my number one goal is to enjoy myself, have fun, be happy.
i cannot imagine getting to the end of a year and saying, well, i ticked off everything on my to do list, i got a LOT done, but god i feel stressed and miserable.
really....why are we even alive?
i think you've got the right approach, ella.
i am all for setting myself up to win....it feels so much better!
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Posted 4 months ago #
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I woke up early, all the Christmas break sloth is having an effect, soon to be messed up by a very late night/early morning.
I have expanded the goal list and have fun stuff scheduled for the next three months. I nominated the things that are bothering me the most for January as the months goals, but I'll wait until next year to start them.
One more day of relative inactivity to go!Posted 4 months ago # -
I've found myself very much at ease with the things I've planned, because for the first time ever I already know when I'll get to an area of the house the next time and even if I don't have the energy to do something perfectly, like I was supposed to in the past, I'll cover the "missing" part in six months. The headstart I got on the walk-in closet was a very good experience due to this; I kept staying positive about the deep cleaning and reminded myself more than once that I'll see the back of those Antoniuses again very soon. Actually I had a lot of fun killing the dust bunnies!
Since ATAD will roll with the half-yearly cleaning, I'll get to purging soon enough again and I can drop the feeling of desperation entirely. I believe I'm on to something here and it was such a good idea to try tweaking this year's experience of establishing a rhythm at home instead of just sticking with it because "that's what one does". The key to not stressing is as we all know to learn to listen to oneself better, but even if it's very logical and simple I personally still struggle with when to say yes or no.
I've been thinking of what fun experiences DH and I can have in the coming six months and have already a nice little list written. It contains some of my bucket list and if we are to strengthen what was broken, we need good experiences.
It also hit me that I should have some rewards for being good, productive. Haven't figured out yet what I want, but I'll try to think of experiences rather than stuff.
Posted 4 months ago # -
ninakk - I hear that having rewards is helpful, but that has never worked for me. In 2012, I am taking the approach that "the thing is its own reward". In other words, trying to change my mindset so that I am grateful for the opportunities to clean/eat healthy/exercise/whatever. (Not sure yet if it will work - but I feel like it will.)
Posted 4 months ago # -
sleppykitten: I agree that *random* rewards have never worked for me -- rewards that are not tied into the achievement itself (as in lose 10 pounds, get a manicure.) What HAS worked are "contingent" rewards -- having completed this, it now makes sense to reward myself with that (as in lose 10 pounds, it now and only now makes sense to buy a new pair of jeans, or now that I've pruned my wardrobe and organized the closet it then and only then does it makes sense to purchase new clothing.) In a way, the reward (for me) only works if it is the logical conclusion of the achievement -- sort of a bonus.
Posted 4 months ago # -
I've never found rewards to work for me either ... primarily because if I reaaally want the manicure (or dinner out with friends, or new book, or ...) I won't force myself to wait for the goal to be reached to get it. Actually, I think I had better luck with the idea (can't remember which time management system I got the idea from) with scheduling my fun stuff in, doing it first, and then getting to work on my goal task.
I've been so inspired watching you all plan your yearly/quarterly/monthly goals, and have been trying to figure out what mine might be, but I feel too unfocused yet to pin myself down. And I have questions. Do I pick the most important stuff to get done, even if I might have more resistance to it? Do I pick the easiest stuff, even though it won't have as much effect and therefore less motivational impact? How do I plan around special events coming up (my ordination in January, my vacation in February)? How would I keep track of the goals, on paper, on computer (keeping in mind that I just decluttered my fridge of an outside/gardening to do list that didn't get touched this past summer)? Then there's the issue of how much to tackle at once ...
Sigh. Much as I really love the idea of setting monthly goals, I'm suspecting that I'm just not there yet. I have always been so good at procrastinating, and I often have such strong issues of resistance, that I think I'm going to stick with what's working right now. Which is to say that I have to keep working at the clutter and organization and routines - nibbling at things, chipping away at them, going with the flow when I have lots of motivation and energy. If I have a specific task in mind but start to feel resistant, I say to myself "Ok, but you have to do *something* - what CAN you do right now then?"
Hey, maybe that IS my monthly goal for January. Just, every day, "you have to do *something*." ATAD, FATAD, take a trip to the donation drop off, fill up the recycling bin, deep clean something, deal with a financial task, etc. Very non-specific, but committing myself to forward progress every day.
Posted 4 months ago # -
@PJ - my only goal for the last few months of '11 was simply "do something nice for the house everyday". sometimes that was a decluttering binge, other times it was hanging a picture on the wall, or just plain doing the dishes before bed. whatever i had the motivation and time for. it was so much more successful than really specific goals and put me in a much more positive place overall. i say give it a try and let us know how it works in month :-)
Posted 4 months ago # -
grey -- that's pretty much what I have been doing for the past few months -- just keep doing what I've been doing, +1. One small improvement every day.
PJ: you have a lot going on over the next few months -- a culmination of a long process -- that's the achievement of a goal in itself! Enjoy it. I think goals sort of emerge from our dissatisfactions and it doesn't make sense (to me) to invent goals for the sake of having them. Perhaps your goal for the next few months is to celebrate.
Posted 4 months ago # -
@grey and @SIT, it's nice to know that strategy also works for others. That strengthens my resolve that it's the right way for me to approach things over the next little while. Over the last couple of years, I've gone through cycles of working at the house, sometimes tackling a closet thoroughly, other times doing rough sorting of papers on desk and counters, etc. I *know* that all those efforts contributed to where I am today, but at the time, they always just seemed like a drop in the bucket, and I would get discouraged when I looked around the rest of the house.
Thanks for the encouragement, SIT. I do want to celebrate this sort of final stage in a long process (you could consider finishing my "curacy" in 1 1/2 years and moving to my own parish as the final final stage). But I am too ... anxious for change, I think, to just rest in that. You said "goals sort of emerge from our dissatisfactions and it doesn't make sense (to me) to invent goals for the sake of having them." My problem is that I have too many dissatisfactions! Clutter, cleaning, money, even taking care of my own health needs (I really need new glasses, and new orthotics too, although that will have to wait until my foot heals). Since I can't seem to narrow it down I think it will continue to work for me to just do what presents itself to me as either urgent or easily doable each day.
I'm sure that my friends think my house just needs "a good spring cleaning" but it's much more than that. They see only the surface stuff, which could be dealt with quickly through sheer ruthlessness - declaring clutter bankruptcy, if you will, throwing it all out. But beyond the surface there are the unfinished projects, the at-capacity storage, and perhaps most importantly, the lack of good routines.
Sorry for the downer. New Year's often brings out the dissatisfaction in me. But really, for the first time in several years, I'm coming into New Year's not happy with the way I live my life but seeing the possibility, no, the probability, the opportunity, the reality of things becoming so much better over the coming months.
Posted 4 months ago # -
PJ: I could have written that myself! I'm good at coming up with stuff I 'should' do, then even better at forgetting/procrastinating/just not wanting to do it :) I have to wait till I'm in the mood for certain things, or till I'm just so fed up of looking at something that I feel compelled to act! I do find ATAD and FATAD helpful though, I feel guilty if I don't post there a few times a week, if not every single day. Maybe just start off small :) I'm still not sure on my goals for next year yet, and it's almost here... I'm thinking about different areas. My garden needs some attention, I need to have decking put round dh's office and fix the grass. My bedroom is still a work in progress which requires a few days' work. Then there are the self improvement goals, the career goals, so many ideas. I need to think about it more.
Posted 4 months ago # -
would it be redundant or off topic to start a new thread listing the "one nice thing" we did each day?
Posted 4 months ago # -
grey, i think one nice thing is a lovely idea for a topic!
i believe that our homes are our third layer (skin, clothing, housing) and that we all deserve somewhere comfortable, clean, and aesthetically-pleasing (however each of us defines that) to live.
this all takes effort, of course.
when i do anything positive to my immediate environment, i know that it is doing something positive for myself.Posted 4 months ago #
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