Thanks for all the messages, suggestions and advice! I'm going to start with the thing-a-day approach, and enlist the support of his daughter. I'm sure once he sees how much cleaner and more organized things can be once I sort out the bins in the dining room, he'll be more open to change. I've been with them for a year this month. My own apartment wasn't immaculate, but I did weed out things I didn't use in favor of things I actually did.
Overall Rating: votes
-
Posted 1 year ago #
-
Giviyah, if he is still resistant after you work on this a while, I really would insist he see a therapist as a leadup to the wedding, and call it off if he doesn't make real progress. Stuff I read from children of hoarders makes me think the effects of a hoarding parent or partner are a lot like alcoholism or addiction, and it's really easy to slip into a codependent relationship with that person.
Posted 1 year ago # -
Wishing you the best, giviyah. Keep us posted. You might want to use this thread to list your daily items and chart your progress. Or you could join our communal ATAD thread here:
http://unclutterer.com/discuss/topic/a-thing-a-day-2011-challenge
From time to time during the decluttering process when I've reached a point of overwhelm or exhaustion or utter despair that I'll never get it done, it helps me to look back over all the things I HAVE gotten rid of, remember what it was like with all that stuff clogging my life, rejoice in my progress, and forge ahead.
Before, during, and after photos are great motivators, too, and might help you add visual reinforcement if at any point your fiance slows down or blocks the process.
Posted 1 year ago # -
Any luck implementing the thing-a-day, giviyah? Also, you commented earlier that you thought this might be OCD- does fiance have a history of anxiety issues? I learned that clearing clutter and maintaining my space actually reduced anxiety more than holding on to sentimental objects did.
To counter the doom and gloom of my previous post, it is possible to settle on situations that people can live with when it comes to children's clutter. My dad is not actually a hoarder, so he can accept some limits on stuff. My mom makes him confine all of our old stuff to the unfinished part of the basement. Sometimes it creeps over into the garage, but he is good about cleaning that out and actually donating the stuff that makes it into the garage. The key is setting and maintaining boundaries, and you're off to a good start with winning over his daughter.
Posted 1 year ago # -
Have her help and do a year a week. All her things from her first year. box neetly and lable. Next week box up year two.
Your not getting rid of these things just organizing them with HER help.
Soon you will have neat boxes all labled that Dad can keep in his part of the garage or attic. Mabe a box just for "art work" and school papers. She and he will know it's all safe if they ever have the need to have it out and you and she have a clean neat room.I have a 44 year old daghter that is a horder. Not something you want to encourage. Then you don't want to encourage the use it once and toss it attitude ether.
Posted 10 months ago # -
+1 on premarital family counseling.
The fact that the daughter is friendly with giviyah and on-board with decluttering should weigh heavily, but the father clearly needs to hear it through a neutral party and needs to be made to articulate his issues.
Attachment = suffering, or so sayeth the Buddha.
Love goes a long way, but not all the way. Good luck!
Posted 10 months ago # -
Yeah, I'd also recommend really getting the daughter to help you out. My parents have also insisted on keeping a lot of our old toys, (although they fortunately fit entirely in the basement). I suspect that a lot of this is because they plan to have tons of toys for eventual grandkids, with some to give to us for our kids. As a kid (from age 5-until I got obsessed with the internet, around age 12) my one type of toy was Playmobil, although I also sometimes played with legos. My playmobil collection was large, but that was the only type of toy I ever wanted, and I ignored all of the others that I received. (I also read a lot). My parents will certainly not throw out the Playmobil, as it was expensive and will make a good toy in the future. My siblings and I have, through some insisting, convinced our parents to give away all but the most classic and expensive toys (I think that my dad loves Legos too much to ever give them away ^.^) So anything remaining is pretty nice, and not overwhelming. It did take a certain amount of "No really, this is worthless, can we please just toss it now!" to get there though, and some help from family friends. Making the concession to keep the really good toys provided a lot of comfort though, I think.
Posted 10 months ago #
Reply
You must log in to post. If you do not already have an account, you can register here.
