I was reading the post on "Can Un-cluttering be a Bad Thing" and wondered if anyone else has run across this problem. Do friends and relatives come to your home, take a look at your lack of clutter, and make an assumption that you are broke and can't afford anything...then buy you things that they think you need? I DO appreciate their kindness and caring and I know they mean well (and I know this is not an earth-shattering problem by any means), but I am forever giving away things that others feel I need. (We have a Free Store in our town where you can take things for families in need...so everything is being put to good use :) One relative started a rumor that our house was in foreclosure and we were selling everything in it to make ends meet! It's a little maddening...how do you folks deal with it?
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Posted 2 years ago #
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That is truly horrible - someone started a rumor?? It's a real shame that because we live without clutter people think we're struggling financially!
I haven't experienced what you have gone through just yet but I am sure I will at some point. I don't shop very often so people probably question if I am "poor". However, most of my family knew that I was becoming a minimalist and therefore had some background on my lifestyle. Is there a way to educate your family about being a minimalist? I find that, because I am so passionate about it, that I speak about minimalism a lot and therefore my friends and family know that I choose to live this way. Sometimes all they need is a little information!
Posted 2 years ago # -
When my husband and I were first married, some of his family commented on my sparsely decorated living room. Apparently, it bothered them that the flat surfaces in my house weren't covered with knick-knacks and the walls weren't filled with whatever it was that they wanted me to hang on my walls. My MIL started to gift me with things to hang on my walls and display on my tables for birthday's, Christmas, and Mother's Day, etc. These gifts came with great affection, but I also got the feeling that, in her own way, she was helping me decorate my house. It was very kind of her to want to help, but we didn't have the same taste, at all. The things she bought very inexpensive things, and at the time I did not buy something just for the sake of filling up space.
But... I was young back then and my new tribe (the inlaws) weren't approving of my sparse decor, which made me feel like maybe there was something wrong with that, so I bought things to "fix it". I realize now that I am more minimalist at heart.
Posted 2 years ago # -
Sounds like one of two things. Either your home is so sparse/hard it doesn't feel homey (don't need "things" to make it feel homey, but a rug or some artwork really helps soften things up), or—and this is more likely—you haven't communicated to them about your desire to live simply. Perhaps you told them, but it wasn't communicated, since clearly they didn't get the message.
Be more vocal about your joy of living simply! If they start to understand that you love the way you live, they'll start to back off.
Posted 2 years ago # -
I think they do! People can't believe I actually want to get rid of stuff and don't want to go shopping. Last week I sold 3 birdcages (found new homes for the birds because I'm allergic to them) and I got funny looks like they thought I couldn't afford them!
If someone thinks we are down and out, selling our valuables to survive, I don't even care any more. I've tried to explain but they believe what they want.
This week I'm selling 2 huge Cuisinart pans that I never use so I can only imagine what they will think!
It's really funny, kinda my own private joke!
Posted 2 years ago # -
Most of them don't want to understand. They are typical Americans who love their stuff and love going shopping to get more stuff and then go home to put their new stuff away only to find they don't have enough room for their stuff, so they move to a bigger house and build bigger garages and put additions onto their homes, and build storage shelves in their basements, and fill their attics and continue to struggle with bugling cabinets and drawers. Then they come to my house and can't wrap their head around the 'less is more' concept.
The big July family party will be at the house of one of the BILs and his wife who built an addition onto their house because, and I'm not joking here, "they had too many clothes". They bought big furniture to store all of their clothes, and they felt squeezed out of their bedroom. These people are around 40 and they still have their clothes from high school. Anyways, I can't wait to see the addition. I haven't been invited to see it because I offered to help them declutter first, which they considered, but opted to keep all their crap and put on an unnecessary addition.
Posted 2 years ago # -
ArtGal - how insulting!! I can't STAND rumormongers. Do you live in a small town by any chance? I've noticed here in the too-big city, gossipy types fill their time with society/celebrity trivia and mostly leave "private" citizens alone.
Most of the people who come into our home know we are dancers, so the big empty living room/dance floor doesn't surprise them. Plus, there is still plenty of stuff. Enough so that family who have visited can get a sense of our taste and realize we don't need any help decorating.
Good gracious.
I'll flip that around though. My mom, bless her heart, responds to any photo of our space with pinchy little comments about how much stuff we have ... meanwhile she and Dad live in a 2200+sf house (4 BR, 2.5 BA) that is, I assure you, FULLY furnished and decorated. People! LOL
Posted 2 years ago # -
Thank you all for the advice! :) I suspect that you are all correct, it doesn't matter what I say, they will believe (and say) what they want...and I will continue to live happy (and simply!) It's just FRUSTRATING constantly undoing the crazy stories...I think I will quit that and take a nap instead!
Just a funny side note I remembered...an elderly aunt from out of state came to our house for a visit and within a few days my mom called to inquire as to why we had taken the car seats out of our vehicle and were using them in the living room. My response was "HUH?" Apparently my aunt saw our two, well-worn, reclining video chairs in front of the aquarium and came up with that doozy of an explanation! Nosy aunties, gotta love 'em! :)
I also think you are correct about the "people and their stuff" comments...our family reunion one year was to meet at the Mall of American...and not one of us lives anywhere near Minnesota...(no, I didn't go.)
Posted 2 years ago # -
Once, when I was younger, I went on a decluttering binge and gave away a bunch of things to friends I thought would enjoy the items...One of them asked me if I was giving all the stuff away because I was dying.
Posted 2 years ago # -
I can't believe what I am reading. Is dying the only reason to give away stuff? And is a home not comfortable if every corner and inch of space isn't full of dusty knickknacks and other useless junk? It appears that the American mania for shopping and acquiring "stuff" is reaching epidemic proportions. If you don't have and display enough stuff, apparently there is something wrong with you. It's a stigma, like being single or not having kids. People need to wake up. In 1946, the bodies of two brothers were found underneath a huge pile of stuff they had accumulated in their apartment. Now it's 64 years later, and people still bury themselves in junk.
Reading this thread makes me want to toss out another couple of boxes of stuff...Posted 2 years ago # -
it's like an alternate reality!
our friends and family definitely don't assume that we are broke.
maybe i roll with a different crowd or perhaps it is different in australia?we don't have kids; we travel a lot; we take plenty of time off to do what we like; we work for ourselves and it is fun, creatively challenging AND financially rewarding; we have a 5 acre garden; we have the most beautiful clean air and clean rainwater and we grow plenty of our own food, and we throw frequent dinner parties.....we live like millionaires!
any one of those things above is more important to me that having a house full of tchotchkes.
i simply cannot understand the mentality of valuing a collection of "stuff" over various freedoms of lifestyle.
if friends/family have the exact opposite opinion, well that's ok with me. i don't have to live it.Posted 2 years ago # -
suzjazz - I agree - I want to get rid of even more stuff now, after reading this thread!
Posted 2 years ago # -
Bandicoot, I envy your lifestyle.
Posted 2 years ago # -
Bandicoot...your life example is the goal I am aiming for (and the reason I started simplifying mine 4 years ago) !!! Continued success to you! :)
Posted 2 years ago # -
I don't worry about what people think. I remind people that my career is to help people live life clutter free! I make no judgments, if someone wants to fill up their home with "stuff" to make it homey feeling or believes that things equate to some type of validation, that's ok! What I've learned is that for me, it's easier to have less!
I did a major kitchen reorganization project this weekend (almost done, two more cabinets!). My neighbor came up this evening to take care of my cats since I was gone all day and commented on how great the room looked! Now I'm encouraged to get rid of more and I'm sure I will!
Posted 2 years ago # -
Bandicoot Your lifestyle sure sounds great the only thing from it I don't have and want is to make a living out of my creativity, OH, I so want that!!!!
Also Australians have the clutterbug alright things just aren't as cheap here as they are in the US so it probably isn't as bad. My MIL's house is crammed to the gunwales with stuff, dolls and bears and anything that goes with that I drives me spare.
I am a very outspoken person so anyone I know is under no illusion that I have chosen my way of life and so far they seem respect that.Posted 2 years ago # -
i love that phrase "crammed to the gunwales"!!
Posted 2 years ago # -
I don't get rumors b/c people generally know I hate clutter, but my mom can never seem to understand why I just keep getting rid of stuff. She's a pack rat and I dread the day I have to deal with all her crap when she's gone.
Posted 2 years ago # -
charmed2482: I feel your pain. honestly. I also have a Mother like that. There is not one horizontal surface in their condo that does not have at least 5 things sitting on it. It will be mainly my job to dispose of her stuff eventually, and the vast majority of it I will not keep. She would probably croak right now if she heard me say this!
Posted 2 years ago # -
My mom too...and her mom, my grandmother, as well. I started a new thread on this and would like to know your stories. It seems many of us are children of "clutter-collectors."
Posted 2 years ago #
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