You might try removing the electrical outlet covers and putting some relatively safe insect poison, like boric acid, inside. Also dusting any cracks in the wall with boric acid. I had roaches in the walls, thanks to a dirty roommate. I think I've managed to get rid of most of them.
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Posted 8 months ago #
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Just found out that my siblings mom lost her job (which honestly was long overdue) earlier this week... and has been drunk ever since. :(
Not sure what to do now...
Posted 7 months ago # -
If they are underage sibs, I'd think the first priority would be them.
I know you'd hate to call social services, so- is there another responsible adult to fend for the children?
To make sure they are fed and go to school etc.?
I don't remember exactly what the family situation is. Good luck with this new challenge.Posted 7 months ago # -
oy vey, nothing stands still around there!
i feel sad for your sibs mother.....this is all obviously interconnected and she is in some sort of self-destructive spiral.
but i feel sadder for your siblings, who are young and don't have any real power in this situation.
i don't know what to suggest, but it's time for a family meeting perhaps?Posted 7 months ago # -
So sorry to hear that, Swede, when it seemed she was beginning to turn over a new leaf. Do what you need to in order to keep your sibs safe. Prayers.
Posted 7 months ago # -
I'm still battling a mean virus and am after 4 weeks finally regaining some sight on my left eye (eye lid still swollen... which means I still look a tiny bit like Quasimodo!) so I've decided to give myself some more time regarding this. I am f i n a l l y getting close to being done in my own apartment (the last of the tenants stuff out on freecycle! YAY!) so I am giving myself another week to take care of me. Which makes me feel like a bad person... But I am only one person. And some friends from Australia are coming over this weekend which is a super good excuse to take a break from family dramas.
I'm prob heading over to my dads house at the beginning of next week so will try to encourage him to take a more active role in my siblings life. Not sure it will lead to anything. Will also try to push him to continue bugging her about cleaning. She certainly will have time now! My little sister is having her birthday party next Friday so I will try to talk to her mom then and see how she's going.
Until then I am giving myself a break. I need it. I need to get myself (my eye) better. Esp since I will be playing laserdome with a bunch of 11 yr olds next Friday. I know they will be so much better than me and without proper eyesight... haha, I'm scared!
Thank you all. Your input is what's keeping my good spirits up. Tried talking to some friends about it too. Letting go of the shame bit by bit. It's very hard so I do appreciate all of you so very much.
Posted 7 months ago # -
Sorry to hear you're still so ill.
emotional stress can really kick your ass sometimes.
I am wondering though, are your sibs safe in the situation they're in?
If their mom is still drinking I think the cleaning and decluttering isn't a primary concern at present.Posted 7 months ago # -
This situation is not going to improve quickly, so you need to conserve your strength when dealing with it. Your father may need to step in if the mum is drinking non-stop.
Enjoy the positive times with your siblings and also with your Aussie friends.
Posted 7 months ago # -
My doctor told me it would be about 2 months until I am well again. One month has passed... So sick of being sick! :/
My siblings are safe... She mostly drinks while they are at school. My dad lives in the same house and my brother who is 18 calls him if there are any problems. So far this year he has called twice and that is only to have my dad take all the alcohol she's been hiding. She loves her kids more than anything and would never do them any direct harm. She just doesn't realise that the hoarding and drinking still hurts them in the long run...
My youngest sister is only 10 and she has lived with this all her life. She doesn't really understand how NOT normal it is to have a place like theirs. Kids assume everything in their life is normal (I grew up with an abusive and depressed mom and I was the same at her age, I just thought everyone had lifes like mine). The 18 yr old has in the last 2 years or so started to realise that something needs to be done. He has (FINALLY) started helping out around the house and started confronting her about things like the drinking etc. I try to stay close to him as well even though he keeps telling me he's fine.
Will call my dad in a few hours to hear more about the situation. It's a good thing they live in the same house (separate apartments) because even though he doesn't step in as much as I think he should, he is still there and the kids know that.
Posted 7 months ago # -
You are absolutely right to take time for yourself, Swede. You won't be good for anybody if you're sick. I'm sending healing prayers your way! Take time off, rest, recuperate, and let your father help take care of his own children. It's good to hear the one child (18 yrs) has realized the situation is untenable and feels comfortable asking for help. Take care of yourself!!
Posted 7 months ago # -
Swede - I'm sorry to say it but, with your descriptions of your room and the attic, I think your father is a hoarder. He sounds just like mine - "but I might want that one day!" Organising the overflow doesn't stop the pathology of hoarding things for no real purpose.
All the best with the eye problem. I fully empathise with 'being sick of being sick'.
Posted 7 months ago # -
@Laetitia: Yeah, I think my father is a borderline hoarder... He keeps his apartment fully functional, there is no stuff on the floors and he very often has dinner parties inviting guests over so it might not be as bad as you all think. :) The attic is definitely scary territory whereas his bedroom and his livingroom are very minimalistic. Hence me using the term borderline hoarder. :P He definitely has issues and I think a lot of them stems from him growing up in a communist country where supplies wouldn't be available unless the goverment thought it was necessary. He has told me stories about how you couldn't get matches for about six months, you'd have to get them at the black market. So yeah, he really has a bad case of the JustinCase's disease. Anyhow. This doesn't make it ok and recently (after me nagging him like crazy about it) he has started getting rid of things... Unfortunately there is so much of it. :( Will keep reminding him about actually burning all the fire wood in the attic. Swedish winters are really cold so I think one winter of wood burning (so far he's only burning junk mail) would actually make a difference.
GENERAL UPDATE:
Spoke to my dad yesterday and he says my siblings mom kept sober for three days to have meetings with her now ex employer. In Sweden your employer have to get you help by law if you have a drinking problem but she says she is not an alcoholic. *sigh* They have now offered her 6 months pay which I find AMAZING. But I guess it's cheaper for them than treatment... plus, they actually get rid of her. It keeps some of the stress from my mind to know they'll have an income for some time. Considering my dad is their landlord it's not like they'll get evicted, but still.My dad says that he and my brother have a new tradition that every Thursday they round up 2 or 3 large garbage bags of crap as the bin day is Friday. Dad told her that new rule of the house is that both the large bins have to be full by pick up so if the other apartment doesn't have a lot of garbage then there is more going out from my siblings house. A good start in my opinion.
I'm trying to be really encouraging to my dad as well... He has heart problems and his energy is lacking to deal with his stuff and theirs on top of that.
I'm still not allowed in their apartment... My dad has tried talking to my brother about it too but he is too ashamed to let me in. It is really frustrating not being able to help, I know I could at least make a dent in their horrible apartment. :(Going over to their house early next week. Will see how the mom is dealing with the situation then and try to offer my support. :/
Again, thanks guys. Never thought an internet forum would mean so much in ways of encouragement and strenght!
Posted 7 months ago # -
One of my best friends is an alcoholic, it took us years to realise as she hid it so well. Everyone is worried about her, but she seems to keep it in check just enough to be a good enough mum, she is very loving and looks after the kids fine, but she keeps getting driving bans when caught over the limit. But: there is nothing anyone can do apart from cross our fingers and hope she realises she needs help. It's completely heartbreaking, especially as she lives in Australia and won't answer my emails or give me her phone number, I keep tabs on her mental state on Facebook... You can't force someone to get help, only offer moral support. You're doing a great job and I know you want to do more, but you have to proceed so cautiously if you want to help. It seems like maybe your best bet is to offer support to your dad, as he is the one who is allowed in and able to make changes. If you give him practical help then he can help them better I think.
Posted 7 months ago #
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