On a tangent of the "how to get things done when routine/schedule is impossible"
I've wondered how you get anything done when not well. That has been the case for me off and on for the past 4 years. You'd think i could catch up when i am well, and prepare for times when i am not well, but somehow that is just not working for me.
In the past, when kiddo was small i just had to get up and do the absolute minimum and managed, but now that kind of outside pressure is gone and nothing gets done.
Any advice? ...and if you are in this situation, how do you do it?
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Posted 5 months ago #
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it's a good question, conny.
i spent part of this year in a wheelchair.
it is the first time in my life i have experienced disability/mobility issues/the tiring business of healing.
i was incredibly fortunate to have help. and to have already spent more than a year decluttering. ....it made things a lot easier and simpler than if i had broken my leg the year before!
it did occur to me several times that my situation was temporary, but what if it wasn't?i think the key is to simplify as much as possible.
strip your stuff and your commitments down to the bare minimum and then add back only what you can happily ...and easily...manage.
i don't believe that life is supposed to be a struggle.
we all have different capabilities and abilities, so the trick is to tailor things so that they suit you.i see "stuff" as such a burden these days.
sure, it's lovely to have some nice stuff, but it can quickly become hard labour: paying for it, researching it, shopping for it, getting it home, insuring it, installing it, cleaning it, mending it, dusting it, maintaining it, then worrying about how best to dispose of it.
multiply those actions by every single item in your home and it all starts to feel a bit depressing and exhausting.i think looking after our health is our best investment.
for me, it takes priority over all.
be kind to yourself.
don't push yourself too hard...the decluttering or housework will wait.
but if you are choking on mould or dust, for example, that will not wait.disability can make life bloody difficult....but it is up to each of us to work out how to have the best life possible, given our circumstances.
and one more thing....all of this is a work in progress! you can start your beautiful life right now.
Posted 5 months ago # -
I agree with everything bandicoot said. I had knee replacement surgery 16 days ago so I am not quite well yet. My knee was very bad and keeping me from enjoying life as well as my daily chores and errands. Before the surgery, I cleaned and decluttered as much as I could because I knew I would be down for at least a month.
DH has been very helpful but I've been on my own during the day since the first week. It has been a challenge keeping up with food, laundry, 2 dogs and the minimum housework but would have been impossible if I had too much stuff to take care of.
Even when not well, we have to maintain some level of cleanliness and order and if you can't do it yourself, I suggest hiring someone or asking a friend or family member for help.
When you are feeling well do as much as you can to simplify your home. It will take time but be so worth it when you aren't feeling well.
I hope you get well soon!
Posted 5 months ago # -
My experience is more in the mental department. When experiencing a lot of psychological pressure and being off balance, not "oneself", I think the journey of decluttering becomes very black-and-white. It's either on or off, nothing in between, as it either provides a helpful structure around the daily, weekly, and monthly rhythms, or it might rather be perceived as something holding a person back, being too suffocating.
For me, when I was very much under stress, decluttering became a way to cleanse myself, to bring some fresh air in. If someone else perceives decluttering as the negative opposite, they should remember that this state of mind is only temporary; most of us manage to climb back up on the horse if not sooner then later and a break is okay.
Even seasoned declutterers face plateaus at some point and a break is the healthy option, not forcing results when there are none to be made.
Posted 5 months ago # -
This has been one of my biggest challenges in terms of time management. It hasn't been much of an issue in terms of physical decluttering because I live in a small space and I am not a big accumulator.
I have a mild but chronic health issue (persistent migraines) that frequently interferes with maintaining a daily schedule. I currently work from home and that eliminates the issue of absenteeism.
For both work and home tasks, what helps me (when anything can help at all) is external accountability. I write all of my tasks down in my planner. I log my work hours to calculate my actual hourly rate rather than the estimate provided by my company. I ask my husband to call me from work if I have an appointment or an important errand and I know that I won't be feeling well on the day that it occurs.
I really resonated with ninakk's observation that mental states can affect whether we perceive routines as a help or a hindrance.
Posted 5 months ago # -
I can't add much to this that has not already been said above, but one thought came to mind.
Several of my disabled friends (with various types of disabilities, it doesn't always have to be something obvious like being in a wheelchair) were able to get assistance from either gov't or private groups who will provide a few hours a week or a month to help with things like grocery shopping, basic cooking, a few loads of laundry, a drive to the Dr or whatever seems to be your biggest need. In these days of budget cutbacks it might be hard to get, but worth looking in to. Nearly everyone has paid into the system all their working lives, and there should be no reason not to take advantage of any of the help that is out there when you truly need it.
Posted 5 months ago # -
When I was in bad shape mentally and physically exhausted from stress and other issues, I found that if I had to get more things done than just getting to work and keeping myself/dogs fed, a goal of *one thing* worked well. It may have taken me 2 or more days to get that thing done, but it did eventually get done. I allowed myself to come home and do nothing but rest - the mental relief was incredible.
Routines were crucial for me. My must do routines were:
- laundry done/folded/put away every weekend (since my bed is my folding area, it's always folded/put away immediately).
- Grocery shopping on the weekend (list kept on the fridge, items written down immediately when I ran out of them).
- Mail could pile up during the week but had to be attended to by the end of the weekend to keep bills paid on time.
- and since I don't enjoy cooking, I also cooked and containered my breakfasts/lunches for work during the weekend, so that I just had to throw the containers into my lunch bag every morning. I don't mind eating leftovers or cooking my dinners.And that was it. No other routines, no other commitments. Just basic survival. Everything else could be ignored/piled up. I managed to keep working and take call just by doing this (it may not have been pretty sometimes at work or at home, but I and my coworkers survived). When clutter finally got to me, I would make my list and run them in for donation. Otherwise it all got ignored.
It took about 2 years to get through the worst of it. I did have patches where I felt better, and that's when I tackled the stuff that was really bugging me (the worst of the clutter out, etc). Now that I'm feeling much better, I'm tackling the smaller issues (expired cans in the pantry for example).
It's OK to not get stuff done, as long as basic survival needs get met. If you need help with those, get your family/friends involved. You don't have to do everything around the house!
Posted 5 months ago # -
Very inspiring and motivating replies. Am sure they will help many of us.
Thought back to how i managed the last bout of illness: I went from room to room and asked myself: what is the most important thing to do here?
When it came to schedules, who can relay/ pass on the info for me?Even though cell phones can be annoying, i am so glad they exist now. Quite a bit can be done with them (with fancier ones even more! hope to get an upgrade soon, mine is 5 years old :-/) from one's bedside or resting chair.
My problem still is the fog factor when not well (or as we age) : the feeling that there is something essential that needs to be done and forgetting what it was.
Combine that with not really wanting anyone come over - even though they've offered to help- because so much of maintenance did not get done, and it shows.
Posted 5 months ago # -
Hi I am disabled for most of my life. Declutterring is in the mind start by making paper bags and label keep giveaway sell etc.
Start closest to you physically. Work with a timer for 15 mins. You will feel that you have gotten a great deal done. Getting your life simplified will make everything go easier. One project you should make is a file of your health issues. Write up a note of of meds, Doctors procedures etc. This way you can hand a copy to medical staff.. I run a site involved in chronic pain. Women are treated badly by most. Doctors when your dealing with pain. Be assertive, get your info take a buddy with you on visits and don't allow any doctor. To tell you that they don't want to use painkillers for fear of addiction. I am sure many women who read this are their wits end dealing with fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, red etc. Many of us want desperately to organize and control our homes, because pain takes our control away.Posted 5 months ago # -
For me part of the obstacle when I am not well is the lack of motivation to make an effort. It sounds like you used to have an external motivator (small child) but don't now. Can you substitute one?
My husband (in the course of a different discussion) made a list of the things that make him feel loved, and having that has changed some of my priorities, so now I do more of the small things that make a big difference and don't worry so much about others. I am also trying to do this for myself - self-care is not a strength of mine but it can be a great booster.
For instance, when I had morning sickness, cleaning the toilet so it didn't smell when my head was in it (often) was on the top of my list. Or it can be making the bed and picking clothes up so you have a pleasant place to nap. Or meal-planning once a week so you don't have to think and work at it every day.
Because if you see tangible results that make you or a loved one feel good there is a reason to keep going. Routines can be replaced with a list of "whenever I feel able each day I will first do A and if I'm still able I will then do B and then C and D". And make your list as short as you need, without consulting anyone else's ideas of what should be done most often.
This will apply to me tomorrow as I seem to have thrown out my back!
Posted 5 months ago # -
@ whit: poor you! I can empathize (3 slipped cervical discs) Hope it is not too serious and that pain meds will see you through the worst.
As you mentioned in your post, motivation ( for me) is difficult without immediate appreciation, so i must learn to appreciate what i do for myself, namely, to live in a more hospitable - less cluttered - home.
Posted 5 months ago # -
Irulan - I sympathize. I've had staggering atypical migraines for over 20 years and it's so hard to do even basic things like make sure my kids are fed, bathed, homework done, ferried to and from school - everything else goes by the wayside.
Right now everyone has strep. I have a sinus infection and ear infection - and no insurance - and my entire plans for Christmas are disintegrating before my eyes. My goal is to make it to year's-end without stressing out too much over plans gone awry and to simply enjoy some time off and spending it with my family - even if it is spent wrapped in blankets on the couch watching TV while completely doped out on meds...
Posted 5 months ago # -
Chrispowers - you are so right. I has meningitis back in January and after 6 days of increasing agony went to the ER. Almost $10K worth of tests including x-rays, cat-scans/mri and a spinal tap later, the doctor told me it wasn't bacterial and send me home with - get this - Tylenol 3 (acetaminophen with a tiny bit of codiene).
Four days later, STILL in agonizing pain, unable to turn my head to either side, I shelled out $300 to a private doctor who said the T-3 was completely inappropriate for my level of pain and had actually done nothing but exacerbate the condition by sending me into a rebound spiral. Then again, he only gave me muscle relaxers and a mild painkiller, still unwilling to prescribe me anything hefty, so it was another week before the pain really subsided.
If they had given me some damn Vicodin for a week I would have been pain free. As it was, I was in total agony for the better part of 3 weeks because "Oh, no, we can't give you anything stronger, you might get addiiiiicted!" For the love of Mike. Like a couple dozen V would tip me into a med seeking junkie state haunting various ERs across the county seeking pills.
Posted 5 months ago # -
DMO3, I remember reading about your health issues in one of the other threads. I'm sorry to hear that your migraines are still giving you trouble. I've been lucky in that my doctor helped wean me off of the preventative meds when my stress level subsided after graduation. I only really suffer seasonally and at certain times per month.
Does your county or municipality offer a subscription for reduced prescription prices? My old county offered it to anyone who did not have insurance, and it really helped with antibiotic prices.
It sounds like you have a good approach to dealing with the messed-up Christmas plans. Would it be possible to do a Christmas-style celebration later, say on Epiphany or New Years?
@Whit, your point about tangible results that make your loved ones feel good is brilliant. There are some days that I struggle to feel productive, and making dinner for my husband or cleaning out a room makes a huge difference in how I feel. My husband always thanks me for these things, and his happiness and gratitude are very gratifying. I'm glad to see that I'm not the only one who relies on external motivators.
Posted 5 months ago #
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