Declutter FAIL

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Started 1 year ago by BevAnn
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BevAnn
Member

Sorry I haven't been posting - I forgot my password! duh! But I've been reading faithfully!!

FSA - sorry to hear about your job. That totally sucks. I know.

I hope all our Aussie friends are flood free now!!

Glad to see so many are doing good on the Weight Decluttering!

I finally re-sent for a password, as I really need ya'lls help. My New Years Resolution was to declutter. It started off great. The whole month of January I was a decluttering fool!! LOL

I was let go of my job in September. I have been looking for work ever since. It's been over 6 months and I am now so depressed, I can hardly get out of bed each day. Without boring you with details, suffice to say, I'm sinking deeper and deeper. I've stopped decluttering and the house is getting out of control...I never clean, I never cook. My money management is shot. I'm doing my best to not shop, which is what I do when I'm depressed, but it's slowly slipping.

Now, things job-wise are looking up - been on 5 interviews in past 2 weeks. Which just causes MORE mental clutter! I set here hoping and hoping to get a job, and get the one I REALLY want. Waiting to hear something, waiting and waiting.....arg! I can not focus on anything else. I can barely watch tv, it's so bad. I just can't concentrate on anything. I am forgetting stuff constantly. Forgot to take oranges to my son's soccer game. Forgot to go work the concession stand the other day. I am NEVER like this.

Any advice? I mean, just any ideas of how to shake these blues, and get some spark into my motivation? I need my head to clear up and get inline again. I am still working out everyday, but haven't lost a bit of weight. :( Bout ready to just chuck that too!

*sigh* thanks for just letting me vent guys,

BevAnn

Posted 1 year ago #
jbeany
Member

Just to start with - stress makes your metabolism shut down, so it's very hard to lose weight. Just so long as you aren't gaining, you're doing great! Don't stop the exercise - gaining weight isn't going to help anything. Actually, if you add an extra 15 or 20 minutes into your regular routine, it can actually work as a natural anti-depressant.

As for the decluttering - it's okay if you don't go at it hard and fast all the time. I go in streaks. I did a huge decluttering a while back, before I moved. I kept up really well just after I moved. Then my classes and other opportunities took up all my spare time, so I had to stop focusing on it. The big trick for me is to maintain what I've already done. You said the house is getting out of control - perhaps that is what you need to work on. Maybe try forcing yourself to do 15 or 20 minutes everyday? Or get back on the OTAD challenge post, and get back in that decluttering groove?

Baby steps still count!

Posted 1 year ago #
ninakk
Member

I'm sorry to hear you're struggling, BevAnn! We're here for you anytime you need us so if you want to yell, cry, laugh, sigh deep then this is your personal shouting chamber from now on, if you want. I can take it :)

If I should give you one advice only, picked out from the many lessons I've learned during the past few years, it would be Momentum. Choose one thing and focus on that only, nothing else. It could be to drink a particular amount of glasses of water each day, or it could be to brush your teeth twice daily if you've been in the habit of doing that only once, or to make the bed every morning, or to sort through one single kitchen drawer/cupboard; whatever you desire the most right now. Nothing else. Make this happen every day and build confidence by noticing that you're achieving according to your goal. If you don't do it one day, it's just that one day and there's a new day tomorrow, so remember all the previous days when you managed to take care of this one task. Once you feel secure enough about being able to maintain this one new habit, you add another one, but not too soon. One task becomes two, momentum grows, two tasks become three and the rest you can figure out. Like jbeany said, baby steps. It's not ridiculous to focus on a thing that you'd be proud to show off to yourself as a habit, but it will be an empowering experience. There's no shame in struggling, don't forget that. And like I said before, help is just around the corner when you need it.

Posted 1 year ago #
Irulan
Member

Regarding the blues, this may sound weird but it helped me a lot - schedule a time in your day to do nothing but worry, and then try not to worry outside of that time. Let yourself feel those emotions, obsess, whatever, during the time that you've scheduled and then mentally put it away when your time is done.

Also, you can even keep a log or list of your worries, and mark out which times of day are worst for you. It can be helpful to target these specific incidents by writing out the entire "exchange" and either putting it away or even sharing it with us, to bring to light how ridiculous the content of that self-criticism can get.

Finally, it may be worth it to talk to a therapist if you still have access to health insurance. If not, there may be clinics with a sliding-scale pay system in your city, as well. They can help you with techniques and accountability (which anyone who's ever been unemployed knows is priceless) without getting frustrated with the pace that you set.

Also nthing jbeany and ninakk on the one-thing-at-a-time mindset. It really does help. Good luck, BevAnn! We're here for you.

Posted 1 year ago #
Jeri Dansky
Member

BevAnn, I'm so sorry to read about your situation. Have you seen your doctor or a mental health professional about your depression? A severe depression - the kind that makes it hard to get out of bed - also makes it hard to do everything else: keep up on the house, eat well, job hunt. So maybe getting professional help for the depression would be a wise first step.

Posted 1 year ago #
luxcat
Member

BevAnn- first, you have NOT failed. Life throws us some pretty rough roadbumps sometimes and it sounds like you are weathering this one through -- congratulations on all those job interviews! I have been suffering from recurring clinical depression for the last 14 years and I really encourage you to look into counseling and/or short term medication if you can. There are sliding scale clinics out there for the uninsured. The other bit of advice would be to set yourself VERY small, do-able tasks to complete each day. Don't set large, unrealistic goals ("organize the whole garage") that may be out of your element right now. Try one thing a day, and keep it easy (for me sometime that might be "wash hair". Add a second if you did that one without too much turmoil.... "Clean the cat box". Keep things simple, pragmatic and keep building on them in very small steps until you get some personal structure going. In the end completing these tiny tasks (which can seem huge at the time) will all add up and help you start feeling better.

Posted 1 year ago #
bandicoot
Member

great to see you posting again, bevann!
you sound a little overwhelmed.
it's ok to whittle back your commitments to what you can cope with right now. it's ok to say no to requests. it's ok to keep things simple.
rein back your declutter efforts to perhaps just ATAD.
that way you can still be moving forward and achieving some decluttering, without it being a massive ordeal.
it is ok to scale things back to what you can manage....we all have different capacities at different times in our lives.

you do sound somewhat depressed.
when i feel like that, i make it my priority to take a walk outside, do some meditation and a bit of yoga (nothing elaborate), and pay attention to getting some fresh fruit and vegetables and enough water to drink.
these things help, whether you need to look at medication or not.

being out of work for a while is enough to make anyone feel depressed, so please don't be hard on yourself.
you are having a very natural reaction.

i wish you some brighter days ahead, and do keep posting.

Posted 1 year ago #
needtocleanhouse
Member

Sorry for your loss and situation. Stress can make one forgetful.

I started reading _Buried in Treasure_ and it talks about how a loss can trigger cluttering. May I suggest reading the book - I'm finding it very informative and helpful.

Good luck to you. Just one thing a day really helped me; perhaps it will help you.

Best wishes BevAnn and do post on ATAD - I'll be looking forward to hearing from you. :)

Posted 1 year ago #
Sky
Member

BevAnn....Working out every day is wonderful! Keep up the good work. Can your family or a close friend help jump start your decluttering? I agree with the others, baby steps. 10 minutes a day over time accomplishes much.

Take care of yourself, eat properly and before you know it a job will come.

Please keep us informed how you are doing.

Sending hugs your way :)

Posted 1 year ago #
Jackthetiger
Member

How wise are the members of this community? So many good ideas and supportive comments.

I agree that walking or running outside can help. It is to do with the fresh air as much as the exercise. Also, be kind to yourself. In losing your job, you have experienced one of the three biggest stressors we can face. Some professional help might give you the short term support you need.

Best wishes with your job interviews.

Posted 1 year ago #
Rosa
Member

You're doing great, keeping up the applications and interviews and working out is a big accomplishment, it is really hard being out of work and, on top of the practical stuff, losing that order in your life can cause people to just sink.

Don't give up working out! It's a tool against depression, even when you don't lose weight.

If you are really feeling bad about the clutter, the momentum/ATAD advice is great - just get one thing out of the house a day. If it's the garbage or recycling you were going to do anyway, great, you've got some decluttering in your regular schedule, be happy! (Or do the Flylady 17 thing or 15 minutes, if 1 thing makes you feel inadequate. But, not buying things and subtracting one a day means eventually your space will be 100% empty.)

Posted 1 year ago #
ninakk
Member

How are you doing today?

Posted 1 year ago #
Ella
Member

BevAnn, you took an important baby step forward just in posting about your situation. Give yourself credit for that. I also suffer from periodic bouts of depression-related clutter, so I understand a bit how you feel. I think when we have a big loss in our lives, or a series of losses, it's human nature to tighten our grip on other stuff, to the point of building that stuff up into clutter that starts to choke us. Then life comes to a standstill.

The "one thing at a time" advice is the best and easiest way to get going again. Listen, here's an idea... as long as you're still exercising each day, try adding a very short walk, maybe just around the block. The light and fresh air will do you good. AND as long as you're going out, take one thing out the door with you... take it to the trash, or the recycle bin, or the trunk of your car for donation. Just get it out of the house. Then come back and post on the ATAD thread and let us know how you're doing.

Posted 1 year ago #
Claycat
Member

Sending love, BevAnn!

Posted 1 year ago #
BevAnn
Member

Hey guys,

Ya'll are just amazing!! To answer a few things mentioned I AM on meds! LOL Cymbalta. I'm trying to ween myself off it though...I just don't like having to take meds. I feel weak for having to do so - I know, there are legitimate medical reasons for meds, but I dont know, maybe it's my upbringing (parents were those by God, you can do anything if you apply yourself, kinda people!LOL) I just don't like to rely on a med to be able to function. *sigh*

After I read your comments, I did decide to go for a walk both evenings, in addition to my regular gym workout. I took my puppy out and we walked the neighborhood. I read the sunshine is a natural mood enhancer. Don't know that it helped, but it certainly didn't hurt!

Today, I heard back from the one job I REALLY wanted - it was at Nestle, and would have been a dream job-Project Controller...it was between me and one other person - and the other one got it. *sigh* So I let myself cry for 15 minutes. I called hubby and cried to him. Then when that 15 minutes was over, I washed my face and said, ok, it wasn't meant for me to have that job. And I went on. I emailed the guy back and thanked him and said I'd love to be considered for any other opportunities, etc. And I felt fine after that!

I had a phone interview last night at a new place, and I hope it leads to a real interview in the next couple days. I am feeling a bit better. I got out my note book and calendar and starting writing everything down again. I decided i had to, since my memory is not with me right now!

I also followed advice here, to write down all my to-do's and just try to get one done. Just one each day. That's where I'm at right now. I feel better. Not jumping for joy, but out of bed. :)

Today, I shall rejoin, ATAD! EVen if it's just ONE thing...I will! Baby steps...

Bev

Posted 1 year ago #
ninakk
Member

When (not if) you find a new job, you'll know why you didn't get that one. That's just how things operate, I guess :) I'm so very glad to hear that you managed to cry for just 15 minutes! And that you're taking baby steps since one is more than zero. Every "one" counts! Don't think twice about being on meds right now, it's just one of those things, and your parents are of a different generation with another mind set. Out of bed is good, so I hope to see you here tomorrow again! Thinking of you.

Posted 1 year ago #
needtocleanhouse
Member

I was listening a a radio program last night and he said everyone faces adversity and they are there for a purpose: you can get better or you can get bitter.

Posted 1 year ago #
ninakk
Member

True, the difference is one letter. Sometimes it feels like the line is so fine between the two in real life, as well.

Posted 1 year ago #
JuliaJayne
Member

BevAnn, if you are struggling now, going off the meds might make things more difficult for you. Don't think of taking them makes you weak, think of it as support. What will happen if you don't have that support?

Posted 1 year ago #
bandicoot
Member

indeed.
if the meds are helping you, then please reconsider dropping them for now, at least.
there is no profit or glory in making yourself feel worse!
please, be kind to yourself bevann.

Posted 1 year ago #

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