Hello, new & desperate! I want to start & need to change but feel completely overwhelmed! I am a mommy of 3, stay at home, since my job was eliminated 4 yrs. ago. I have always worked f/t. I have always tended to shop alot & save things, my mom did/does too. When I lost my job I began selling on Ebay to have an income. You guessed it things piled up everywhere as I saved all the kids clothes to sell, shopped at thrift stores & brought more home. My garage is full to the ceiling, I am serious. I have a trailer that I bought to hold stuff, you guessed it full! Then theres the normal inside family stuff too, clothes, toys, misc. I cannot just get rid of it as we desperately need the money but feel so overwhelmed I never start, dont even know how to start. It is literally suffocating my poor family. I used to decorate my home all the time but with all the crap no matter what its ugly so I stopped trying! I do keep the house CLEAN as I am not a "dirty" person. The garage & trailer are way too intimidating to start so I usually try inside. If I do manage to start I always get mad & stop. If I am sorting clothes/toys for example it is easy to get rid of whats to small, torn, stained, or just dont plain like it stuff but the problem begins when thats done & theres still tons of stuff. I think how do I get rid of toys taht he still likes, why should I get rid of brand new clothes that still fit him. The clutter is causing my husband to drift away from me,we fight all the time. The guilt I feel with my kids is horrible. Any advice, suggestions, help would be very much appreciated! BTW MY KIDS AGES ARE 13, 6,5...all just turning those ages this month.
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Posted 11 months ago #
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Welcome wannabfree.
I feel overwhelmed reading your story. My girlfriend just mentioned she was going to gather up things to sell at the swap meet because she hates clutter and feels choked by it. I feel stifled by clutter too and relate to your saying your stuff is suffocating. It really does box you in and enslave you. Argh!
Sometimes people start to hold on to things after a trauma like losing their job or other extreme stress.
I would recommend:
-1. Reading a book, perhaps borrowed from the library: _Buried in Treasures_
-2. Doing ATAD (A Thing A Day - a thread on this site where you let go of a thing or more a day - it keeps one on track - everything got there one thing at a time so it can leave one thing at a time too)
-3. Would selling at a swap meet or garage sale work for you?Good luck.
Posted 11 months ago # -
You've come to the right place, wannabefree. You can deal with this! The first thing you can do that will make your life easier going forward is to stop buying things. This will help you to address what you have. Set a specific time period and commit to only buying necessities like food and toiletries for that time. A month is good, a week or even a couple of days is okay if you can't handle that much time.
Is selling on EBay something that you actually want for yourself, separate from the need for an income? If you don't want to stick with Ebay, then NTCH's suggestions are spot-on. If a single clear out like a flea market or garage sale doesn't work for you, you can also try Drop Ship by Amazon to sell your items in lots. It requires a small fee to store your stuff before shipment but if you're selling an awful lot, then you should make that money back and more. An appraiser may be able to help you if you have any specialty items like antiques.
Posted 11 months ago # -
First and most important: Stop shopping except for essentials. If you can't do that then nothing is ever going to change.
Next, start picking out those ugly things. If they are still in good condition, fill up your car and take it to charity. Have the 13 year old take care of the little ones while you are gone. Come home and do it again, and again and again. Do it every day. If you are actively selling on ebay with good results, save only those things that are higher in value, (at least $20?, $50?) and that will sell.
As they say... the only way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time.
If you still need the money after you have stopped shopping, look for a part time job. All your kids should be in school in fall, right? It's not impossible to find a job that can work around your kids schedule.
Posted 11 months ago # -
My suggestion is extreme, but I think that you should get rid of almost all of it. I know you mentioned that you need the money, but if it's so overwhelming that you can't go through the stuff to figure out what to sell then you're not making money anyway. I would start with a clean slate, or stick to selling one type of item on eBay. For example, if a large amount of the items that you own are clothing, sell clothes on eBay and change your eBay username to reflect what you sell. You will get more repeat customers this way and it will also let you focus (in the future) on a specific type of item to sell.
Right now you are very overwhelmed and the money isn't coming in BECAUSE you're overwhelmed (which is understandable). Eliminate the biggest problem, which is "the stuff". That's just my suggestion! Best of luck to you - let us know how things work out!
Posted 11 months ago # -
I am sympathetic to your story, wannabfree, and I wish you the best of luck in solving the problem. Please do not feel offended by my comments; I am just tossing out ideas.
I agree with themusiclivez. Get rid of the stuff. Have a garage sale, donate it, trash it, whatever. Just get rid of it. If you need the money, sell the trailer once it is empty.
Posted 11 months ago # -
@JayEff - The garage sale is a great idea!
Posted 11 months ago # -
Hi, Wannabfree -- I have a suggestion regarding the anger. When you're trying to unclutter and feel yourself getting angry, take a deep breath and as you release it imagine the negative feelings sliding off and falling to the floor.
Then do one more thing before you stop. Just one. That'll be one less thing to deal with later.
Also check out the "Thing a day challenge" thread, and encourage yourself (and us, too!) by reporting on something you decluttered during the day.
Posted 11 months ago # -
I definately have stopped shopping, for a long while now! That just automatically happened when I was sick of the stuff. it was my only way of feeling like I was doing something about the problem. Heres my Ebay weird thing...I was doing it for a couple years + and doing good but then for some super strange reason could no loger make myself do it, it was like some super strong force was not even allowing me to log in, not even sure why?
Irulan..selling on Ebay was for the income only. We were always a 2 income family and need to be.
Juliajayne...I definately intend on looking for at least a part time job when school starts up again as my last "little one" will start kindergarten in the fall & they will all be in school then.
Overwhelmed is the best word I would use at this point to describe how I feel:)
It is really 2 clutter issues, the Ebay stuff & the family stuff. I think I probably have a bit of hoarding tendencies:( not weird ones like keeping garbage or extreme stuff everywhere but definately issues. Its so weird too because I am a pretty good & consistent cleaner, like moping, dusting, scrubbing I just cant get rid of things.
I am thinking about Craiglist maybe for stuff and maybe a consignment place for the clothes. The clothes are all designer kids clothes, no junk. I know ebay would be the place to make the most money & sell the fastest but it just seemed to be so time consuming with all the pictures, listing, packing and shipping & picky people!Posted 11 months ago # -
wannabfree, I would suggest reading a book to help you get started. That's always helped for me. I just read "Clutter Busting" by Brooks Palmer and it was great. "Clear Your Clutter with Feng Shui" was what got me started originally. There is something about reading stories of people getting rid of things that were once important to them but were holding them back that is very inspiring. You read it and you think, "I want that for me!" It becomes easier to let things go. Brooks Palmer also has a website- http://brooks-palmer.blogspot.com/
Personally I think that once you get going on clearing that clutter, your financial situation will start to improve, and not because of any income generated from selling it. I think you will just have more energy and more clarity.
Your marriage and your family is worth far more than that clutter.
My best advice I think is to just start. Even if you are just dealing with one thing at a time at first. You will develop momentum when you see the benefits of getting rid of the stuff and things will go faster over time. Go easy on yourself. Address the low hanging fruit first. If you don't like ebay, don't force yourself to do it.
In "Clutter Busting", Brooks Palmer addresses the issue of clutter that has monetary value. Personally I think this is some of the most difficult clutter to deal with, but he really has some very good points. Even if you were able to sell some of your things on ebay, what would be your hourly wage? Would it be more than you could make at another job that you might enjoy more?
Good luck and keep us posted :)
Posted 11 months ago # -
wannabfree, is your husband willing to help you? Can you explain to him how much you want to change things, but could use his help?
Posted 11 months ago # -
wannabfree: You are among understanding friends here. I suffer from feelings of "overwhelm" too. But I know we can find the path to freedom from too much stuff. (It's under there somewhere, lol!) I'm also a big fan of Brooks Palmer for helping me get through those overwhelming feelings. His blog post today is especially spot-on for folks like us. Here it is:
http://brooks-palmer.blogspot.com/2011/06/one-thing-at-time.html
Posted 11 months ago # -
I'm going to read that book per your recommendation Ella - thank you!
Posted 11 months ago # -
I am definately going to check out that blog & book~thanks so much! As for my hubby thats a yes & a no. He used to be more helpful/understanding but now isnt to much of either! If he starts to sort with me he gets irritated...its all your stuff or if I dont get rid of what he thinks I should then we end up fighting. It is too bad because I really could use a partner but maybe he is more harm than help. You guys are great I am definately in the right place:)
Posted 11 months ago # -
So I just read only 1 page of the blog and wow it is so me! I want instant change. When I diet I get mad if I do not instantly loose 50 pounds. When I start to think about getting rid of or decluttering I think it would take 5 yrs to get this place done, 2 alone in the garage & then quit. That is my 1st mental block.
Posted 11 months ago # -
wannabefree....you can be free but it will take time and hard work.
I recommend you start with the trash. Grab a trash bag and go around your house, and fill it up with what you know is pure trash. Papers, magazines, newspapers, you get the picture.
Then, start with drawers, closets, cabinets, etc. Take out what you don't want. Get it out of your house. Get your children involved, they can be a big help. You can't organize clutter so get rid of the excess first. It can go fast or slow but it sounds like you need to go fast for yourself and your husband. Make quick decisions and let it go. Unless you can make good money on ebay or craigslist, it is more trouble than it's worth. Your sanity is far more valuable than a few bucks.
It is hard to part with new things you paid good money for but you will feel so much better if you declutter. Clothes, dishes, knic-knacs, toys, books, you name it. LESS IS MORE! It's all just stuff and if it's making you and your family unhappy get rid of it.
The trailer and garage sound overwhelming but you can do it, one box at a time.
Hang in there, you can do this! You have great support on this forum. Keep us informed how it's going.If I lived nearby, I'd come over and help you.
Posted 11 months ago # -
Wannabefree, you have already made a great start by stopping the shopping! That's half the battle.
The other half is actually getting rid of stuff. You might like FlyLady - her program is basically geared to stay at home moms, I started it when I was one. Just make a separate free email address for her reminder emails (hotmail, yahoo, myway, whatever) so they don't overwhelm your regular email inbox.
One option to think about is a local Ebay selling service, like this one - http://www.pickup2sell.com/ that takes your stuff on consignment and sells it for you. You might also do well having an estate sale company come out and look at the trailer and garage. My folks had an estate sale when they downsized, and a separate-from-the-house storage unit is a great candidate for one if you know it's full of things you intended to Ebay anyway, because you don't have to separate out the things you intend to keep.
Posted 11 months ago # -
Take it one moment at a time and savor the smallest changes. I'm still not 100% happy with the state of my apartment (I'd say only the office I tidy and the bedroom my wife picks up) and I've been striving to unclutter for about two years now!
Posted 11 months ago # -
I, too, can lack patience and got overwhelmed. A Thing A Day (ATAD) has really helped me -- so has 15 minutes a day. It helped me realize that I can chip away at stuff and then one day wake up -- and it's done. When I look at the entire mess that seems impossible.
Good luck to you. The most important thing to do is to start.
Posted 11 months ago # -
Welcome, wannabfree! You're in the right place for lots of help and support.
It sounds like you're feeling overwhelmed. One way to approach that is by dealing with only one small spot at a time: one drawer, one shelf, one box. When you've finished that, take a little break (or not) and move on to the next. For me, it's a lot easier to break a humungous project down into little bitty projects and deal with only what's in front of me than it is to stare at the nebulous giant mountain and feel like it's going to bend over and chomp on me and spit me out.
If visual records of your progress motivate you, consider making a notebook or chart and giving yourself a literal gold star (or a smiley face, or whatever works) for every unit you deal with.
What also works for me is not trying to get it perfect the first time. I call it working in layers. Go through everything once and get rid of the obvious toss/donate/sell. Then, later, go through what you've kept again, looking for more. Repeat as many times as you need. You might find that once you've gotten rid of the obvious, it's easier to get rid of other stuff, too.
Posted 11 months ago #
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