the internet is a majical place where you can be honest about the things that trouble you- things that not everyone around you can understand. on the internet you will find people you can ask for advice without feeling like you are bing judged.
i found it nearly impossible to talk to close friends or family about what troubles me most because talking about my living conditions made me feel like i was mentally disturbed- like i was asking them to understand why so many homeless people prefer living on the street - it's because they are pschotic- or schizophrenic- they're mentally disturbed. they ask- how does it get this bad- how does it happen?
i dont really know how it happens- it just does.
and they might ask- well, why don't you get up and do something about it?
i would do something about it- it's just that it doesn't always occur to me to do something.
i'm able to be comfortable here-
to most people it is unreal that anyone would or even could live like this... i don't really want to- i just don't know how to stop- being mentally disturbed.
well i went online and spilled my guts to strangers about how messy my house and by extention myself and my life are. my frustrated shout into the open darkness of cyberspace was met with shouts of positive encouragement and real understanding. i dont feel deranged- i still feel a little ill-equipt to tackle what is infront of me, but the kitchen spotless- nothing NOTHING but clean dishes and open spacious counter tops. it's incredable.
the hard part is still ahead of me- and will always be right infront of me- because it's not difficult to clean- but to maintain.- but right now - waiting for me at home is a serene environment- at least until i walk back to my work room... "baby steps k, baby steps" i hear you all saying...
now, how do i keep it clean?
i have some before and after photos of the kitchen i am thinking about putting up, if you all would like to see them- but i havn't seen anyother photos- am i not looking in the right place?
