Does anyone get frustrated with clutterers?

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Does anyone get frustrated with clutterers?

(21 posts) (17 voices)

Started 2 years ago by themusiclivez
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themusiclivez
Member

I know it's not fair, but because I have become such an "unclutterer" I find that I get really frustrated with "clutterers" lately.

Today my boss made a comment about how great the internet is for finding instruction manuals on items we have at work but that we lost the manuals to. I told him that sometimes it's not even worth keeping a lot of the paperwork because it's never where it should be when you search for it, and he agreed. And then he handed me two pieces of instructions that he downloaded off the internet on how to fix our timer at work and tells me to "make up a file" for them.

I found it annoying. He makes me make up files for EVERYTHING. And these files usually have one piece of paper in them. Talk about clutter!

Posted 2 years ago #
Gil
Member

Yes..As a former clutterer myself, I do. However, I realize I can't "push" my ways or ideals on others, but can at least have control of my own living and personal work space. My wife tends to collect things, BUT, she is super organized.

I keep my cubicle at work clutter-free and it has improved my productivity. I am also given manuals, but I simply can them and put them on my computer.

Posted 2 years ago #
Claycat
Member

It's kind of like reformed alcoholics. Once they get control of themselves, they find they are impatient with other alcoholics. It's normal!

Posted 2 years ago #
themusiclivez
Member

I am going to try being patient... I know it's not fair for me to get frustrated! Thank you both for your comments :o)

Posted 2 years ago #
MellieTX
Member

Ha- yes! But mostly with myself in an area of life I'm still uncluttering.

Posted 2 years ago #
Sky
Member

Yes! I look at peoples piles of crap and want to tell them they too can be uncluttered....but I keep my mouth shut.

Posted 2 years ago #
SarahJ
Member

When I first moved in with my now-husband...I don't think he realizes how close he came to having half of the stuff in the closet thrown out on the lawn...I had a break-down.

Posted 2 years ago #
klutzgrrl
Member

oh... I won't even get started on this... two kids, one a total hoarder, and loads of stuff-intensive hobbies, in a small house... omg...

*gah*

Posted 2 years ago #
bandicoot
Member

o i totally want to evangelise all over the place.
but i try to restrain myself.
everybody has to come to their own understanding in their own time.

Posted 2 years ago #
themusiclivez
Member

Haha ok, so I'm not alone in feeling this way! The toughest part is that I have a friend who is always complaining that she has too much. She sells it a ton of it, and then starts hoarding again - and I can't help her because she doesn't want help!

Posted 2 years ago #
terriok
Member

I get frustrated with myself all the time! ;o)

Posted 2 years ago #
ElizInAtlanta
Member

I am a recovering pack rat, but have been very diligent for the past few months on working through my house one room at a time. I am single, but I do have a roommate (I own, she rents a bedroom with shared bathroom and kitchen). She has always been messier than me, but it wasn't a huge problem when I was disorganized and messy. Now that I'm not adding to the mess and actively organizing/decluttering common spaces, it has been a source of tension.

So far, my solution has been to have shelves in the kitchen that she can stash her growing collection of plastic containers (I gave her 4 shelves and told her that I didn't care how she stacked them, but they had to stay in those confines) and a specific set of shelves in the pantry. I also have been trying to not get frustrated that she lets dishes stay in the sink for a day - either I do them (without comment) or don't get stressed about them. I can only control me. However, I have noticed that she tends to clean up more often b/c it is only her mess out. The only comments I think I have made have been when she brought home multiple crates of fruit ("it was a bargain!") by responding it's not a bargain if we don't have room for it and there are only 2 stomachs in our household.

She's a good roommate except for her love of stuff. I don't care how messy her bedroom is as she can shut the door. The kitchen is the only source of contention (she loves to cook, but doesn't clean pans as well as I do and buys way too much food, etc.). My biggest problem has been trying to not get sidetracked by her mess and to keep working on mine. I can already see big changes in the house and how much time I spend on day-to-day activities and I want to keep it that way.

Posted 2 years ago #
paperdog
Member

I get so frustrated with my elderly mother and her clutter. (Probably sounds like I am the world's worst daughter, right?) After having to clear out my in-laws' home after they passed a couple of years ago, I had a very serious talk with Mom about how hard that was, especially when every little item is so emotionally charged following a death. I told her that I really did not want to endure that again and could we start working on it now, while she is able to help evaluate what is valuable and/or memorable and get rid of the other stuff she doesn't need. (Her home is sooo much worse than my in-laws', but I didn't say that to her!) She said she would like to be able to have people over, but the current state of her house makes it necessary to keep all visitors on the porch. She agreed that things need to change-she is rational, after all. She lives about an hour away so once or twice a week I would trek down there and we would spend the day "decluttering"-mostly me loading up my van with a few things she would permit me to donate to charity. She's in a rural area with no good way to donate items there. After months and months and months of this, I can't really see a difference! I don't know where all of it is coming from. We clean up a room one week and by the next, it is waist deep in boxes of random junk again. When I call her, she always says that she's "cleaning and getting rid of stuff" but when I arrive, it feels like we're starting all over. I truly love my mom, but am currently so frustrated that I want to scream! Sorry, just had to vent a little... better now!

Posted 2 years ago #
chacha1
Member

Wow, paperdog, your mom must have tapped some kind of junk portal in the time-space continuum. I have a feeling that if I got DH to start clearing out his junk, it would be the same way ... the junk packed into the corners would expand to fill all available space.

I get *very* frustrated with clutterers but have learned to breathe through it and (mostly) keep my trap shut. The only exception is with my dear friend who constantly complains about her clutter while refusing to get rid of ANY of it. I asked her a couple of years ago if I could speak my mind on the topic (as long as I did so with love and respect, of course) and she gave me permission.

Now it's kind of like Carrie Fisher's character in "When Harry Met Sally." She complains that she has no space to play her Wii and I mention that she has three full-size arcade games in her living room. "You're right, I know you're right." She complains that she has no shelf space in her bedroom and I mention that she has three years' worth of Real Simple and Martha Stewart Living magazines in there. "You're right, I know you're right."

It's turning into a sick game! Auuggh! :-)

Posted 2 years ago #
charmed2482
Member

I dread the day I have to deal with my moms crap. She thinks all these things will "be worth money someday" and she saves all this crap and has all these collections. I used to be like her now I am the total opposite. I am going to tell her at some point if she dies and I have to deal with ANY of it, its all going straight to Goodwill, everything except my grandmothers 2 jewelery boxes. Anything else my brothers don't want goes to Goodwill.

Posted 2 years ago #
nellieb
Member

Well, I love clutterers and hoarders as they are wonderful long term clients! Plus, once we clear space anywhere in the house, they can visually see their progress! (Many of you know that I am an organizer!)

On the other hand, I am not judgmental, merely there to assist my friends, family, and clients with living life clutter free! I can make suggestions but if someone is not bothered by their mess and do not wish to change it, there's nothing I can do.

I'm very fortunate, my SO and I are buying a home together and he is very tidy and does not like to have too much around.

My mother, on the other hand...has a difficult time letting go of things. She also likes to shop. I believe that much of this is due to the times when she grew up (WWII) and the conditioning by her parents, who loved to spend money!

Posted 2 years ago #
trillie
Member

@ Claycat, yes! That was also my first thought: It's the stereotype of an ex-smoker/ex-alcoholic! :oD

Ugh, I too get so annoyed at my boyfriend, my parents or my friends sometimes when I see stuff lying around that has no home, or a pile of stuff that could be organized/thrown away in only 5 minutes, or whatever else, but I try to keep my mouth shut and pace myself. If there are just two things I've learned from this (awesome!) Unclutterer forum and all you great people, it is that a) everyone has to get to their own lightbulb moments in their own way and preaching doesn't help, and b) everyone has different areas of clutter -- while filing papers seems like an easy task to me, I hate doing the dishes, and it's the other way around for other people, and that's just the way it is :o)

Good luck (and strong nerves) to all of you dealing with a close relative/roommate/spouse and their clutter :o)

Posted 2 years ago #
irishbell
Member

I also have an aging Mother who is not exactly a hoarder, but she does buy and keep lots of unnecessary "junk". She was raised with the -if it's on sale, buy several of them so you don't have to later when you might need them - mentality. My folks have one queen sized bed in their condo, and they have at least 20 sets of sheets for that one bed. I once said, "why do you have so many sets of sheets Mom?" You can guess her answer. In that same laundry room/bathroom closet they have at least 30 towels - none of them good quality towels, most with stains or loose threads. She is of the mindset- quantity over quality. I helped them pack and move from their home of 30 years to their condo, and the amount of stuff she wouldn't let us throw away was staggering, old junky stuff that they might want to use later. Most of that stuff is still in boxes in their storage room. It goes on and on. It was just the way she was raised, it's what she knows and while I could get really frustrated with her, I just cannot anymore. I've gotten frustrated and even angry with her in the recent past, and it's not worth it to me. They won't be around forever, so I'm not going to get mental about something I have no control over. She's not going to change her ways, it's not a problem to her, so why bug her about it? I guess I would be irritated if she came to my home and said things like, "Where are all your beautiful knickknacks? Where are all your books, why don't you have more furniture, your counters are so bare, Where is everything? Our house looks so cold and bare..." (which is what she's thinking lol )

Posted 2 years ago #
Gil
Member

Irishbell,

Believe me, I can identify, lol. When my mother gets "rid" of something, it goes in the storage room. When she visits us, she likes to hound me about my own neatness and someehat minimalist lifestyle, but it's done in jest. I went home a couple of years ago and cleaned out the attic and OMG..that was just the beginning. At least she was willing to part with those things.

I think that the diferences between us are not only generational, but I have moved several times in my life, thus paring down each move, where she has been in the same house for over 45 years.

Posted 2 years ago #
nellieb
Member

Gil, great point about whether you move frequently or live in one place for years and years and years. I move every 3 - 5 years, and learned it's not fun to pack stuff that is never used or that I no longer like or want.

Posted 2 years ago #

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