Recently, I have started thinking more and more about my connection to things. In a recent search of the internet, I found this forum and am praying that someone can give me some insight into how I can mediate the guilt I have about letting go of belongings.
Ever since I was little, I have been very attached to my "stuff." Stuffed animals were always given extra room on my bed (to the point that I once fell off of the bed and onto a little doll crib and bruised the entire right side of my face). Toys were always well cared for. My shelves were always cluttered with knick-knacks.
And I think back to that movie "The Brave Little Toaster" when I think about my connection to things and their "feelings." I loved that movie as a child and it focused on a little boy's things being left behind, sad, and wanting more than anything to just be with him again. And I always worried my things, especially stuffed animals, would be sad if I didn't treat them right and keep them forever.
Growing up, we struggled but I never wanted for anything - and I took care of everything that I had.
Recently, I've started to try and de-clutter my life. When I met my husband, I got a sudden rush to clear out and start over. After years of dealing with the illnesses of both my Mother and Father, I felt like a lot of things that I had connected to sadness and bad memories. After clearing out, I felt good. When we moved into our new house, it felt great to set up in a minimalist way - to have clean, clear, open spaces (in the house I grew up in, we always had clutter). I felt like all of the decorations and knick-knacks I had had up in my apartment really weren't "me" and I began to wonder if I ever before now knew what I really liked. I had so much stuff I didn't really know.
Still, even though I can see that donating things was a good move, I am constantly reminded of the things I gave away. And I continue to feel guilt over them. Guilt that it is some kind of jilt to my ill Dad for not keeping everything he worked to give me. Guilt that it's unappreciative to give away toys that my Mom skipped eating lunch for a week to afford. I feel like I have a connection to everything.
I also find myself wondering if those things I cherished found a good home. The thought of them ending up uncherished breaks my heart. But at the same time, I realize that they would still be just sitting in my garage otherwise.
How do I transition from a focus on the things to a focus on the memory of them? I feel as though I am haunted by the things that I have donated - things I don't need and probably wouldn't use. It seems so crazy to me, and I often wonder if there is something wrong with me for it, but I wish I could alleviate this guilt somehow.
Any help anyone can provide would be wonderful. I feel like I must be all alone in this - and I'm hopeful that I'm not.
