Hi I'm Debbi

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Started 1 year ago by nanadeb
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nanadeb
Member

I am 53 years old...I'm from Ohio and I hope this is where I am suppose to post.
I live on what I like to call my Lil Bitty Goat farm.
I have 3 living children and 5 wonderful grandchildren.
I am so ashamed for anyone to stop over my house anymore.
Over the years I have become more ill...First having spinal fusion and in a body cast for 3 months.
Thanks to peri menopause I am very anemic.

I was also diagnosed as having moderate COPD 2 years ago.
So not only do I love to buy...and live in a small farmhouse.
But I just dont feel well enough to sort and box up so much of this stuff.
I have lots of wonderful antiques...crafts and things. But I have been feeling overwhelmed with it all for a year now.

I am a hoarder...:::cry ::::
I hope to find support here.I hope to take this one step at a time and get this house cleared out , so I can live a simpler life and not have to worry that if I die my poor kids wont have to deal with all this.
Looking forward to joining in with you all in support.

Posted 1 year ago #
themusiclivez
Member

You have definitely come to the right place! We all support each other on this site and offer up suggestions on how to begin/continue decluttering.

The best thing to do is take each room one step at a time. Is there anyone who could set aside some time to help you? Even if it is just a couple of hours a week it is a good start! They can help you with the bigger items and during the week you can set aside maybe an hour a day to go through smaller portions of your home. When I started decluttering I did it one drawer at a time.

I found grouping similar items together to be the best way. For example, I went through my DVDs and sold the ones I didn't want back to amazon.com for store credit (it's a great program). Then I moved on to CDs. Then jewelry, clothes, etc. I have a very small apartment so furniture was never an issue, with the exception of a small piece that held CDs. In your case it sounds like you have a lot of antiques. Are any of them ones that you would want to part with? You could look into selling a few of them. The bigger the item the bigger the relief felt when it is gone.

Posted 1 year ago #
Emilie
Member

Welcome! And sorry to hear that you've been ill. I haven't been here very long myself, but this is a very helpful place. Like themusiclivez, the best strategy for me has been to go slowly and methodically. I've been going for the "low-hanging fruit" first, stuff that is not very sentimental and obviously has no utility. Maybe some of your kids and grandkids would help you? You can make it more fun, playing music and giving people food/drinks. Definitely reward yourself when you've gotten a bit done! It can be a long process, so you don't want to burn out.

The important thing though, is to reduce your input (stuff you buy or bring into the house). If you don't, then you'll start feeling like your efforts aren't going anywhere, and it's easy to get discouraged. Personally, I'm not a big shopper, just a very compulsive saver. But might it be possible for you to replace shopping, slowly, with other enjoyable activities?

Stick around, and good luck!

Posted 1 year ago #
nanadeb
Member

Thank you both for the welcome!!
Oh, I'm going to stick around alright.:)
My kids that live close have offered to help me.
I am just so ashamed to really let them come in and help me until I get some of it sorted and out.
I use to be so clean and tidy. I dont have dirt and filth ...just too much "stuff"
I have been doing better the last month or so..and have donated 2 big black bags of things.
I am going to work at that more. I have a "thing" about throwing out things I know are good and someone would like or could use it...(thats typical for a hoarder...right? )
I am also planning a big sale to get rid of some of the antiques.
Now...to just read thru lots of posts in this forum and do as you and others say,
Start out small..the best area's first..I want to try to do an hour in the morning and an hour at night.
And work my way up from there. Going to use a timer so I dont cheat.
Sick or not I can do 2 hours a day...Right?
Thanks again for the warm welcomes

Posted 1 year ago #
Scarlet
Member

Can you get someone from an antique store or an auction place out to your house to evaluate some of the antiques you have? I don't know if that costs money or if they would do that sort of thing for free. It could save you the trouble of putting the more valuable items on a yard sale, or at the very least you'd have an idea of how much your things are worth.

I know exactly what you mean about having a "thing" about throwing out things someone else could use. I don't think it's even necessarily a full-blown hoarder issue. I've been trying this method (with limited success): when I sort through my things, I put things that I think can be reasonably sold at a thrift shop into a donate box. If the donate box doesn't get donated for whatever reason (I have a host of other issues there), after about 6 months I re-evaluate its contents and pare it down to only things that are brand-new in packaging [and makes more room in the box for other things, which will hopefully make it to the charity this time]. Everything else goes mercilessly into the trash or recycling. I know it's not the best I could do, and it stings a little (I hate feeling wasteful), but my life matters more, and I can donate a few dollars to the charity to make up for their loss. I feel like the donation is justified because I did the right thing for me by depriving the charity of a little bit of gain, but that enabled me to continue to function and (among other things) keep my job and earn that money.

And remember take care of yourself and your health while you do this. If an hour at a time is too much, split your 2 hours into 3 40-minute chunks, or even 4 30-minute ones. Probably no good to go shorter than that since you'd have to get your focus back all over again.

Good luck, and keep us posted!

Posted 1 year ago #
Emilie
Member

"I have a "thing" about throwing out things I know are good and someone would like or could use it..."

Me too. I see this as sort of a "homesteading" impulse. Like for so many years, people would re-use items until they fell apart completely. (Making old shirts into a quilt, etc.) But now we have the problem of way too much stuff, as well as no clear route for disposing of it responsibly, in many cases. I give away a lot of things through Freecycle.org. The main problem with it is that it can be time-consuming. If things are in good condition, you can always give them to Goodwill or Salvation Army-type places, too.

If 2 hours a day is too much or too little, you can always adjust!

Posted 1 year ago #
bandicoot
Member

hi debbi and welcome to the forum.
you have found the right place!

getting rid of clutter is a process that begins in your mind...you are on the right track, by even acknowledging there is a problem.
there is heaps of info here, but i'd like to recommend brooks palmer's blog and/or book.
he has a wonderful gentle kindly approach.

check out the one thing a day thread here too...it is a really easy way to get started.
you can totally do this!

Posted 1 year ago #
irishbell
Member

Hi debbi,
As I and some others here have shared- sometimes just tossing something into the trash(as opposed to boxing up for charity later)is the best thing to do.if you have problems wanting to reclaim things from the charity box, wait until the day before your trash is picked up and toss a few things in. that way you cannot get it back. I'm not by any means suggesting to toss everything in your trash, just a once in awhile thing if you are tired or sick that week, know you cannot get up the goodwill store, if you're working late etc. sometimes a little waste is okay, it is okay to be gentle with yourself.
once you get started I suspect you will be thrilled with any bit of progress! and this will help to keep you motivated.

Posted 1 year ago #
JayEff
Member

You sound motivated and focused!

Best of luck to you. Don't be hard on yourself if you have to take small steps over a longer period of time to clear out the stuff. If you invest the time and effort, the clutter will be gone.

Posted 1 year ago #
Another Deb
Member

Hi Debbi,

As someone who just helped her parents downsize to senior living spaces, I know how hard it is to make the decisions. You might feel better about some of the sentimental items if you get a lot of photographs of things you love but won't be able to keep. This is really helpful. The memories are there but you don't have to dust them!

Deb in Az

Posted 1 year ago #
jbeany
Member

2 hours a day is a fabulous goal, Debbi! You might want to join in on the Thing A Day post, too. It's great motivation.

Stopping the incoming clutter is important, too. If, like so many of us, you still love to shop, I'd suggest googling your way to a wish list for a charity near you. Then, if you just can't stand not to go bargain hunting once in a while, you can do so and simply drop the stuff off to the charity. Also, compare the wish lists to the stuff at your house. If your local animal shelter can use old, clean towels and linens, it's much easier to clean out a linen closet to donate things to homeless puppies than it is to just get rid of the excess stuff.

And how wonderful of you to do this so your kids don't have to! That's a fabulous gift to them.

Posted 1 year ago #
Claycat
Member

Debbi, I like Scarlet's advice about an auctioneer or antique dealer. We have an auctioneer locally who is now doing estate sales online, and he is having wonderful results for the sales. I have bought a couple of pieces of furniture to help store my things, a blanket chest and a filing cabinet.

Find one who does online auctions, because that seems to generate a lot more money for the family. It can be a living estate sale.

Posted 1 year ago #
Irulan
Member

Welcome, Debbi! We're glad to have you on the forum.

I'm thirding Scarlet's idea of having an auctioneer come to evaluate your antiques. Not only will that give you an idea of what things are worth, these folks can help find potential buyers and maybe even pack up and move the antiques for you to sell on consignment.

One thing that might be useful to you, given your health issues, is to consider your decluttering in terms of accessibility. That means removing things that are in your bathroom, kitchen, or anywhere that your daily activities are being impeded by stuff in the way. Another is to make sure that there is enough space for emergency services to have a path to you if anything ever happens. You'd also want to make sure that your most important items like identification, medications, and health papers are easily accessible by you and your children or EMTs.

Take heart! You can definitely do this!

Posted 1 year ago #
anitamojito
Member

Hi Debbi! I felt a tug at my heartstrings reading that you feel ashamed to have your kids come in and help. We all need and deserve help from loved ones sometimes. Please don't feel ashamed. All kinds of people struggle with clutter, especially after illnesses or other traumas. You've been through a lot, and have done the best you can. Now you're bravely facing the clutter head on, and that's wonderful! It may help to envision your home as you would like it to appear when you're finished uncluttering, and keep that picture in your mind as you let go of all the items that are currently standing in the way. Good luck!

Posted 1 year ago #
needtocleanhouse
Member

Welcome. We support you and as JuliaJayne says: You can do it!

Posted 1 year ago #
Ella
Member

Welcome, Debbi! You are definitely in good company here. Congratulations on setting the firm intention to clear the clutter from your home and your life. And YAY for you for donating those 2 big bags already.

Have you decided on your next starting place? It doesn't really matter so much where you start - what's important is to just take a deep breath and start. Even getting rid of just one thing - that'll be one less thing cluttering up your home and your life. Then onward to the next thing and the next... and pretty soon you'll begin to see results.

As you go along, you'll find the right pace for your energy level, whether it's 2 hours a day or more or less. Some days just 15 minutes is all I can manage, but every little bit makes a difference.

Keep us posted! If you get tired or overwhelmed, come back here for support. We've all been there, and we can help.

Posted 1 year ago #
Mimi
Member

hi debbi,
in the moment that you realized that you could be a hoarder, you made the first step to change it. congratulations :) you will find help and support here and your children will help you, too, that´s a wonderful start!
i think there are two good ways to begin:

1) small steps: don´t expect too much! it took long to collect the stuff so don´t expect it to vanish in 2 days. make baby steps, but make them every day. you will get used to it and it will become a rountine that you love.
2) BIG items: you will see your success immediately. if you remove an armchair, you will see the result!

and reward yourself, uncluttering is hard work!

i like this article on zenhabits, it´s written to help people getting started with uncluttering:
http://zenhabits.net/living-simply-the-ultimate-guide-to-conquering-your-clutter/

good luck, let us know what happened!

Posted 1 year ago #
Jackthetiger
Member

Hi Debbi,

It is always good to see new people posting on Unclutterer. Welcome.

As others have said, you will see the difference each day when you deal with one thing at a time. I think it is a great goal to spend a couple of hours each day, but if you can't manage it sometimes, then be kind to yourself. After all, you are recovering from illness. I think that a simpler, less cluttered house makes life pleasant and can really help us to feel well. I hope it has that effect for you.

You may find that it is sometimes hard to throw some things away because of sentimental attachment, even though you really might not want them or have a use for them. I give you permission to get rid of them!!! Off with their heads!!!

Posted 1 year ago #
JuliaJayne
Member

Congratulations on taking your first step. There is a lot of good advice here, but first and foremost... stop shopping. There will be days when that is difficult, you will feel that restless feeling that propels you to the stores, but resist. A good way to burn off the urge to shop is to either declutter or do something towards your goal, such as gathering all of one type of item. (It's a good idea to have some spare cardboard boxes for collecting items.) Many times when we see how much we have of something we realize we have enough, maybe even too much. Another thing that I feel is so important is to declutter at least one thing a day. That keeps the momentum going. Of course, if you have more energy, do more, but don't let yourself burn out. It can be emotionally draining at times; regret of all the lost money can be a big one for some people, the loss of control for others. Like it's been said, be gentle with yourself. At some point, you might want to accelerate your progress. Ask your children to help. I believe they will be grateful for the opportunity to help you (I love helping my mother declutter), and you will be giving them a huge gift in return. It shows that you trust them with your darkest secret. Good luck and keep us posted. And yes, you can do it. :)

Posted 1 year ago #
themusiclivez
Member

Debbi, I definitely agree with Scarlet - not wanting to get rid of an item because it is still "good" is not an issue exclusive to hoarders. I was by no means a hoarder when I started decluttering but I have the same problem you do. I hated getting rid of an item that I thought might be useful in the future. This included clothes I didn't like, duplicates of household/kitchen items, etc. I have gotten a lot better with this and now donate these items to Goodwill. I tell myself that even if I may need another one someday then I can go buy it - at least for now someone who needs it TODAY will get some use out of it.

Someone once mentioned (and I wish I could remember so I could quote them directly) that we need to "have faith in our future" and hope that the resources will be there should we ever need an item that we gave away again. I like that way of thinking as it keeps us in a positive state of mind about the future! :o)

Posted 1 year ago #

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