It is midnight and I cannot sleep. 1 day ago my friend came over to help me sort through things as I have just moved. I have my huge bookcase outside on the balcony to sort through my books. I have been reading the comments here on what to do with books. I was housesitting for my friend and brought most of my books over with me because "god forbid I may need them if "just Incase" drops by for tea. What I realized the whole year I was there was I never looked at any of the books. I had sets of tarot cards as well.
So she said lets go through them now. So I said ok. We packed them up and then she saw my records and said"lets get those as well" I thought ok. I have kept those records since my teens. I notice that not 15 minutes later they were gone from the sorting room in the condo. I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. I cannot seem to let it go and then tonight I realized why. That music saved my life and I wanted to honor it and listen to it again even if just once. There were some albums that if I wanted could be collectors items but that is not my concern. I was depressed in my teenage years and music pulled me through. So I posted up on the board that whoever found them that it was a mistake and if they had a heart could they return them.
Now I may not see them again. What has been going through my mind is it did not seem to bother me for all the years they were in storage so what if there was a fire, or flood and they were damaged. The only thing I can come up with in the mourning was letting them go to soon without acknowledging them as well as myself for still being here.
As for the books they were picked through and yes some were worth some money but what has been mentioned on the forum I do not have the time to take them to stores to see who will buy them, nor time to post them on craigslsit.
My goal is to have the things I love the most and that I currently use in my home.
So I ask has anyone experienced something like this? What did you do?
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Posted 1 year ago #
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I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. I've felt - embarrassingly enough, sometimes with things it turned out I hadn't even gotten rid of, just misplaced in the house. Mementos from my grandmother, mostly, but also some poems I wrote that there were only one copy of, that got ruined.
First, just sit with it a minute and be sad or scared or whatever, because you're in a safe place and you can do that. Or if not, get safe, get a friend with you or your shrink or a photo or whatever makes you feel safe.
Then, if it doesn't fade a little, think about what you're feeling - what is it, actually? You mentioned a couple different things -wanting to listen to the music and honor it, having to think about the depression, the financial value, having been rushed.
Some of those things will just go away with time; some of them you can actually change right now (since you're on a computer, you can either download the music to listen to right now, or you can probably check your local library to see if you can borrow it in the near future.); if you need to acknowledge that history, you can do that (you're doing it here, too) without the actual objects in your hands.
Posted 1 year ago # -
Thank you Rosa, yes I am sure with time it will fade as most of it I can find on line there was some rare ones, who knows someone may return it.
It also feels good to be on this forum as I know that I am not alone and that there is support.Posted 1 year ago # -
Arghhhhhhhhhh. I can empathize with you. I would have felt sick to my stomach and terrible! I hope you can get them back. Would writing a letter to them help? Grief letters help me to get through grieving times. So sorry to hear about your records. A long time ago I sold lots of my sf fantasy paperbacks to a secondhand bookstore. The owner offered me a job on the spot saying, "I like to have people who love books work here," because he saw how painfully hard it was for me to part with my books, and I do mean PAIN(!). I still remember the pain and now I am wondering whether I'll ever get over it. I know it sounds silly, but it was hard for me then and still painful for me now remembering (remembering triggered by your post). I wish I had kept them. For me these books gave me a sense of security and safety. Egads.
Posted 1 year ago # -
we are all such complex creatures and these kinds of situations really demonstrate that.
i think you just need to do what rosa wisely suggests....sit with the feelings for a bit, in a safe place....and acknowledge how you feel.
then let the records go.i had to do just this with a big bag full of books that were stolen from me years ago.
it was a terrible feeling, but eventually i came to a place of acceptance.
it took me a little while.
but in the end i realised that i simply didn't want to feel miserable over it any more....it had happened and nothing could change it. the books were not me. they were just some things i was the custodian of, for a while.i've lost track of a lot of music over the years too...but have been slowly rebuilding with itunes.
it's been a joyful process, rediscovering old beloved music.i hope you can feel better about this soon.
Posted 1 year ago # -
I was really depressed for a while in college, and I had some music that made my happy and helped each day go by because it made everything a little better. I actually found that when I got rid of those albums I was able to get rid of some of the negative memories that went with it. Although they were positive to me at the time they bring back sad memories that I don't want.
I am sorry that you are second guessing parting with them, I know I have many things that I don't need but cannot get rid of. And things that I have parted with, but with that I hadn't. But maybe you can try looking at letting them go as moving forward to more happy times and memories.
Have you tried looking for the songs online, just as a chance to hear them again?
Posted 1 year ago # -
I'm also sad to hear that you feel this way -- it seems like you didn't get a chance to say "goodbye" to your stuff properly!
I don't know if this helps you right now, but you are the only one in charge of your feelings, and only you are capable of changing them :o) The crucial thing is that first, you need some time to find out exactly how you feel (anxiety? grief? regret? bereft? anger? a combination of all of the above?) and why, and then you can accept your feelings. Only after that you will know how to make things better -- and that could be by actually writing a goodbye letter to your records and have a little ceremony to burn the letter, or you can listen to the same music online, or maybe even try to get your records back. Listen to your gut, but don't forget the reason behind everything :o) You are still the same person, with or without those records, because they are already a part of your life :o)
Posted 1 year ago # -
It's kind of like losing a support system, or a safety net, I guess. But you are stronger than you know, and at some point you will realize that you didn't need the physical records to bolster you. But I understand that being pushed to do it was not the best thing, you were just not ready. (Altho, do you think you would ever have been ready? Some people would keep everything they ever owned if they didn't have a move to deal with...)
I like the letter idea.
I would also support the idea of downloading some of the songs. That way, they are somewhere if you need them, but not right-smack in your face. I'm not sure that I'd want to every day see stuff that reminded me of a very sad time in my life. I wouldn't want to necessarily forget or ignore it, but it would just drag me down.
Posted 1 year ago # -
Maybe it's because you are in the process of letting go of that part of your life. The records are a symbol of that time. Let yourself feel the loss.
I had a similar experience. I had made a cross stitch sampler. I wasn't into cross stitching, but I loved the pattern. For a while, anyway. I had finished it except for the boarder. The border wasn't important. I thought of framing it many times. It had been stuffed in a drawer for years waiting for me to decide what to do with it. Tired of not knowing how best to frame it or if I had it professionally framed, would I even want to hang it. I took a picture of it and threw it in the garbage on a Monday evening. I woke with a start the next day regretting my decision to throw it out. It was too late though, the garbage truck had already picked up the trash.
I don't know why I had such a reaction to getting rid of the sampler. I had a simpler reaction years earlier to getting rid of two lace table clothes that I had gotten for wedding presents 9 year earlier. I never used them, but for some reason, I really regretted getting rid of them.
Posted 1 year ago # -
First off I want to thank everyone for their support, it is the first time I have joined a forum and you are all so welcoming. What I have come to today is that I have been through allot and they always say never to make major decisions when you are not thinking clearly. I think it didn't help that I spent 5 hours yesterday with my brother going through all of my mother's things because she was placed into assisted living. It was easy for us because we were not attached to things as many are very "doom and gloom" or as my brother says "I don't want any of mom's juju near me".
So there has been allot of clearing and I just moved for the 42nd time in my life finally into my own place that I own. Those moves helped me to realize that I do not need external things to feel safe and secure for it is an illusion.needtoclean I think writing a grief letter is a great idea after all it is all energy.
Bandicoot sorry to hear about your books but I loved your comment on " the books were not me. they were just some things i was the custodian of, for a while.".
I have always been in awe on how the buddhist monks do their sand paintings and are able to let go as everything shifts and changes impermanence.valh I actually looked on you tube and allot of the songs are their even rare performances.
Trillie yes nothing can ever be taken away from you unless you let it.
Pammyfay I do think it was to soon I was reading Erin's post on "tough call pile" which all of those books and records were and so I hastily went through them because I was feeling overwhelmed by having to find painters and redoing the floor and finding a contractor etc. The good thing is in reality I could probably find every-single thing on the internet if I wanted to, why I am upset is in all my moves even when I had absolutely nothing I would always give what I had to women's shelters. I had made a decision to finally see if I could get something for them even if it was a dollar a book that could mean $400.00.
Juliajayne it is letting go of part of my life because most of it is in the past and I am to life in the present.
Once again I thank you all for your input, I know that I am not alone.
Posted 1 year ago # -
@ JuliaJayne -- "Maybe it's because you are in the process of letting go of that part of your life. The records are a symbol of that time. Let yourself feel the loss."
I have yet to go through my records (they're stashed in a storage space in the spare room for now), and I am not looking forward to the process. A bunch of them will need to go away -- for instance, I don't plan ever to listen to Janis Ian again. If I did, I'd be instantly transported back to high school, one of many periods of battling depression. I don't need that. But it might still feel weird to ditch the records, or it might just be a drag to be reminded of certain unhappy times. There are probably some records that represent happier times, too, and I'm not sure if I'll want to let go of those or not. We'll see. (I do not have an iPod or other MP3 player, so am not in the habit of downloading music.)
I am sorting through my books, and I see whole periods or phases of my life represented as I do so. It's an interesting process. It'll actually be a relief to see a lot of those books go away.
@ Unclutteredlife, you sound like you are doing better now, and I am glad. It is harder to have things go away if you weren't quite ready for it yet.
I find that it is much easier for me to ditch/donate certain things (books, music) now that so much is available online and in e-books and e-music. As I put certain books in the donate pile, I think "Kindle" (as in, if I ever need to read it again, I'll buy the e-version) -- and I don't even own a Kindle or other e-book reader yet. Just knowing that the possibility is there, helps me.
Well, that was kinda ramble-y; hope it made some sense....
Oh, almost forgot: unclutteredlife, congratulations on getting your own place! I can't imagine moving 42 times!
Posted 1 year ago # -
I got rid of all but one of my albums 11 years ago just before a big move. I was freeing but I did miss them. Eventually I replaced some on CD...some with Greatest Hits as to just get the songs I really listened to and loved. And now I love going through iTunes and finding a few every month or so. Sometimes I buy them and sometimes just listening to the sample is enough to bring back old memories whether of dancing in my room as a teen or crying over my breakup. Even a few remind me of the long drive to California from Illinois when I made the big move. Music is so symbolic and a blessing to have in my life as it has been for you. By the way, the only Album I kept: Janis Joplin, Pearl. I decided since I have it on cd, and few songs on my ipod, I am going to frame it and hang it on my wall. Maybe you could find one favorite album or two at a charity shop and do the same.
Posted 1 year ago # -
I still have some of the cheesy 70's music that got me through the breakup of my first marriage. I don't often listen to it (yes, we still have a working turntable) but I haven't brought myself to get rid of it either. My husband is slowly replacing his favorite music on CD so those albums can go.
Posted 1 year ago #
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