Dealing with sentimental objects

Unclutterer ForumsWelcomeHello!

Dealing with sentimental objects

(13 posts) (9 voices)

Started 1 year ago by dechmont
Latest reply from bandicoot
RSS feed for this topic

Overall Rating: votes

Tags:

dechmont
Member

Hi,

I'm new to this forum so I hope it's ok to post straightaway and ask something.

My wife and I live in a fairly small apartment with practically no built-in storage. Minimising clutter is more important to me that my wife and it's sometimes a source of conflict. Our values relating to quantity vs. quality of possessions differ.

Sadly, my wife's grandfather died last year and she was left a sum of money but was not any physical object to remember him by. Another family member arranged the disposal of the house contents to a dealer without allowing anyone the chance to choose any items of sentimental value with the idea that this would prevent any argument over who got what. However, my wife is very sentimental and was desperate to have something tangible. She would gladly have paid for a few of the objects but didn't get a chance. Instead she could only pick up the few bits left behind that the dealer rejected as unsellable junk and which were destined for the tip. I was able to persuade her to leave the worst of it but she has kept a large quantity of cheap modern kitchen items including 6 mixing bowls, a large box of Pyrex dishes, 2 huge aluminium soup pots and various mismatched dishes.

It's been over a year. We have a tiny kitchen and our own, better kitchen equipment that we received as wedding gifts a couple of years ago. The stuff from her grandparents house never gets used but it takes up a large portion of our kitchen cupboards. I don't know where else we could put it or what to do with it.

I've suggested she pick her favourite and donate the rest, or photographing them and getting rid but to no avail.

Does anyone have any suggestions ?

Posted 1 year ago #
jasonlotito
Member

What about getting rid of some of the newer stuff instead? Mixing bowls are mixing bowls. =) They may not be new, but in terms of kitchen stuff, newer isn't always better. You clean out some stuff you don't need, and your wife gets to keep stuff that is important to her.

Posted 1 year ago #
margaret
Member

I don't have any ideas for what to do right now, but maybe with a little more time, it will be easier for her to get rid of some of the things. A year isn't really that long if you are dealing with grief.

Posted 1 year ago #
Sky
Member

It takes time to come to terms with a death and realize an item is not the person, it is the memory associated with the item. How sad she wasn't allowed the opportunity to select a few meaningful things.
Let her work through her grief and maybe find another place to store them. Maybe most of the things will fit in the large soup pot?

Posted 1 year ago #
Rosa
Member

I would do what Jason said - either get rid of or box up temporarily the new stuff, esp. mixing bowls and soup pots.

Using them will help her decide if the sentimental value outweighs the practicality that they're not as nice.

But me, I have salad bowls that were my grandmothers. They aren't as "nice" as newer bowls - you have to wash and dry them by hand - but we don't have other salad bowls so we use them. My boyfriend complains that they're not microwaveable or machine washable, but they make me happy.

Posted 1 year ago #
Gypsie
Member

How about using some of the larger mixing bowls as planters for some attractive house plants?

Posted 1 year ago #
bandicoot
Member

i am so sorry your wife wasn't able to choose something meaningful to remember her grandfather by.
that really sucks.
i have a book of my grandmother's, plus her kitchen utensils and i use the utensils every single day and i treasure the connection it gives me.
i think that if i had bowls and pots of grandma's, i would have taken them anyway, no matter how impractical.
and i would have hung onto them for a while.
i agree, a year isn't very long when one is grieving.
perhaps she will let this stuff go in time.

i perfectly understand that you'd like it OUT OUT OUT right now though!
i think the compromise in this situation is to 1. minimise the space the stuff takes up and 2. encourage her to use the stuff.
stashing your new stuff and using the old stuff is a great idea....things get broken, things aren't as useful or easy to use....there will be natural attrition if the stuff really is no use.

Posted 1 year ago #
djk
Member

I agree about packing away some of the better stuff for the short term. It may help your wife deal with the grief in a gentler way, to handle her grandparents' things in day-to-day life.

It sounds from your initial post as though your wife is not a hoarder nor a true packrat. So my advice is, let it go, do not interfere with her grieving process. We live in a very small apartment. As it was rented "furnished" I cannot throw out the landlady's cheap "furnishings" so I have to find hiding spots for those purple curtains, and that old paint, and the nasty dishes, the old pots and pans. Etc.
We also have no storage.

So every trick in the organizing book must be used if you don't want to look at too much stuff daily.

But the real issue is that your wife has the right to grieve as long as she needs to, in the manner she needs to. One day she will say, okay, your time is up, mixing bowl. And out it will go.

Posted 1 year ago #
EraserGirl
Member

yes..stop fighting her.
she isn't ready to part with things, you won't do much good pushing her.
i would agree about getting rid of new things and use the old ones
when she is ready to replace the old with the new she will.

Posted 1 year ago #
dechmont
Member

Thank you for all the replies. Hearing other people's responses, I guess maybe I've been rushing her too much. I spent some time yesterday emptying the cupboards and having a cull of the many mismatched mugs and glasses and freed up some cupboard space that way. Three of her special mixing bowls have now been repurposed to hold the houseplants replacing the existing cache pots and a lidded dish that her grandma used for chopped liver is now holding individual sachets of eye drops in the bathroom.

It's not ideal but we're getting there. The countertops are clear which was my priority and she hasn't had to throw anything out that she's really attached to, plus she actually gets to see the dishes every day instead of having them shut away. Perhaps in another year or so we can revisit the huge soup pots and see if she's ready to let them go then.

Posted 1 year ago #
margaret
Member

That's good that you have found a way to manage. My dad died several years ago, and as time passes, I've been able to get rid of some things that I initially wanted to keep. Also, as a newcomer to the unclutter forums, I've also noticed that the more things I get rid of, the easier it becomes, and I AM a packrat, through and through. So yes, maybe next year enough time will have passed and she will have gotten used to the decluttering enough that she will be ready to let go of more things.

Posted 1 year ago #
Rosa
Member

Dechmont, that was a really sweet thing to do for your wife, getting rid of other stuff to make room for what is important to her.

Posted 1 year ago #
bandicoot
Member

i think you have handled it sensitively and effectively.

Posted 1 year ago #

Reply

You must log in to post. If you do not already have an account, you can register here.