I just want to know if I am in the minority here with regard to this issue. I have a beautiful necklace that was given to me as a gift by someone I no longer like. I have no problem giving it away because I know that every time I wear it it will remind me of her.
Do any of you have problems getting rid of items like that? I feel like maybe I shouldn't find it so easy to get rid of these types of things!
I think those are the easiest things to toss. Why keep things that have negative memories?
I agree with JuliaJayne, anything associated with bad memories is just negativity. Let it go.
That's definitely how I feel! I just can't hold onto things that I associate with people I am no longer friends with/don't like, etc. Others tell me, "But that item is so pretty! Why get rid of it?" All I know is that it will remind me of something negative. So I let these items go, and people think I'm nuts.
Oh well, I may be nuts but at least I will be free of "negative feeling" clutter!
I have held onto a lot of items that were sentimental, but filled with bad memories. A childhood picture bible, unicorn children’s chest, jewelry, books, photos; you name it I have probably kept it. My mother suffers from Bipolar and anxiety disorders, which made my childhood turbulent. I held onto things because I thought that was what I was suppose to do, to remember the good times, however the items brought up just as many if not more bad/painful memories. I have just started (within the last year) discarding these items and it feel so good, but I do feel guilty for abandoning my childhood memories.
Keep pictures of things, not things. Parts of things, not the whole thing. Distill it down. And don't feel guilty! The memory police aren't going to drive up and arrest you for decluttering.
Count me in with the rest of the group. If you are constantly reminded of negative things (via an object) you don't move forward in your growth. The fact that you can freely let these things go speaks highly of your self-esteem and will power. When I let go of an item such as this, I wish the person well (even if they have caused problems) and I let them go as well. It's very liberating, I think. There is nothing to feel guilty about.
Thank you everyone for your comments! It's really nice to hear your opinions on this matter :o) I already found a co-worker who I am going to give the necklace to. She understood why I wanted to let it go and found that she is getting a new treasure in the process!
Next step: Listing the Tiffany ring (given to me by two friends I no longer like) on eBay... I just need to figure out what size it is!
Some people keep them out of habit. Some because the gift is valuable money-wise. Some because they know the giver will ask where it is (and why aren't you using it???). Most of it comes down to procrastinating or avoidance (not dealing with the real issue), just like most other clutter.
The fact that you can get rid of these toxic objects so easily is wonderful! It means you're healthy. :)
@Demerna
You're not abandoning your childhood or the good memories you made during that time (you've already experienced your childhood and the memories are in your head). You are abandoning the "bookmarks" that consistently take you back to places you don't want to go. Don't feel guilty! :)
I think this is a great idea. By giving the item to someone you do like, or exchanging it for cash, you make a positive memory. Like the saying goes, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade!
I'm so happy I posted this thread - the comments have been so uplifting!
@Demerna - I agree with Mrs.Mack - you're not abandoning your childhood, just the bad memories! We should all only hold onto things that spark positive thoughts!
I understand that now and the relief from letting the items and bad memories go is worth it. I admit there are feelings of guilt but it fades pretty quick (within months) and some of it no doubt is there because I was raised in an enviroment where you don't get rid of stuff because you might need it someday or it was a gift. I was just responding to the question. I am not saying keeping items that bring back negative memories is right or healthy.
@Demerna - I agree - it is such a relief!
I found a few items from my ex recently and was ruthless with them. I'm still working on the last of my childhood things (Because really, who wants to hang onto memories of an alcoholic household?) but I'm almost all the way through them and it feels GREAT!
o this is the first stuff you should let go!
if it doesn't make you happy ...and it isn't useful....then why are you punishing yourself by storing it?
let it go!
take a deep breath and let someone else have it!
none of us needs to have stuff hanging around that brings up sad or bad memories.
we deserve to be free of that stuff.
we deserve to have things that make us happy when we look at them.
stop feeling guilty and start feeling like you own your space and you get to decide what lives there with you.
you don't dictate to anybody else what they keep in their house, right?
so why should anyone dictate to you? even if it's that little guilty voice in your head.
tell it to buzz off!
YES! What everyone else said.
I have decluttered quite a few things that had bad memories connected to them. There is only one thing I kept that I've been given by a person I am no longer friends with, but when I look at it, I don't feel bad, I see how much I've learned about myself from the quarrel, and how I've grown after it. So if you really like an item and want to keep it despite it giving you bad memories, maybe you can turn its meaning around. But if that doesn't work -- toss it :o)
Only last night I noticed a little gift given to me by someone in college who liked me. It's a sweet little love token that he made himself and it's always been on a little shelf in my bedroom but I rarely look at it. The guy was a bit odd and I realised yesterday that I don't really like it because it gives me a creepy feeling, even if it does look cute. It's going today.
I have my rings from my first marriage--and, unsentimental soul that I am, they are emotionally neutral because the meaning that was imbued in them (the marriage) has ceased to exist. So a symbol/sign cannot point to what does not exist. However, it's a chic little diamond and I love to wear it as a fashion ring stacked with others on my opposite hand. My DH thought so too--until I told him where it was from. Then he asked me not to wear it. (should have never mentioned it, since to me they are just rings now, and I have lots and I like to mix them up for fun)
Now whenever I have all that spare cash just lying around I am going to have them melted down and the diamond reset. Sigh. Shouldn't have said anything in the first place...
I feel the same way. I had this really nice red shirt that I really really liked and it looked great on me. But I originally bought it to wear to a Christmas party with my Ex and every time I looked at it I was reminded of why I bought it and how much he also liked it. So I gave it to a friend who also really liked it and it looks just as good on her and I don't have to look at it all the time and worry about keeping something I won't wear b/c of the bad memories associated with it. It was a little hard to let it go at first b/c I did really like the shirt and it did look really good on me but I realized I would never wear it b/c of who it reminded me of so I let it go.
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