Hi all,
Long time lurker here, I feel like I already know all of you! :) I'm from Sweden and have just moved back to Stockholm after nearly 6 years abroad (6 months in France, 3 years in Ireland and 27 months in Australia). I thought I would only have to deal with the 8-10 moving boxes I left behind when I moved abroad (was only supposed to be gone for 5 moths so it's all my kitchen stuff and winter gear etc) but I was sooo wrong.
Sorry for the long rant here - the worst stuff is at the end in case you don't feel like reading it all. I really can not discuss this with any of my friends as I am afraid that social services will be called... Also, there is some sort of shame/guilt here too. I should have been here. I should have done something sooner. Here we go:
Coming home was quite a shock... I get access to my apartment September 1st and I have to stay at my dads until then. He is not a hoarder, but not far from it either. He keeps his things neat and organised but there is stuff (crap in my eyes) E V E R Y W H E R E. In the (smallish) room where I'm supposed to live there are two built in wardrobes, a double bed/bunk bed (my dad built it himself), two other wardrobes (facing eachother so only one can be opened. They are also blocking the ladder to the top bunk), a chair, four foldable chairs, some sort of gym equipment, an old door/big piece of wood, a large bedside table, a desk, a floor lamp, three rolled up carpets, a flower piedestal, a ladder, a bag with some more carpets, a big dusty carpet on the floor and some kitchen cabinets all along one wall (actually put up ON the wall... this room looks ridiculous) full of random junk. Not to mention random other crap like spare suitcases, 3 mirrors, a chess game, empty decorative glass bottles etc etc. The top bunk is also full of random gym equipment and a small table etc. I've asked him if I could move things out temporarily and put them back once I leave but that was out of the question. GREAT.
I feel close to claustrophobic. It's exhausting. (I miss my minimalist room in Sydney where I had white walls and space to breathe with only my bed, my desk and large built-ins that were half empty!)
Then there is the other problem... My siblings mom. We're a modern family, my dad is not together with their mom anymore but they all live in the same house (different floors) for the kids sake. It works well.
Well, their mom is an outright hoarder. Add 2 dogs, 4 cats, 2 hamsters and 3 birds to that.
I started crying as soon as I arrived from the airport bc of the smell.
- Yup, it is that bad. :(
The idea of my siblings (three of them, the youngest is only 10) growing up there breaks my heart. And I really don't want to have to call social services on her bc I had to go through that carousel when I was younger and I really want to keep my siblings from that. I guess I'm still hoping we can change this situation. My older siblings told me there is no point in even trying, she only gets worse every year. But I feel like I can't NOT do anything.
I've talked my dad into the idea of force-cleaning the stuff in her apartment that is obvious junk. Not only as a dad but also as their landlord. At least the moldy food, the pee covered stuff on the floor and all the junk ruined by being left on the balcony for a year. I've only been told about it, I'm actually not allowed to even have a peek into their apartment. They come outside or upstairs to hang out with me. Their mom really like me and I tried speaking to her about the situation. She really is a lovely person and she said that she knows that she has to clean and I offered to help. She seemed positive to the idea but I know once we get started she will want to keep a lot of ... garbage.
While I was abroad my dad has force cleaned the balcony twice. Once with her permission and once without. I tried telling him that we need to clear the junk inside too to make a difference but I'm not sure he understands the severity in the situation.
We've scheduled the cleaning to start tomorrow morning. My dad told her but I'm not sure of her response. What was supposed to be a week long project has now been reduced to a half day project because my dad had other plans in the evening (I know, it's insane! I guess bc he also has A LOT of stuff he doesn't see her hoarding as such a huge problem). I'm scared and nervous. It's 4AM here and I can't sleep worrying about tomorrow.
My worst fear is that she won't let us do anything. Or that we will be allowed in but there will be huge fights (in front of the kids - also the 12 yr old has Downs Syndrome and doesn't react well to screaming/crying and I really don't want to make her sad/scared) and she will threaten to not let my siblings hang out with me (it has happened to my older siblings while I was abroad for other reasons).
I'm trying to talk the situation down and keeping cheery in front of their mom so that she won't be embarassed about... well: everything. I keep telling her that I understand how she doesn't have the time with three kids and a full-time job even though a loud voice inside my head is shouting at her HOW CAN YOU LIVE LIKE THAT!?!?!?! I think it will help if she doesn't feel judged. I am really hoping we'll make a dent in the mess tomorrow and maybe maybe maybe that will lead to her being willing for us to help her again to get rid of MORE stuff. It's wishful thinking that they would get rid of any animals (I've tried approaching that subject several times as two of their cats are constantly trying to escape through the windows even though they're on the second floor).
Again, sorry about the rant. It's hard to get all the info down in a minimalist post. :P
So yeah... any tips, ideas or general encouragement would be greatly appreciated.
