declutter. Just pick a spot (corner of the living room or whatever) and stack all your boxes and everything that keeps you from getting from A to B in your apartment in that spot. Then, you can focus on slowly decluttering this corner day by day, and have the benefit of the rest of the apartment being freed up (this concept is originally from Apartment Therapy, called The Outbox).

In case you didn't stumble upon these yet, I'm just going to link a few other threads in this forum that might motivate or help you:
* http://unclutterer.com/discuss/topic/what-are-some-of-the-benefits-you-have-found-as-a-result-of-uncluttering -- people listing their uncluttering benefits, very motivating
* http://unclutterer.com/discuss/topic/finding-time-to-unclutter -- some great advice here about decluttering in babysteps and only few things/minutes at a time
* http://unclutterer.com/discuss/topic/tired-overwhelmed-overloaded-by-decluttering -- long thread, but in the first page there is great uncluttering advice when you're absolutely overwhelmed
* http://unclutterer.com/discuss/topic/a-thing-a-day-uncluttering-your-home-one-thing-at-a-time -- 365lessthings' decluttering challenge for one thing per day, which was initially discussed in http://unclutterer.com/discuss/topic/the-neil-armstrong-approach-to-uncluttering

Good luck :o)

Posted 2 years ago #
bandicoot
Member

chiwi, you've been given some great advice and links already, so i won't go over all that.
i just wanted to shout out some encouragement, and let you know that it can be conquered.
i lived in about 600 sq feet for ten years and it was a challenge, to say the least.
now i am rolling in luxury with around 1000 sq feet (lol), but it feels really good and very spacious, because i got rid of everything.
it took me a long time and i started with a lot of reading about voluntary simplicity.
you sound younger(?) and i think it is fantastic that you are self-aware enough already to know that the stuff-collecting has to cease.
it took me years to work that out.....it was all about acquisition back then.
and now i am all about....what is this really costing me? space, freedom, peace, eco-awareness, you name it.

i am on business in korea right now and today i had a free morning to walk around the famous itaewon area. it's stuffed full of bargain shopping. in three and a half hours strolling, i didn't see one thing that i wanted badly enough to drag home.
this was unimaginable to me a couple of years ago.

anyway...i wish you the very best with your decluttering adventure.
sounds like the first thing you need to do is replace that little shopping buzz with something else.

Posted 2 years ago #
JuliaJayne
Member

Chiwi, you have been given excellent advice.

I can't add much except that conquering this problem will help make you a stronger person and it will make you feel better than the rush you get from impulse shopping.

Posted 2 years ago #
bandicoot
Member

o and i wanted to add: stop beating yourself up over the money you have spent.
it's gone and done.
dwelling on it in a negative way is very damaging and counter productive.
sure, add it up and look at the figure for a while.
think of the experiences that money could have bought you.
now, leave that behind you. it's over. EVERBODY has made foolish purchases or wasted some money at some stage. you aren't the only one.
what matters now, is what you do next.

Posted 2 years ago #
klutzgrrl
Member

were you reading "Your Money Or Your Life", chiwi? There's an exercise in that where you're supposed to work out how much you've earned and how much you've spent... I couldn't do it, I don't want to know. I could probably have been a millionaire... I think that's the whole point of the thing actually, so you know how much potential you have.

Anyway... yeah, don't beat yourself up over it. As Maya Angelou says, "when I knew better, I did better". Time to move forward!

Posted 2 years ago #
Lori Paximadis
Member

chiwi, you can do this.

We've *all* spent way too much on useless stuff -- heck, I still come across something once a week that makes me wonder why I bought it. You really can't beat yourself up about it. What's done is done, and what's important is the here and now and the future.

When I was in my first grownup job and trying to get a handle on my meager finances, the best thing I did was get militant about keeping track of and categorizing every penny I spent. (Back in those days, we had pen and paper, but these days you can use a simple spreadsheet or spend the money for Quicken or Mint or something like that, if you like.) For me, it's a control thing. Being able to see it all laid out like that let me see that I had more than I thought I did, because so much was going for stuff I didn't really need. I set myself a limit on "fun" purchases each month, and when that money was spent, that was it until the next month. It became almost like a game, figuring out what I'd spend my "allowance" on (dinner out? books? a new sweater?). But weirdly, I started to get more of a thrill out of watching the credit card balances go down and the savings grow than I ever did out of buying things.

It sounds like you are ready to change the way you relate to stuff, and you've found some great support here. Good luck!

Posted 2 years ago #
trillie
Member

PS. Two more links here, I forgot to paste them before and just noticed:
* http://zenhabits.net/golden-money-list/ -- A lot of links to posts on how to monitor your shopping, or how to get out of debt. Maybe there are one or two posts that appeal to you
* http://unclutterer.com/2009/09/02/are-you-shopping-for-chaos/ -- three more tips to bridle the shopping urge

Posted 2 years ago #
chacha1
Member

Welcome, chiwi, you have gotten a ton of great advice already. Asking for help is the first step to recovery! :-)

Re: craft supplies - I did not see anyone else mention this so I will. I am a crafter too, and gave away tons of supplies to my sister when she was teaching middle-school art classes with a $300/yr budget. But I still have quite a lot of stuff I don't have plans to use.

What I've decided to do with it is portion it and package it, and sell it in a "supplies" store on Etsy.com after I get my jewelry & art stores open. I don't plan to be a long-term reseller, but since I do plan to continue making jewelry and art long-term, adding the supplies store till my stock runs out will be simple.

Anyway, something to consider ... as you get a handle on your stuff you may find your creativity is reawakened, and as you spend time making things you may be less inclined to spend time buying things. Good luck!

Posted 2 years ago #
chiwi
Member

WOW! i didn't think i'd get so much advice. everyone's comments are amazing, thank you! i'm feeling better already. :)

@artgal - i love your tip about spending only what i sell from clutter. it would take time selling everything, and i don't think i'd get much money since it's cheap stuff, but the self-discipline would be worth it!

@mrs.mack - you're absolutely right about envisioning what kind of home i want. i have magazine pictures i've ripped out just b/c i liked the photo. i oogle over them, then i look up and see my place and it's a different story LOL.

@365lessthings - omg the story of stuff is amazing. i had no idea the influence tv had on us. i'm cancelling my magazine subscriptions today - no more temptations for me. love your site too!

@trillie - haha i tried the swapping wallets idea today. DH and i went to the dollar store for household stuff and i found things i wanted. i had to tell him why i wanted ____ and what i'd use the item for. saying my reasons OUT LOUD didn't sound so great. IMO they were unreasonable since i have too many knick knacks already *in boxes* stacked everywhere. i realized a lot during that moment and didn't buy anything!! i'm so happy!! :D

@bandicoot - yes, you're right - i'm 22. i've realized today that the "cute" purchases were transitional behavior (ie teens buy everything, adults buy for necessity). i have plenty of boxes from my teen years which i no longer have attachments to so decluttering should be easy. i think everything i've accumulated since was just for the sake of buying?

@juliajayne - thank you for the sweet encouragement! :)

@klutzgrrl - hehe i've never heard of that book and i don't think i want to read it LOL.

@lori paximadis - i am SO doing the "allowance", thank you! maybe my spending has to do with self-esteem issues too? for instance i'll spend $20 easy at the dollar store but then i'll dream over the $20 top at the department store wishing i could have it. of course i never get around to buying it because i think it's "too expensive". maybe it's the quantity vs. quality i'm having trouble with? you've given me a lot to think about. :)

@chacha1 - i'm addicted to etsy! i've sold a couple things thanks to my aunt listing them for me. didn't think about destashing my supplies but i'm gonna do it now. *big grin*

Posted 2 years ago #
bandicoot
Member

i wish i'd been thinking like you at age 22!

another etsy addict here.
i both sell and buy there.
these days, if i want something, i want it to be handmade by a real person.
just because i have less of everything doesn't mean the quality has to suffer!
good luck on etsy; it's a friendly and fast-moving community.

Posted 2 years ago #
Sky
Member

We've all been there so go easy on yourself. It does take time to declutter and get our space the way we want it. First, you have to visualize what you want and work toward it. One step at a time.

I am mostly decluttered but still find stuff to donate or throw in the trash. Not sure where it all comes from!

It is hard to resist all the pretty things to buy. TV, magazines and stores are real pros at marketing and making us desire whatever they have. I am so much better at avoiding the urge to buy because I love my free space and lack of knic-knacs but sometimes I give in and usually end up returning it the next day. It's a process that takes time.

The best of luck to you!

Posted 2 years ago #
Nina
Member

You've allready got a lot of great tips here but here are a few more things I can think of:
-try to go on a spending fast for a few weeks. There are a few blogs out there that have done that and now do it again all the time. For instance: http://heart-of-light.blogspot.com/search/label/shopping

It doesnt tell you not to ever buy anything ever again but just to stop buying things (you don't absolutly need like food) for a few weeks. I kind of did this myself for a while because we were trying to save money and I have to say that in a way it felt freeing not to even have to look for things anymore that I could buy. Because for me the easiest way not to buy things I don't need is not to look in the first place.

Another thing that can help, especially if you feel your place is cluttered and you don't really have any space to put things is to know EXACTLY where you will put what you have bought BEFORE you buy something. So if you want to buy something for the kitchen but there is no place either dont buy it or make room (and maybe get rid of something you realize you havent been using) before you buy it.

One more point it regards to your crafting supplies: don't feel guilty about giving them away or selling them if you never really got into that hobby or if you lost interest. For me I find that sometimes the biggest hurdle for me to get rid of something is feeling guilty about getting rid of things I once wanted (or told myself I wanted). But living in a nice and calm environment is much more important (and rewarding day by day) then that inital hurdle you have to jump before you can get rid of something.

Also, dont spend too much time trying to sell things you might get only a few dollars for. There is a post somewhere about "what to sell on e-bay" and my rule for this is if it will sell for less then 10$ it's not worth the time and hassle of selling it. This number might be different for you but for me getting rid of things that clutter up my home is a reward in itself that far outways a few dollars I might make selling something.

Good luck and let us know how you're doing!

Posted 2 years ago #
trillie
Member

First of all, yay for all these great comments, I love the internet and the Unclutterer forum. Yay for your yard sale idea, and also: yay for the wallet swap! I told you, it's really rather ridiculous, but ridiculously effective. *drum roll* And in the Advanced class, we will learn to prepare a fun and senseless speech -- 'of course I need this new wok, as a fashionable hat it matches my new shoes and I will honestly wear it ALL THE TIME' -- while shopping so we can snag our wallets back while our shopping buddy is rolling on the floor laughing ;o)

Posted 2 years ago #
RebeccaL
Member

How does shopping fit into your life/how can you avoid stores? Example: I worked part-time at crate & barrel for several years, and (in addition to spending most of my pay check at the store!), I would shop in the mall before my shifts. Now that I'm not at a mall 2-4 times a week, it's a planned trip- I'm at a mall maybe once a month, usually with a specific list, and my shopping has gotten under control (yes I need new underwear, but no I don't need that sweater).

Are the dollar stores on your way to classes, or near the grocery store, for example? Can you change your route to avoid them?

Posted 2 years ago #
Meg
Member

chiwi- I totally know how you feel about your clutter/spending situation. Reading your post was like reading my own situation. Ugh- just thinking about the money I have wasted makes me sick to my stomach. I agree with others though- it is best to not focus on the past but rather look forward. I am also in my early twenties and am SO happy I found this forum now. If there is a good time to make a serious change, this is it!

You've gotten great advice so far. I think all I can say is hang in there! You're not alone in this- so many people have been in your situation including myself.

Good luck! Let us know how it goes. I also like it when people post before and after pictures of their space- so inspiring.

Posted 2 years ago #
SunshineR
Member

Chiwi, hi and welcome! I love dollar stores, too....maybe because i can buy more items for less????
Lots of great advice in the forum. Maybe try putting part of the money you would usually spend at the dollar store towards saving for something you'd like to have someday, like travel, furniture, etc??? Let us know how you're doing.

Posted 1 year ago #

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