How to be uncluttered without offence?

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How to be uncluttered without offence?

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Started 5 months ago by snosie
Latest reply from Ella
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snosie
Member

Given it's Christmas, I'm sure some of your might be in a similar situation to mine last night.

Last night I went to a tupperware party. I had to bite my time SO many times, so as stop me from saying 'unitasker!' (I mean, a container to make bars - granola, museli, and then another contraption to push them down into the container. Firstly - four is unlikely to exhaust the recipe, secondly, if you have more than one person eating said bars, they'll be gone in no time, thirdly, can't you just make a big sheet and cut into bars?!) Then they have container just for the freezer - no microwaving. Which is ok, but I mean, why would I buy these over something that can do double duty?

So I'm wondering what tactics/skills you have developed to keep your uncluttering style from cause offence?!

Posted 5 months ago #
bandicoot
Member

it doesn't matter what you do, someone is going to be offended.
so my policy is to quietly go about my own goals and try not to get in the way of anyone else.
in the situation you describe, i would say nothing (but i'd be thinking plenty).
if someone was pushing me to buy the thing, then i might tell them why i am not interested.
or i might just say that i am not interested, without saying why.

i've never really understood the whole tupperware thing. it's like crack for clutterers.

Posted 5 months ago #
chacha1
Member

I don't go to sales parties. :-)

In everyday life, it doesn't really come up. Nobody at work feels threatened if my desk is tidier than theirs. And the people who come into my home would not necessarily think it is uncluttered! I mean, we've got books and art and cats all over the place.

When I go to *someone else's* home, if I think it's cluttered or otherwise uninviting, I just mind my own business and say nothing about what I might see. It's their house ... I'll be leaving soon. :-)

Posted 5 months ago #
mili
Member

yeah, I'm with chacha. Live and let live is a good way to go about things - minimizes hassle and hurt all around. If someone criticizes you for liking your space a certain way (which is what I thought this thread was about before I read it) then, yeah, you're totally entitled to a bitchy comeback or two. You are also entitled to offer your opinion if you are asked for it (implicitly or explicitly).

But honestly I gotta wonder wth you were thinking going to this kind of gig. Makes me wonder if you might've gone there PRECISELY because you knew it'd be full of unitaskers, and saw an opportunity to feel superior, without the bother of pursuing an actual accomplishment that would rightfully engender that feeling of superiority. I mean, it doesn't take a genius (or even any great amounts of decluttering experience) to guess that this type of thing could as well be called a 'unitasker party', so, really, why go?

Posted 5 months ago #
irishbell
Member

Jeeeez mili, rude much?

It took me suffering through one or two of those parties, til I finally told people
right off I don't go to those type parties.
If someone asks your opinion, tell. If they don't ask, don't tell. That should keep you outta trouble!

Posted 5 months ago #
Rosa
Member

I haven't figured out the present thing, I just purge and purge and let the people who buy the crap get their feelings hurt.

But for the sales parties and donations I just say, "I'm so sorry, but my budget for X is allocated already! I wish I could help you out." Nobody's been offended by that. If your budget for new Tupperware or Avon or jewelry is $0, they don't know that. And if it's someone you're worried about offending, you probably DO wish you could help them out - just not at the expense of more clutter.

Posted 5 months ago #
arthelemis
Member

I think the direct approach works best. When they ask why you don't want to buy/get/own something, just tell them you don't need it. You don't have to tell them it's useless, worthless or whatever. You just don't need or want that thing, it's simple as that. Explain to them that this item is of no use for you and therefore, you don't need to own it. Then, if they ask, tell them about your uncluttered aspiration. But don't push your choices upon them. If you don't like them pushing their worthless unitasker on you, don't push your lifestyle choice on them. Some people like to own things, and it's their choice, not yours, even if you feel it's not right

My mother work in a office where 2 ladies sell cosmetics and beauty stuff as a side business. My mom don't wear any makeup (and neither do I), because of severe allergies. Both women showered her with ''gifts'' and ''samples'' of their respective brand. She simply told them that she was thankful of the gesture, but that she didn't wear ANY makeup, and didn't intend to, and that she won't use or even try any of the samples. She warned them that she will give all those ''gifts'' to a local women shelter, where she know that somebody will be happy with them. One of the seller become all bitchy, because she felt since she gave ''gifts'' to my mother, my mom should reciprocate and buy stuff from her. The other one spontaneously offered a bunch of end-of-line products (but still nice and brand new) that she was having trouble to sell, with a huge basket full of sample that she didn't manage to give away. Now, guess which seller my mom encourage with the occasional bubble bath and non-makeup related stuff (hand cream, lip balm, etc.) or from which one she buys gifts certificate (very popular gifts around her office, since both brands are quite expansive) ?

Posted 5 months ago #
susanintexas
Member

snosie: there are layers to this question.

First, I don't offer my opinion about other people's stuff unless I am asked for it, and even then . . . . presumably, the party was hosted by a friend, neighbor, co-worker or friend of a friend -- and there is an obligation to be civil.

That being said, I have always felt uncomfortable -- even repulsed -- with schemes that depend on hustling stuff to people with whom one has some sort of relationship. It's an unpleasant blending of very different roles -- you are a friend and a guest and a customer -- and it doesn't mesh well. I just don't go to such things. When asked, I reply "You really don't want me to come because I will eat a lot, make snide remarks and not buy a thing." Then I smile, sweetly.

Posted 5 months ago #
PracticeMakesProgress
Member

Terrific question, and one I'm sure many of us have been faced with. Over the years I've been invited to home parties for Tupperware, candles, crystal, makeup, baskets, and maybe more. Some I've gone to as favors to family or friends, and I've purchased items at the parties. Some made the cut and have come back into the house after the purge, some didn't.

Since I've become dedicated to keeping my home uncluttered, whenever I receive an invitation I simply say, "Thanks, but I don't go to those sorts of things. Good luck with it." I also turn down the offer of a brochure with a firm, "No, thanks." Then I change the subject.

It really doesn't have anything to do with what anyone else does, this is about MY behavior and MY commitment to keeping my home and life uncluttered. When I remember that, it's simple and doable.

Posted 5 months ago #
ninakk
Member

Tupperware parties are situations you can prepare for in advance, but what I find more work to deal with is when I go to other people's homes and they know my home as a rather clean and organized place. They sometimes feel inferior and start apologizing, even when they really don't care enough to keep their own place neat, and yet they are hit by a sudden "I know I should do things more often but I still don't and now I'm embarrassed" because they were taught better than to maintain chaos. And so the unexpected rush of red cheeks makes me have red cheeks internally, because it is such a silly moment where I have to save them from their embarrassment by telling them I don't have a problem at all, even though I internally would wish I wouldn't have to step through bread crumbs or dust bunnies, yet I was taught to be kind and so I save them to save myself from something silly. All this arises from expectations of the society, gender roles that are ancient yet still thriving, and politeness for politeness's sake, and more.

It is much more awkward than attending a Tupperware party where all you have to say is "I'm already covered with storage containers, thank you" rather than explain how your mom was a neat freak, how her mom was one and grandmother's mom was so ancient that there was no other option than to clean properly to have a presentable home, and this has shaped you into a neat freak, as well. And while you have discovered Unclutterer and the road towards minimalism, which you will never embrace entirely but only a bit, you feel calmer inside when the extension of your home reflects your inside. But that is too complicated to explain in that moment. The juggling of interests and making sure nobody but I myself might lose my face in society is what is at stake when someone does the mistake of apologizing for the state of their home in front of me. I can take being made a joke of, so I usually crack the neat freak joke, shrug *my* shoulders in a half-apologetic way to make the apology go away. Sigh, it's not easy being polite :)

Posted 5 months ago #
irishbell
Member

ninakk- "It's not easy being polite" LOL
I so agree, it is hard work being diplomatic. You're also right about the making a joke about yourself, it helps to deflect an offense that might be perceived.

Posted 5 months ago #
writing all the time
Member

snosie - Miss Manners, (whom I adore) has a great response for offers/invitations/come ons: "No, thank you." We're not obligated to provide a reason, excuse, etc. "No, thank you" is polite and answers the question. If I'm pushed, I merely repeat, "No, thank you, I already have a commitment/doughnut keeper/several dozen candles, etc." If I'm pushed again, I smile and say, "Excuse me, there's something I need to do." That something is get the heck away from you and your rudeness!

As far as my thoughts and feelings about whatever, I'm entitled to my opinions. I'm not required to share those with anyone, nor are they required to listen to them. I also DO NOT EVER FEEL GUILTY for having opinions or feelings different from others.

Some people love those kinds of events. I can't bring myself to call them parties. I don't attend. Ever. If I were ever invited to a party and surprise! The hostess gets a bonus if sales are over $xxx, then I make very brief excuses and leave. Life is too short to spend being guilt tripped into sitting through a faux social event. Blech.

Posted 5 months ago #
themusiclivez
Member

I know that this won't help while you are at a party but what I have found to work the best is not going at all. I was in the same situation a few years ago. I went to a Lia Sophia party and found a pretty necklace to buy (I did genuinely want it). It was $25. When I went to pay the person who was running the party, some how the necklace came to $35 as $10 in fees were added. And truthfully, I resented that necklace because all it reminded me of was how I allowed myself to get scammed. I ended up selling it. The resale value on eBay? $4.99. What a rip-off. At the time I was too "nice" to say that no, I wasn't going to buy something that added $10 in rip-off fees.

Now I just don't go to these parties. That one time taught me my lesson. I have offended one or two people by declining their invites but I just don't want to be put in a situation where I feel forced to make a purchase or where I have to be around a pushy salesperson. If my friends want me to bond with them we can do it over dinner!

Posted 5 months ago #
chacha1
Member

agreed: a nice dinner (or even a coffee!) out is a much better way to be bonding and typically costs everyone *less*.

Re: ninakk's problem with people who start apologizing: I just assure them that I am really very lazy, and it's easier for me to have the closed storage and the wood floors, etc. so that I don't have to clean as often.

Since almost nobody else I know HAS closed storage and wood floors, this gets us both off the hook. :-)

Posted 5 months ago #
shebolt
Member

Actually, I have cabinets full of Tupperware's Modular Mates. I have exactly the containers I need to store items in my pantry. I love them, but I find a lot of Tupperware's items to be unitaskers. Worse, their microwave items still have BPA. So I choose not to go to parties, and only order a new piece when there is something specific I need for my pantry storage.

If you go to a party like that, you should know what you are getting in to. You are expected to purchase something, although you don't have to. They will add shipping fees and service charges. Always. They will push you to book a party at your house. Or worse, they will push you to sign up with the company.

Only go to parties where you like the product. I hate candles, so I will always decline a Partylite invite. I love rubber stamping, so Stampin Up! parties are fun for me.

Posted 5 months ago #
snosie
Member

Hey mili, not everything they do is a unitasker. I mean, I will store my flours, sugars etc in a container, and they provide them with a lifetime guarantee. I'm not sure a box for these is a unitasker, as it can hold many things etc. Other items are unitaskers. I certainly didn't go to be smug, but to support a new friend, and make her feel OK, cause if no one turns up (sales party or not) there's still a real person who is hurt by that!

Susanintexas - I think the way you decline is the key! I should try it.

Certainly with Tupperware, we had it recently at a club I'm involved in, but there was no hard sell, no party, just a chance to buy and a catalogue. In that sense, I felt fine. And yes, I did get the whole 'and I know you'll want to host a party' call yesterday!

The other thing is, I do need storage items, I'm moving out of 'home' to my own home. So that's a large reason I went, to see my options.

Anyhow, i think the key to this, and other situations is making sure that I hold my tongue!! I shouldn't feel a need or civic duty to warn others that their item is likely to have limited use (sigh...)

Posted 5 months ago #
Ella
Member

I like the Miss Manners advice mentioned above, to simply say: "No, thank you."
And furthermore, I would extend that to turning down an invitation to such a party in the first place. (Although I do understand your wish to be supportive of your friend, snosie.)

Posted 5 months ago #

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