Yes, just don't tell them about it. Here's what happened to us:
Hubby's parents were moving to a smaller home after all kids grew up and left. They had a garage sale. Hubby's Mom brought over some "treasures" that didn't sell, including a HUGE brass circular wall piece with a relief of a German bar scene. It was so horribly ugly. A few months later our neighbors had a garage sale, I put a tag on the thing and sold it for $3. Hubby told his parents and they got mad at me for selling the wonderful family treasure they were generous enough to pass down to us.
Overall Rating: 2 votes
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Posted 2 months ago #
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Did you ground Hubby?
Posted 2 months ago # -
All you should have asked them is: If it's so wonderful, why didnt they keep it in the first place?
Posted 2 months ago # -
I like the garage sale idea. I too would find selling the stuff more of a hassle unless I really needed the money. I have to get rid of stuff when the mood is on me or it stays around too long. :)
Posted 2 months ago # -
was the big brass thing something they tried to sell and couldn't? like someone else said, i would have told them if they liked it so much that they got angry b/c you got rid of it than they should have kept it.
Posted 2 months ago # -
Maybe those who feel you should keep the items are those who are emotionally tied to possessions. Sometimes people are not ready to "let go" of their belongings.
I had a client who was a hoarder. Her family cleared out her home and moved her to a nice apartment. When I went to assist with the unpacking (and also with some final uncluttering), I asked her to tell me why she held on to so many things. She told me she had grown up during the depression and her family was poor. She had very little and everything was saved and used. As she grew older and acquired possessions, she continued to save everything that came into her house. This included plastic food bags, newspapers, jars, you name it, she had it. Her final observation was that it made her feel secure to have all these things around her...it meant she was not poor anymore.
So without realizing it, you may be stirring up all sorts of unconscious or imprinted behavior that others have.
Bottom line, however, is that it's not your issue...it's theirs...so keep uncluttering!
Posted 1 month ago # -
Carmel, stay with it. You'll find plenty of POSITIVE responses to your declutter talk here. We've all been there, done that and would have the t-shirt if we hadn't decluttered it or recycled it for cleaning rags. :D
Posted 1 month ago # -
A lot of people have trouble with getting rid of things. I would even say that hanging onto things is a default behaviour and we need to learn to discard so much simply because stuff is so plentiful these days, inexpensive and expected. Add sentimentality to that and a false sense of being frugal and a large percentage of people are not going to be supportive when they hear other's being so 'reckless' with their resources. It threatens the excuses people have to hang onto stuff that limits the use of their homes and bogs them down in yesterdays and tomorrows.
Posted 1 month ago # -
ozazure, that was wonderfully expressed.
yes, i think you are right about the default behaviour being to hang onto stuff!
i've never considered that before.Posted 1 month ago # -
So, I have a bit of an update. I was motivated to get rid of the china and a buffet because I purchased a dining room table. I didn’t have any place to sit down for a meal or play a game of cards with friends. I posted some items on craigslist and sold the buffet that I was storing the china in. I boxed up the china and also tried to sell it on craigslist. I had a few people interested in it but no one followed through.
When the china didn’t sell after two weeks, I decided it was time to take it to be donated. Plus, the table was being delivered the next day. Well, I made a huge mistake. I asked a friend to help me. You know what’s coming, don’t you? She offered to try to sell it for me on craigslist and loaded it into her car! I told her she could take it to be donated anytime. But, now it’s sitting in her garage. We did post the craigslist ad, but it hasn’t sold yet.
I was weak! I realize now I should have insisted we take it to be donated. I understand all is not lost, as now I can enjoy my dining room free of stuff and with plenty of room to move around the table. When will I learn not to bring other people into my decluttering? It definitely stirs up emotions for people – even when it’s not their sentimental clutter.
Ozazure, I found your comments very helpful. I can see that it is a “default behavior” for many people, myself included.
Posted 1 month ago # -
carmel, find time to go to your friend's, pick up the china, and donate it. Otherwise, it is an "incomplete" in your life and will lurk either in your conscious or subconsciousness until you complete this task.
Posted 1 month ago # -
I agree, I have 9 totes full of mostly barbie stuff sitting in my brothers basement that I have no place for, that I would really like to be rid of, It's going to bother me till I am able to get rid of them. They will more than likely end up staying there if my mom finds out I don't want them anymore. She will insist on keeping all of it for when I have kids(which isn't happening) and then just leave it in his basement forever.
Posted 1 month ago # -
Well done Carmel for making progress. I agree, get in there and get it donated.
Remind your friend that while getting 'something' for it would be nice, you aren't on the breadline and somebody will benefit from it. Even if they sell it on Ebay, if that's how they make an income, good luck to them!
I loved AJ's comment: "We've all been there, done that and would have the t-shirt if we hadn't decluttered it or recycled it for cleaning rags." ..lol!
Posted 1 month ago # -
Carmel, that sort of thing happens quite often to me. There are quite a few items that have never made it out of my house because my boyfriend said he'd use them, or boxes sitting in friends houses, waiting to be looked through.
My philosophy is that if they agreed to deal with it, it's no longer my problem. I don't worry endlessly about whether the charity shop has sold the things i brought in, and i keep it the same with those sort of things. It's in someone elses hands.
As far as i see it, your friend has been instructed what to do with the china, sold or unsold. It needn't worry you anymore.Posted 1 month ago # -
One final update: the china sold on craigslist and the buyer has picked it up. What a relief. I also gave away a couple of items on freecycle. I feel like a chapter in my life has finally been closed. I had friends over for dinner and games last Saturday. We sat at my new dining room table & chairs. My home is coming together with only things I choose to have in it.
Posted 3 weeks ago # -
carmel....that's great! Our homes should only be what we need and love. Good for you.
Posted 3 weeks ago # -
Carmel: "My home is coming together with only things I choose to have in it."
YAY!
Coming late to the conversation, but I would like to add one note: My mother always had huge cartons of stuff labeled "mementoes" that languished in the storage rooms and basement of our house. Guess how often these "mementoes" got looked at? Later on in my adult life, as I began to unclutter my life--a years-long process, by the way, layer by layer by layer--the memory of those "mementoes" cartons helped me to weed out stuff that I never really would use again.
Another idea that helped was learning the concept of living in the present moment, rather than clinging to the past. Of course I keep some pleasant memories of the past, photos and a *few* "memento" items, but I don't *live* in the past.
Congratulations on getting past the hurdle of other people's "good" intentions and setting the priorities that are YOURS.
Posted 3 weeks ago # -
Hooray, carmel! Thank you for the update. Great to see you're feeling relieved and that you are having friends over! :o)
Posted 2 weeks ago # -
Congrats on the sale of the china! Last week I donated a box someone had given to me as a gift (low value and not my style) as well as gave back two boxes of china a client had suggested I sell. I got some pricing and realized it was not worth my time and work, the payoff was too low. She can now make the decision of whether or not to sell, keep, donate, or gift it. The key point is that three boxes of china are no longer sitting on my living room floor! Yippee!
Posted 2 weeks ago # -
I have a dear friend whose life is incalculably complicated by clutter ... she hates it but she loves it, you know? ... and she always tries to talk me out of getting rid of things. I told her if I didn't get back to playing the piano this year, I'm going to sell it, and she just had a fit!
Posted 1 week ago #
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